Seinfeld Quotes

Seinfeld

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Season 9 / Episode 24: - The Finale (2) Jackie Chiles: [about Sidra's breasts] Oh, and by the way, they're real and they're spectacular!
	Season 9 / Episode 24: - The Finale (2) Elaine Benes: [notices Puddy leaving] Puddy! Don't wait for me! David Puddy: [looking indifferent] All right.
	Season 9 / Episode 23: - The Finale (1) Cosmo Kramer: [after Jerry tells Kramer he's moving to California] You're moving to California? Jerry: Yeah! Cosmo Kramer: But Jerry, what happens if the show's a hit? You could be out there for years. You might never come back! Jerry: No, I'll be back. Cosmo Kramer: Jerry, it's L.A., nobody leaves. She's a suductress, she's a siren, she's a virgin, she's a whore.
	Season 9 / Episode 20: - The Puerto Rican Day Man: [yells] Hey! There's a guy burning the Puerto Rican flag! Bob: [yells] Who? Who is burning the flag? Cosmo Kramer: Oh, no. Bob: [yells] Him?! Cedric: That's not very nice. Cosmo Kramer: It was an accident. Bob: Do you know what day this is? Because I know what day this is, they know what day this is, so I was wondering [yells] if you know what day this is! Cedric: Because it's Puerto Rican Day!
	Season 9 / Episode 19: - The Maid Cindy: [in reference to slacking off on her duties] Well, I made the bed. Jerry Seinfeld: Yes, but after you took a nap in it!
	Season 9 / Episode 19: - The Maid George Costanza: Jerry, I've been thinking. I've gone as far as I can with "George Costanza". Jerry Seinfeld: Is this the suicide talk or the nickname talk?
	Season 9 / Episode 19: - The Maid Jerry: Hello? Operator: You hve a collect call from... Cosmo Kramer: Hey buddy,don't say no! Jerry: Accept.
	Season 9 / Episode 19: - The Maid Jerry: Well,where are you? Cosmo Kramer: I'm at the corner of first, and first. Wait a minute. How can the same street intersect with itself? I must be at the center of the universe!
	Season 9 / Episode 19: - The Maid Elaine Benes: [Taking about Jerry's relationship with his maid] Have you gone out? Jerry Seinfeld: Yes! We have! Elaine Benes: Where? Jerry Seinfeld: To the store. Elaine Benes: What, to get cleaning supplies? Jerry Seinfeld: A-and gum! Elaine Benes: Oh, that's nice. Nothing's more satisfying than diddlin' the maid and cheing some gum.
	Season 9 / Episode 19: - The Maid Jerry Seinfeld: [phone rings] Hello? Operator: [Elaine points to door, and Jerry shoos her off] You have a collect call from... Cosmo Kramer: Hey buddy, don't say no! Jerry Seinfeld: [sighs] Accept.
	Season 9 / Episode 19: - The Maid Jerry Seinfeld: [Talking about Kramer being lost] What's around you? Cosmo Kramer: I'm looking at Ray's pizza. You know where that is? Jerry Seinfeld: [Looks surprised] Is it Famous Ray's? Cosmo Kramer: [Looks] No, it's just original. Jerry Seinfeld: [Looks even more suprised] Famous ORIGINAL Ray's? Cosmo Kramer: It's just original, Jerry!
	Season 9 / Episode 19: - The Maid Jerry Seinfeld: Well, what street are you on? Cosmo Kramer: I'm on the corner of first, and first. ait a minute. How can the same street intersect with itself? i must be at the nexus of the universe!
	Season 9 / Episode 18: - The Frogger Slippery Pete: Well, I need a battery for this kind of a job. Can I at least steal a battery? George Costanza: Fine. Steal the battery. Now, all right, here is the Frogger. This is the front door, and this is the outlet. Slippery Pete: What's that? George Costanza: The outlet? Slippery Pete: Mm-hmm. George Costanza: That's where the electricity comes out. Slippery Pete: Oh, you mean the holes.
	Season 9 / Episode 18: - The Frogger George Costanza: Kramer, listen to me. I'm never gonna have a child. If I lose this Frogger high score, that's it for me.
	Season 9 / Episode 18: - The Frogger Shlomo: He looks like a frog. Slippery Pete: So do you.
	Season 9 / Episode 18: - The Frogger George Costanza: What are you guys doing? Shlomo: Eat the fly! Eat the fly! Got him! George Costanza: You idiots! You're gonna wear down the battery. Slippery Pete: The batteries are fine. We've got... oh, God. Only 3 minutes left. George Costanza: Quick! Get this thing back in the pizzeria! Cosmo Kramer: George, they closed up. George Costanza: I need an outlet! Slippery Pete: A what? George Costanza: Holes! I need holes! Cosmo Kramer: The pharmacy is still open. George Costanza: All right. Kramer, you block off traffic. You two, go sweep-talk the pharmacist. Slippery Pete: You owe me a quarter. George Costanza: Slippery Pete. Kramer, hurry up! Cosmo Kramer: [as he unwinds the police tape, only one lane long] Ahh! I'm out! No tape left! Jerry Seinfeld: Come on, George, I'll help you push it across. George Costanza: Wait a minute. This looks familiar. This reminds me of something. I can do this. Jerry Seinfeld: By yourself? George Costanza: Jerry, I've been preparing for this moment my entire life.
	Season 9 / Episode 18: - The Frogger Jerry Seinfeld: I remember that night. George Costanza: Oh, I was unstoppable. Perfect combination of Mountain Dew and mozzarella. Just a right amount of grease on the joystick.
	Season 9 / Episode 18: - The Frogger Cosmo Kramer: Yeah, I'll take care of that later.
	Season 9 / Episode 16: - The Burning Elaine: Here's one. I borrowed Puddy's car and all the presets on his radio were Christian rock stations. George Costanza: I like Christian rock. It's very positive. It's not like those real musicians who think they're so cool and hip. Elaine: So you think Puddy actually believes in something? Jerry: It's a used car, he probably never changed the presets. Elaine: Yes, he is lazy. Jerry: Plus, he probably doesn't know how to program the buttons. Elaine: Yes, he is dumb. Jerry: So you prefer dumb and lazy to religious? Elaine: Dumb and lazy, I understand.
	Season 9 / Episode 16: - The Burning Jerry: Sophie, it's me! I know about the tractor story! And I'm fine with it! Sophie: How could you know? Jerry: Shhh! Shhh! But I'm not going to let something like this ruin what could be a meaningful relationship. Mickey Abbott: [Kramer and Mickey enter] You gave me gonorrhea and you didn't even tell me! Cosmo Kramer: I gave you gonorrhea because I thought you'd have fun with it! Mickey Abbott: Well, you should have told me! Jerry: I'm with somebody! Sophie: No, I understand! This can be a difficult thing to deal with! But the important thing is that you have a partner who's supportive. Cosmo Kramer: You know, she's right. Sophie: But of course, I didn't have a partner. I got gonorrhea from a tractor. Jerry: You got gonorrhea from a tractor? And you call that the tractor story? Sophie: Yeah, my boyfriend said I got it because I was riding the tractor in my bathing suit. Jerry: [stunned] All right, that's it for me. You've been great. Good night everybody! [leaves]
	Season 9 / Episode 16: - The Burning Elaine: Well, I'm going to hell. Jerry: That sounds about right. Hey, did you hear the one about the guy in hell with the coffee and the donuts? Elaine: Jerry, I'm not in the mood. George Costanza: [to the waitress] I'll have some coffee and a donut.
	Season 9 / Episode 16: - The Burning Cosmo Kramer: Well, I've got gonorrhea. Elaine: That sounds about right.
	Season 9 / Episode 16: - The Burning George Costanza: [after Jerry has told him and Elaine about Sophie giving him the "It's me"] I'm against all "it's me"'s. So self-absorbed and egotistical. It's like these hip musicians with their complicated shoes!
	Season 9 / Episode 16: - The Burning David Puddy: You stole my Jesus fish!
	Season 9 / Episode 16: - The Burning Elaine: Do you believe in God? David Puddy: Yeah... Elaine: Is it a problem for you that I'm not religious? David Puddy: No. Elaine: Why not? David Puddy: I'm not the one going to hell.
	Season 9 / Episode 15: - The Wizard George Costanza: [folding the newspaper he was reading] When are they gonna learn that any news about China is an instant page-turner?
	Season 9 / Episode 15: - The Wizard George Costanza: What's that? Jerry Seinfeld: It's a Wizard electronic organizer for my dad. I'm going to Florida for his birthday. George Costanza: How much was it? Jerry Seinfeld: Two hundred, but I'll tell him it's fifty. He doesn't care about the gift; he gets excited about the deal. George Costanza: Where are you gettin' a Wizard for fifty dollars? Jerry Seinfeld: Eh, I'll tell him I got it on the street; maybe it's hot - that's his favorite.
	Season 9 / Episode 15: - The Wizard George Costanza: I got a message from the Rosses at work today. Jerry Seinfeld: Susan's parents? When's the last time you talked with them? George Costanza: At the funeral, give or take.... You know, deep down, I always kinda felt that they blamed me for Susan's death. Jerry Seinfeld: Why? Because you picked out the poison envelopes?... That's silly.
	Season 9 / Episode 15: - The Wizard Jerry Seinfeld: Still no Puddy? Elaine Benes: Eh, I think he's answering machine's broken, so I just gave up.
	Season 9 / Episode 15: - The Wizard Mrs. Ross: George, the Susan Ross Foundation is having an event this weekend. George Costanza: Oh, I just, uh, leased a house, out in the Hamptons, and I've got to get out there this weekend and sign the papers. Mrs. Ross: Thank you for calling, George. [she moves to hang up the phone] George Costanza: Oh, sure. I mean, after all, you were almost my, uh, uh, okay, I gotta go.

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