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 | Season 5 / Episode 15: - The Friendship Contraction Sheldon Cooper: Are you saying that you want to invoke Clause 209? Leonard Hofstadter: I don't know what that is, but if it means I can go home and sleep, then yes. Sheldon Cooper: Think carefully here. Clause 209 suspends our friendship and strips down the Roommate Agreement to its bare essentials. Our responsibilities toward each other would only be rent, utilities, and a perfunctory chin jut of recognition as we pass in the hall. "S'up?" Leonard Hofstadter: Where do I sign? Sheldon Cooper: Right here. [turns his tablet around] Use your finger. Leonard Hofstadter: There, done. Sheldon Cooper: All right, that's it. We are now no longer companions, boon or otherwise. We are now merely acquaintances. To amend the words of Toy Story: You have not got a friend in me! |
| Season 5 / Episode 15: - The Friendship Contraction Raj Koothrappali: Dude, if you're going to be an astronaut, you need to pick a cool nickname. Howard Wolowitz: I don't get to pick it. The other guys have to give it to me. Raj Koothrappali: If I had one, it would be Brown Dynamite. Howard Wolowitz: Are you not listening to me? The other astronauts have to give you your nickname. Raj Koothrappali: Are you not looking at me? I *am* Brown Dynamite! |
| Season 5 / Episode 15: - The Friendship Contraction Penny: Sheldon, that's not what girlfriends are for... Although, you don't use them for what they're for, so what do I know? |
| Season 5 / Episode 15: - The Friendship Contraction Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, Canada is not going to invade California Sheldon Cooper: Yeah really? You think those hippies in Washington and Oregon can stop them? |
| Season 5 / Episode 15: - The Friendship Contraction Sheldon Cooper: Now, put on your hard had and safety vest. Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, fun! I get to spend another night in front of our apartment dressed like one of The Village people. Sheldon Cooper: You make that joke every three months; I still don't get it. |
| Season 5 / Episode 15: - The Friendship Contraction Sheldon Cooper: I'll tell you exactly how he did. Readiness, unsatisfactory; follows direction, barely; attitude, a little too much. Overall, not only will he probably die in a fiery inferno, his incessant whining would most certainly spoil everyone else's day. |
| Season 5 / Episode 15: - The Friendship Contraction Sheldon Cooper: An 8.2 magnitude earthquake devastates Pasadena, reducing mighty edifices to dust, engulfing the city in flames, the streets flow with blood and echo with the cries of the wounded. Oh, excellent choice! |
| Season 5 / Episode 15: - The Friendship Contraction Sheldon Cooper: Two years ago, after a deep gum cleaning, I thought I got on a bus, but somehow wound up on a booze cruise to Mexico. |
| Season 5 / Episode 15: - The Friendship Contraction Howard Wolowitz: Next week I fly to Houston for orientation and zero-gravity elimination drills. Penny: What does that mean? Bernadette Rostenkowski: He's going to learn to poop in space. Howard Wolowitz: Open the pod bay doors, HAL. Raj Koothrappali: Maybe your nickname should be Brown Dynamite. |
| Season 5 / Episode 15: - The Friendship Contraction Penny: I got some candles in my apartment. Sheldon Cooper: Candles, during a blackout! Are you mad! That's a fire hazard. No, Pasadena Water & Power recommends the far safer glow stick. Leonard Hofstadter: You call that a glow stick? Leonard Hofstadter: That is a glow stick. |
| Season 5 / Episode 15: - The Friendship Contraction Sheldon Cooper: I was just sitting at home, thinking about how it might be nice to catch up with my ninth favorite person. Stuart: Ninth? Sheldon Cooper: You moved up one. My pen pal in Somalia was kidnapped by pirates. |
| Season 5 / Episode 15: - The Friendship Contraction Leonard Hofstadter: It's just a blackout. I'm sure the power'll be back on soon. Sheldon Cooper: And I'm sure some fool in the Donner party said the snow would stop any day now. I like to think they ate him first. |
| Season 5 / Episode 15: - The Friendship Contraction Stuart: Sheldon, I'm working; I can't take you to the dentist. Also, and I can't stress this enough, I don't want to take you to the dentist. |
| Season 5 / Episode 15: - The Friendship Contraction Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard! Are you coming down for breakfast? Howard Wolowitz: Ma, I told you I have a video conference with NASA! I said don't bother me! Mrs. Wolowitz: Oh, listen to Mr. Big Shot Astronaut! Howard Wolowitz: Yes, please listen to Mr. Big Shot Astronaut! |
| Season 5 / Episode 15: - The Friendship Contraction Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard! Your Froot Loops are getting soggy! Howard Wolowitz: Not now! Michael J. Massimino: What was that? Howard Wolowitz: My mom. Sorry. Michael J. Massimino: No problem... Froot Loops. |
| Season 5 / Episode 15: - The Friendship Contraction Amy Farrah Fowler: I'm sorry, Sheldon. I'm busy. I'm right in the middle of my addiction study. I've got a lab full of alcoholic monkeys, and tomorrow's the day we switch them to O'Douls. |
| Season 5 / Episode 15: - The Friendship Contraction Raj Koothrappali: What about we make your astronaut nickname Howard "Buzz" Wolowitz. Howard Wolowitz: You can't do Buzz. Buzz is taken. Raj Koothrappali: Buzz Lightyear's not real. Howard Wolowitz: No, that's not what I'm talking about. Raj Koothrappali: Well, are you talking about when he thought he was real. Howard Wolowitz: No. Raj Koothrappali: Ok, um, oh, how about Crash? Howard "Crash" Wolowitz? Howard Wolowitz: Yeah, terrific; the other astronauts would love to go hurtling through space with a man named Crash. |
| Season 5 / Episode 15: - The Friendship Contraction Michael J. Massimino: Hey, Howard. Thankd for getting so early. Howard Wolowitz: No problem, Dr. Massimino. Michael J. Massimino: The guys here call me Mass. Howard Wolowitz: Mass. That's a cool nickname, because force equals mass times acceleration. Michael J. Massimino: Yeah, it's just short for Massimino. |
| Season 5 / Episode 15: - The Friendship Contraction Leonard Hofstadter: Yahhh! What the hell! Sheldon Cooper: Emergency preparedness drill. Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, no, come on! Sheldon Cooper: You know how it works. Once a quarter; keep our readiness up. Now, rise and shine sleepyhead, half the town is probably dead. Leonard Hofstadter: I have to get a lock for my door. |
| Season 5 / Episode 15: - The Friendship Contraction Sheldon Cooper: My apologies. I would have been here sooner, but the bus kept stopping for other people to get on it. |
| Season 5 / Episode 15: - The Friendship Contraction Sheldon Cooper: So, um. how are you? Stuart: Uh, not so good; my shrink just killed himself. Blamed me in the note. Sheldon Cooper: Great, great. |
| Season 5 / Episode 15: - The Friendship Contraction Penny: Oh, good, your power's out too. Leonard Hofstadter: Why is that good? Penny: Because last month I sent the electric company a Starbucks gift card, an apology note, and a few snapshots of me in a bra. |
| Season 5 / Episode 15: - The Friendship Contraction Sheldon Cooper: He'll be back. Wine and a girl in the dark; he's going to be bored out of his mind. |
| Season 5 / Episode 15: - The Friendship Contraction Penny: Oh, good. Your power's out too. Leonard Hofstadter: Why is that good? Penny: Because last month, I sent the power company a Starbucks gift card, an apology note, and a few snapshots of me in a bra. |
 | Season 5 / Episode 14: - The Beta Test Initiation Siri: You got Siwi, huh? Voice wecognition on that thing is terrible. Wook. Barry Kripke: Siwi, can you wecommend a westauwant? Siri: I'm sorry, Bawwy. I don't understand "wecommend a westauwant." Barry Kripke: Wisten to me. Not "westauwant," *westauwant*. Siri: I don't know what you mean by "not westauwant, westauwant." Barry Kripke: See? Total cwap. You suck, Siwi. |
| Season 5 / Episode 14: - The Beta Test Initiation Sheldon Cooper: Hello. I'm Doctor Sheldon Cooper, and welcome to the premiere episode of Sheldon Cooper Presents Fun with Flags. Over the next fifty-two weeks, you and I are going to explore the dynamic world of vexillology. Amy Farrah Fowler: Hang on, Doctor C, what's vexillology? Sheldon Cooper: Vexillology is the study of flags. Amy Farrah Fowler: Cool! I think I just learned something. Sheldon Cooper: Did you have fun doing it? Amy Farrah Fowler: I'll say! Sheldon Cooper: Fun and information are two sides to this video podcast. Not unlike the only two-sided state flag. Oregon. Sheldon Cooper: Oh, look. Sheldon Cooper: Hello, Mister Beaver. In future episodes we'll answer some burning questions. What's the only non-rectangular flag? What animal appears most often on flags? What animal appears second most often on flags? And more. Amy Farrah Fowler: Sweet! Sheldon Cooper: Why are you waving a white flag? Amy Farrah Fowler: I'm surrendering... to fun! |
| Season 5 / Episode 14: - The Beta Test Initiation Leonard Hofstadter: So, I've got a gunshot wound. That's pretty badass. Penny: No, you've got a Reebok with a gunshot wound and an ouchie on your pinky toe. |
| Season 5 / Episode 14: - The Beta Test Initiation Siri: [Raj enters Siri's office] Steve, I found six vacuum cleaner repair shops in your area. Four are fairly close to you. Raj Koothrappali: Ahem. Siri: Hello, Sexy. What can I help you with? Siri: If you'd like to make love to me, just tell me. Raj Koothrappali: Ack. Ack. Siri: I'm sorry, I don't understand Ack, ack. Raj Koothrappali: [Waking up on couch] Noooooo! |
| Season 5 / Episode 14: - The Beta Test Initiation Raj Koothrappali: Siri, play some soft jazz, please. Siri: Playing soft jazz. Raj Koothrappali: Kenny G! This woman can read me like a book. I can't believe bought my soulmate at Glendale Galleria. |
| Season 5 / Episode 14: - The Beta Test Initiation Sheldon Cooper: Flags. You got to know how to hold them. You got to know how to fold them. |
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