Squidward

SpongeBob SquarePants

- Character Guide

Characters: #5 of 11 (Full List)

+ Add to My Characters

Played by:

Rodger Bumpass

« Back to Character Profile

Squidward Quotes

	Season 6 / Episode 4: - Suction Cup Sympony Squidward: SpongeBob, will you cut that out? Can't you see I am trying to hone my musical talent? SpongeBob SquarePants: You mean that wasn't gastrointestinal distress?
	Season 6 / Episode 4: - Suction Cup Sympony Squidward: Patrick, what are you doing here? Patrick: Uhh, I dunno. I'm funny?
	Season 4 / Episode 23: - Hocus Pocus / The Thing Squidward: I'm not going to let you two monsters ruin my evening. SpongeBob SquarePants: We're not here to ruin it. We're here to enhance it.
	Season 4 / Episode 23: - Hocus Pocus / The Thing Squidward: Brine soda, low-sodium coral crisps, cool jazz... Mmm-mmm-mmm, Squidward, you have done it. You have officially spoiled yourself rotten. SpongeBob SquarePants: Then let the rotting continue, friend, as I astound and amaze you with some... magic! Squidward: Magic? Can you make yourself disappear? SpongeBob SquarePants: Silly Squidward. I can't do disappearing spells until I become a level 10 wizard.
	Season 4 / Episode 14: - Karate Island / Whale of a Birthday Squidward: [everyone in the Krusty Krab has found out that "Patricia" is actually Patrick in cognito] Uhh. I think I need to take a shower. [exits] Mr. Krabs: So, uhh, let me get this straight...you're not a woman? Patrick: No. Mr. Krabs: Well then, you're fired. If anyone needs me, I'll be in my office for, I don't know, the next twenty years or so.
	Season 4 / Episode 12: - Krusty Towers / Mrs. Puff You're Fired Patrick: Patrick: You should work out more. Squidward: Squidward: Well, why don't I just start right now? After all, I got a couple of dumbbells right here. [laughs]
	Season 4 / Episode 12: - Krusty Towers / Mrs. Puff You're Fired SpongeBob SquarePants: Umm, Squidward you're stepping on my foot. Squidward: Oh, sorry SpongeBob Patrick: And you got you're elbow in my ribs! Squidward: Eeew... Patrick: And stop stepping in my potato salad!
	Season 4 / Episode 12: - Krusty Towers / Mrs. Puff You're Fired Squidward: [Patrick gets close to Squidward in the well] Stop standing so close to me Patrick, you're making me claustrophobic. Patrick: What does that mean? SpongeBob: It means he's afraid of Santa Claus. Patrick: HO HO HO! Hehehe...
	Season 4 / Episode 11: - Dunces and Dragons (Lost in Time) Squidward: [singing] When my tear ducts give issue / I can't use just any tissue / I need four-ply, four-ply, four-ply / When I cry.
	Season 4 / Episode 9: - SquidBob TentaclePants PatrickStar: Squidward I don't like crusts on my sandwich. Squidward: It's a bun Patrick. It's all crusts how I am supossed to cut the crusts off a bun? PatrickStar: Peel it! [Squidward does so]
	Season 4 / Episode 9: - SquidBob TentaclePants Squidward: A bubble bath? Why would I give you a bubble bath? PatrickStar: Because Mr.Krabs said you would. Hope that you make my back extra shiny clean. Squidward: [shouts] That's it I've had enough. [Walks out of bathroom] PatrickStar: Squidward wait the toilets backed up again.
	Unknown Episode: Squidward: [Spongebob and Squidward are sharing the same body] Sandy, that's got to get us separated! Sandy Cheeks: [holds up device] Say hello to the Molecular Separator Ray! Squidward: [smoothly] Hello, Molecular Separator Ray!
	Unknown Episode: Squidward: Spongebob, you buffoon! SpongeBob SquarePants: Ha. Everyone knows I'm a sponge. I look nothing like a balloon.
	Season 4 / Episode 3: - Skill Crane / Good Neighbor Squidward: I'm a winner! See my prize! You're a loser who sits and cries!
	Season 4 / Episode 2: - Krabs vs. Plankton / The Lost Mattress SpongeBob SquarePants: Defense calls Mr. Squidward to the stand. Mr. Krabs: Ah, Squidward. A loyal employee. SpongeBob SquarePants: Mr... Tentacles, is it? My client has been called cheap. Do you agree with this ludicrous statement? Squidward: Yes. Mr. Krabs: What? SpongeBob SquarePants: Let me rephrase the question. Can you recall an instance of Mr. Krabs' generosity in any way? Squidward: Nope. Can I go now? My first day off in three years and I have to spend it testifying?
	Season 4 / Episode 2: - Krabs vs. Plankton / The Lost Mattress Squidward: Okay, here's the plan. You two sneak in there, remove the mattress from underneath the guard worm, with out waking the worm. Patrick: Why not? SpongeBob SquarePants: Because that would be rude, Patrick.
	Season 3 / Episode 20: - Krabby Land / The Camping Episode (Squid Gets Mauled) SpongeBob SquarePants: I guess I'll never know the real meaning of summer. There was a time I thought I knew, but that was a long time ago. Squidward: You mean this morning? SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah.
	Season 3 / Episode 20: - Krabby Land / The Camping Episode (Squid Gets Mauled) Squidward: What did I do this time? SpongeBob: I don't know, I guess he just doesn't like you! Patrick: Pretend to be somebody else! Squidward: Move over!
	Season 3 / Episode 20: - Krabby Land / The Camping Episode (Squid Gets Mauled) SpongeBob: I call this one The Campfire Song Song SpongeBob: [singing] Let's gather round the campfire and sing our campfire song, out C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song and if you don't think that we can sing it faster than you're wrong, but it'll help if you just sing along Patrick: [in Squidward's ear] Baum, baum, baum SpongeBob: [singing a bit faster] C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song, C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song, and if you don't think we can sing it faster then you're wrong, but it'll help if you just sing along, C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song, Patrick Patrick: [singing off key] SONG! C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E SpongeBob: Squidward Squidward: [silence] SpongeBob: Good! SpongeBob: [singing again] It'll help! It'll help! If you just sing along! Oh yeah!
	Season 3 / Episode 20: - Krabby Land / The Camping Episode (Squid Gets Mauled) Squidward: I suppose you two are gonna do [voice-over] One million dollar!
	Season 3 / Episode 17: - Born Again Krabs (A Penny Saved) / Safety Freak (I Had An Accident) Patrick: I guess I'll have to find a new best friend. Hey. Squidward. Squidward: NO.
	Season 3 / Episode 17: - Born Again Krabs (A Penny Saved) / Safety Freak (I Had An Accident) SpongeBob SquarePants: [Snowboarding] Hey, Sandy! Watch me do the Grouchy Squidward. Squidward: Stop naming moves after me. SpongeBob SquarePants: [Imitating Squidward] Everybody's an idiot except me. Squidward: Well, it's true.
	Season 3 / Episode 13: - The Graveyard Shift / Krusty Love SpongeBob: I am just so touched that you would go to the trouble to dress up as a ghostly fry-cook and stand on the other side of the street just to entertain me. You must really like me! Squidward: Spongebob, there are two problems with your theory. One, I hate you. And two, how can that be me when I'm standing right here?
	Season 3 / Episode 13: - The Graveyard Shift / Krusty Love Squidward: You mean you've never heard the story of the... hash-slinging slasher? SpongeBob: The slash-bringing hasher? Squidward: The hash-slinging slasher. SpongeBob: The sash wringing... the trash thinging... mash flinging... the flash springing, bringing the the crash thinging the... Squidward: Yes. The hash-slinging slasher.
	Season 3 / Episode 13: - The Graveyard Shift / Krusty Love Squidward: SpongeBob, no matter what I've said, I've always sorta liked you. SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward, I used your clarinet to unclog my toilet. Squidward: What?
	Season 3 / Episode 13: - The Graveyard Shift / Krusty Love Squidward: And then, one night, while he was cutting the patties, it happened! SpongeBob SquarePants: He forget the secret sauce? Squidward: No! SpongeBob SquarePants: He didn't wash his hands? Squidward: No! SpongeBob SquarePants: Irregular portions? Squidward: NO! He cut off his own hand by mistake!
	Season 3 / Episode 13: - The Graveyard Shift / Krusty Love Squidward: Oh calm down, calm down. Alright what was it? There was... the lights [lights flicker] and the phone [phone rings] and... [walls start 'oozing green slime'] The walls will use green slime? Oh, wait, they always do that.
	Season 3 / Episode 13: - The Graveyard Shift / Krusty Love Squidward: Wait! If that was you on the phone, and you on the bus... then who was flickering the lights? [lights flicker] [cut to picutre of the vampire Nosferatu flipping light switch] SpongeBob SquarePants: [Shaking fingers at him] Nosferatu!
	Season 3 / Episode 13: - The Graveyard Shift / Krusty Love Squidward: This is ridiculous! Who wants a krabby patty at three in the morning? [cutaway to Patrick sleeping in his bed, alarm goes off] Patrick Star: Oh, boy! Three AM! [eats patty]
	Season 3 / Episode 12: - Club SpongeBob / My Pretty Seahorse Squidward: I order the food, you cook the food. We do that for 40 years, and then we die. That seems like a good deal to me, what do you say?

« previous12 3 4 5 next »

Previous: Mr. Krabs

Next: Plankton

» Back to SpongeBob SquarePants TV Show