5x05 My New God

Paige: You know what used to drive Perry nuts as a kid? Every night we'd play horse in the driveway and I'd always kick his ass.
J.D.: Can Christians say ass now? I have a friend, Pat Casey, he called his mum an ass once. She hit him in the face with an iron. He still goes to church, but he can't whistle anymore.
Paige: Okay, I need to go say hi to Jordan.

J.D.: She's dynamite. How'd you end up with a born again Christian sister?
Dr. Cox: I don't know. Maybe the TV was broken one day and she picked up the bible and found it to be just a darn good read. Or, maybe it had something to do with out mothers ability to watch silently as our dad drunkenly knocked us from room to room. What do you think Newbie?
J.D.: Probably the room to room thing.

J.D.: Dr. Cox! If it makes you feel any better, at the baptism I'll be there to keep Paige company.
Dr. Cox: Yeah. You're not going.
J.D.: Dammit! Stupid baptism.

Turk: Aw, dammit, I gotta go have ovulation sex again.
J.D.: Are you actually complaining about getting to have sex? Because that is so insensitive, Turk!
Turk: J.D.!
J.D.: Let me feel my feelings, Turk! We worked on this! [J.D. storms off]
Turk: I've really gotta stop doing that!
Elliot: You can talk to me if you want?
Turk: Elliot, I can't talk to you about sex.I don't understand any of that crazy gibberish you use. Penis is schwing-something...
Elliot: Schwing-schwong, peepers, or peep.
Turk: Right. And vagina is...?
Elliot: Disgusting! But also bajingo or hoo-hoo.