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Characters: #1 of 2 (Full List)
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 | Season 6 / Episode 5: - Revenge Is the Nuts Crypt Keeper: Thanks, pal, for nothing. |
| Season 6 / Episode 5: - Revenge Is the Nuts Crypt Keeper: That Grunwald, one little problem and he goes right to pieces. At least now we know what's really eating him. |
| Season 4 / Episode 14: - Curiosity Killed Crypt Keeper: That Cynthia's a real shrieking violet, wouldn't you say, kiddies? A regular afterlife of the party! [laughs maniacally] Didn't know I was a bore scout, did you? Well I am! My horrorticulture scareit badge requires me to plant croak-uses. Hmmm... A shame, really... I'd much rather plant... diebrids! [laughs maniacally] |
| Season 4 / Episode 14: - Curiosity Killed Crypt Keeper: GERONIMO! [falls from the sky] So glad you could drop in, kill-seekers! Don't worry about me, it only *hearse* when I laugh! [laughs maniacally and then groans in pain] Boy, that was good! It's even better than hang-gliding! [laughs maniacally] Of course, some folks would rather keep their feet on terra firma, like the people in tonight's putrid piece. They're spending a nice, quiet weekend in the woods, going *hack* to nature! [laughs maniacally] I call this fetid fable... Curiosity Killed. |
| Season 3 / Episode 10: - Mournin' Mess Crypt Keeper: Mmm... pretty tasteless, wouldn't you say? I guess in the end Mr. Sweeney learned not to go *digging* in other people's business. Although you'll be happy to hear that he's found himself a new career... as a ghostwriter! [laughs maniacally] So, still hungry for dessert? I hope you like cannibal soup... it's mmm-mmm good! [laughs maniacally] |
| Season 3 / Episode 10: - Mournin' Mess Crypt Keeper: Ah, there you are! You're just in time! I'm trying a few new recipes from my new Betty Croaker's cookbook. I hope you like shish-ka-bob... damn! It isn't ready yet! Bob's still moving! [laughs maniacally] Tonight's foul feast will begin with mashed potatoes, then onto some shrieking duck and finished with a nice kill-basa. I call this tasty tidbit, Mournin' Mess. |
| Season 2 / Episode 4: - 'Til Death Crypt Keeper: Well, Psyche can work that old black magic on me anytime she wants. |
| Season 2 / Episode 1: - Dead Right Crypt Keeper: Poor Cathy... she did buy the big one... and that Charlie, what a cut-up. Still, he wasn't sad in the end. You see, when Charlie got his just desserts, he requested seconds! And now, I predict the future... next week, you'll be at the same time, same place, same station, for another hideous, hateful hall of horror. |
| Season 2 / Episode 1: - Dead Right Crypt Keeper: I look into the future, my darlings... and for you, I see something... grotesque. It will sicken and disgust you! It's me! [laughs maniacally] Tonight's tale is a sickening stab at suspense, about a gold digger who wanted big bucks to buy baubles and bangles. Look out, Cathy! I see you might just buy the big one! |
| Season 1 / Episode 4: - Only Sin Deep Crypt Keeper: Poor Sylvia, eh, kiddies? Guess she heard the old saying, "if looks could kill"... so she did! Haha! Just goes to show ya, if you wanna sell yourself, take a look in the mirror, first. Crypt Keeper: Eurgh! Well, see you next time, boys and ghouls! [laughs maniacally] |
| Season 1 / Episode 4: - Only Sin Deep Crypt Keeper: [looking into a mirror] Mirror, mirror, on the wall... who's the *fearest* of them all? Crypt Keeper: Looks like I just bought 7 years' bad luck! Speaking of bad luck, it's time for another nasty little terror tale from my crawly collection... and this one's got a message, too. It's a story about greed, death and a girl, who learned that beauty... is Only Sin Deep! [laughs maniacally] |
| Season 1 / Episode 2: - And All Through the House Crypt Keeper: [In the closing narration, after Carrie screamed at the evil Santa Claus who was holding an axe] Well, how was that for a scream boys and ghouls? Oh, don't worry about little Carrie. This particular Santa preferred older women... in pieces, that is. [laughing] |
| Unknown Episode: Crypt Keeper: [after cutting someone's ear off with a pair of scissors] Shave and a haircut, two bits! [laughs hysterically] |
| Unknown Episode: Crypt Keeper: Heads, I win. Tails, you *ooze*! |
| Next: The Crypt Keeper |
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