Sledge Hammer! Quotes

Sledge Hammer!

- Episode Quotes

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Sledge Hammer! Quotes

	Season 2 / Episode 6: - Vertical Dori: Hammer, I got great news! Sledge Hammer: What, you can finally buy guns from vending machines?
	Season 1 / Episode 20: - Comrade Hammer Sledge Hammer: I'm not afraid of anything - except world peace!
	Season 1 / Episode 16: - The Color of Hammer Dori Doreau: [Sledge Hammer turns on the TV] What's so important? Sledge Hammer: Liam Johnson is being interviewed. We should have more judges like him. Captain Trunk: We did. In the Spanish Inquisition. That man is completely over the edge. Dori Doreau: Didn't he put a man on the Death Row and leave him there until he died of old age? Sledge Hammer: And nobody mentions his sense of humour.
	Season 1 / Episode 15: - Haven't Gun, Will Travel Sledge Hammer: No! No! Nada! No! No shrinks for daddy! I want no part of this freak! Captain Trunk: Hammer, what is the matter with you? What are you afraid of? Haven't you ever been analyzed? Sledge Hammer: Not by anybody who lived! Captain Trunk: Hammer, this could help you! It could explain your use of excessive force! Sledge Hammer: Excessive force! What excessive force? Captain Trunk: What excessive force??? What about that time you broke up that floating casino with a torpedo? Sledge Hammer: Ahhhh! You shoulda seen that. Everywhere you looked, fish & chips!
	Season 1 / Episode 15: - Haven't Gun, Will Travel Weisbart: You don't like psychiatrists, do you, Hammer? Sledge Hammer: The last guy to point a finger at me ended up LIMPING through the Yellow Pages. Weisbart: Hammer, we must start out by trusting one another. Sledge Hammer: Trust you? You sound like a Nazi. Weisbart: Well, thank you very much, but enough about me. Why don't you just make yourself comfortable? Uh, perhaps you want to take off your gun? Sledge Hammer: I never take off my gun. Weisbart: Now, surely you must take it off sometime. I mean, you wouldn't sleep with your gun. Sledge Hammer: Says who?
	Season 1 / Episode 15: - Haven't Gun, Will Travel Weisbart: I will show you these ink-blots & you tell me what you see. Sledge Hammer: a .44 magnum blowing away a sleezeball [next] A machine gun wasting an oil refinery [next] A field of pussy-willows [next] a sub-machine gun blowing away the pussy willows [next] a duck handcuffing a naked lady. Weisbart: That's funny [looking at ink-blot] I never noticed the duck!
	Season 1 / Episode 15: - Haven't Gun, Will Travel Bartender: [referring to Doreau] Hey buddy, you look a lot better since you got her back. Sledge Hammer: [referring to gun] Yeah [pulling gun] and now I'm gonna take her out & shoot her!
	Season 1 / Episode 14: - State of Sledge Inspector Perkins: We're going to talk to that suspect you've just arrested! I want to see if he wants to file a formal complaint against you. Inspector Perkins: Mr. Slag, I want to know if Inspector Hammer has mistreated you in any way. Inspector Perkins: What are these? Are these shackles really necessary? Sledge Hammer: I'm just trying to make his stay in Hotel Hammer a little more uncomfortable. Inspector Perkins: Remove these shackles. Sledge Hammer: You don't want me to remove them. Inspector Perkins: Inspector Hammer! Inspector Perkins: There. Does that feel better, Slag? Sledge Hammer: Just, uh, tell me if you want me to help you. You know, just say, "help me, Hammer" and I'll... Inspector Perkins: [manages to croak] Help. Sledge Hammer: All right, heel, ratboy.
	Season 1 / Episode 14: - State of Sledge Sledge Hammer: Who are you? Cultist: I'm a soldier of the evil! Sledge Hammer: Finally, someone I can talk to! At least I know where he's coming from.
	Season 1 / Episode 14: - State of Sledge Sledge Hammer: While you were all playing around on the roof, I made a little run to the arsenal. And now - it's HAMMER TIME!
	Season 1 / Episode 14: - State of Sledge Captain Trunk: Hammer, this is Inspector Perkins from Internal Affairs! Sledge Hammer: A cop who busts cops, huh? Inspector Perkins: Does he work here? Dori Doreau: This is Inspector Sledge Hammer. Inspector Perkins: I don't recall seeing that name. Who is this man you're so clearly abusing? Slag: The name is Slag. Sledge Hammer: Slag. This rodent is the leader of a bloodthirsty cult of Satan worshippers. And so far, I like him better than I like you.
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - Magnum Farce Collins: I'm not into the ERA, I'm into the NRA!
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - Magnum Farce Vigilante Cop: What do you think about reading a suspect his rights? Sledge Hammer: I prefer to read him his last rites, if you know what I mean... Vigilante: What do you think about the death penalty? Sledge Hammer: It's too lenient. There's always the possibility of reincarnation.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - All Shook Up Captain Trunk: How's the investigation going? Any leads? Sledge Hammer: No, but after a few more victims get killed, we'll have more to go on.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - All Shook Up Captain Trunk: I feel a migraine coming on here, I know it... Sledge Hammer: Now, Captain, I think I have found a way of getting rid of those headaches, once and for all. Captain Trunk: What is that? Sledge Hammer: [whips out GIANT needles] Acupuncture! Captain Trunk: Get away from me. Sledge Hammer: I'm good with these. Captain Trunk: I said, get away from me. Get away from me with the needles, Hammer! GET AWAY FROM ME WITH THOSE NEEDLES!
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - All Shook Up Captain Trunk: Fifteen Elvis Presley impersonators killed in the last three weeks. Dori: What on Earth could be the killer's motive to murder 15 Elvis impersonators? Sledge Hammer: Obviously to get into the Guinness Book.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - All Shook Up Sledge Hammer: You know, of all my years of being a cop, I will never figure out how people time and time again can do something like this. Dori: It's true. Taking out a human life is just deplorable. Sledge Hammer: Not that. The drawings of chalk outlines of dead bodies, that's just a ridiculous way of living!
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - All Shook Up Captain Trunk: How's this investigation going? Any leads? Sledge Hammer: No, but after a few more victims get killed, we'll have more to go on.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - All Shook Up Yamamoto: You're not supposed to be in here! This is the student records room. Private! I'm calling police. Sledge Hammer: Hold on, friend. I am the police. Sledge Hammer: Inspector Sledge Hammer. I'm on an investigation. Yamamoto: Investigation? Sledge Hammer: So maybe you can help me. Can you think of any past students who might have... I don't know... acted, sort of... strangely? Yamamoto: Yes, all of them! Sledge Hammer: Can you think of one who might have resorted to... murder? Yamamoto: I'm not answering any more questions. Yamamoto: Leave! Right now! I want to get off in time to watch "Mr. Belvedere." Sledge Hammer: I guess somebody has to.
	Season 1 / Episode 2: - Hammer Gets Nailed bystanders: [standing outside clock shop while Hammer defuses a bomb] Go! Hammer, Go! Go! Hammer, Go! Officers: [watching TV at precinct] Go! Hammer, Go! Go! Hammer, Go! Captain Trunk: [watching TV in office] Go! Bomb, Go!
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Under the Gun (Pilot) Sledge Hammer: Doreau, that was excessively violent and completely unnecessary. I loved it. It was poetry in motion.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Under the Gun (Pilot) Sledge Hammer: You hear that? I'm off suspension. Looks like they can't keep a good man down. Or me, either.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Under the Gun (Pilot) Mayor Jack Flambo: That man makes Rambo look like Pee-Wee Herman.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Under the Gun (Pilot) Reporter: We're here at the scene of a liquor store robbery that was thwarted by the man beside me, Inspector Sledge Hammer. Inspector Hammer, tell us what happened. Sledge Hammer: Well, Miss, I was in this store when two thugs entered and threatened the owner with shotguns. At that time, I drew my Magnum and killed them both. Then I bought some eggs, and some milk, and some of those little cocktail weinies. Reporter: Inspector Hammer, was what you did in that store absolutely necessary? Sledge Hammer: Oh, yes, I had no groceries at all.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Under the Gun (Pilot) Captain Trunk: You couldn't resist it, could you, Hammer? You just couldn't resist blowing up a building on your way to work this morning, could you Hammer? Sledge Hammer: Look. The only way to fight criminals is to be, you know, wilder than they are!
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Under the Gun (Pilot) Dori: Could we kill the lights, please? Captain Trunk: Keep that gun in your holster, Hammer!
	Unknown Episode: Sledge Hammer: Trust me - I know what I'm doing!
	Unknown Episode: Dori: Captain!... Trust me!... I didn't know what I was doing!
	Unknown Episode: Sledge Hammer: That's what I like about you Doreau, you think like a man.
	Unknown Episode: Suzi Swallow: Inspector Hammer, do you have a prediction? Sledge Hammer: Yes. The first brain-transplant will be performed & YOU will be the reciprient.

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