Tales from the Crypt Quotes

Tales from the Crypt

- Episode Quotes

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Tales from the Crypt Quotes

	Season 7 / Episode 10: - About Face Priest Jonathan: I shall not even dignify what you're implying with an answer other than this: If I am to complete yet another book and keep pace with my lecture tours, I need another secretary.
	Season 7 / Episode 6: - Cold War Cammy: I thought you said this beautiful borough had a bank? Ford: Shut up! Cammy: How sweet, Ford! D'you French kiss your mother with that mouth? Cutter: Nice one!
	Season 7 / Episode 6: - Cold War Cammy: Ford, don't be such a wanker! This isn't a good idea and you know it! Ford: I don't know what a "wanker" is and I don't care. Look, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Whoever heard of puttin' a laundromat in a bank?
	Season 7 / Episode 6: - Cold War Cammy: Ford, if they don't kill ya, I'm gonna do it myself! Ford: Yeah, promises, promises... hey, be cool kids! Okay? Let's just be cool here! I'm a firm believer in the teachings of Buddha, and like the fat man always said; first come, first served!
	Season 7 / Episode 6: - Cold War Ford: Cam, Cam, Cammy, Cammy! You've got every right to be breathin' fire here, no-one says you don't, but, uh, the spray on that bird gun is pretty wide, honey. Cammy: Your point being? Ford: Well, my point being we've got a better chance of gettin' out of here alive if you use what's between your legs instead of that thunderstick in your hands.
	Season 7 / Episode 6: - Cold War Ford: Don't you see? That's our bond! We're in this together! We're two of a kind! Cammy: I don't believe that anymore... people are more accepting... Ford: People are shit!
	Season 7 / Episode 6: - Cold War Ford: "Wankers"... sounds like some fuckin' breakfast cereal to me... "Wankers"!
	Season 7 / Episode 6: - Cold War Cammy: Ford. Ford: What the hell ya been doin' all day, baby? Jimmy Picket: I think you mean who.
	Season 7 / Episode 6: - Cold War Cammy: I'm tired, Ford. I want out. Ford: There is no way out. Face up to it, we belong together. You gonna tell me why? You know the answer, tell me. Cammy: 'Cos we're zombies... Ford: That's right. Ghouls... the walking dead... whatever you want to call us, we're no longer part of the world out there. The living can't be trusted. Jimmy Picket: Neither can the dead!
	Season 7 / Episode 6: - Cold War Jimmy Picket: Zombies! You can stick your dick in 'em, but you wouldn't wanna feed on 'em!
	Season 7 / Episode 6: - Cold War Jimmy Picket: You ever tasted zombie blood? It's putrid! Like beer that's gone bad. One sip and you are shittin' your stomach linin' into the bowl! Ford: I gotta hand it to ya, bloodsucker, you paint a pretty picture, trouble is, not one word of it's true! Cammy: He's right! We're no different than you! Jimmy Picket: Blasphemy! Your kind are garbage eaters! Mindless, lazy critters who live off the flesh of the dead! You feast on what we vampires throw away! Now bow down to me, bitch and show your master some respect!
	Season 7 / Episode 6: - Cold War Cammy: What did you call me?! Jimmy Picket: A name. Worthy of your species... dog! Ford: Hey! You're gonna regret that! Cammy: Bitch!? That's what I thought you said! Kiss my zombie arse, motherfucker!
	Season 7 / Episode 6: - Cold War Cammy: Going somewhere? Jimmy Picket: I'm going to tear your head from your shoulders and stick out your throat! Ford: Tell it to someone who cares! You can't kill us, we're already dead! Cammy: He's right! Fight's over, Count Chocula! You can walk away peaceful, or in pieces! Your choice!
	Season 7 / Episode 6: - Cold War Cammy: If I ever see that bloodsucking rodent again, I'm gonna break both his wings!
	Season 7 / Episode 6: - Cold War Ford: Not in my face! Anywhere but in my face!
	Season 7 / Episode 6: - Cold War Ford: The bank's just up ahead, I know it. Cutter: Ain't here, mate. Ford: Well I don't remember askin' you, assbag! Maybe you should pay more attention to the pecking order around here, huh?.
	Season 7 / Episode 6: - Cold War Armed Robber #1: Drop it, bitch! Cammy: Bitch?! Ford: Shit... Cammy: Who the hell do you think you're talking to? Ford: No! Armed Robber #1: Drop it, or he's dead! Cammy: In your dreams! I'm gonna wear your ears on a fackin' necklace, kato! Armed Robber #1: Don't call me kato, bitch! Cammy: Then don't call me bitch, kato!
	Season 7 / Episode 5: - Horror in the Night Do I Need One?: Something happened. A while ago, I made someone unhappy. Nick Marvin: A guy? Do I Need One?: How'd you guess? Nick Marvin: There's always a guy in these stories.
	Season 6 / Episode 10: - In the Groove Gary: In spite of all her success, my mother was just a greedy, hateful, wretched, old, shriveled up bitch! I hope you're in hell, Mother, because that's what you made my life!
	Season 6 / Episode 5: - Revenge Is the Nuts Sheila: Well, who the hell died and made you king? Grunwald: In the land of the blind, even the one-eyed man is king.
	Season 6 / Episode 5: - Revenge Is the Nuts Grunwald: Bruno, Shut up. If you're that hungry, dig up Mother in the garden.
	Season 6 / Episode 5: - Revenge Is the Nuts Crypt Keeper: Thanks, pal, for nothing.
	Season 6 / Episode 5: - Revenge Is the Nuts Grunwald: What do you think, Mother? Prime piece of meat, yes? You jealous old bitch.
	Season 6 / Episode 5: - Revenge Is the Nuts Sheila: This place smells horrible. Samuel: It grows on you. Literally.
	Season 6 / Episode 5: - Revenge Is the Nuts Crypt Keeper: That Grunwald, one little problem and he goes right to pieces. At least now we know what's really eating him.
	Season 6 / Episode 5: - Revenge Is the Nuts Grunwald: You can learn a lot from a woman's shoes. Screamers usually wear spiked heels. Tight-assas pumps. I wonder how combat boots will fit in.
	Season 6 / Episode 2: - Only Skin Deep Molly: Oh, I tell ya... you could line a pack of Luckies between my thighs...
	Season 6 / Episode 2: - Only Skin Deep Carl Schlag: Listen, uh, not to be rude or anything, but, uh... what are you? I mean, the costume? Molly: I'm a bodybag. I thought the invitation said "come as you are". Carl Schlag: W-well, how are you a bodybag? Molly: A synthetic shell with a corpse inside. Carl Schlag: Oh yeah... well, you look... pretty lively to me... Molly: Yeah, well... don't we all? I better hit the road, before I lose what little mind I have left. The creeps will be coming back in here any minute and I am so weary of being hit on.
	Season 6 / Episode 2: - Only Skin Deep Molly: That can't be very satisfying, demolishing a dormant vegetable. Or are pumpkins fruit? Carl Schlag: Excuse me... I thought I was alone. Molly: Obviously. Got quite a temper, Carl. And that girlfriend of yours, she's got a set of lungs on her like Voice of America. Carl Schlag: Ex-girlfriend. Molly: Oh. Right. I got that. Carl Schlag: Look, it's, uh, y'know... I'm just... uh... I'm not like she says... uh, I, I... certain wrongs, deserve certain justifiable actions. Molly: I don't disagree.
	Season 5 / Episode 10: - Came the Dawn Roger: You'd stick your dick in a shrub if you thought there were a rodent in it!

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