The Addams Family (1964) - Episode Quotes

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The Addams Family (1964) Quotes

	Season 2 / Episode 29: - Lurch's Grand Romance Trivia: Where's that man? Grandmama Addams: Coming up! [boinnnnng!] Lurch: You rang? Trivia: Lurch! You great, big, wonderful hunk of masculinity! Grandmama Addams: Well, I guess you two lovebirds wanna be alone! Trivia: Where, oh, where have you been all my life? Lurch: The kitchen.
	Season 2 / Episode 27: - Lurch's Little Helper Lurch: [about the new robot, Smiley that was built to use as an assistant] Smiley... wants my job. They like him better. That tin... jug. [sits on a chair] It's unfair. [Thing shows from a box holding a sheet, Lurch takes it] Thank you, Thing. I'm... through. I'm... finished. [Thing makes a "no you're not" gesture by shaking his index finger] What can I do? [Thing makes a fist and moves rapidly upward twice, makes an impression of slapping, and collapses] Thank... you. You're a real friend, Thing.
	Season 2 / Episode 27: - Lurch's Little Helper Gomez Addams: [building a robot] Wrench! Uncle Fester Frump: [assisting him] Wrench! Gomez Addams: Pliers! Uncle Fester Frump: Pliers! Gomez Addams: Screwdriver! Uncle Fester Frump: Screwdriver! [he gives him a Screwdriver cocktail] Gomez Addams: [drinks] Delicious!
	Season 2 / Episode 18: - Fester Goes on a Diet Jack LaLanne: Say, what do you generally eat? Uncle Fester: Oh, the usual thing. Eye of newt, puree of aardvark, roast yak. Jack LaLanne: You know, they say we're what we eat. And mister, you really are!
	Season 2 / Episode 14: - Morticia's Dilemma Gomez Addams: I'm already married to Morticia! Don Xavier: You are already married to your sister? Gomez Addams: Sister? Don Xavier: Si! Morticia Frump Addams: Who? Don Xavier: He! Gomez Addams: Me? Morticia Frump Addams: I am not his sister! We're husband and wife! Don Xavier: Husband and wife? You make insult! Morticia Frump Addams: Who? Don Xavier: He! Gomez Addams: Me? Don Xavier: Si! Grandmama Addams: Gee!
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - Morticia's Romance (1) Gomez: Has anyone ever told you, you have the softest brown eyes? Morticia: No. Besides, my eyes are blue. Gomez: No wonder nobody's ever told you!
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - My Fair Cousin Itt Lurch: Uuuuuuuuhhhhh! Cousin Itt: What do you mean by that, Lurch? Lurch: Just "uuuuuuuuhhhhh"!
	Season 1 / Episode 28: - My Son, the Chimp Gomez Addams: Strangest fish I ever saw! Morticia Frump Addams: Darling, it's Mama's dress shoe! Gomez Addams: Ah, so it is... Ah, still, it's the biggest thing I ever caught. Two pounds if it's an ounce. An indoor record!
	Season 1 / Episode 27: - The Addams Family and the Spacemen Morticia Frump Addams: Gomez, darling, what would we do if a Martian did land right here? Gomez Addams: We'd do what any red-blooded American would do. Run! Morticia Frump Addams: True.
	Season 1 / Episode 20: - Cousin Itt Visits the Addams Family Gomez Addams: [Hands Commissioner Fiske a check for a donation to the zoo] Here you are, sir. One hundred fifty thousand dollars and twenty cents. Park Commissioner Fiske: Twenty cents? Gomez Addams: I threw in your car fare. Park Commissioner Fiske: Thank you! Thank you Uncle Fester! Thank you, Mrs. Addams! Thank you, Mr. Addams and thank you [shaking Thing's outstretched hand]... uhhh ewwww ewwwwwhhh [shakes his head in disbelief and runs out the door] Morticia Frump Addams: You're quite right, darling. He should slow down.
	Season 1 / Episode 18: - Uncle Fester's Illness Dr. Milford: Most unusual... most unusual...
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - Lurch Learns to Dance Lurch: I'm a wallflower. Gomez Addams: What? Lurch: I can't dance. Gomez Addams: Oh, it's so simple. You can learn in no time. [snapping his fingers in time] "Come, and trip it as ye go, / On the light fantastick toe". Shakespeare! Morticia Frump Addams: [snaps her fingers] Milton!
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - Wednesday Leaves Home Morticia Frump Addams: My name is Mrs. Addams, and I want you to find my little girl Wednesday. Sgt. Haley: Look, I'll find her Tuesday, if I can, but don't give me no deadlines, will you please? Morticia Frump Addams: Wednesday is her name. Sgt. Haley: Oh, and I suppose you're gonna tell me her middle name is Thursday, huh? Morticia Frump Addams: Friday.
	Unknown Episode: Gomez: TISH. That's French.
	Unknown Episode: Wednesday: Either that's Grandmamma or Santa Claus is a woman. Pugsley: Either that or Grandmama's a man.
	Unknown Episode: Wednesday: Dear Santa, we just wanted you to know that even though Mr. Thompson says that there was no such thing as Santa Claus, we didn't believe him. So please come or else it will make us look like dummies. Signed Wednesday and Pugsley Addams.
	Unknown Episode: Wednesday: Uncle Fester, do you believe in Santa Claus? Uncle Fester: Well, of course. You kids are talking like children.
	Unknown Episode: Lurch: [gong] You rang?
	Unknown Episode: Gomez: The L stands for Lucifer. Morticia: Very appropriate for a politician.
	Unknown Episode: Morticia: [siren] Mail's in.
	Unknown Episode: Lurch: [on why he won't go to the Butlers' Ball] I'm a wallflower.
	Unknown Episode: Morticia: Look at Mr. Addams. He's always developing outside interests. Gomez: Right now I have the most enviable collection of coroner's reports in the neighborhood.
	Unknown Episode: Gomez: Pugsley, take your toad out of here. Things like this upset him.
	Unknown Episode: Wednesday: It'll be fun. Lurch: I like being miserable. Wednesday: You might find a nice girl to be miserable with.
	Unknown Episode: Morticia: Mr. Addams' treatment for Grandmama's back had the whole medical world agog. Gomez: Agog? Aghast.
	Unknown Episode: Gomez: I'm quite proud of Mrs. Addams' hothouse. She's raised these plants from tiny weeds.
	Unknown Episode: Gomez: Somebody... down there... likes me!
	Unknown Episode: Morticia: [to Gomez] I've been yours since that first day you carved my initials in your leg.
	Unknown Episode: Morticia: Think of Romeo and Juliet. Gomez: They died! Morticia: Oh, but what fun they had those last three days.
	Unknown Episode: Pugsley: Mother! Father! Wednesday's flown the coop! Gomez: Talk sense boy. Pugsley: She's run away from home. Gomez: Really? Very adventurous spirit. I didn't run away from home until I was eight. Morticia: That's ridiculous. Pugsley: She even left a note. I helped her write it. [Hands note to Morticia] Morticia: [reading] "Dear Mother and Father, I hate you. Love, Wednesday. P.S. Don't bother looking for me because I'm not anywhere. Goodbye, W."