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Scrubs tv show

Scrubs

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Scrubs Quotes

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John Dorian: It's never good to live in the past too long. As for the future, thanks to Dan, it didn't seem so scary anymore. It could be whatever I want it to be... Who's to say this isn't what happens? And who's to say my fantasies won't come true just this once?
08x14 - My Soul on Fire (Part 1) Season 8 / Episode 14: - My Soul on Fire (Part 1)

Ted Buckland: [about Elliot singing] I feel like you raped my soul.
08x10 - My Comedy Show Season 8 / Episode 10: - My Comedy Show

Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Face it, Turk. It's a bro-mance.
08x09 - My Absence Season 8 / Episode 9: - My Absence

Denise: Fat dudes rule. They never expect commitment and they try so hard in the sack.
Dr. Elliot Reid: Plus, they're just so grateful afterward.
08x09 - My Absence Season 8 / Episode 9: - My Absence

Dr. Perry Cox: ...And that, Dorian, is what I think of you as a person. [Hands Elliot back her cell phone]
Dr. Elliot Reid: That sounded harsh. Are you okay?
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [On speakerphone, crying] No!
08x08 - My Lawyer's in Love Season 8 / Episode 8: - My Lawyer's in Love

Ted Buckland: [singing "Don't Fear the Reaper" with a cappella band]
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [Voice over] As wrong as it was to serenade sick kids about the upside of death, it was perfect for my walk to Dr Cox's office.
08x06 - My Cookie Pants Season 8 / Episode 6: - My Cookie Pants

Elliot: [whispers] J.D., someone's in the house!
J.D.: [yells] Turk, get out of here!


Turk: Pull that piano crap on me? [scoffs] Please!
08x06 - My Cookie Pants Season 8 / Episode 6: - My Cookie Pants

Elliot: Turk, I need some help with J.D.
Turk: OK, you guys are back together. I get that. It's great. You're a fit. I just don't want to get caught in the middle again.
Elliot: [with street accent] Well, you shoulda thought of that before you jacked my cookies! You're in.
Turk: [sotto voce] stupid sweet tooth...
08x06 - My Cookie Pants Season 8 / Episode 6: - My Cookie Pants

J.D.: Hey!
Elliot: Hi.

J.D.: Why'd you put my Piano Mat here?
Elliot: I was here all day all by myself, and I got a little freaked out, so I thought I'd use that as a burglar alarm.

J.D.: That's catchy.
08x06 - My Cookie Pants Season 8 / Episode 6: - My Cookie Pants

Turk: Now we are ready to close the incision. Are there any questions?
The Janitor: [Dressed in scrubs and gloves] I don't think you're doing it right.
Turk: Get out of here!
The Janitor: Can I just touch the heart?
08x06 - My Cookie Pants Season 8 / Episode 6: - My Cookie Pants

Denise: Don't worry, a lot of people are scared of needles. You're just the first one without a vagina.
Denise: [Outside] Did you know he was a priest?
J.D.: Yes, I did. See you tomorrow. If I don't, I'll just assume demons dragged you down to Hell and chewed your face off.
08x06 - My Cookie Pants Season 8 / Episode 6: - My Cookie Pants

Dr. Perry Cox: Bob, what are you doing here? Are you sick?
Dr. Bob Kelso: No, but thank you for your concern.
Dr. Perry Cox: No, you misunderstood me. I was being hopeful. [Crosses fingers] Are you sick?
08x06 - My Cookie Pants Season 8 / Episode 6: - My Cookie Pants

Jordan Sullivan: If you don't fix this, so help me, I will grab you by your muffin top and stomp on your withering man parts until your eyes pop out.
Dr. Bob Kelso: Twenty years ago, I would have thrown you on this table and made love to you right here.
Jordan Sullivan: And I would have loved it.
08x05 - My ABCs Season 8 / Episode 5: - My ABCs

Dr. Elliot Reid: I wonder if they found a new head of medicine yet?
The Janitor: Actually, they found one this morning.
Oscar the Grouch: All right, you knuckleheads! Shape up! I'm watching you, John Dorian, and guess what? My eyes never close!
The Janitor: Mine neither.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [back to reality] I grew up on the street. Not the hood. Sesame Street.
08x05 - My ABCs Season 8 / Episode 5: - My ABCs

Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: I think I see what the problem is. You have a hand inside of you.
A.M. Muppet: That explains so many things.
08x05 - My ABCs Season 8 / Episode 5: - My ABCs

Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Will you stop teasing my beard? Chicks dig the extra fuzz.
Grover: Tell me about it. And you've only got it in 2% of your body. Hey, what's up, everybody! Can I get a high four?
Dr. Todd Quinlan: Coming at ya!
Grover: Near... [Todd high-fives Grover so hard he flies across the room and into a wall]... Far. [Faints]
Dr. Todd Quinlan: Grover five.
08x05 - My ABCs Season 8 / Episode 5: - My ABCs

Dr. Perry Cox: Since you're not that intelligent, I'm going to speak like a caveman from now on. You bad doctors. Me good doctor. You follow.
08x05 - My ABCs Season 8 / Episode 5: - My ABCs

Dr. Perry Cox: Why do I hate that intern?
Nurse Carla Espinosa: Because he called you Dr. C?
Dr. Perry Cox: Actually, I find that endearing.
Nurse Carla Espinosa: Did he say "back in the day"?
Dr. Perry Cox: No.
Nurse Carla Espinosa: Did he say "back in the hizzay"?
Dr. Perry Cox: No.
Nurse Carla Espinosa: Does he like Hugh Jackman?
Dr. Perry Cox: You suck at this.
08x04 - My Happy Place Season 8 / Episode 4: - My Happy Place

Dr. Christopher Turk: OK, so I'm going to add a little pressure now, sir.

Dr. Christopher Turk: It's all right. It's perfectly natural.
Patient: That was you.
Dr. Christopher Turk: Yeah, I know, But it's still perfectly natural.
08x02 - My Last Words Season 8 / Episode 2: - My Last Words

Jordan Sullivan: Can we go? Cougars only drink free 'til 9:00!
Dr. Taylor Maddox: What about MILFs?
Jordan Sullivan: Oh, I'd forgot I had kids.
08x01 - My Jerks Season 8 / Episode 1: - My Jerks

Ed: If you diss someone and they in turn burn your ass, then you must RECOGNIZE!
08x01 - My Jerks Season 8 / Episode 1: - My Jerks

Dr. Taylor Maddox: [looking into Ted's briefcase] Hey... Home come all you have in there is a smiley face button and a revolver?
Ted: Well one's in case I get sad, and the other is in case I get really sad.
07x10 - My Waste Of Time Season 7 / Episode 10: - My Waste Of Time

Dr. Perry Cox: What in the hell are you talking about?
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Oh, I'm just doing this thing where I use a slice of wisdom from someone else's life to solve a problem in my own life.
Jordan Sullivan: Seems coincidental.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: And yet I do it almost every week.
07x10 - My Waste Of Time Season 7 / Episode 10: - My Waste Of Time

Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Those two should have their own sitcom.

Ted Buckland: [singing] I'm a lawyer!
The Janitor: [singing] I'm a janitor!
Ted Buckland, The Janitor: Together we adopted a cute little kid. We're Legal Custodians!

Ted Buckland, The Janitor: Get it?
07x10 - My Waste Of Time Season 7 / Episode 10: - My Waste Of Time

Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Why are we meeting him here?
Dr. Elliot Reid: Because the last time I met a patient at their house, I ended up on the news.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Was that the crack raid?
Dr. Elliot Reid: It was.
07x09 - My Dumb Luck Season 7 / Episode 9: - My Dumb Luck

Dr. Bob Kelso: Thanks for everything, Ted. Sincerely.
07x09 - My Dumb Luck Season 7 / Episode 9: - My Dumb Luck

Ted: [Seeing Turk and J.D. hug] I need one of those.
J.D.: A hug?
Ted: No, a black friend. I think it would make me much cooler.
Turk: I should be offended, but he's right.
07x08 - My Manhood Season 7 / Episode 8: - My Manhood

Elliot: [after walking into the Mens bathrooms because the Ladies is being cleaned; she is reading off of the bathroom stall walls] "Rate Dr. Reid's butt"?... Yes! 9.2! Thank God this Hospital's full of white guys.
Dr. Kelso: Don't be pleased with that 9.2. That's out of 100.
07x07 - My Bad Too Season 7 / Episode 7: - My Bad Too

Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: What am I gonna tell Emery? Did you hear the song we wrote? Nurse, do you mind? [Nurse opens door to Emery's room]
Emery: [singing] Goin' to graduation, I'm goin' to graduation.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: It's called "I'm Going to Graduation," parentheses, "The Graduation Song."
07x07 - My Bad Too Season 7 / Episode 7: - My Bad Too

Dr. Christopher Turk: Her not knowing I understand Spanish is like having a secret power. It got me flapjacks for dinner.
Dr. Bob Kelso: You got Brinner? Daamn Turkledawg!


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