01x13 - Spidermawg Season 1 / Episode 13: - Spidermawg

Spidermawg: I am Spidermawg. Half man, half dog... half spider!
Lone Starr: Alright, Spidermawg. We got work and half to do here.
01x13 - Spidermawg Season 1 / Episode 13: - Spidermawg

Spidermawg: We're going to planet Mawg and I'm gonna kick those Spaceballs in their balls space.
01x13 - Spidermawg Season 1 / Episode 13: - Spidermawg

President Skroob: Holy shit, I'm becomming Mothball! I will destroy Spidermawg for there is no way he can stop the all powerful Mothball!
Commanderette Zircon: Okay, a moth versus a spider. This is gonna turn out real well.
01x13 - Spidermawg Season 1 / Episode 13: - Spidermawg

Mothball: Not so fast, Spidermawg.
Spidermawg: Who the hell are you?
Mothball: I am Mothball. Half moth, half ball.
Spidermawg: Yeah, I gathered that from your name.
01x13 - Spidermawg Season 1 / Episode 13: - Spidermawg

President Skroob: Then it's settled. Let there be six bosoms to cover my face while I prepare for my next attack.
Charlene: [giggles] Boobs away!
01x12 - Druidian Idol Season 1 / Episode 12: - Druidian Idol

Vinnie: I highly recommend you pay me protection money, Lone Starr.
Lone Starr: Protection? Protection from who?
Vinnie: Protection from me.
Lone Starr: [chuckles] I don't need protection from you.
Vinnie: Oh, yes you do. When I get angry, I break heads. And when people don't cooperate with my extortion...
Lone Starr: You get angry?
Vinnie: No. When people don't cooperate with my extortion I get depressed.
Lone Starr: I see... and, and when you get depressed, you get angry?
Vinnie: No. When I get depressed, I get hungry.
Lone Starr: And when you get hungry you get angry?
Vinnie: Shut it, Dr. Phil, whould ya? When I get hungry, I start eating and when I start eating I get fat. And when I get fat...
Lone Starr: Then you get angry?
Vinnie: No, then my doctor gets angry. Because he's already told me a thousand times my cholesterol is too high. And when my doctor gets angry, that's when I get angry. I don't like disappointing him. So just pay me a million starbucks.
01x12 - Druidian Idol Season 1 / Episode 12: - Druidian Idol

Princess Vespa: [on phone] Hi, this is Princess Vespa, I'd like to place an order for item 94563? Yes, the matching space jets. Eh, but forget the his, give me to hers instead.
01x12 - Druidian Idol Season 1 / Episode 12: - Druidian Idol

Dot Matrix: [judging Druidian Idol] You know, you've got a very unique voice. You should be in silent films.
Lone Starr: Eh, I think my ears bleeding.
President Skroob: What misguided being told you had any singing ability whatsoever?
Contestant: My zebra, sir.
President Skroob: You're zebra's an asshole.
01x12 - Druidian Idol Season 1 / Episode 12: - Druidian Idol

Lone Starr: Scroob!
President Skroob: Yes, when only first rate villainy will do.
01x12 - Druidian Idol Season 1 / Episode 12: - Druidian Idol

Lone Starr: [on cellphone] Yogurt, I need your help.
Yogurt: Right now? I'm in the middle of something.
Bingo leader: N-42...
Lone Starr: But where in the middle of the end of planet Druidia.
Yogurt: Well, the middle of the end, that's better than the end of the end.
01x11 - Deep Ship Season 1 / Episode 11: - Deep Ship

Princess Vespa: What is it about long, hard, tubular things that I find so fascinating?
Dot Matrix: Talk about your Freudian ship.
01x11 - Deep Ship Season 1 / Episode 11: - Deep Ship

Major Bleephole: We have been sucked into the galaxy of bad gas. [everyone screams as the boat rocks to and fro]
President Skroob: [addressing the camera] Lucky for you this isn't smell-o-vision
01x11 - Deep Ship Season 1 / Episode 11: - Deep Ship

Dark Helmet: Your ass is our hero.
01x11 - Deep Ship Season 1 / Episode 11: - Deep Ship

Dark Helmet: How long can a Mawg hold it's breath?
Lone Starr: As long as the suspence builds.
01x11 - Deep Ship Season 1 / Episode 11: - Deep Ship

Princess Vespa: What a great job.
Lone Starr: Oh, I'd love to hear you say that in another context.
Princess Vespa: Don't stop!
Lone Starr: That too.
01x10 - The Skroobinator Season 1 / Episode 10: - The Skroobinator

President Skroob: It's good to be the President.
01x10 - The Skroobinator Season 1 / Episode 10: - The Skroobinator

Yogurt: Oi, this Pizza stinks. Yente, where did you order it from?
Yente: From Pizza the Hutt.
Yogurt: Oh, tastes like cardboard.
Yente: That's because you're eating the cardboard. The Pizza's on top.
01x10 - The Skroobinator Season 1 / Episode 10: - The Skroobinator

Yogurt: I was right, I was right. There's something wrong. How do you know?
Yente: How do you know?
Yogurt: Are you deaf? Don't you hear that ominous music?
Yente: Ach, we hear that same verkackte music every week.
01x10 - The Skroobinator Season 1 / Episode 10: - The Skroobinator

Lone Starr: Now what the hell are we watching?
Yogurt: We're watching the scene in Spaceballs the Animated TV Series where we're looking at ourselves playing Spaceballs the Video Game.
01x10 - The Skroobinator Season 1 / Episode 10: - The Skroobinator

Dark Helmet: I can see your Schwarz is as firm as ever. But it's no match for mine.
01x09 - Fishfinger Season 1 / Episode 9: - Fishfinger

Lone Starr: [Lone Starr's wristwatch is beeping] Uh oh, it's Vespa. She needs me right away.
Yogurt: Oh, she needs him right away, sure. Sure, let's, let's put saving the galaxy's food supply on hold because you've got a needy girlfriend.
Lone Starr: She's not needy. [his watch beeps again] Oh, I'm sorry, I really gotta go.
Barf: Yeah yeah, I really gotta go too, but you know, behind a bush.
01x09 - Fishfinger Season 1 / Episode 9: - Fishfinger

Lone Starr: This smell is worse than Barfs puke after he ate a bad bowl of bodualistic boulia base in a boat in a bay by the beach which he bought from a bad boy named Bobby.
Dot Matrix: Is he the big brother of Sally who sells seashells by the sea shore?
01x09 - Fishfinger Season 1 / Episode 9: - Fishfinger

Agent Double O Sven: You expect me to talk?
Fishfinger: No, I expect you to fry.
Agent Double O Sven: Eh, don't you mean die?
Fishfinger: And that, too.
Badjob: But first we need to butter you up.
01x09 - Fishfinger Season 1 / Episode 9: - Fishfinger

Fishfinger: Heh. Heh. Soon you'll be filler in my fish fingers. You're cheaper than cardboard.
Agent Double O Sven: But why use me as filler when you can use me as bait?
Fishfinger: What do you mean, chum?
Agent Double O Sven: Well, I could lure all of Yogurt's agents here. You know, Double O Gunther and eh... Double O everyone else.
01x09 - Fishfinger Season 1 / Episode 9: - Fishfinger

Commanderette Zircon: My name on this operation is Pussy Forsure.
Lone Starr: [stiffles a laugh] I must be dreaming.
01x08 - Spaceballs of the Caribbean Season 1 / Episode 8: - Spaceballs of the Caribbean

Dark Helmet: Not so fast, Lone Starr and... and gypsy girl?
Barf: Not gypsy, pirate!
Dark Helmet: Oh? What's your name, Pirate girl?
Barf: Black Barf.
Dark Helmet: Sound like what happened after I ate too much lickorice.
01x08 - Spaceballs of the Caribbean Season 1 / Episode 8: - Spaceballs of the Caribbean

Dark Helmet: Why are you dressed like that?
President Skroob: Well, it's a matter of budget. It seems we can only afford one costume per episode
01x08 - Spaceballs of the Caribbean Season 1 / Episode 8: - Spaceballs of the Caribbean

Princess Vespa: Listen, Lone Starr, when I loaned you the money to pay me back the money that you owed me, I expected to be paid.
Lone Starr: You'll get your money, and your money.
01x08 - Spaceballs of the Caribbean Season 1 / Episode 8: - Spaceballs of the Caribbean

Princess Vespa: This is terrible!
Lone Starr: I know, without my Schwarz...
Princess Vespa: No, I mean Barf's hogging all my eyeliner.
Barf: Frankly it looks better on me, sweetie.
Princess Vespa: [sighs] Bitch.
01x08 - Spaceballs of the Caribbean Season 1 / Episode 8: - Spaceballs of the Caribbean

President Skroob: The immaterial has become... immaterial.
Marlene: What does that mean, Scroobie?
President Skroob: Well, it simply means that the non-material stuff has coalesced into the star vapor of...
Marlene: I believe it means the supernatural has become irrelivant, thus playing on two meanings of the word immaterial.
President Skroob: You know some men get turned on by brainy talk. I don't. So shut up.