South Park Quotes

South Park

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Season 13 / Episode 3: - Margaritaville Bank Clerk: How can I help you, young man? Stan Marsh: I got a hundred-dollar check from my grandma and my dad said I need to put it in the bank so it can grow over the years. Bank Clerk: Well that's fantastic. A really smart decision, young man. We can put that check in a money market mutual fund, then we'll re-invest the earnings into foreign currency accounts with compounding interest aaaand it's gone. Stan Marsh: Uh... what? Bank Clerk: It's gone, it's all gone. Stan Marsh: What's all gone? Bank Clerk: The money in your account. It didn't do too well, it's gone. Stan Marsh: What do you mean? I-I have a hundred dollars! Bank Clerk: Not any more, you don't. [Gestures] Poof! Stan Marsh: Well what can I do to get back my... Bank Clerk: [Interrupts] I'm sorry, sir, but this line is for bank members only. Stan Marsh: I just opened an account! Bank Clerk: Do you have any money invested with this bank? Stan Marsh: No, you just lost it all! Bank Clerk: Then please stand aside for people who actually have money with us. Next please! Stan Marsh: [Getting pushed out of the way] Hey! Bank Clerk: Hello Mrs. Farnickel. How are you, today? Making a deposit, are we? Greeeat. We can just put that into your retirement account and make it go to work for you aaaaand it's gone. Mrs. Farnickel: Whaaat? Bank Clerk: Sorry, yeah, it's gone. Please step aside for people who actually have money with the bank. Next please! Stan Marsh: Dad! Randy Marsh: Hey, I'm trying to teach my son the importance of savings. You already lost his money? Bank Clerk: Oh, Mr. Marsh! D-d-don't worry. We can just transfer money from your account into a portfolio with your savings... AAAAAND IT'S GONE! This line's for people who have money with the bank, only, please step aside!
	Season 13 / Episode 3: - Margaritaville Newsreader: An economic crisis has hit South Park and the nation like never before. Another South Park bank has closed down, leaving thousands of people in debt. Mr Garrison: It's just crazy, you know? Everyone's affected by it. It's like all the money just vanished. Stephen Stotch: It's really terrifying. We-we've got no money to pay our mortgage now. We could very easily lose our house! Butters: Hi grandma! Redneck #1: First the money started going, and now everyone's getting laid off work! They took our jobs! Redneck #2: They took our jobs! Redneck #3: D' took'r jeeeeerbs! Redneck #4: Took'r durbs! Redneck #5: Took'r dur'b! Newsreader: Just how far will the economy fail? We asked economic reporter, Dan Banks, for his assessment. Newsreader: [pause] We'll have the rest of Dan's interview tonight at ten.
	Season 13 / Episode 3: - Margaritaville Sharon Marsh: All right, everyone, eat up. Randy Marsh: Aw, Jesus Christ! Sliced hot dogs and tomato slices? Sharon Marsh: You said we had to be careful with our money! I've got nothing for our food budget! Stan Marsh: Mom, dad? How come there's suddenly no money? Randy Marsh: I'll tell you what happened, son. See, there's a bunch of idiots out there who weren't happy with what they had. They wanted a bigger house and materialistic things that they didn't even need. People with no money, who got loans to buy frivolous things they had no business buying... Randy Marsh: ...and these assholes just blindly started buying any stupid thing that looked appealing 'cause they thought money was endless... Randy Marsh: ...even less money coming in. And the idiots couldn't see that by doing all this frivolous spending, they were mocking the economy! And they made the economy very angry. We're all feeling the economy's vengeance because of materialistic heathens who did stupid things with their money. Do you understand, son? Randy Marsh: Yeah, I think I get it.
	Season 13 / Episode 1: - The Ring Jimmy Vulmer: Kenny deserves to know, fellas. If you guys found out my girlfriend was a raging whore, I'd want you to tell me.
	Season 13 / Episode 1: - The Ring Eric Cartman: Kenny, you're gonna let a girl put her mouth on your wiener? Do you know how disgusting that is? Girls' mouths are full of germs!
	Season 13 / Episode 1: - The Ring Butters: A ring that says you'd be together but not have sex. Isn't that called a wedding ring?
	Season 13 / Episode 1: - The Ring Jonas Brothers Song: I've got a ring on my finger to remind me what I cannot do / Can't just do whatever I feel like, I've got to stay righteous and true / I can't hang out with my buddies and get into trouble / 'Cuz now we're both wearing these rings for each other / But who needs sex and drugs and partying when we can cook a meal and sit around and watch Netflix / Baby / I've got a ring on my finger to remind me that I must behave / No need to chase after girls, that's a promise I can never break / I've made a commitment and it is forever / So we can spend every waking minute together / And if we get bored it won't be a problem / 'Cuz we can just hang out with other couples who have these rings / Bay-bay.
	Season 13 / Episode 1: - The Ring Jonas Brothers Song: Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna take my time / Can't wait 'til you are mine, but it might be a while / Yeah, yeah, girl we can take it slow, so we have room to grow / And in time, we can do it all / Until then, go back to Montreal / 'Cuz I still love you, baby / Love you, baby / Bay-bay.
	Season 13 / Episode 1: - The Ring Joe Jonas: Look, we just want our concerts to be about our music and not about purity rings. Mickey Mouse: Oh gosh, fellas, let me explain this to you one more time. You have to wear the purity rings because that's how we can sell sex to little girls, haha! See, if we make the posters with little girls reaching for your junk, then you have to wear purity rings or else the Disney Company looks bad, haha!
	Season 13 / Episode 1: - The Ring TV Host: That's great, boys. You like taking the Jonas Brothers' hot foam in your faces, girls?
	Season 13 / Episode 1: - The Ring Eric Cartman: Your girlfriend is a slut, dude. Kenny McCormick: [pause] Woohoo! [he runs off jumping for joy] Eric Cartman: He took it pretty well.
	Season 13 / Episode 1: - The Ring Eric Cartman: I told him. The woman's mouth is the most germ-ridden place, I said. Statistically the most unsafe place for a man to put his penis, I said. Kyle Broflovski: Well, now we know. Eric Cartman: And knowing's half the battle.
	Season 13 / Episode 1: - The Ring Mickey Mouse: You think God is in control here? I'm in control. I've been in control since the '50s, in case you haven't noticed! [points to the Jonas Brothers] You three faggots are going on stage, [points to the South Park boys] and you three faggots aren't going to stop me! I have worked too long and too hard for anybody to fuck this up!
	Season 12 / Episode 13: - Elementary School Musical Kyle Broflovski: What happened, Cartman? I thought you were going to kill yourself. Eric Cartman: I tried. I went to sleep in my mom's car in the garage with the engine running. Kyle Broflovski: And you didn't die? Eric Cartman: [sighes] Freaking hybrids, man... they just don't do the trick anymore.
	Season 12 / Episode 10: - Pandemic (1) Craig: Was there ever a moment, when you had the genius idea of becoming a Peruvian flute band, that you thought, "Hey, ya know, this might backfire."?... No. That never occurs to you guys, 'cause you guys are jerks, and you never learn from your mistakes, and that's why everyone at school thinks you guys are assholes. Kyle: That's not true! People at school like us! Don't they? Stan: Yeah, Craig's just being a dick because we're going through a tough time right now. Craig: I'm being a dick? Stan: Yes! Craig: You guys took my birthday money, got me arrested and sent to Miami with no way home except to take down the country of Peru, and I'm being a dick? Cartman: There's no talking to this guy!
	Season 12 / Episode 9: - Breast Cancer Show Ever Butters: Fuck him up, Wendy!
	Season 12 / Episode 9: - Breast Cancer Show Ever Wendy: [after she beats up Cartman] I'm finished.
	Season 12 / Episode 9: - Breast Cancer Show Ever Butters: Eric, what's going on? Everyone's saying you got detention on purpouse to get out of fighting Wendy Eric Cartman: What? That's ridiculous! Butters: But some people think you crapped on the teacher's desk to get out of the fight! Eric Cartman: That's not why I did it! Craig: Then why'd you crap on Garrison's desk? Eric Cartman: Because, I'm hardcore! Y'know, I'm edgy establishment, that's how I roll dogs, I do hardcore stuff like that! Butters: That's what I said! I told everyone outside "Cartman ain't scared of fighting Wendy, he'd do it if he could!" Eric Cartman: Damn straight! I just got all punk rock, and got detention y'know, just a bad dude! Craig: OK, that's good, because we've moved the fight the first thing in the morning tommorow! Jimmy: Before school starts, everyone's gonna get there early! Eric Cartman: Huh? Butters: That way, it won't matter if you get detention Mr Mackey: [in the background] Eric, get your buns back here, mkay! Jimmy: Wendy said she'd be here an hour before school starts, see you in the morning, ch-ch-champ! Wendy Testaburger: [Cartman goes back to the chair he sat on, and finds Wendy knocking on the window] Tomorrow morning, you fucking die tomorrow morning!
	Season 12 / Episode 9: - Breast Cancer Show Ever Butters: [in lunch] Geez, I can't believe Wendy's fighting you after school. Token Black: She is pissed off. Eric Cartman: [confident] She is not gonna show up to a fight, dawg; I'm sure she's already trying to figure out a way to get out of it. Clyde Donovan: Hey, check it out; she's totally staring you down. [Wendy, who looks angry, is staring unblinking at Cartman] She sure seems confident. You should probably go easy on her, dude; you don't wanna put her in the hospital or anything. Eric Cartman: [getting less confident] Yeah, I'm just gonna teach her a lesson; I'm not gonna totally... kick her ass... [Wendy makes a fist with her right hand and punches her open left hand. Cartman starts to get extremely worried] Jimmy: Can't go too easy on her, though; God forbid she gets in a g-good punch and b-beats you. Butters: Yeah; if you got beat up by a girl, everyone would think you were a faggot. [Cartman's confidence plummets and he panics, as all he sees is Wendy's face]
	Season 12 / Episode 7: - Super Fun Time Eric Cartman: Butters, you gotta learn to chill. Life goes by pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while - and do whatever you want all the time - you can miss it.
	Season 12 / Episode 6: - Over Logging Sharon Marsh: Randy, off the internet. Randy Marsh: [in childish voice] No! Come on, leave me alone! Sharon Marsh: No, mister. It's time for night-night. Randy Marsh: But Sharon, I got stuff to do! I got to see my credit rating, I got to send an e-mail to Nelson, check out Foley's vacation photos. Sharon Marsh: You don't have to do all that now. You can do one more thing and then its bedtime. Randy Marsh: One more thing? [clicks on a porn site and starts masturbating]
	Season 12 / Episode 5: - Eek, A Penis! Butters: That might be the teacher's penis. Mr. Stotch: How do you know what your teacher's penis looks like?
	Season 12 / Episode 4: - Canada on Strike Kyle Broflovski (Stone, Matt (I)): You know, I learned something today. [quickly] We thought we could make money on the Internet. But while the Internet is new and exciting for creative people, it hasn't matured as a distribution mechanism to the extent that one should trade real and immediate opportunities for income for the promise of future online revenue. It will be a few years before digital distribution of media on the Internet can be monetized to an extent that necessitates content producers to forgo their fair value in more traditional media. Stan Marsh (Parker, Trey (I)): [pause] Yeah.
	Season 12 / Episode 4: - Canada on Strike Tay Zonday: Prepare for some Chocolate Pain, bitch.
	Season 12 / Episode 4: - Canada on Strike Tay Zonday: Shut your fucking mouth, laughing baby!
	Season 12 / Episode 4: - Canada on Strike Ghyslain Raza: Who crowned you the top internet star? Tay Zonday: I did - when I became bigger than all you bitches.
	Season 12 / Episode 4: - Canada on Strike Chris Crocker: Leave TRON guy alone! Leave him alone!
	Season 12 / Episode 4: - Canada on Strike Stephen Abootman: [on the video] When you think of Canada, what's the first thing that comes to mind? Eric Cartman: Gayness! [every student in the bleachers laughs] Stephen Abootman: [on the video] That's right - spirit. What is it that makes Canada so important? Clyde: Nothing! [everyone laughs]
	Season 12 / Episode 4: - Canada on Strike Tay Zonday: [when Butters sits down next to him] Chocolate Rain.
	Season 12 / Episode 4: - Canada on Strike Tay Zonday: [loading a gun] Y'all wanna motherfuckin' die?

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