Stan Marsh

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Trey Parker
Trey was born in Conifer, Colorado, on October 19, 1969 to 'Randy Parker (I)' (qv) ,a geologist, and ...

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Stan Marsh Quotes

	Season 13 / Episode 3: - Margaritaville Bank Clerk: How can I help you, young man? Stan Marsh: I got a hundred-dollar check from my grandma and my dad said I need to put it in the bank so it can grow over the years. Bank Clerk: Well that's fantastic. A really smart decision, young man. We can put that check in a money market mutual fund, then we'll re-invest the earnings into foreign currency accounts with compounding interest aaaand it's gone. Stan Marsh: Uh... what? Bank Clerk: It's gone, it's all gone. Stan Marsh: What's all gone? Bank Clerk: The money in your account. It didn't do too well, it's gone. Stan Marsh: What do you mean? I-I have a hundred dollars! Bank Clerk: Not any more, you don't. [Gestures] Poof! Stan Marsh: Well what can I do to get back my... Bank Clerk: [Interrupts] I'm sorry, sir, but this line is for bank members only. Stan Marsh: I just opened an account! Bank Clerk: Do you have any money invested with this bank? Stan Marsh: No, you just lost it all! Bank Clerk: Then please stand aside for people who actually have money with us. Next please! Stan Marsh: [Getting pushed out of the way] Hey! Bank Clerk: Hello Mrs. Farnickel. How are you, today? Making a deposit, are we? Greeeat. We can just put that into your retirement account and make it go to work for you aaaaand it's gone. Mrs. Farnickel: Whaaat? Bank Clerk: Sorry, yeah, it's gone. Please step aside for people who actually have money with the bank. Next please! Stan Marsh: Dad! Randy Marsh: Hey, I'm trying to teach my son the importance of savings. You already lost his money? Bank Clerk: Oh, Mr. Marsh! D-d-don't worry. We can just transfer money from your account into a portfolio with your savings... AAAAAND IT'S GONE! This line's for people who have money with the bank, only, please step aside!
	Season 13 / Episode 3: - Margaritaville Sharon Marsh: All right, everyone, eat up. Randy Marsh: Aw, Jesus Christ! Sliced hot dogs and tomato slices? Sharon Marsh: You said we had to be careful with our money! I've got nothing for our food budget! Stan Marsh: Mom, dad? How come there's suddenly no money? Randy Marsh: I'll tell you what happened, son. See, there's a bunch of idiots out there who weren't happy with what they had. They wanted a bigger house and materialistic things that they didn't even need. People with no money, who got loans to buy frivolous things they had no business buying... Randy Marsh: ...and these assholes just blindly started buying any stupid thing that looked appealing 'cause they thought money was endless... Randy Marsh: ...even less money coming in. And the idiots couldn't see that by doing all this frivolous spending, they were mocking the economy! And they made the economy very angry. We're all feeling the economy's vengeance because of materialistic heathens who did stupid things with their money. Do you understand, son? Randy Marsh: Yeah, I think I get it.
	Season 12 / Episode 3: - Major Boobage Stan Marsh: You guys! Check it out! It's Kenny. Stan Marsh: Isn't that great? He's just getting high on life. Kyle Broflovski: Yeah. Kyle Broflovski: He's getting... really high on life. Eric Cartman: Dude, he's getting super-wasted on life! Kyle Broflovski: Kenny! Stan Marsh: What the hell kind of flowers are those? Kyle Broflovski: Kenny! Kenny!
	Season 11 / Episode 1: - With Apologies to Jesse Jackson Stan Marsh: [about what his dad said on Wheel of Fortune] Dude, its okay. My dad apologized to Jesse Jackson and he accepted it. Token: Jesse Jackson is not the Emperor of black people!
	Season 11 / Episode 1: - With Apologies to Jesse Jackson Stan Marsh: Listen, Token, my dad isn't a racist, he's just stupid, alright? He just blurted out the N-word and it's no big deal, okay? Token: Uh, well, actually it is kind of a big deal Stan. Eric Cartman: Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh... Token: It may be a mistake, but you don't know how it feels when that word comes out. So don't say it isn't a big deal. Eric Cartman: Oh shit, here we go! It's on! Race War! Race War! Race War! Race wars on everybody! It's going down! Shit is going down! Stan Marsh: Token, my dad wasn't trying to be offensive, just forget about it. Token: That's easy for you to say Stan. Eric Cartman: Yeah, come on, here we go. Stan Marsh: Yeah, but he didn't say it anger or anything like that. Token: That doesn't mean I can just be fine. Eric Cartman: Race war, come on! Race war! Token: If you really think it's not a big deal, then you really are ignorant. That's all. I'm not fighting anybody. [Token walks away] Eric Cartman: Token forfeits. Whites win! Whites win! Race war's over everybody! Whites won again!
	Season 10 / Episode 8: - Make Love, Not Warcraft Eric Cartman: [shouting at Stan, Kyle, and Kenny playing basketball] What the hell are you guys doing? Don't tell me you all quit playing World of Warcraft, too? Stan Marsh: Dude, we're done! We're sick of getting killed all the time! Eric Cartman: Guys! When things look bad you can't just give up on the World... of Warcraft... Kyle: We don't have a choice, dude. That guy killed our characters 14 times. Eric Cartman: I have a solution, you guys. That guy can kill us so easily because he's a super-highlevel, right? But if we were super-highlevel, too...? Stan Marsh: We can't get to a higher level because that dude doesn't let us finish quests! Eric Cartman: That's why we need to just log in and stay in the forest, killing boars... Kyle: [looking at Cartman in disbelief] Boars...? Eric Cartman: There's lots of computer-generated boars in Warcraft that die with just one blow... Kyle: [trying to convice Cartman to give it up] Dude! Boars are only worth two experience points a piece. Do you know how many we would have to kill to get up 30 levels? Eric Cartman: [pulls out a piece of paper] Yes. 65,340,285, which should take us 7 weeks, 5 days, 13 hours and 20 minutes, giving ourselves 3 hours a night to sleep. What do you say, guys? You can jus... you can just hang outside in the sun all day tossing a ball around. Or you can sit at your computer and do something that matters...
	Season 10 / Episode 8: - Make Love, Not Warcraft Randy Marsh: Stan! Stan! Stan Marsh: Hang on guys, my dad wants something. Randy Marsh: Stan! Stan Marsh: What? Stan Marsh: You've been on your computer all weekend. Shouldn't you go out and socialize with your friends? Stan Marsh: I am socializing r-tard! I'm logged on to an MMORPG, with people from all over the world and getting XP with my party using teamspeak. Randy Marsh: [hurt] I'm not an r-tard.
	Season 10 / Episode 7: - Tsst Eric Cartman: [gloomy] Hey guys, I've got some pretty big news. [sighs] I ran away from home. Eric Cartman: Yeah, my Mom just doesn't care for me anymore, so I moved out. She didn't even try to stop me. It's gonna be tough living on my own. But I'll get by, somehow. Stan Marsh: [without looking up from the Monopoly board] You can't stay here. Eric Cartman: [angrily] Maybe you didn't hear me! I ran away! I don't have anywhere to sleep, I'm out on the streets! Kyle Broflovski: [also not looking up] You're not staying at my house either. Eric Cartman: All right, that's fine! Butters, I'll crash with you. Leopold 'Butters' Stotch: No, my parents won't let me bring homeless people home anymore. Eric Cartman: [angrily] Well, what do you guys expect me to do? Stay at Kenny's house? His family is totally poor, I'm not staying with poor people! [silence] All right, I'll stay with Kenny, let's go, man. Kenny McCormick: [muffled and not looking up either] Fuck you. Eric Cartman: Ha! Well, I guess now we see just how supportive friends can be! When the chips are down, you won't even lend a hand! I'll just go sleep on the streets somewhere, in the cold, probably get mugged and gang-raped by some minorities! You guys will be sorry when I turn up dead! [leaves] Leopold 'Butters' Stotch: [moves his pawn] Whoopee! J & R Railroad!
	Season 10 / Episode 6: - ManBearPig Stan Marsh: [to Al Gore] Stay away from us, asshole! I was nice to you because I felt sorry for you, because you don't have any friends! But now I see WHY you don't have any friends! You just used ManBearPig as a way to get attention for yourself because you're a LOSER! Al Gore: [undaunted] Yeah right. The man who singlehandedly killed ManBearPig is a loser.
	Season 8 / Episode 11: - Quest for Ratings Stan Marsh: You guys, we watched Craig show all night long. Token Williams: Yeah, it was great. Stan Marsh: Yeah, but don't you see? We didn't think it was great before. I think I understand now. I think I know why Craig show gets such great ratings: half the school is high on cough medicines.
	Season 8 / Episode 9: - Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes Stan Marsh: Jesus Christ... Dad? Randy Marsh: Stan? Stan Marsh: Stan: Dad, oh my God! Randy Marsh: Staaaan! Stan Marsh: What, Dad, are you dying? Randy Marsh: No, I'm just really really tired. I was shopping at Wall-Mart all night.
	Season 8 / Episode 9: - Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes Stan Marsh: Three tickets to Bentonville, Arkansas, please. Eric Cartman: Hey, guys, wait up. I wanna go with you and help out. Kyle Broflovski: No way. You want to come with us so you can betray us at some point and keep us from destroying Wall-Mart. Eric Cartman: Nu-uh. Kyle Broflovski: Yu-hah! you want to come with us so that later I can go "Hah hah, I was working for Wall-Mart all along" or something. Eric Cartman: I am not, Kyle! Stan Marsh: Dude, just let him come, the bus is about to leave. Kyle Broflovski: Alright, fine. Come on, fat-ass. Eric Cartman: Ha ha, you fools have no idea that I will never let you hurt the Wall-Mart. Kyle Broflovski: [running back] I heard that! Eric Cartman: Heard what? Kyle Broflovski: You said that we have no idea that you are never going to let us hurt the Wall-Mart. Eric Cartman: That's not what I said! Stan Marsh: Dude, come on! Eric Cartman: He's working for the Wall-Mart to stop us from succeeding! Stan Marsh: Dude, we have to go. Kyle Broflovski: God damn it. Stan Marsh: Well, hurry up if you're coming, Cartman! Eric Cartman: [offscreen] Heh heh, you stupid fools have no idea that I'm actually working for the Wall-Mart to stop you from succeeding!
	Season 8 / Episode 9: - Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes Stan Marsh: Goddamn, that took a long time. Kyle Broflovski: It would have been faster if Cartman hadn't slashed the tires! Eric Cartman: I did not. I wanna close Wall-Mart just as much as you guys do!
	Season 8 / Episode 4: - You Got F**ked in the Ass Stan Marsh: Hey kid, you're pretty good. How would you like to join our dance troupe? Yao: You mean, dancing without a machine telling you what to do? Stan Marsh: Yeah. Yao: That's stupid. [He waves Stan off, who keeps up] Stan Marsh: Dude, we need you. Yao: I can't dance without the machine.
	Season 8 / Episode 4: - You Got F**ked in the Ass Stan Marsh: Your mom said you're the best dancer in the county. Leopold 'Butters' Stotch: Did she also tell you my dancing got eight people killed?
	Season 8 / Episode 4: - You Got F**ked in the Ass Stan Marsh: Your mom says you were one of the best dancers in the country. Leopold 'Butters' Stotch: Did she also tell you my dancing got eight people killed?
	Season 7 / Episode 13: - Butt Out Stan Marsh: Well, I guess we learned our lesson. Kyle Broflovski: No we didn't, dude! No we didn't!
	Season 7 / Episode 11: - Casa Bonita Stan Marsh: Dude it's Kyle's Birthday. We should do whatever he wants to do. Cartman: What? Fuck Kyle!
	Season 7 / Episode 7: - Red Man's Greed Alex Glick: Well, I guess we all learned that South Park is more than just a town. It's a community that nobody can split up. Stan Marsh: Dude, who the hell are you? Alex Glick: Alex. Alex Glick. I got to come on and do the guest voice thingy. Kyle Broflovski: What? Get the hell out of here! Alex Glick: Hi Mom! Hi Dad! Hi Joe!
	Season 7 / Episode 7: - Red Man's Greed Randy Marsh: It's important to never quit when you're on a winning streak. Stan Marsh: Winning streak? You won one game!
	Season 6 / Episode 13: - The Return of the Fellowship of the Ring to the Two Towers Randy Marsh: Alright, now listen kids. There's some things that we need to put into context for you. You see, a man puts his penis into a woman's vagina for both love and pleasure. But sometimes the woman lays on top of the man facing the other way so that they can put each other's genitals in their mouths. This is called 69ing, and it's normal. Sharon Marsh: You see boys, a woman is sensitive in her vagina and it feels good to have a man's penis inside of it. Sheila Broflovski: That's right. But sometimes a woman chooses to use other things. Telephones, staplers, magazines. It's because the nerve endings in the vagina are so sensitive, it's like a fun tickle. Gerald Broflovski: Now, on the double penetration boys, you see, sometimes when a woman has sex with more than one man, each man makes love to a different orifice. Randy Marsh: That's right. It's something adults can do with really good friends in a comfortable setting. Sheila Broflovski: It's also important that you understand why some people choose to urinate on each other. Randy Marsh: Going number one or number two on your lover is something people might do, but you must make sure your partner is okay with it before you start doing it. Gerald Broflovski: Okay boys, do you have any questions? Stan Marsh: [astonished] Wow.
	Season 6 / Episode 12: - A Ladder to Heaven Eric Cartman: Alright, look. I didn't want to have to say this, but I think maybe we're not seeing Heaven because one of us doesn't believe in it enough. Kyle Broflovski: Huh? Eric Cartman: Heaven could be like the Pixie-Faries of Bubble-Yum Forest: you only see them if you really believe in them. Stan Marsh: What? Eric Cartman: You know, maybe we're not seeing Heaven because one of us is a J-O-O...? Kyle Broflovski: [Beat] What does me being a Jew have to do with anything? Eric Cartman: Because Jews don't believe in Heaven! Kyle Broflovski: Yes, we do! Just not the Christian Heaven. Eric Cartman: Right; your idea of Heaven is getting five dollars off your matzoh ball soup at Barney's Beanery by lying about a hair in it. Kyle Broflovski: YAAAAAAH! [Punches Cartman]
	Season 6 / Episode 12: - A Ladder to Heaven Stan Marsh: [angry, having found out that Cartman drank Kenny's remains] Well, so much for our winning ticket! Cartman probably drank that with the rest of Kenny!
	Season 6 / Episode 12: - A Ladder to Heaven Carol McCormick: You see, boys, Kenny's in here. [pours out a bit, but the remains are white] Huh? [pours a bit onto her hand] Wait a minute; this is kitty litter! Eric Cartman: All right. All right. I drank the chocolate milk mix and replaced it with kitty litter. Stuart McCormick: [shocked] You what? Stan Marsh: [shocked] Dude! Don't you know what this means? You drank Kenny! Eric Cartman: Shut up! Kyle Broflovski: [shocked] You did, dude; you drank his whole body! Eric Cartman: Shut up! Carol McCormick: [almost crying] Oh my god, this is awful... and disgusting!
	Season 5 / Episode 7: - Proper Condom Use Leopold 'Butters' Stotch: [removing a condom from its wrapper] Why, it's just a little donut! [fumbles with it] Oh, it's all gooey! Eric Cartman: Just put it on, Butters! Leopold 'Butters' Stotch: H-How come I gotta go first? Eric Cartman: Butters, will you stop... filibustering! Leopold 'Butters' Stotch: Oh, a-all right, then. [turns around, drops pants, and starts fumbling with the condom] Aw, it's sticky. Kyle Broflovski: [reading from the condom box] It says you gotta check it for holes or tears. Leopold 'Butters' Stotch: I don't even understand how this thing...! Oh, wait, oh, I see. Stan Marsh: Don't look at Butters' shlong, gaymo! Eric Cartman: I wasn't looking at his shlong, I was seeing how to put the condom on! Kyle Broflovski: [sarcastically] Sure! Leopold 'Butters' Stotch: But it won't stay on. I-I need a rubber band or something. Tweek: I-I've got rubber bands! [hands them to Butters] Leopold 'Butters' Stotch: [fumbles with the rubber bands] Ow! Eh, ow! Okay, eh... ow! There! Okay, I think it's on! Stan Marsh: How do you feel? Leopold 'Butters' Stotch: [pause] Pretty good! Eric Cartman: Do you feel protected? Leopold 'Butters' Stotch: Yeah, I don't think nothing is getting to my wiener through this thing. It's even got a little reservoir at the end so you can pee in it. Stan Marsh: All right, here everybody, Tweek, give everyone a rubber band. Hey, somebody's gotta help Timmy put his condom on. Timmy: Timmah!
	Season 5 / Episode 6: - Cartmanland Kyle Broflovski: What the hell are you doing, fatass? Eric Cartman: Not much, just taking my one million dollars out of the bank. [holds up a stack of banknotes] Stan Marsh: [short silence] Oh my God. Eric Cartman: Kenny wasn't lying! Eric Cartman: Would you mind stepping aside, I got a purchase to make. Stan Marsh: Dude, can you loan me twenty buks for a new jacket? Eric Cartman: Ha! If you need money you can get a job, Stan! No freeloaders are gonna take my hard-earned cash! Kyle Broflovski: Your grandmother left it to you, you didn't earn it! Eric Cartman: Didn't earn it? What about all the years I spent making grandma like me? All the wet, spit-filled kisses I put up with! The constant smell of aspirin and pee! Don't tell me I didn't earn it, you son of a bitch!
	Season 5 / Episode 6: - Cartmanland Stan Marsh: Dude, you okay? Kyle Broflovski: Oh, I'm swell, Stan. I popped my hemorrhoid trying to climb the fence into Cartmanland and it got infected. I really need to go to the bathroom, but if I do, it will pop again and the pain will make me pass out. How are you?
	Season 5 / Episode 5: - Terrance and Phillip: Behind the Blow Eric Cartman: Look, if you don't ome and do the show, I'll make you eat your parents. Phillip: Yeh, whatever kid. Stan Marsh: He'll do it dude.
	Season 5 / Episode 3: - Super Best Friends Kyle Broflovski: Thanks for saving me. Stan. You're my Super Best Friend. Stan Marsh: You're my Super Best Friend too, Kyle. Eric Cartman: Oh, that's so sweet, you guys! You wanna go get a room so you can make out for a while? Heheheh.
	Season 5 / Episode 1: - It Hits the Fan Ms. Choksondik: Alright children, in lew of the common usage, I'm supposed to clarify the school's position on the word "shit". Stan Marsh: Wow! We can say shit in the school now? Kyle: This is ridiculous. Just because they say it on TV, it's alright? Ms. Choksondik: Yes, but only in the figurative noun form or the adjective form? Eric Cartman: Huh? Ms. Choksondik: You can only use it in the nonliteral sense. For instance, [writes on the board] "That's a shitty picture of me" is now fine. However, the literal noun form of [writes on the board] "This is a picture of shit" is still naughty.

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