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 | Season 9 / Episode 5: - The Losing Edge Randy Marsh: [takes off shirt] What do you wanna do, huh? What do you wanna do? |
| Season 9 / Episode 5: - The Losing Edge Randy Marsh: [getting put in a car by the cops after fighting at Stan's Baseball Game] I thought this was America! |
 | Season 9 / Episode 4: - Best Friends Forever Stan: [shouts] Don't kill Kenny! Crowd: [shouts] You bastards! Stan: [shouts] Don't kill Kenny! Crowd: [shouts] You bastards! Uriel: [drifting through the crowd] No! No, they're not killing him, they're letting him die! Skeeter: [shouts] You bureaucrats have no right to play God and take that tube out! Gabriel: [explaining] No, no, you see, they were playing God when they put the feeding tube *in*! |
| Season 9 / Episode 4: - Best Friends Forever George W. Bush: We Republicans are deeply saddened by the tragic events in Colorado. Kevin the Hooded Figure: [whispers] Removing the feeding tube is murder. *hiss* George W. Bush: Removing the feeding tube is murder! Kevin the Hooded Figure: [whispers] Who are we to decide if Kenny should live or die? *hiss* George W. Bush: Who are we to decide if Kenny should live or die? Kevin the Hooded Figure: [whispers] It is God's will that he live. *hiss* George W. Bush: It is God's will that he live! George W. Bush: Hughughughughughughug... Kevin the Hooded Figure: [whispers] No, no, you don't say that part! *hiss* George W. Bush: [mimics] No, no, you don't say that part, hughughughughug. |
| Season 9 / Episode 4: - Best Friends Forever Stan: [surprised] Kenny? Kyle: [jubilant] Kenny! You're alive! Stan: Dude, how'd you do that? Doctor: He can't respond to you, boys. Being dead for that long caused a severe damage to his brain. Cartman: Well... well, then he's not alive. Mrs. McCormick: He's alive. He smiles when I talk to him, I think... Cartman: That's not Kenny! Kenny sniffs paint and sets things on fire! Here, look. Cartman: Kenny, Kenny, look. Want a dollar? Mr. McCormick: I don't know if it's right to keep Kenny alive on that machine. I just... I don't know what he would want. Stan: Yeah, the lawyer lost that page. Cartman: Oh, I just remembered! Kenny told me this one time, that he wouldn't wanna be kept alive by a feeding tube. Mrs. McCormick: He did? When? Cartman: [figuring out] Um, it was, um, this one time... Kyle: He did not say that! You just want him dead so you can have his stupid PSP! Cartman: Stupid? PSP is stupid? Did you all hear that?... Uh, I mean... I mean, this isn't about the PSP, Kyle! This is about my friend and his wishes! And Kenny said he didn't want to live like this! Kyle: He did not! Cartman: Did so! Kyle: Did not! Cartman: [shouts] Fine! We'll see about this, you freakin' Jew! I'm gonna get that feeding tube removed if I have to go all the way to the Supreme Court! |
| Season 9 / Episode 4: - Best Friends Forever Kenny: [muffled] Yes! Kenny: [muffled] Woohoo! I did it! I reached level s... Driver: [playing his PSP] Oh yeah, level 4, sweet! |
| Season 9 / Episode 4: - Best Friends Forever Kyle: [shouts] We all want the country to see that Kenny is alive, and in pain! Cartman: [shouts] I believe the people at home see he's not in pain because he's a tomato! Kyle: [shouts] You say tomato, but I say Kenny! Cartman: [shouts] You say Kenny, but I say tomato! Cartman's Side: [shouts] Tomato! Kyle's Side: [shouts] Kenny! Kenny! Cartman's Side: [shouts] Tomato! |
 | Season 9 / Episode 2: - Die Hippie, Die Eric Cartman: [as he sees the attic hippies] See that. hippies. These are what we call the ,uh, giggling stoners. Pretty common form of hippies, usually found in attics. |
| Season 9 / Episode 2: - Die Hippie, Die Eric Cartman: [to the hippies he has locked up in his basement] Here, here's some joints and a guitar. |
| Season 9 / Episode 2: - Die Hippie, Die Eric Cartman: In my professional opinion, we're looking at a full-blown hippie jamfest the size of which we've never seen. |
| Season 9 / Episode 2: - Die Hippie, Die Eric Cartman: Goddamn hippies! |
| Season 9 / Episode 2: - Die Hippie, Die Eric Cartman: Hello, ma'am. I'm working to clean up the neighborhood from parasites. Do you mind if I take a quick look around your house? I'm afraid you may have hippies. Elderly Woman: Hippies? Eric Cartman: Yeah, they've been poppin' up all over the neighborhood lately. Ms. Nelson next door had seven hippies in her basement; they usually live in colonies. Hm, I don't like the sound of that. Could I take a look in your attic? |
| Season 9 / Episode 2: - Die Hippie, Die Mr. Mackey: Uh, hi, Eric, how's it going? Eric Cartman: [sarcastically] Great. I love crapping in a toilet with no rim on it. |
| Season 9 / Episode 2: - Die Hippie, Die Eric Cartman: I need a complete team to operate this vehicle. Along with me I'm gonna need a scientist, an engineer, and, of course, a black person who can sacrifice himself in case something goes wrong. |
 | Season 9 / Episode 1: - Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina Mr. Garrison: [to Mr. Slave as he decides to walk out after Mr. Garrison got a sex change operation] Go ahead and find someone who doesn't have a vagina you fag. |
| Season 9 / Episode 1: - Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina Mr. Garrison: [following his sex change] Look at all these wonderful tampons! |
| Season 9 / Episode 1: - Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina Mrs. Garrison: Hello boys! It's me - your teacher, Mrs. Garrison! Cartman: [to Stan, Kyle and Kenny] You guys - Mr. Garrison has titties. Mrs. Garrison: I had a sex-change operation. My penis is now a vagina, and I'm experiencing womanhood for the first time in my life! [walking away] See you in class! |
| Season 9 / Episode 1: - Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina Mr. Garrison: Hey, I'm pregnant everybody! Now I can go down to the clinic and have an abortion! |
| Season 9 / Episode 1: - Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina Mr. Garrison: [now Mrs. Garrison] I'm pregnant! Woo hoo, now I can have an abortion! |
 | Season 8 / Episode 14: - Woodland Critter Christmas Woodland critters: [singing] What special time, what special place! / It's Woodland Critter Christmas! Squirrely the Squirrel: Hail, Satan! |
| Season 8 / Episode 14: - Woodland Critter Christmas Narrator: And they all lived happily ever after. Narrator: Except for Kyle who died of aids two weeks later. Kyle Broflovski: Goddamnit Cartman! |
 | Season 8 / Episode 12: - Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset Mr. Stoch: Ok son, if you can raise $250 million we won't sell you to Paris Hilton. |
| Season 8 / Episode 12: - Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset Butters: [walking, looking depressed] I'm a bad bear, I'm a bad old bear. Mr. Stoch: You're a grounded old bear. |
| Season 8 / Episode 12: - Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset Paris Hilton: Oh, I want to take Mr. Biggles with me. Mrs. Stotch: With you where? Paris Hilton: To live with me forever and ever you dumb broad! How much? Mrs. Stotch: How much? For Butters? Mr. Stoch: Butters is our son. He's not for sale. Paris Hilton: I'll give you 200 million dollars for it. Mr. Stoch: [spits out his coffee] Excuse me? Paris Hilton: I SAID I'll give you 200 million dollars for it! |
| Season 8 / Episode 12: - Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset Red haired girl: You don't want to go to this party Wendy. We're inviting all the boys and we're going to play spin the bottle, and two minutes in the closet, and do ketamine! Wendy Testaburger: That's okay. Blonde girl: Oh, please! Do you even know what ketamine is? Wendy Testaburger: Yes. Blonde girl: See, you are too smart! Red haired girl: Yeah, we have no idea what ketamine is! |
 | Season 8 / Episode 11: - Quest for Ratings Stan Marsh: You guys, we watched Craig show all night long. Token Williams: Yeah, it was great. Stan Marsh: Yeah, but don't you see? We didn't think it was great before. I think I understand now. I think I know why Craig show gets such great ratings: half the school is high on cough medicines. |
| Season 8 / Episode 11: - Quest for Ratings Jimmy Valmer: [the boys suggest making news up to improve their show's ratings] Fellas, are you sure all of this is e-ethical? Eric Cartman: We're in forth grade Timmy. We don't even know what ethical means. |
| Season 8 / Episode 11: - Quest for Ratings Butters: About 30 minutes ago I thought I saw Sigourney Weaver, but it turned out to be a dead horse. |
 | Season 8 / Episode 9: - Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes Chef: Spread the word to other towns. |
| Season 8 / Episode 9: - Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes Stan Marsh: Jesus Christ... Dad? Randy Marsh: Stan? Stan Marsh: Stan: Dad, oh my God! Randy Marsh: Staaaan! Stan Marsh: What, Dad, are you dying? Randy Marsh: No, I'm just really really tired. I was shopping at Wall-Mart all night. |
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