Scrubs Quotes

Scrubs

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Unknown Episode: John Dorian: It's never good to live in the past too long. As for the future, thanks to Dan, it didn't seem so scary anymore. It could be whatever I want it to be... Who's to say this isn't what happens? And who's to say my fantasies won't come true just this once?
	Season 8 / Episode 14: - My Soul on Fire (Part 1) Ted Buckland: [about Elliot singing] I feel like you raped my soul.
	Season 8 / Episode 10: - My Comedy Show Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Face it, Turk. It's a bro-mance.
	Season 8 / Episode 9: - My Absence Denise: Fat dudes rule. They never expect commitment and they try so hard in the sack. Dr. Elliot Reid: Plus, they're just so grateful afterward.
	Season 8 / Episode 9: - My Absence Dr. Perry Cox: ...And that, Dorian, is what I think of you as a person. [Hands Elliot back her cell phone] Dr. Elliot Reid: That sounded harsh. Are you okay? Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [On speakerphone, crying] No!
	Season 8 / Episode 8: - My Lawyer's in Love Ted Buckland: [singing "Don't Fear the Reaper" with a cappella band] Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [Voice over] As wrong as it was to serenade sick kids about the upside of death, it was perfect for my walk to Dr Cox's office.
	Season 8 / Episode 6: - My Cookie Pants Elliot: [whispers] J.D., someone's in the house! J.D.: [yells] Turk, get out of here! Turk: Pull that piano crap on me? [scoffs] Please!
	Season 8 / Episode 6: - My Cookie Pants Elliot: Turk, I need some help with J.D. Turk: OK, you guys are back together. I get that. It's great. You're a fit. I just don't want to get caught in the middle again. Elliot: [with street accent] Well, you shoulda thought of that before you jacked my cookies! You're in. Turk: [sotto voce] stupid sweet tooth...
	Season 8 / Episode 6: - My Cookie Pants J.D.: Hey! Elliot: Hi. J.D.: Why'd you put my Piano Mat here? Elliot: I was here all day all by myself, and I got a little freaked out, so I thought I'd use that as a burglar alarm. J.D.: That's catchy.
	Season 8 / Episode 6: - My Cookie Pants Turk: Now we are ready to close the incision. Are there any questions? The Janitor: [Dressed in scrubs and gloves] I don't think you're doing it right. Turk: Get out of here! The Janitor: Can I just touch the heart?
	Season 8 / Episode 6: - My Cookie Pants Denise: Don't worry, a lot of people are scared of needles. You're just the first one without a vagina. Denise: [Outside] Did you know he was a priest? J.D.: Yes, I did. See you tomorrow. If I don't, I'll just assume demons dragged you down to Hell and chewed your face off.
	Season 8 / Episode 6: - My Cookie Pants Dr. Perry Cox: Bob, what are you doing here? Are you sick? Dr. Bob Kelso: No, but thank you for your concern. Dr. Perry Cox: No, you misunderstood me. I was being hopeful. [Crosses fingers] Are you sick?
	Season 8 / Episode 6: - My Cookie Pants Jordan Sullivan: If you don't fix this, so help me, I will grab you by your muffin top and stomp on your withering man parts until your eyes pop out. Dr. Bob Kelso: Twenty years ago, I would have thrown you on this table and made love to you right here. Jordan Sullivan: And I would have loved it.
	Season 8 / Episode 5: - My ABCs Dr. Elliot Reid: I wonder if they found a new head of medicine yet? The Janitor: Actually, they found one this morning. Oscar the Grouch: All right, you knuckleheads! Shape up! I'm watching you, John Dorian, and guess what? My eyes never close! The Janitor: Mine neither. Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [back to reality] I grew up on the street. Not the hood. Sesame Street.
	Season 8 / Episode 5: - My ABCs Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: I think I see what the problem is. You have a hand inside of you. A.M. Muppet: That explains so many things.
	Season 8 / Episode 5: - My ABCs Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Will you stop teasing my beard? Chicks dig the extra fuzz. Grover: Tell me about it. And you've only got it in 2% of your body. Hey, what's up, everybody! Can I get a high four? Dr. Todd Quinlan: Coming at ya! Grover: Near... [Todd high-fives Grover so hard he flies across the room and into a wall]... Far. [Faints] Dr. Todd Quinlan: Grover five.
	Season 8 / Episode 5: - My ABCs Dr. Perry Cox: Since you're not that intelligent, I'm going to speak like a caveman from now on. You bad doctors. Me good doctor. You follow.
	Season 8 / Episode 5: - My ABCs Dr. Perry Cox: Why do I hate that intern? Nurse Carla Espinosa: Because he called you Dr. C? Dr. Perry Cox: Actually, I find that endearing. Nurse Carla Espinosa: Did he say "back in the day"? Dr. Perry Cox: No. Nurse Carla Espinosa: Did he say "back in the hizzay"? Dr. Perry Cox: No. Nurse Carla Espinosa: Does he like Hugh Jackman? Dr. Perry Cox: You suck at this.
	Season 8 / Episode 4: - My Happy Place Dr. Christopher Turk: OK, so I'm going to add a little pressure now, sir. Dr. Christopher Turk: It's all right. It's perfectly natural. Patient: That was you. Dr. Christopher Turk: Yeah, I know, But it's still perfectly natural.
	Season 8 / Episode 2: - My Last Words Jordan Sullivan: Can we go? Cougars only drink free 'til 9:00! Dr. Taylor Maddox: What about MILFs? Jordan Sullivan: Oh, I'd forgot I had kids.
	Season 8 / Episode 1: - My Jerks Ed: If you diss someone and they in turn burn your ass, then you must RECOGNIZE!
	Season 8 / Episode 1: - My Jerks Dr. Taylor Maddox: [looking into Ted's briefcase] Hey... Home come all you have in there is a smiley face button and a revolver? Ted: Well one's in case I get sad, and the other is in case I get really sad.
	Season 7 / Episode 10: - My Waste Of Time Dr. Perry Cox: What in the hell are you talking about? Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Oh, I'm just doing this thing where I use a slice of wisdom from someone else's life to solve a problem in my own life. Jordan Sullivan: Seems coincidental. Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: And yet I do it almost every week.
	Season 7 / Episode 10: - My Waste Of Time Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Those two should have their own sitcom. Ted Buckland: [singing] I'm a lawyer! The Janitor: [singing] I'm a janitor! Ted Buckland, The Janitor: Together we adopted a cute little kid. We're Legal Custodians! Ted Buckland, The Janitor: Get it?
	Season 7 / Episode 10: - My Waste Of Time Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Why are we meeting him here? Dr. Elliot Reid: Because the last time I met a patient at their house, I ended up on the news. Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Was that the crack raid? Dr. Elliot Reid: It was.
	Season 7 / Episode 9: - My Dumb Luck Dr. Bob Kelso: Thanks for everything, Ted. Sincerely.
	Season 7 / Episode 9: - My Dumb Luck Ted: [Seeing Turk and J.D. hug] I need one of those. J.D.: A hug? Ted: No, a black friend. I think it would make me much cooler. Turk: I should be offended, but he's right.
	Season 7 / Episode 8: - My Manhood Elliot: [after walking into the Mens bathrooms because the Ladies is being cleaned; she is reading off of the bathroom stall walls] "Rate Dr. Reid's butt"?... Yes! 9.2! Thank God this Hospital's full of white guys. Dr. Kelso: Don't be pleased with that 9.2. That's out of 100.
	Season 7 / Episode 7: - My Bad Too Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: What am I gonna tell Emery? Did you hear the song we wrote? Nurse, do you mind? [Nurse opens door to Emery's room] Emery: [singing] Goin' to graduation, I'm goin' to graduation. Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: It's called "I'm Going to Graduation," parentheses, "The Graduation Song."
	Season 7 / Episode 7: - My Bad Too Dr. Christopher Turk: Her not knowing I understand Spanish is like having a secret power. It got me flapjacks for dinner. Dr. Bob Kelso: You got Brinner? Daamn Turkledawg!

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