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Crowley Quotes
 | Season 8 / Episode 19: - Taxi Driver Naomi: Let me see if I've interrupted the situation correctly. The Winchesters have freed an innocent from hell, to which you are wrongfully are trying to return. Crowley: Siding with them, Naomi? You don't know those two. Before they're done, we'll both be locked away. Naomi: I'm just hoping they lock you away, dear. The rest I'll figure out. Crowley: Bureaucrat. You're fighting outside your weight class. Naomi: Don't call me a bureaucrat. |
 | Season 8 / Episode 2: - What's Up, Tiger Mommy? Crowley: Kevin. What a pleasure to see you. Sorry about your little playdate. Her name? Ah. Well, if you're gonna make an omelet, sometimes you have to break some spines. And who is this lovely young thing? Must be your sister. Linda Tran: [punches Crowley] Stay away from my son. Crowley: Charming. Defiling her corpse has just made my number one on my to-do list. |
| Season 8 / Episode 2: - What's Up, Tiger Mommy? Dean Winchester: [to Sam] Plan "C" tanked. Crowley: Maybe you should try plan "D" for dumbass. |
| Season 8 / Episode 2: - What's Up, Tiger Mommy? Beau: Our next lot, the word of God, capital "G" - very old, very rare. Crowley: $3 billion. Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester: Whoa. Samandriel: The "Mona Lisa." Crowley: The real "Mona Lisa", where she's topless. Samandriel: Vatican City. Crowley: Alaska. Beau: Palin and a bridge to nowhere? No, thanks. Crowley: All right. The moon. Dean Winchester: You're bidding the moon? Crowley: Yeah. Claimed it for Hell. You think a man named Buzz gets to go into space without making a deal? |
 | Season 7 / Episode 23: - Survival of the Fittest Dick Roman: Here's my offer. Crowley: All ears. Dick Roman: Full immunity for you and your constituents. I'm talking free-range grazing for all demon kind. I'm willing to cordon off, say, Canada. You and your crew can work your little deals, have your way with the locals. Crowley: *All* of Canada? Dick Roman: Have it. Crowley: Fair. And down here? Dick Roman: America's ours. Your sales team stays out - period. That's not up for negotiation. We need America. They're so fat. Crowley: And in exchange? Dick Roman: [brings out a vial] The blood of one sadly unimpressive demon in New Jersey. All I ask is to give this to Frick and Frack, tell them it's yours, stand back, and let them come to me. Crowley: I can't deny I long to see those two digested once and for all. You have a deal. I suppose you want that in writing. Dick Roman: I don't kiss on the mouth. Crowley: Your loss. |
| Season 7 / Episode 23: - Survival of the Fittest Crowley: Castiel. When last we spoke, you, well, enslaved me. I'm confused. Why aren't you dead? Castiel: I... don't know. Crowley: Well, you want to be? 'Cause I can help with that. Dean Winchester: All right, enough. Crowley: It's enough when I say. I came here to help you. I've found out you've been lying to me, harboring an angel, and not just *any* angel - the one angel I most want to crush between my teeth. Meg: Oh, so you can crush angels now, huh? Crowley: You bore me. You know that? You have no sense of poetry. |
| Season 7 / Episode 23: - Survival of the Fittest Crowley: Now, what do you have to say for yourself? Castiel: Well, I'm still honing my communication strategy. I-I haven't even been back to Heaven. I keep thinking there are no insects up there, but here we have trillions. You know, they're making honey and silk and... miracles, really. Crowley: What are you talking about? Castiel: Um, preferring insects to angels, I guess. Here. I can offer a token, if you like. It's honey. I-I collected it myself. Crowley: You're off your rocker. |
 | Season 7 / Episode 6: - Slash Fiction Crowley: A token. Richard Roman: You shouldn't have. I love a muffin. Crowley: 100% organic baby uvulas. Gluten-free. Richard Roman: So considerate. |
| Season 7 / Episode 6: - Slash Fiction Crowley: I'll cut to the chase, Mr. Roman. Richard Roman: Please. Dick. Crowley: Dick, you and I control large interests that I feel strongly could meld, to the benefit of all. Richard Roman: You think? Crowley: I know. Straight talk, we should be friends, you and I. Richard Roman: Why? Why in the world would we be? Crowley: Well, I brought you here, Dick. I found the way to open the door to Purgatory. Richard Roman: To steal every last soul, you mean. You and that angel friend of yours. Don't roofie me and call it romance. Crowley: I think you've got me wrong. Richard Roman: Now it's your turn to listen. I'd sooner swim through hot garbage than shake hands with a bottom-feeding mutation like you. You demons are ugly, lazy, gold-digging whores. You're less than humans, and they're not good for much 'til you dip 'em in garlic sauce. I'd never work with you, Crowley. In fact, if I wasn't busy with better things, I might actively wipe your kind from the face of the Universe. And you'd deserve it. Are we clear? |
 | Season 7 / Episode 1: - Meet the New Boss Castiel: Hello, Crowley. Crowley: ...Bollocks. |
 | Season 6 / Episode 21: - Let It Bleed Crowley: God, how long's it been, Dean? Since my so-called demise, yes? Dean Winchester: Crowley, let them go now. Or I swear... Crowley: Right, right. You'll rip me a cornucopia of orifices. |
 | Season 6 / Episode 20: - The Man Who Would Be King Crowley: [torturing a vampire] Chocula here feels every tickle. Castiel: What is that good for? Crowley: Apart from the obvious erotic value, you got me. |
| Season 6 / Episode 20: - The Man Who Would Be King Castiel: Don't worry about the Winchesters. Crowley: Don't worry about... what, like Lucifer didn't worry? Or Michael, or Lilith, or Alistair, or Azazel didn't worry? Am I the only game piece on the board who doesn't underestimate those denim-wrapped nightmares? |
| Season 6 / Episode 20: - The Man Who Would Be King Crowley: What are you planning to do about Raphael? Castiel: What can I do, besides submit or die? Crowley: "Submit or die"? What are you, French? |
 | Season 6 / Episode 10: - Caged Heat Crowley: Castiel. Haven't seen you all season. You the calvary now? |
| Season 6 / Episode 10: - Caged Heat Crowley: What's in the gift bag? Castiel: [pulls out a skull] You are. |
| Season 6 / Episode 10: - Caged Heat Crowley: [about Samuel] Best purchase I've made since Dick Cheney. |
| Season 6 / Episode 10: - Caged Heat Crowley: [Realizing he is stuck in a demon trap] So, do what to I owe the reach around? Meg: [Meg walks in] Crowley. Crowley: Whore. |
 | Season 6 / Episode 8: - All Dogs Go to Heaven Crowley: Is that Bobby Singer? Give him a kiss for me. |
 | Season 6 / Episode 7: - Family Matters Dean Winchester: Since when do you give a crap about vampires? Crowley: Since, uh... what's today, Friday? Okay let's see... since, mind your own business. |
| Season 6 / Episode 7: - Family Matters Crowley: Best shut your gob. Employees don't question management. Dean Winchester: We ain't your employees. Crowley: Of course you are! Have been for some time now, thanks to Gramps. I don't keep Captain Chromedome around for his wit, do I? Samuel knows things. More than any of you, actually. Walking encyclopedia of the creepy and the crawly. And I knew, you two are so hung up on family-loyalty nonsense, that when he said jump, you'd get froggy. |
 | Season 5 / Episode 21: - Two Minutes to Midnight Crowley: [to Bobby] Go ahead. Tell them. There's no shame in it. Sam Winchester: Bobby? Tell us what? Bobby Singer: World's gonna end. Seems stupid to get all precious over one little... soul. Dean Winchester: You sold your soul? Crowley: Oh, more like pawned it. I fully intend to give it back. Dean Winchester: Well, then give it back! Crowley: I will. Dean Winchester: Now! Sam Winchester: Did you kiss him? Dean Winchester: Sam. Sam Winchester: I was just wondering. Bobby Singer: [innocently] No! Bobby Singer: Why'd you take a picture? Crowley: Why do you have to use tongue? |
| Season 5 / Episode 21: - Two Minutes to Midnight Crowley: Bobby, you just gonna sit there? Bobby Singer: No, I'm gonna Riverdance. Crowley: I suppose if you want to impress the ladies. Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. Really wasted that crossroads deal. In fact, you get more if you phrase it properly. So, I took the liberty of adding a teeny sub-a clause on your behalf. What can I say? I'm an altruist. Just gonna sit there? Bobby Singer: Son of a bitch. Crowley: Yes, I know. Completely worth your soul. I'm a hell of a guy. Bobby Singer: Thanks. Crowley: This is getting maudlin. Can we go? |
 | Season 5 / Episode 20: - The Devil You Know Bobby Singer: You know where Death is? Crowley: No. Haven't the foggiest. Bobby Singer: [cocks shotgun] Well, then get the hell off my property before I blast you so full of rock salt, you crap margaritas. |
 | Season 5 / Episode 10: - Abandon All Hope... Crowley: Mr. Pendleton, I presume? The name's Crowley. Mr. Pendleton: [uncertain] In my negotiations I was, uh, dealing with a very young, attractive young lady... Crowley: Yes, I know. But you, piggy-banker, you... are a big fish. And I wanted to do you the honor of sealing this deal personally. Mr. Pendleton: She said the deal would be sealed with a kiss. Crowley: [smiling] That's right. Mr. Pendleton: No, I mean she's... I don't... Crowley: Your choice. You can cling to six decades of deep-seated homophobia, or, just give it up, and get a complete bail-out of your bank's *ridiculous* incompetence. Mr. Pendleton: There are just things that I... Crowley: Going once... Mr. Pendleton: No, I don't think so... Crowley: Going twice... Mr. Pendleton: [snarls] All right! All right. Castiel: [into cell] Got him. |
| Season 5 / Episode 10: - Abandon All Hope... Castiel: The demon Crowley is making a deal. Even as we speak, it's... going... down. Dean Winchester: "Going down?" Right. Okay, Huggy-Bear. Just don't lose him. Castiel: I won't lose him. Mr. Pendleton: [to Crowley] Damn you. Crowley: Enjoy the obscene wealth! See you in ten years. Castiel: [outside Crowley's hideout] I followed him. It's not far, but... it's layered in Enochian warding magic. I can't get in. Dean Winchester: That's okay. You did great. We'll take it from here. |
| Season 5 / Episode 10: - Abandon All Hope... Sam Winchester: It's Crowley, right? Crowley: So, the Hardy Boys finally found me. Took you long enough. [he approaches, looks down at the rug, turns it up to find the Devil's Trap painted underneath] Do you have any idea how much this rug cost? [demons come up from behind and restrain the brothers; Crowley holds up the Colt] This is it, right? This is what it's all about. [raises the gun, shoots the two demons holding them; the brothers look at each other in confusion] We need to talk. Privately. Dean Winchester: What the hell is this? Crowley: Do you know how deep I could have buried this thing? There's no reason you or anyone should know this even exists at all. Except that I told you. Sam Winchester: *You* told us? Crowley: Rumors. Innuendo. Sent out on the grapevine. Sam Winchester: Why? Why tell us anything? Crowley: [pointing the Colt at Dean] I want you, to take this thing to Lucifer, and empty it into his face. Dean Winchester: Uh-huh. Okay, and why, exactly would *you* want the Devil dead? Crowley: [putting the Colt down] It's called survival. But I forgot, you two at best are functional morons. Dean Winchester: Yeah, you're functioning morons... more. |
| Season 5 / Episode 10: - Abandon All Hope... Crowley: Lucifer isn't a demon. Remember? He's an angel, an angel famous for his hatred of humankind. To him you're just filthy bags of pus. That's the way he feels about *you*. What can he think about us? Sam Winchester: But he *created* you. Crowley: To him we're just servants. Cannon fodder. If Lucifer manages to exterminate humankind, we're next. So. Help me. Huh? Let's all go back to simpler, better times, back to when we could all follow our natures! I'm in *sales*, damn it. So what do you say? What if I give you this thing, and you go kill the Devil? [he holds out the Colt, Sam hesitantly takes it] Sam Winchester: Okay. Crowley: [grinning] Great. Sam Winchester: You wouldn't happen to know where the Devil *is*, perchance, would you? Crowley: Thursday... Birdies tell me he has an appointment in Carthage, Missouri. Sam Winchester: Great. Thanks. [he puts the Colt to Crowley's head, pulls the trigger, nothing happens] Crowley: Oh yeah, right, you probably need some more ammunition. |
| Season 5 / Episode 10: - Abandon All Hope... Dean Winchester: Uh, excuse me for asking, but aren't you kinda signing your own death warrant? I mean, what happens to you if we go up against the Devil and lose? Crowley: Number one, he's gonna wipe us all out anyway, two, after you leave here I go on an extended vacation to all points nowhere, and three, HOW ABOUT YOU DON'T MISS, OKAY? MORONS! [tosses Dean a bag of ammo, vanishes] |
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