The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr. - Episode Quotes

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The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr. Quotes

	Season 1 / Episode 27: - High Treason (2) Brisco County Jr.: Uh, we heard you were alive, Pete. Lord Bowler: We just didn't believe it. We say you get killed by that Chinese death star with our own eyes. Pete Hutter: Well, that's the thing about your Chinese death stars. An hour later you're alive again.
	Season 1 / Episode 27: - High Treason (2) Prof. Albert Wickwire: Getting killed is just not part of my karma, right now.
	Season 1 / Episode 27: - High Treason (2) Pete Hutter: May I remind you that I have been a wanted fugitive most of my adult life. Ergo, when fleeing, I suggest you follow the flight of the flea who knows how to flee the fastest. And that would be me.
	Season 1 / Episode 27: - High Treason (2) Whip Morgan: You think we can break out? Peter Hutter: Whip, you happen to be in the company of a connoisseur of penal lodging. Whip Morgan: Hey! I ain't into that. Peter Hutter: I was talking about the jailhouse design.
	Season 1 / Episode 27: - High Treason (2) Socrates Poole: [Climbing down a ladder] Brisco! Brisco County Jr.: Socrates what are you doing here? Prof. Albert Wickwire: I thought you could use the help, And I needed someone to pass gas for me. Lord Bowler: Uh ain't that something you supposed to do by yourself? Prof. Albert Wickwire: Impossible, the cabins too large.
	Season 1 / Episode 27: - High Treason (2) Peter Hutter: Rumors of my demise by perforation have been greatly exaggerated.
	Season 1 / Episode 26: - High Treason (1) Brisco County Jr.: We heard you were alive Pete. Lord Bowler: We Just didnt believe it, We saw you get killed by that chinese death star, with our own eyes. Pete Hutter: Well thats the thing about your chinese death stars, An Hour later and your alive again.
	Season 1 / Episode 26: - High Treason (1) Prof. Albert Wickwire: [coming out of his workshop after an explosion coughing] Brisco! Brisco County Jr.: Hello Professor [getting off his horse walking over to shake Wickwires hand] Are you ok? Prof. Albert Wickwire: Yeah, working on a new kind of balloon,it uses hydrogen for lift, Wonderful stuff, but a little ubstable [coughing words, Oh the humanity]
	Season 1 / Episode 23: - Wild Card Enzio Tataglia: [Sitting at a table in the middle of town] In my country we have a saying "If you yodel in the forest , the yoohoo that you yoohoo will be the yoohoo that you get back." Brisco County Jr.: Where were you from again?
	Season 1 / Episode 22: - Stagecoach Peter Hutter: On that stage is a woman the Spanish will pay a king's ransom for. Owen: How much? Peter Hutter: I just said, a king's ransom.
	Season 1 / Episode 22: - Stagecoach Peter Hutter: Hello Brisssco. Brisco County Jr.: Pete Hutter what are you doing out here? Peter Hutter: Exercising my constitutional right to make the best possible living in a free market economy.
	Season 1 / Episode 22: - Stagecoach Dr. Milo: [giving eulogy] When I find myself in times of trouble, I say 'boy, you gotta carry that weight.' I am he, you are he, you are me, we are all together, speaking words of wisdom. Come together, right now. Amen.
	Season 1 / Episode 21: - Ned Zed Brisco County Jr.: [as they ride off] You know something Bowler, this trip has taught me something. Lord Bowler: What's that? Brisco County Jr.: The more I learn the less I know. Lord Bowler: Yeah I hear you Brisco and I understand what you mean. Brisco County Jr.: You do? Lord Bowler: Yeah, at the rate we learnin thangs, we won't know nuthin in no time.
	Season 1 / Episode 20: - Bye Bly Lord Bowler: People say I lack patience. Maybe they're right. Because right now I feel like mangling you into something that a cat wouldn't recognize as a fur ball. Brisco County Jr.: Funny thing is, he's not even mad yet.
	Season 1 / Episode 20: - Bye Bly Lord Bowler: Damn! Brisco County Jr.: Now, it's just anatomy guys. Lord Bowler: Yeah, it sure looks real good on her.
	Season 1 / Episode 20: - Bye Bly Socrates Poole: [after Karina enters the time gateway] Where exactly, did she go? Brisco County Jr.: Back to the future.
	Season 1 / Episode 19: - Brooklyn Dodgers Lord Bowler: Brisco we can't just keep running like this! Brisco County Jr.: I know, i know, since they got our guns you got any better ideas? Lord Bowler: [gun shots] Run faster!
	Season 1 / Episode 17: - Fountain of Youth Lee Pow: Like the fortune cookie that is often stale and leaves a bad taste in your mouth, it is the message inside that counts.
	Season 1 / Episode 17: - Fountain of Youth Lillian Coles: I'm going with you. Lord Bowler: Uh huh no you're not. See, we work alone, [points to Brisco] that is together... alone.
	Season 1 / Episode 14: - Mail Order Brides Brisco County Jr.: You wouldn't be dumb enough to shoot me with all those soldiers out there, would you Bill? Phil Swill: I'm Phil. *He's* Bill. And I just might be dumber than you think.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Deep in the Heart of Dixie Brisco County Jr.: Now that's what I call a real bad habit.
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - Showdown Lord Bowler: [a young boy has been sharing his morning donuts with Bowler] Well, you'd better get on home. You don't want your parents to worry. Duncan: You're probably right. Thanks, Deputy Lord Bowler. Lord Bowler: Thanks for the donuts, Duncan.
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - Showdown Brisco County Jr.: Bowler, you get men stationed on all the high points in town. Annie Cavendish: What do I do? Brisco County Jr.: Annie, get your gun.
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - Showdown Hired Gun: And who's he? Montana's Assistant: This here's Utah Johnny Montana. Mack Brackman: That's some name. Montana's Assistant: It used to be Utah John Cougar Montana, but he dropped the 'Cougar' because he thought it was pretentious.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Riverboat Brisco County Jr.: How's it going, Hatchet? Miss me? Hatchet: By a couple of inches...
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Socrates' Sister Lord Bowler: Help Brisco I can't swim! Brisco County Jr.: Try standin' up
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Socrates' Sister Lord Bowler: What happen t' Gravesend, who put a dang lake here? Brisco County Jr.: Damn. Lord Bowler: Alright damn lake. Brisco County Jr.: Damn, as in water barrier. The Army put it in last spring. It was in all the papers.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Socrates' Sister Socrates Poole: You look wonderful. Iphigenia Poole: So do you, although you are starting to get father's hairline. Socrates Poole: And you, mother's hips.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Socrates' Sister Peter Hutter: Hah! Ah first saw this little trick in a wild west show. During my formative years. 'Course they use blanks, it being a family show an' all. Now y' can't have the kids see'n all the blood 'n guts, might make them grow up to be warped. I'd say you'd got about... ohhh 15 minutes before the sun bakes that rawhide tied around your bodies, crackin your ribs and squeeeezing your guts all over tarnation. Then, after suitable torment this raw hide bakes tight around the trigger and BANG! Two first class non-stop tickets to the after life. Purdy neat huh?
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Socrates' Sister Brisco County Jr.: Ok now... Bend over and chew on this. Iphigenia Poole: I beg your pardon! Brisco County Jr.: The straps Iphigenia Poole: Chivalry is dead!