Captain Trunk

Sledge Hammer!

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Harrison Page

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Captain Trunk Quotes

	Season 1 / Episode 16: - The Color of Hammer Dori Doreau: [Sledge Hammer turns on the TV] What's so important? Sledge Hammer: Liam Johnson is being interviewed. We should have more judges like him. Captain Trunk: We did. In the Spanish Inquisition. That man is completely over the edge. Dori Doreau: Didn't he put a man on the Death Row and leave him there until he died of old age? Sledge Hammer: And nobody mentions his sense of humour.
	Season 1 / Episode 15: - Haven't Gun, Will Travel Sledge Hammer: No! No! Nada! No! No shrinks for daddy! I want no part of this freak! Captain Trunk: Hammer, what is the matter with you? What are you afraid of? Haven't you ever been analyzed? Sledge Hammer: Not by anybody who lived! Captain Trunk: Hammer, this could help you! It could explain your use of excessive force! Sledge Hammer: Excessive force! What excessive force? Captain Trunk: What excessive force??? What about that time you broke up that floating casino with a torpedo? Sledge Hammer: Ahhhh! You shoulda seen that. Everywhere you looked, fish & chips!
	Season 1 / Episode 14: - State of Sledge Captain Trunk: Hammer, this is Inspector Perkins from Internal Affairs! Sledge Hammer: A cop who busts cops, huh? Inspector Perkins: Does he work here? Dori Doreau: This is Inspector Sledge Hammer. Inspector Perkins: I don't recall seeing that name. Who is this man you're so clearly abusing? Slag: The name is Slag. Sledge Hammer: Slag. This rodent is the leader of a bloodthirsty cult of Satan worshippers. And so far, I like him better than I like you.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - All Shook Up Captain Trunk: How's the investigation going? Any leads? Sledge Hammer: No, but after a few more victims get killed, we'll have more to go on.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - All Shook Up Captain Trunk: I feel a migraine coming on here, I know it... Sledge Hammer: Now, Captain, I think I have found a way of getting rid of those headaches, once and for all. Captain Trunk: What is that? Sledge Hammer: [whips out GIANT needles] Acupuncture! Captain Trunk: Get away from me. Sledge Hammer: I'm good with these. Captain Trunk: I said, get away from me. Get away from me with the needles, Hammer! GET AWAY FROM ME WITH THOSE NEEDLES!
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - All Shook Up Captain Trunk: Fifteen Elvis Presley impersonators killed in the last three weeks. Dori: What on Earth could be the killer's motive to murder 15 Elvis impersonators? Sledge Hammer: Obviously to get into the Guinness Book.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - All Shook Up Captain Trunk: How's this investigation going? Any leads? Sledge Hammer: No, but after a few more victims get killed, we'll have more to go on.
	Season 1 / Episode 2: - Hammer Gets Nailed bystanders: [standing outside clock shop while Hammer defuses a bomb] Go! Hammer, Go! Go! Hammer, Go! Officers: [watching TV at precinct] Go! Hammer, Go! Go! Hammer, Go! Captain Trunk: [watching TV in office] Go! Bomb, Go!
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Under the Gun (Pilot) Captain Trunk: You couldn't resist it, could you, Hammer? You just couldn't resist blowing up a building on your way to work this morning, could you Hammer? Sledge Hammer: Look. The only way to fight criminals is to be, you know, wilder than they are!
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Under the Gun (Pilot) Dori: Could we kill the lights, please? Captain Trunk: Keep that gun in your holster, Hammer!
	Unknown Episode: Captain Trunk: [to terrorist] Alright! Your show's been cancelled! Sledge Hammer: You talking to me?
	Unknown Episode: Dori: Sorry to interrupt you, Captain. Sledge Hammer: Just wanted to cheer you up. Captain Trunk: That's impossible. This is the worst day of my life. Sledge Hammer: Now you see right there, you're wrong. You've said many times that the worst day of your life was the day I joined the force. Sledge Hammer: Now you feel better? Captain Trunk: Yes.
	Unknown Episode: Dori: Well, it looks like justice was done. Sledge Hammer: It sure was. Those were the ugliest shoes I've ever seen. Captain Trunk: Hammer, what happened? Didn't they try to brainwash you? Sledge Hammer: That's right, captain, they did. They tried to play on my subconscious. But they forgot one important thing. Captain Trunk: What's that? Sledge Hammer: I don't have a subconscious.
	Unknown Episode: Captain Trunk: Hammer, I'm amazed that you were able to hold out against their brainwashing. Sledge Hammer: Well, it was easy, sir. I simply thought about one thing. Captain Trunk: What was that? Sledge Hammer: Well, who's always close to my side? Someone I'm afraid I've been neglecting lately. Someone for whom I've never been able to express my true feelings. Sledge Hammer: Someone who's beautiful. Sleek. Attractive. I think it's obvious who I'm talking about, sir. Dori: Oh, Sledge, stop! Sledge Hammer: [Pulls out gun] My gun. Captain Trunk: Hammer, you are a truly sensitive guy. Sledge Hammer: I never thought you'd know that.
	Unknown Episode: Captain Trunk: I hate to say it, but it's good to have you on the force. Sledge Hammer: Thank you, Captain. Captain Trunk: And if there's ever anything I can do for you, please tell me. Sledge Hammer: Oh, no. Sledge Hammer: Well, there is one... no, it's... well, I mean, I've always wanted to do it, but it takes two people. Captain Trunk: This does not involve a gun, does it? Sledge Hammer: [laughing] No, no! [Cut to Later: Hammer raises a kiddie's bow-and-arrow set, while Captain Trunk places an apple on his head]
	Unknown Episode: Captain Trunk: Hammer, I got a problem. Do you know a reporter named Phil Gum from Action News? Sledge Hammer: I don't watch the news. I make it. Captain Trunk: He wants to ride along with one of us... for one day. Sledge Hammer: So what's the problem? Captain Trunk: He chose you! Sledge Hammer: Why me? Captain Trunk: Because, Hammer, on paper, you have a perfect arrest record. You have put over a thousand men behind bars. God knows if any of them are guilty of anything! Sledge Hammer: They look guilty to me. Captain Trunk: Hammer, you don't seem to understand the point of my dilemma. I've been fighting with city hall for over two months now. They're talking about making cutbacks! The mayor is threatening this entire department! Do you understand what I'm saying? Sledge Hammer: You want me to kill the mayor? Captain Trunk: No! I'm saying this report will help us or hurt us. It could be good PR or bad PR. I'm ordering you to act responsibly! Sledge Hammer: Don't worry captain. Me and my one-man band will give them a little wholesome family entertainment! Captain Trunk: Hammer, put that gun away. Captain Trunk: NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
	Unknown Episode: Officers: [watching Hammer defuse a bomb] Go, Sledge Go! Go, Sledge Go! Captain Trunk: Go, Bomb Go! Go, Bomb Go!
	Unknown Episode: Sledge Hammer: [Hammer answers phone at bank robbery standoff] Second National Bank; hostage speaking. Captain Trunk: Hammer, this is Trunk. Have they hurt anyone? Sledge Hammer: No. Captain Trunk: Have you hurt anyone? Sledge Hammer: Not yet.
	Unknown Episode: Captain Trunk: Hammer, you're the only man I know who can't even win gracefully.
	Unknown Episode: Captain Trunk: [Trunk watches Hammer attach something to the barrel of his gun] Is that a silencer? Sledge Hammer: No, it's not a silencer. This little doodad is my own invention. I call it a loudener.

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