Strangers with Candy Quotes

Strangers with Candy

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

Strangers with Candy Quotes

	Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Last Temptation of Blank Fran: The only reason you're cool is that you're a little satellite circling the planet Frosty. Surface temperature: zero degrees Franenheit.
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Last Temptation of Blank Fran: Look Jerri, as long as you're with me, you'll never go bad, because I've got you stored in my crisper, and the refrangerator is always dialed up to 9.
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Last Temptation of Blank Fran: Jerri, you're going to have to choose whether to stay here and be uncool in loser-land or to follow me into Frantarctica!
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Last Temptation of Blank Geoffrey Jellineck: [laughs] He's just kidding we're not lovers, we just have sex. Charles 'Chuck' Noblet: Hot... ass-thumping... sex.
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Last Temptation of Blank Mr. Chuck Noblet: Fran, you're late. Fran: Am I? Or is the rest of the world early?
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Last Temptation of Blank Fran: Hi Jerri. Jerri Blank: Yo-yo-you talkin' to me? Fran: Yep. Jerri Blank: I'm guessing this is a dream. Only difference is you're not naked a tied to a radiator.
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Last Temptation of Blank Jerri Blank: [to Fran] Hey, I have an idea. Let's do something girly. Why don't I grab some nail polish so we can paint each other's... clitorises?
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Last Temptation of Blank Jerri Blank: I'm cooler than you Frantic, you know why? Because I'm not. Think about it... I haven't.
	Season 3 / Episode 7: - Ask Jerri Sara Blank: Who's your cute young ethnic friend, Derrick? Derrick Blank: Oh, she's with Jerri. Sara Blank: [to Sydney] Get out!
	Season 3 / Episode 7: - Ask Jerri Jerri Blank: Hey, don't you want to know happened at school today? Sara Blank: All right. What happened in school today? Jerri Blank: Mr. Noblet ... Sara Blank: I was talking to Derrick. Derrick? Derrick Blank: Well, I punched this loser in the head - he was coming out of study hall - I blindsided him. He never even saw it coming. Sara Blank: That's very nice, Derrick. Okay Jerri, now why don't you make it quick? Jerri Blank: Someone punched me in the head when I was coming out of study hall today. Blindsided me - never saw it coming!
	Season 3 / Episode 7: - Ask Jerri Geoffrey Jellineck: Fine, I'll go now, but I'm not leaving.
	Season 3 / Episode 6: - Blank Relay Mr. Chuck Noblet: At the end of "West Side Story," why do the lovers strangle each other? Jerri Blank: To prove that love is worth dying for? Mr. Chuck Noblet: No, I think what Shakespeare was getting at is that death is preferable to having your secret relationship revealed.
	Season 3 / Episode 4: - Invisible Love Principal Onyx Blackman: Are you insane in the membrane?
	Season 3 / Episode 4: - Invisible Love Jerri Blank: Can't you just drill a hole in his head to let the demons out? Dr. Trepanning: Jerri, that practice is obsolete. These days, we subdue the demons with drugs until they become addicted. Then we draw them out with meat.
	Season 3 / Episode 4: - Invisible Love Dr. Trepanning: Well, Jerri, it's been a tough night, but we finally subdued him. I tell you, your son Stew sure can take a blow to the head. Jerri Blank: Well technically, he's not my son. He's my stepmother's lover. Dr. Trepanning: Oh, good, then you can sign these release forms. Jerri Blank: How's he doing? Dr. Trepanning: Well, aside from the insanity, he's as healthy as a horse that's been beaten unconscious by a gang of savage orderlies.
	Season 3 / Episode 4: - Invisible Love Jerri Blank: Dr. Trepanning, can you get all the crazy out of my daddy? Dr. Trepanning: I can't make any promises, Jerri, but I promise I will. I'll use every tool at my disposal: medication, drugs, and pills. Jerri Blank: Well how long will it take? Dr. Trepanning: What is it, Wednesday? Thirty years. Jerri Blank: What? I need him by this afternoon! Dr. Trepanning: Jerri, the brain is a delicate and highly complicated organ. I know, I've taken a few of them apart and every time I put them back together, there's always a few extra parts laying around. Jerri Blank: Why can't you just drill a hole in his skull to let the demons out? Dr. Trepanning: [chuckles] Jerri, drilling a hole in the skull to let the demons out is a pretty archaic treatment of mental illness. Today, we sedate the demons until they become addicted, and then we coax them out with a piece of meat. It takes years.
	Season 3 / Episode 3: - Trail of Tears Chuck Noblet: Now where did we leave off yesterday? Ah, yes, the rape of the American West by the soulless red man. Now, no one's really sure what the Indians were doing to the buffalo, but it must have been pretty damn sick, because millions of these noble animals committed suicide by jumping in front of the white man's guns.
	Season 3 / Episode 3: - Trail of Tears Chuck Noblet: Hey, this'll be fun. Let's have a debate. Jerri will defend the godless savages, and everyone else will attack Jerri. Jerri Blank: What? Chuck Noblet: Don't be afraid to get personal. The objective is to win, or, rather, to attack Jerri. Jerri Blank: I don't know anything about Indians because I'm not an Indian! Chuck Noblet: A cunningly savage denial, Jerri. Alright, fact: a peaceful, napping General Custer was murdered in his sleep by bloodthirsty Indians while he was on a family camping trip!
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - Jerri's Burning Issue Jerri Blank: Do a lot of the people die of the syphilis? Chuck Noblet: Oh, absolutely. Historically, syphilis is right up there with Germans. It wiped out the Romanovs, it decimated our fleet at Pearl Harbor, and of course, Fidel Castro impersonated Marilyn Monroe and gave President Kennedy a case of syphilis so severe that eventually it blew the back of his head off.
	Season 2 / Episode 10: - A Price Too High for Riches Jerri Blank: Why do we have to car pool with the Fagonokolises? They smell like feta cheese! Orlando Pinatubo: I like the car pool. The Fagonokolises are good people. Jerri Blank: Good people? They're Greeks, and Greeks are just Jews without money.
	Season 2 / Episode 7: - To Love, Honor and Pretend Jerri Blank: You don't wanna beat me or screw me. What kind of marriage is this? Bring a book.
	Season 2 / Episode 6: - Hit and Run Principal Onyx Blackman: Jerri, I'm an obtuse man, so I'll try to be oblique. Your illiteracy has made me the whipping boy of this school district. I attended the school board meeting this morning, and they all had their little laugh. It was a feeding frenzy of cackling hyenas, and I was the wildebeest carcass.
	Season 2 / Episode 6: - Hit and Run Coach Cherri Wolf: Jerri, what does V-I-C-T-O-R-Y spell? Jerri Blank: Fandango? Hobocamp? Ho... hobocamp!
	Season 2 / Episode 6: - Hit and Run Jerri Blank: [to Alan, the blind student] I think it's brave of you wanting to play football. I think it's sexy. It makes me as damp as a cellar down there - all mildewy. Enter if you dare...
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - The Blank Page Chuck Noblet: [Noblet realizes Jerri has been watching him cry] Jerri, hi! I was just looking for my classroom! Is this it? Nope! This is Mr. Jellineck's class! Hmm!
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - The Blank Page Mr. Chuck Noblet: Geoffrey! Those soft, pillowy lips!
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - The Goodbye Guy Cassie Pines: Dad's alive and yours is dead and ain't nothin' gonna change that!
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - The Goodbye Guy Jerri Blank: Well, what would you do if your daddy died? Cassie Pines: HEY. You'd love that, wouldn't you? Just because your dad was killed in some freak accident, nobody can have one? Well I'll tell ya something. My daddy's alive and yours is dead and ain't nothin' gonna change that.
	Season 2 / Episode 3: - Yes You Can't Tammi Littlenut: You better 86 the 69 talk.
	Season 2 / Episode 3: - Yes You Can't Drake Rogers: Wow, a virgin Whore.

« previous12 3 4 5 next »

» Back to Strangers with Candy TV Show