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 | Season 5 / Episode 13: - Louie Moves Uptown Louie De Palma: Okay, who want's a really good cab today? Reverend Jim Ignatowski: I do boss. Louie De Palma: Good, I'm glad you do Iggy. You know the rules now. Reverend Jim Ignatowski: Okie doke. How much do you want? Louie De Palma: $48,000. Reverend Jim Ignatowski: Okay, but if I'm gonna pay that kind of money I want a cab with a heater. |
 | Season 5 / Episode 7: - Alex the Gofer Reverend Jim Ignatowski: Something terrible has just happened. Tony Banta: What? Reverend Jim Ignatowski: I forgot why I am doing this. |
 | Season 5 / Episode 6: - Crime and Punishment Louie De Palma: You know I have you haul those used part to the junkyard and sell them for Mr. Ratledge Jeff Bennett: Yeah. Louie De Palma: Well, you didn't quite do it for Ratledge as much as you did it for me. |
| Season 5 / Episode 6: - Crime and Punishment Louie De Palma: You're not going to go up the stairs and destroy another human beings's life are you? Jeff Bennett: Yeah. |
| Season 5 / Episode 6: - Crime and Punishment Louie De Palma: Let's face it, Reiger, crime pays. You know people go around thinking if they do something bad, then something bad has gotta happen to them. Well, I am living proof that that's not true. |
 | Season 5 / Episode 5: - Scenskees from a Marriage (2) Simka Dahblitz-Gravas: I have bad news for you my darling. I have been faithful to you. Latka Gravas: Oh no! Reverend Jim Ignatowski: Now this is where I get confused. If I can only get over this part I know I can help. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 15: - Simka Returns Simka Dahblitz-Gravas: You were wonderful, you were charming, and you said your name was Vic. Latka Gravas: Vic! Oooh, that - Vic! I am not Vic! I don't even like Vic! Listen, sit down, please! Tell me everything! What did you do with Vic last night? Simka Dahblitz-Gravas: You mean, you don't remember? Latka Gravas: No. Simka Dahblitz-Gravas: [guilty] Well, I don't know what to say. I can't say that... Latka Gravas: I knew it! You made love with Vic! Simka Dahblitz-Gravas: Well, I did, but... Latka Gravas: You made love with another man right under my nose! Simka Dahblitz-Gravas: Well, there *was* no other way! Besides, that was you! Latka Gravas: Was I clumsy? Did I whimper? Simka Dahblitz-Gravas: No, you were wonderful. Latka Gravas: Then it wasn't me! |
 | Season 4 / Episode 11: - I Wanna Be Around Jeff Bennett: He's turning the room into a shelter. Louie is determined to survive. Alex Reiger: Oh yeah? Well I wish he'd put it for a vote. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 1: - Jim the Psychic Reverend Jim Ignatowski: I quit drugs for a dollar thirty-five? What was I thinking of? |
| Season 4 / Episode 1: - Jim the Psychic Tony Banta: With Jim, who knows, maybe this guy can see into the future. He definately can't see anything in the present. |
| Season 4 / Episode 1: - Jim the Psychic Reverend Jim Ignatowski: I've got terrible news for you Alex you're going to die Alex Reiger: We're all going to die Jim. Reverend Jim Ignatowski: Well, yeah, yeah, but not on thursday we're not. |
| Season 4 / Episode 1: - Jim the Psychic Reverend Jim Ignatowski: I have dreams that come true. Elaine O'Connor-Nardo: So you're psychic? Reverend Jim Ignatowski: Yeah, yeah, I'm psychic. I didn't tell you guys about it before, because I didn't want you to think I was offbeat or something. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 13: - Zen and the Art of Cab Driving Reverend Jim Ignatowski: I spent all my money on televisions? What am I, nuts? |
 | Season 3 / Episode 12: - Out of Commission Dr. Webster: Tony, has any doctor ever advised you to quit boxing? Tony Banta: Yeah, I suppose. Dr. Webster: You suppose. Tony Banta: I mean a lot of guys have yelled at me to get out of the ring. Some of them might have been doctors. |
| Season 3 / Episode 12: - Out of Commission Alex Rieger: All you get for the fight tonight is twenty dollars? Tony Banta: Who else do you know rakes in five dollars a second? |
| Season 3 / Episode 12: - Out of Commission Lou-Lou: [referring to Reverend Jim] How many fights has he been in? Alex Rieger: Just the one with reality. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 9: - Thy Boss's Wife Louie De Palma: I love this. A duel of wits between unarmed opponents. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 8: - Latka's Cookies Reverend Jim Ignatowski: Ooh, there are a *nice* little surprise inside. Louie De Palma: What are you talking about? Reverend Jim Ignatowski: Well, I could be wrong, but I detect something in here that's a lot more powerful than oatmeal. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 5: - Going Home Alex Rieger: Pardon my intrusion. Jim: That's Ok I didn't even hear it. |
| Season 3 / Episode 5: - Going Home Elaine O'Connor-Nardo: Jim, you changed your name TO Ignatowski? Jim: Yeah, you know... it was the 60s and everyone was changing their names to stuff like Sunshine, Free, Moon Unit... Alex Rieger: Well Jim, why Ignatowski? Jim: Say it backwards. Bobby Wheeler: Iskwotangi. Jim: Uh oh, that's not even close to Starchild, is it? |
 | Season 3 / Episode 2: - Tony's Sister and Jim Reverend Jim Ignatowski: Well, isn't this great, we've all learned something. Tony can't choose who his sister's gonna fall for, Monica can't choose who she's gonna fall for, and I think that I've learned the greatest lesson of all. I love being lifted. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 1: - Louie's Rival Reverend Jim Ignatowski: [having put a quarter in the cigarette machine instead of the jukebox] They haven't played my cigarette yet! |
 | Season 2 / Episode 22: - Art Work Louie De Palma: [to white haired man at the auction] You better hope you don't spend your golden years at Sunset Acres. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 14: - Jim Gets a Pet Reverend Jim Ignatowski: I take him out for walks in the park everyday. Alex Reiger: I imagine you must get some funny looks uh. Reverend Jim Ignatowski: Well those poodle people have stopped acting like they own the place. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 9: - The Apartment Elaine O'Connor-Nardo: I'm so relaxed I can't remember what tension and unhappiness feel like. Maid: There's a mister Louie De Palma here to see you. Elaine O'Connor-Nardo: I just remembered. |
| Season 2 / Episode 9: - The Apartment Elaine O'Connor-Nardo: Thanks so much Latka for sharing this with us. Latka Gravas: You known in my country everyone shares with everyone. Elaine O'Connor-Nardo: Oh that's beautiful. Latka Gravas: Otherwise they shoot you. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 3: - Reverend Jim: a Space Odyssey Reverend Jim Ignatowski: Psst. What does a yellow light mean? Bobby Wheeler: Slow down. Reverend Jim Ignatowski: OK. What... does... a... yellow... light... mean? Bobby Wheeler: Slow down! Reverend Jim Ignatowski: OK. Wwwwhhhaaaat dooeesss aaaa yyyeeeellllowwww lllliiiight mmmmeeeannn? Bobby Wheeler: Slow down! Reverend Jim Ignatowski: OK. Wwwwwwhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaat dddddddoooooooeeeeeesssssssss aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa yyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllloooooooowwwwwwwww liiiiiiiiiigggggghhhhhtt mmmmmeeeeeeaaaaaan? |
| Season 2 / Episode 3: - Reverend Jim: a Space Odyssey Bobby Wheeler: [Bobby helps Jim fill out his test] Have you ever experienced loss of consciousness, hallucinations, dizzy spells, convulsive disorders, fainting, or periods of loss of memory? Reverend Jim Ignatowski: Hasn't everyone? Elaine O'Connor-Nardo: Put no. Bobby Wheeler: Mental illness or narcotic addiction? Reverend Jim Ignatowski: That's a tough choice. Elaine O'Connor-Nardo: Put no! Bobby Wheeler: OK, that's it! You ready for the test. Reverend Jim Ignatowski: I thought that was the test! |
| Season 2 / Episode 3: - Reverend Jim: a Space Odyssey Reverend Jim Ignatowski: Okay, here we go. Hey, uh, give me a little help on this one. Tony Banta: You forgot your last name? Reverend Jim Ignatowski: I've been busy. Elaine O'Connor-Nardo: Well, what was your father's name? Reverend Jim Ignatowski: Ignatowski. Elaine O'Connor-Nardo: Well, maybe that's your name too. Reverend Jim Ignatowski: You know, I think you're right! Alex Reiger: Good. Reverend Jim Ignatowski: Eyes? Elaine O'Connor-Nardo: No, don't put two. Reverend Jim Ignatowski: They mean color, don't they? What color are my eyes? Bobby Wheeler: [staring into Jim's eyes] Elaine, do you want to take a stab at this one? Elaine O'Connor-Nardo: Well, you can rule out white. Alex Reiger: Call them brown. Reverend Jim Ignatowski: Okey doke. Let's see... height! I don't know, about five-ten? Reverend Jim Ignatowski: Weight. This is a very relative question, because if I were in space, I'd be weightless. Tony Banta: You are in space. Alex Reiger: Jim, they mean earth weight. Reverend Jim Ignatowski: This is the most reading I've done in years. My brown eyes hurt! |
 | Season 1 / Episode 16: - Louie Sees the Light Louie De Palma: You lowlife! You creep! I'm gonna make you regret the day you were born! I'm gonna make sure that every night, you get the dirtiest, smelliest cab in the garage! And if there isn't one that's dirty and smelly, then I'm gonna get in, and smelly and dirty it up myself! In the wintertime, your cab will have no heater! In the summertime, your windows won't roll down! I'm gonna make you the second most miserable cab driver in all of New York City! The *most* miserable cab driver in all of New York City is whoever lets him down or feeds him! |
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