Leonard

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Johnny Galecki

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Leonard Quotes

	Season 2 / Episode 19: - The Dead Hooker Juxtaposition Rajesh Koothrappali: I like Green Lantern,I'm just saying it's pretty lame that he can be defeated by the color yellow. Sheldon: Only the modern Green Lantern is vulnerable to yellow. Leonard: Golden Age Green Lantern was vulnerable to wood. Rajesh Koothrappali: Great.So I can take them both out with a number 2 pencil?
	Season 2 / Episode 19: - The Dead Hooker Juxtaposition Leonard: Did you even knew the people that are moving out? Sheldon: I've never met them, that's what made them perfect. There were no awkwards hellos in the hall, there was no clickety-clack of high-heeled shoes on hardwood floors... they may as well have been a family of cats just jumping around from drape to drape, without that annoying ammonia urine smell.
	Season 2 / Episode 19: - The Dead Hooker Juxtaposition Leonard: [Sheldon shakes one of the boxes of the new tenant] What are you doing? Sheldon: I'm checking for musical instruments. Sheldon: Does that sound like castanets to you? Leonard: The box says "kitchen". Sheldon: So? Do cocaine smugglers write "cocaine" on the box?
	Season 2 / Episode 14: - The Financial Permeability Sheldon: Minstrel's will write songs about you. Leonard: [still not pleased] Great. Sheldon: [singing] There once was a brave lad named Leonard. With a fi-fi-findle dee dee. He faced, in fears, a giant. While Raj just wanted to pee.
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - The White Asparagus Triangulation Sheldon: If you fail at this relationship, and history suggests you will, then we risk losing the medical officer that our landing party has always needed! Leonard: What landing party? Sheldon: You're Kirk, I'm Spock, Wolowitz is Scotty, Koothrappali is the guy who always gets killed... and now we've got McCoy!
	Season 2 / Episode 7: - The Panty Pi�ata Polarization Leonard: Oh, Penny, you don't want to get into it with Sheldon. The guy is one lab accident away from being a supervillain.
	Season 1 / Episode 16: - The Peanut Reaction Leonard: Look, I am in the "Halo" battle of my life here! There's this kid in Copenhagen; he has no immune system, so all he does is sit in his bubble and play "Halo" 24-7. Howard Wolowitz: Can't you play him some other time? Leonard: Not if you believe his doctors.
	Season 1 / Episode 16: - The Peanut Reaction Leonard: [why he doesn't celebrate his birthday] It's just the way I was raised. My parents focused on celebrating achievements, and being expelled from a birth canal was not considered one of them.
	Season 1 / Episode 16: - The Peanut Reaction Leonard: How did you know my birthday's Saturday? Penny: I did your horoscope, remember? I was going to do everybody's until Sheldon went on one of his typical psychotic rants. Sheldon Cooper: For the record, that psychotic rant was a concise summation of the research of Bertram Forer, who, in 1948, proved conclusively through meticulously designed experiments that astrology is nothing but pseudoscientific hokum. Penny: Blah, blah, blah, a typical Taurus.
	Season 1 / Episode 16: - The Peanut Reaction Leonard: I don't celebrate my birthday Penny: Shut up. Yeah, you do. Leonard: It's no big deal. It's the way I was raised. My parents focused on celebrating achievements and being expelled from a birth canal was not considered one of them. Penny: That's so silly. Sheldon: It's actually based on very sound theories. His mother published a paper on it. Penny: Well, what was it called? "l Hate My Son and That's Why He Can't Have Cake"? Sheldon: It was obviously effective. Leonard grew up to be an experimental physicist. Perhaps if she'd also denied him Christmas, he'd be a little better at it.
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - The Bat Jar Conjecture Leonard: [Sheldon tries to sit on the couch] Sorry, somebody is sitting there. Sheldon: Who? Leonard: [triumphantly] My physics bowl trophy! Sheldon: That trophy is meaningless. I forfeited, therefor, you did not win. Leonard: I know someone who would disagree. Sheldon: Who? Leonard: [triumphantly louder] My physics bowl trophy! Leonard: [trophy is "speaking"] Leonard is so smart! Sheldon who?
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - The Bat Jar Conjecture Leonard: Do I have to quote Spock's dying words to you? The needs of the many... Howard Wolowitz: ...outweigh the needs of the few. Sheldon: Or the one. All right, I'll go. [does Vulcan salute]
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - The Bat Jar Conjecture Sheldon: I will form my own team and will destroy the molecular bonds that hold your matter together, and reduce the resulting particular chaos to tears. Leonard: Thanks for the heads up. Sheldon: You're welcome. One more thing. Leonard: What? Sheldon: It's on, bitch!
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - The Bat Jar Conjecture Rajnesh Koothrappali: We should laugh derisively at him whenever he walks by. Something that says "You may be smart and capable, but we are as smart and capable as you." Leonard: And how exactly would that go? Rajnesh Koothrappali: [in high-pitched voice] He-he-he-he! Howard Wolowitz: That sounds more like "We're a tall, thin woman who wants to make a coat out of your Dalmatian puppies."
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - The Bat Jar Conjecture Leonard: Need I remind you that Sheldon is still our friend, and my roommate. Howard Wolowitz: So? Leonard: So, nothing. Let's crush him.
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - The Bat Jar Conjecture Leslie Winkle: Sheldon Cooper? That arrogant, misogynistic East Texas doorknob that told me to give up my research to do laundry and bare children? Leonard: Okay, she's in.
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - The Bat Jar Conjecture Rajnesh Koothrappali: Holy crap! Leonard: What is that? Howard Wolowitz: It looks like something they found on the spaceship at Roswell.
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - The Bat Jar Conjecture Howard Wolowitz: Oh, more details about the new Star Trek film. There's going to be a scene depicting Spock's birth. Rajnesh Koothrappali: I'd be more interested in a scene depicting Spock's conception. Sheldon: Oh, please. For Vulcans, mating - or if you will, pon farr... it's an extremely private matter. Leonard: Still, I'd like to know the details. His Mother was human, his Father was Vulcan. They couldn't just 'conceive'. Howard Wolowitz: Maybe they had to go to a clinic. Can you imagine Spock's Dad in a little room with a copy of "Pointy Ears and Shapely Rears"?
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - The Bat Jar Conjecture Leonard: Sheldon, you have to let somebody else answer. Sheldon: Why? Penny: Because it's polite. Sheldon: What do manners have to do with it? This is war. Were the Romans polite when they salted the ground of Carthage to make sure nothing would ever grow again? Penny: Leonard, you said I only had to ask questions.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - The Jerusalem Duality Howard Wolowitz: Smart is the new sexy. Leonard: Then why do we go home alone every night? We're still smart. Rajesh Koothrapali: Maybe we're too smart... so smart it's off-putting. Howard Wolowitz: Yeah, let's go with that.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - The Pancake Batter Anomaly Sheldon Cooper: Obviously, you're not well-suited for three-dimensional chess. Perhaps three-dimensional Candy Land would be more up your speed. Leonard: Just set up the board. Sheldon Cooper: It must be so humbling to suck in so many different levels.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - The Pancake Batter Anomaly Leonard: What are you doing? Sheldon Cooper: I'm preparing Petri dishes for throat cultures. Leonard: With lime Jello? Sheldon Cooper: I needed a culture medium, and someone polished up the apricot yogurt.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - The Pancake Batter Anomaly Leonard: Alright, well, get some rest and drink plenty of fluids! Sheldon Cooper: What else would I drink? Gasses? Solids? Ionized plasma?
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - The Pancake Batter Anomaly Leonard: How was Nebraska? Penny: Oh, better than North Dakota. [pause] Guess that joke's only funny in Nebraska. Sheldon Cooper: With the data submitted, that cannot be determined. All you can say with absolute certainty is that joke is not funny here.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - The Pancake Batter Anomaly Sheldon Cooper: [hands Leonard a measuring cup] Here, take this to the bathroom. Leonard: What for? Sheldon Cooper: I need to keep tabs on my fluid outtake to make sure my kidneys haven't shut down. Leonard: Oh! I make pancake batter in this! Sheldon Cooper: No, that cup has always been for urine. Leonard: You've had all this time to label everything, including the label maker, and you didn't make a label for urine cup? Sheldon Cooper: It's right here on the bottom. Leonard: Oh. I guess I owe the Betty Crocker people a letter of apology.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - The Pancake Batter Anomaly Leonard: Howard, it's me, Leonard. We're at code milky green. Howard Wolowitz: Oh, God, not milky green.
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - The Loobenfeld Decay Sheldon Cooper: Okay, then, riddle me this: Assuming all the good Terminators were originally evil Terminators created by Skynet but then reprogrammed by John Connor, why would Skynet, an artificial computer intelligence, bother to create a petite, hot, 17-year old killer robot? Leonard: Skynet is kinky?
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - The Loobenfeld Decay Leonard: What the hell is that? Sheldon Cooper: I don't know, but if cats could sing... they'd hate it too.
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - The Loobenfeld Decay Sheldon Cooper: [Leonard lied to Penny] So, no physiological reactions while lying is characteristic of a violent sociopath. Leonard: Sheldon, are you afraid for your safety? Sheldon Cooper: Not really. If you wanted to kill me, you would have done it a long time ago.
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - The Loobenfeld Decay Leonard: I already lied. Why cover it up with another lie? Sheldon Cooper: Because your lie was painfully transparent, whereas my lie is exquisitely convoluted. While you were sleeping, I was busy weaving an un-unravelable web.

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