Sheldon Cooper

The Big Bang Theory

- Character Guide

Characters: #2 of 5 (Full List)

+ Add to My Characters

Played by:

Jim Parsons

« Back to Character Profile

Sheldon Cooper Quotes

	Season 3 / Episode 6: - The Cornhusker Vortex Howard Wolowitz: Sheldon knows Football? Leonard Hofstadter: Apparently. Howard Wolowitz: I mean Quidditch sure, but Football? Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, how do you know this stuff? Sheldon Cooper: I grew up in Texas. Football is ubiquitous in Texas. Pro Football, college Football, High School Football, Pee-wee Football; In fact, every form of Football except the original: European Football, which most Texans believe to be a commie plot. Leonard Hofstadter: Unbelievable. Sheldon Cooper: If you're interested, I also know all about frying meat that isn't chicken as if it were chicken. Leonard Hofstadter: So, you could teach me? Sheldon Cooper: Football, or chicken fried meats? Leonard Hofstadter: Football! I'm going to Penny's on Saturday to watch a game with her friends, and I don't want to look like an idiot. I want to blend in. Sheldon Cooper: If you want to blend in with Penny's friends I think looking like an idiot would be the perfect camouflage.
	Season 3 / Episode 3: - The Gothowitz Deviation Leonard Hofstadter: I'm just saying, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Sheldon Cooper: You can catch even more flies with manure; what's your point?
	Season 3 / Episode 3: - The Gothowitz Deviation Sheldon Cooper: Penny, while I subscribe to the "Many Worlds" theory which posits the existence of an infinite number of Sheldons in an infinite number of universes, I assure you that in none of them am I dancing.
	Season 2 / Episode 23: - The Monopolar Expedition Sheldon Cooper: Oh, boy. Leonard Hofstadter: What "oh, boy"? Sheldon Cooper: I can't comment without violating our agreement of not crticizing your work. Leonard Hofstadter: Then what was "Oh, boy"? Sheldon Cooper: Great restraint on my part.
	Season 2 / Episode 23: - The Monopolar Expedition Leonard Hofstadter: [Corrects chart] There. How's that. Sheldon Cooper: You actually had it right the first time. Once again, you have fallen for one of my classic pranks. Bazinga!
	Season 2 / Episode 23: - The Monopolar Expedition Leonard Hofstadter: Wait a minute! He offered to send you to the North Pole? Sheldon Cooper: Yes. In fact, he was quite enthusiastic. He said "quite frankly, if I could send you tonight, I would."
	Season 2 / Episode 23: - The Monopolar Expedition Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, what words are there that I can say right now that will end this conversation so I can go back to sleep? Sheldon Cooper: Odd. President Seibert posed the exact same question. Leonard Hofstadter: How was the matter resolved? Sheldon Cooper: It wasn't. Mrs. Seibert sic her dogs on me.
	Season 2 / Episode 23: - The Monopolar Expedition Sheldon Cooper: Was it me, or did she seem upset to you? Leonard Hofstadter: No. Sheldon Cooper: Oh, good. I got it right. Are you upset? Leonard Hofstadter: A little. Sheldon Cooper: Two for two. I'm on fire. Leonard Hofstadter: I know she's not my girlfriend or anything, but don't you think she'd feel a little sad that I'd be gone for the whole summer? Sheldon Cooper: That sounds like a bonus question. I'm going to stop right here and say I've had a great time.
	Season 2 / Episode 23: - The Monopolar Expedition Sheldon Cooper: Did Han Solo give up when Luke was half frozen in the planet Hoth? No! He slit open a tauntaun and kept him warm inside its body. Howard Wolowitz: You heard the man. Hold him down while I cut him open.
	Season 2 / Episode 23: - The Monopolar Expedition Sheldon Cooper: You're in my spot. Howard Wolowitz: [to Rajesh] There's not time for a crossbow. Get me an icicle.
	Season 2 / Episode 22: - The Classified Materials Turbulence Stuart: Here, Sheldon, I pulled the new Hellboy for you. It's mind-blowing. Sheldon Cooper: Excuse me! Spoiler alert! Stuart: I didn't spoil anything. Sheldon Cooper: You told me it's mind-blowing, so my mind is going into it pre-blown, and once a mind is pre-blown, it cannot be re-blown. Stuart: I'm sorry. Sheldon Cooper: Said the Grinch to Christmas.
	Season 2 / Episode 22: - The Classified Materials Turbulence Sheldon Cooper: Stuart, have you read the new Flash yet? Stuart: No, I haven't. Sheldon Cooper: Well, I have, and it will knock your socks off! Good luck getting them back on.
	Season 2 / Episode 22: - The Classified Materials Turbulence Leonard Hofstadter: As we speak, the space shuttle is docking into the International Space Station to deliver the Wolowitz Zeor-Gravity Waste Distribution System. Rajesh Koothrappali: Big deal. It's just a space toilet. Leonard Hofstadter: Thanks to your hard work, an international crew of astronauts will be able to go where no man has gone before. Howard Wolowitz: Is that supposed to be funny? Sheldon Cooper: I believe it is. It combines a Star Trek reference with an alternate meaning of the phrase "to go". Howard Wolowitz: Laugh if you must, but I am the only one here making an actual contribution to the world. Rajesh Koothrappali: You're right. It's a very important scientific contribution for two reasons: Number one, and of course, number two. Sheldon Cooper: Ah, the use of cardinal numbers as reference to bodily functions. Very funny.
	Season 2 / Episode 22: - The Classified Materials Turbulence Sheldon Cooper: You have to check your messages, Leonard! The leaving of the message is one half of the social contract, which is completed by the checking of the messages! If that contract breaks down, then all social contracts break down, and we have anarchy! Leonard Hofstadter: It must be hell inside your head.
	Season 2 / Episode 22: - The Classified Materials Turbulence Howard Wolowitz: If we don't fix this, the waste will reach the turbine engines. Rajesh Koothrappali: So it's going to hit the fan? Sheldon Cooper: I thought toilet humor would get less funny over time, but I guess there's no law of diminishing returns on space poop.
	Season 2 / Episode 21: - The Vegas Renormalization Penny: [Sheldon has locked himself out of his apartment] I think the emergency key is around here somewhere. Sheldon Cooper: We have a bowl. Our keys go in a bowl. You should get a bowl. Penny: So, how did the beautiful mind of Sheldon Cooper forget his key in the first place? Sheldon Cooper: I left them in the bowl.
	Season 2 / Episode 21: - The Vegas Renormalization Sheldon Cooper: You know, I'm given to understand that there is an entire city in Nevada designed specifically to help people like Howard forget their problems... and replace them with new problems, such as alcoholism, gambling addiction, and sexually-transmitted diseases. Rajesh Koothrappali: Is it me, or was that Sheldon's way of saying "Vegas, baby!"?
	Season 2 / Episode 21: - The Vegas Renormalization Leonard Hofstadter: Are you coming? Sheldon Cooper: I'd rather have a blowfly lay eggs and hatch larvae in my auditory canal. Leonard Hofstadter: Great, we'll bring you back a T-shirt.
	Season 2 / Episode 21: - The Vegas Renormalization Howard Wolowitz: Are you from the Star Wars universe? Leonard Hofstadter: Yes. Howard Wolowitz: Are you from the original trilogy? Leonard Hofstadter: Yes. Howard Wolowitz: Is there a picture of you in my wallet wearing a metal bikini? Leonard Hofstadter: God, I hope not. And no, it's not Princess Leia. Rajesh Koothrappali: My turn. Are you in all six Star Wars movies? Leonard Hofstadter: Yes. Rajesh Koothrappali: Are you an android? Leonard Hofstadter: Yes. Rajesh Koothrappali: Do you look like a shiny Sheldon? Leonard Hofstadter: Yes! Rajesh Koothrappali: You're C-3PO! Leonard Hofstadter: Correct! Sheldon Cooper: [talking and moving in a manner reminiscent of C-3PO] I do not look like C-3PO! Don't get me wrong, I'm flattered, I just don't see it.
	Season 2 / Episode 21: - The Vegas Renormalization Sheldon Cooper: Okay, my turn. Begin your questions. Rajesh Koothrappali: Are you Spock? Sheldon Cooper: I don't like this game.
	Season 2 / Episode 21: - The Vegas Renormalization Sheldon Cooper: I will be enjoying a blissful evening in my personal Fortress of Solitude. Penny: That's Superman's big ice thingy, right? Sheldon Cooper: I'm in such a good mood today, I find your tenuous grasp of the English language folksy and charming.
	Season 2 / Episode 21: - The Vegas Renormalization Sheldon Cooper: I'm sorry, Penny. Is this conversation making you uncomfortable? Penny: Of course it's making me uncomfortable! Can't you tell? Sheldon Cooper: Not really. I'm not that good at reading facial expressions. Penny: I'm uncomfortable, Sheldon! Sheldon Cooper: Thank you, that was very helpful.
	Season 2 / Episode 21: - The Vegas Renormalization Sheldon Cooper: How was your day? Penny: Well, they shifted my schedule around at the restaurant so my hours are gonna be a little different... Sheldon Cooper: I'm sorry, that's not going to interest me at all, just eat.
	Season 2 / Episode 21: - The Vegas Renormalization Sheldon Cooper: Penny, I realize you're also on your own tonight so if at some point you find yourself with nothing to do, please do not disturb me.
	Season 2 / Episode 21: - The Vegas Renormalization Leonard Hofstadter: What were you doing at Penny's? Sheldon Cooper: Well, we had dinner, played some games, and then I spent the night. Oh, uou'll be happy to know that I now have a much better understanding of "friends with benefits."
	Season 2 / Episode 20: - The Hofstadter Isotope Howard Wolowitz: Let it go, Sheldon. Sheldon Cooper: Why should I let it go, I saw it first? Howard Wolowitz: Yes, but I saw it from the front. Sheldon Cooper: A far less impressive feat.
	Season 2 / Episode 20: - The Hofstadter Isotope Sheldon Cooper: Did you just shut the TV off in the middle of the classic Deep Space Nine-Star Trek: The Original Series-Trouble With Tribbles crossover episode? Leonard Hofstadter: Apparently so. Sheldon Cooper: Are you ill?
	Season 2 / Episode 20: - The Hofstadter Isotope Stuart: Look Sheldon, it's late, I've gotta get some sleep. Sheldon Cooper: So I win. Stuart: No, I'm tired. Sheldon Cooper: So I win. Stuart: Fine, you win. Sheldon Cooper: Darn tootin' I win.
	Season 2 / Episode 20: - The Hofstadter Isotope Sheldon Cooper: [Penny is asleep] Don't wake her. She'll maul you like a rabid wolverine.
	Season 2 / Episode 20: - The Hofstadter Isotope Stuart: You can throw all the French around you want, it doesn't make you right. Sheldon Cooper: Au contraire.

« previous12 3 4 5 6 7 next »

Previous: Leonard

Next: Penny

» Back to The Big Bang Theory TV Show