Stark Raving Mad Quotes

Stark Raving Mad

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

Stark Raving Mad Quotes

	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Christmas Cheerleader Henry: Tess's mom has a strict rule that we can't do anything on Christmas day that Jesus didn't do. Apparently Jesus drank a pitcher of martinis and hit on the caterer.
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - The Dance Margaret 'Maddie' Keller: [to Ian] It's ridiculous to let your niece down just because you think you can't dance. Jake, sing something. Jake Donovan: [raps loudly] Mah bitch don't know 'cause she kinda slow, money don't grow on the trees, you ho! Woman, get a JOB! [everyone stares in horror] What? It's a song!
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Engaged to Be Engaged Henry: Tess, can't we just go back to the way we were before? Tess Farraday: Before you had that erotic dream about the bar girl? Henry: Oh, come on, Tess, you know that dream you had about the bread stick and doughnut? I hate to break it to you but it's not about food.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Engaged to Be Engaged Henry: I didn't cheat on Tess! She's gonna be so happy; I didn't do anything wrong. All I did was have a sex dream about another woman! [pause] I am so dead.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - Four Colds and a Funeral Henry: In case you hadn't noticed, I don't go around hugging people. I'm Protestant!
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - Four Colds and a Funeral Ian Stark: You hugged the world's greatest children's author to death! Henry: I didn't kill anybody. Ian Stark: You didn't use a gun or knife, but surely, sir, you took his life. Henry: Would you cut that out? Ian Stark: If you hadn't let him get so near ya, he wouldn't have died from your bacteria. Henry: Please, Ian, would you show some respect? My childhood hero just died! Ian Stark: No one's denied the man just died. His death is surely bona fide. But you must confide, he wouldn't have died if you hadn't committed homicide.
	Unknown Episode: Tess Farraday: I'm not putting anything in my mouth for a week! Ian Stark: Have a nice night, Henry.
	Unknown Episode: Henry: (extremely nervous) Sometimes a friend is... is, called upon, to... uh... forgive the other, because... because, because because because... Ian Stark: Because of the wonderful things he does?
	Unknown Episode: Henry: Tess has felt threatened ever since she found an old photo of Susan sunbathing in Greece, all topless and tan and glistening and... topless. Ian Stark: Tess was snooping through your stuff, huh? Henry: No, actually it was my screensaver.
	Unknown Episode: Tess Farraday: Carol says that every guy has a girl that he calls when he gets drunk. She's yours, isn't she? Henry: No! You're my drunken call girl!
	Unknown Episode: Henry: I'm trying to be less phobic and I'm afraid it's not going well.
	Unknown Episode: Henry: Yeah, there is no [such word as] "dribbed." There's the noun "drib," which means a negligible amount. Ian Stark: Oh, I see. So I'm getting a drib of help from you right now.
	Unknown Episode: Ian Stark: I just feel that names that end with "y" are weak, Henry.
	Unknown Episode: Ian Stark: Good God, Henry! If you'd ever been in the army, your own men woulda held you down and dry-shaved you!
	Unknown Episode: Ian Stark: I thought we ordered chicken wings. Margaret 'Maddie' Keller: Wings are for when you're drunk. Soup is for when you're sick. Jake Donovan: That's what my mom used to say. Boy, she loved her wings!
	Unknown Episode: Margaret 'Maddie' Keller: Didn't your mother ever comfort you when you were sick? Henry: Yeah, of course. She was very loving. She used to sing to me over the intercom.
	Unknown Episode: Henry: I'm going to go and read these pages in a more hygienic setting... like the bathroom of a Greyhound Bus.
	Unknown Episode: Audrey: While other publishers are lunching with Mailer and Updike, I'll be debating whether a toaster would actually say, "I've got bread in my head."
	Unknown Episode: Henry: Audrey, could I come along to lunch? I would love to meet the man who wrote "Ants in France Wear Pants When They Dance." Audrey: Good, because I'd love to drink and drink 'til I can't think.
	Unknown Episode: Phyllis: So how about that check? Audrey: Yes, why cloud the moment with warmth and civility?
	Unknown Episode: Tess Farraday: Jennifer's boyfriend used to say "Robert" in his sleep... and now he sleeps with Robert!
	Unknown Episode: Henry: Why would he go all the way back to the warehouse? Ian Stark: Because he wants to get caught. That's what killers do. You know that - you're a killer.
	Unknown Episode: Audrey: I'm never gonna get that advance check back! Henry: Audrey, this really isn't the day to be thinking about money. Audrey: Tell that to the widow Huggles - she cashed the damn thing this morning. Henry: The day of her husband's funeral? Audrey: You should have seen that line of cars with their lights on outside the bank!
	Unknown Episode: Henry: Hey, I've been tryin' to call you all afternoon. What's wrong with your phone? Ian Stark: It keeps ringing. Henry: It stops ringing when you answer it. Ian Stark: Also when you smash it with a hammer.
	Unknown Episode: Cesar: I hope everybody likes hot cheese! Henry: Wow, it's flaming. Ian Stark: Yeah, and the cheese is on fire.
	Unknown Episode: Henry: I am going to be blacklisted thanks to you and your fish shenanigans. Ian Stark: Shenanigans? Well, just come out and say it, Henry. You think I'm a hooligan, don't ya? Up to some tomfoolery.
	Unknown Episode: Margaret 'Maddie' Keller: Hey, if we don't get this fish back to the tank in another couple of minutes, we might as well just get it to a cracker.
	Unknown Episode: Ian Stark: Where have you been? I just pretended to choke on an oyster for you, then Audrey ran over and gave me a Heimlich Maneuver - from the front!
	Unknown Episode: Margaret 'Maddie' Keller: Of all the times I've slinked out of a man's apartment in my underwear, this is the one I'm most ashamed of.
	Unknown Episode: Ian Stark: She was just lashing out at you for sleeping with Maddie, which she doesn't know you didn't really do. Wait... Yeah, that's right.

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