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 | Season 6 / Episode 8: - Liv Maude Malone: Are you my sister's boyfriend? Alex Henley: Umm... No. Maude Malone: Then why are you naked? Alex Henley: ...Okay, I'll just say the next time somebody tries to give you this excuse you absolutely must not believe them, but I'm gay and it doesn't matter that I'm naked. Maude Malone: It matters to me. Alex Henley: And I'm sorry about that. In fact, I'm just gonna go. Maude Malone: You're quite buff. Alex Henley: ...Yup. Really going now. Cheers. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 8: - Naomi Cook: I'm a fucking waste of space. I'm just a stupid kid. I got no sense. Criminal. I'm no fucking use man. I'm nothing. So please. please... Get it into your... you know... Into your bonce. That you killed my friend... I'm Cook. I'm COOOOOOOK! |
| Season 4 / Episode 8: - Naomi JJ: So, who will start? Naomi: I will. [looks at Emily] I've loved you since the first time I saw you. I think I was twelve. It took me three years to pluck up the courage to speak to you. And I was so scared about the way I felt, you know, loving a girl, So I learned how to become a sarcastic bitch to kind of feel normal. I screwed guys to make it go away, but it didn't work. When we got together it scared the shit out of me. Because you were the one person who could ruin my life. I pushed you away. I made you think things were your fault. But really I was just terrified of pain. I screwed that girl, Sophia, to kind of spite you for having that hold on me, and I'm a total fucking coward because I got these [reaches in bag and pulls out two papers] , these tickets to Goa for us three months ago, But I, I couldn't stand... I didn't want to be a slave to the way I feel about you, can you understand? You were trying to punish me back and it's horrible. It's so horrible, because really... I'd die for you. I love you. I love you so much, and it's killing me [crying and looking at Emily] Emily: [looking at Naomi and crying then walks over to Naomi and kisses her] |
 | Season 4 / Episode 4: - Katie James Fitch: I hate KFC Katie: What? James Fitch: Elliott Evans' parents got divorced, and his dad spent every night in KFC. Then he met this woman, and she had a huge problem, so he tried to help her, and her friend got really angry, and he ended up with only one kneecap. And now, his mom's doing pornos, and his dad's a junkie, and he never sees them, except on the internet, and then he has to pay for it, I mean, how unfair is that? |
 | Season 4 / Episode 2: - Episode 2 Naomi: [Naomi answers front door to find Emily holding multiple bags] What's all this? Emily: I'm moving in. Naomi: Where? Emily: Here. Naomi: Uh... Pffffttt... Isn't that the sort of thing people usually discuss? Emily: [sigh]... I need to, OK? Naomi: OK. Emily: OK? Naomi: OK. Although, in many ways it's sort of a violation. But, fuck it. It's OK. Emily: Really? Naomi: Really. It'll be great. You can be my pajamas. [Kiss] You need to do something about your mustache. [cut to Latino music and the girls in fake mustaches and ponchos] |
 | Season 4 / Episode 1: - Season 4, Episode 1 Andrea: Those are all people who can't really sing, wear too little clothes, and get married far too young. And what do we call those people? Fumi Tomone: Americans. |
| Season 4 / Episode 1: - Season 4, Episode 1 Fumi Tomone: Obi Wan Kenobi is like God but with cooler weapons. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 9: - Katie & Emily Emily: [crying] What do you do, if someone you love let's you down? When he fucks you over? Thomas: You must try stop loving them. |
| Season 3 / Episode 9: - Katie & Emily Katie: [fighting over Emily] She's my sister, you're just a slut! Naomi: Oh, It takes one to know one, doesn't it? Katie: Oh, go fuck yourself! Naomi: You just needed to blab about JJ. You just loved doing it, didn't you, Katie? Katie: She deserved it! Emily: What did I deserve, Katie? |
| Season 3 / Episode 9: - Katie & Emily Emily: Katie, I can't stand this. I'm a person, I'm not you. Katie: I know. Emily: You have to understand Katie, I love you and I'll never really leave you, but I can't fix this. I like girls, no I like a girl. No, I love her, okay? Emily: I love her. |
| Season 3 / Episode 9: - Katie & Emily Naomi: [walking out of the school after Prom, holding hands with Emily] Some party. Emily: Yeah. Naomi: Eventful. Naomi: I love you, too. Emily: I know. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 8: - Effy Freddie: [loudly, about Katie] So what, she pulled your hair, so you smashed her head open? Effy Stonem: It was an accident! I was tripping, she choked me, I couldn't breathe. Freddie: I can't see any bruises! I can't see nine fucking stitches! |
 | Season 3 / Episode 7: - JJ Emily: I want to have sex with girls. Jonah Jeremiah Jones: Right Emily: Yes, I like girls, I like their rosy lips, their hard nipples, bums, soft eyes... I like tits and fanny, you know. There, I said it and now... Emily: Bloody fucking hell. |
| Season 3 / Episode 7: - JJ JJ: Just care OK. Cook: About what? JJ: About me! About me you twat! |
| Season 3 / Episode 7: - JJ Cook: They all come to the Cookie Monster in the end |
| Season 3 / Episode 7: - JJ Effy Stonem: Thanks for loving me. JJ: No problem. |
| Season 3 / Episode 7: - JJ JJ: I love you. Effy Stonem: Everybody loves me. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 6: - Naomi Emily: [waking up by the lake, seeing Naomi leaving after they had sex the night before] Twice? You're gonna do this to me twice? Naomi, no! You fucking stop right now! Naomi: What? Emily: Don't you dare leave me in your bed, again! Naomi: I've got to go. Emily: I know you, Naomi! I know you're lonely. I think you need someone to want you... Well, I do want you. So, be brave and want me back. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 5: - Freddie Jim Stonem: Don't you dare use cunt and Oxfam in the same sentence. |
| Season 3 / Episode 5: - Freddie Naomi: Hamlet's basically a teenage boy. Naomi: He's got these desires, but he doesn't have the bottle to reach out for them. Naomi: So he goes mad and wanks off about Ophelia and ends up so boring that somebody has to kill him. Josie: I'm not sure that's right. Josie: There's no wanking in Hamlet. Naomi: Mmm. Naomi: Yeah. Naomi: There is. Naomi: Loads. Naomi: Only they call it soliloquising. |
| Season 3 / Episode 5: - Freddie Cook: Well, blow bubbles up my bollocks and call me Shirley. |
| Season 3 / Episode 5: - Freddie Freddie: We'd be good together don't you think? Effy Stonem: No. Freddie: Why not? Effy Stonem: Because I'll break your heart. Freddie: Maybe I'll break yours. Effy Stonem: Nobody breaks my heart. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 4: - Pandora Pandora: [phone rings] Morning, mum... yeah, thanks. Super-duper great night at the youth centre. I made soup, we prayed and recycled socks. Soup - for the homeless. They love soup. Um, cream of mushroom... Okey-dokey. Effy says howdy doody. See you later, alligator. Jim Stonem: Did you just...? That was a pack of lies. Pandora: Oh, you can't tell my mum the truth. She'd only do agony flip and go ra-ra. Jim Stonem: Is she speaking English? Effy Stonem: She means the truth hurts, Dad. it's for her own good. Jim Stonem: Oh... |
| Season 3 / Episode 4: - Pandora Angela: Effy!We meet at last. Effy Stonem: Yes. Angela: Pandora has told me so much about you. Pandora: Yeah, you know, Eff - your missionary work. Effy Stonem: Yes, I try and do as much of that as I can. Angela: That's good. There's so many bad things in the world. Boys and drugs, guns, alcohol. Boys. Evil things. I'm glad Pandora's found a channel she can pour her energy into. Effy Stonem: Well, yes, all the seamen like her. Angela: Seamen? Effy Stonem: Oh, yes. Loads of seamen. Some of them are homeless as well. We'd all love to see Pandora get her own missionary position. Angela: Right... |
| Season 3 / Episode 4: - Pandora Effy Stonem: Pandora, why are we friends? Do you ever wonder? Pandora: Well, that's super easy. You're my pal because you're the coolest ever, and I'm yours because I'll totally do anything you say and none of your boyfriends ever want to surf me cos I'm useless. Effy Stonem: That's it? Pandora: Yeah. |
| Season 3 / Episode 4: - Pandora Effy Stonem: Pandora, why are we friends? Do you ever wonder? Pandora Moon: Well, that's super easy. You're my pal because you're the coolest ever, and I'm yours because I'll totally do anything you say and none of your boyfriends ever want to surf me cos I'm useless. Effy Stonem: That's it? |
 | Season 3 / Episode 3: - Thomas Thomas: Cunt is a very bad word. Very bad. Even in England, I think. Yes? |
| Season 3 / Episode 3: - Thomas Emily: Thanks for keeping schtum. Naomi: I don't care what your sister thinks. Emily: Yea, well, I do. So thanks anyways. Emily: I didn't take MDMA that night. I just, wanted to kiss you... I want to kiss you now. Emily: You're gay? Naomi: No... No, I Just... Sorry. Naomi: Yeah, me too. Emily: Shit. Shit! Thomas: [walks over] Which one are you? Emily: Gay... I mean, Emily. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 2: - Cook James Cook: I fucking love you, man. I fucking love you to bits. |
| Season 3 / Episode 2: - Cook Cook: It's got potential this day. It's pregnant |
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