Saved by the Bell: The College Years - Episode Quotes

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Saved by the Bell: The College Years Quotes

	Season 1 / Episode 15: - The Rave Zack Morris: I feel like I've been tortured. I've been examined and felt from head to toe. With these doctors were the germs I would have told them what D-Day was. Samuel "Screech" Powers: Well, I'll let you rest before we start the next series of tests on you. Zack Morris: More tests? You've examined and looked at every part of my body. There's no place left for them to look. Samuel "Screech" Powers: Oh, yes there isssss!
	Season 1 / Episode 15: - The Rave Kelly Kapowski: How could someone be so stupid? Professor Lasky: Kelly, don't be so hard on him. Kelly Kapowski: I'm not talking about Zack. I'm talking about me. I'm so stupid to have fallen in love with you! Professor Lasky: Okay, okay. Why do you feel this way? Kelly Kapowski: Why do I feel this way? Isn't it obvious? Zack is willing to go through anything for me and you... well, we both know what you are willing to do for me: nothing! Professor Lasky: Good, Kelly. Go with your feelings. Kelly Kapowski: I'll give you feelings. I'm tired of of hoping you'll see how wonderful I am. I'm tired of being nice. And... I'm tired of you!
	Season 1 / Episode 14: - A Question of Ethics Dean Susan McMann: That's a lovely blouse. Is it a Donna Karen? Leslie: Yes it is. Dean Susan McMann: What store did you get it in? Leslie: Actually, Donna just dropped it off at the house. Dean Susan McMann: My, you are rich. I like that in a person.
	Season 1 / Episode 14: - A Question of Ethics Alex Tabor: There it is! There it is! I got another slamin' tune from Psycho John. But first, will the guy who brought the Doberman please go to Room 214? Your dog is attacking and eating a Chinese exchange student. Zack Morris: Oh, no! I'd better get in there. Kelly Kapowski: Zack, it could be dangerous. Zack Morris: I know, but I have to. Besides, Wing Ling owes me money.
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - Kelly and the Professor Leslie Burke: Guess what? Mrs. Teesdale won the lottery and she quit Cal U and is flying to Bora Bora with the soccer coach. Zack Morris: Does anybody know who her replacement is? Leslie Burke: Professor Hemmings. Zack Morris: [groans] Oh, no! The guy eats freshmen for lunch. They call him Hannibal Lecturer. Leslie Burke: He is a well renowned scholar and author. The Supreme Court consults him. He's a genius. A.C. Slater: Yeah, but he's hard. Zack Morris: He's brutal. Alex Tabor: He's impossible. Dr. Arthur Hemmings: [enters] He's here! Zack Morris: [to the camera] Wow. I hope this doesn't happen every time he walks into the room.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - A Thanksgiving Story Zack Morris: [Zack is startled by Slater's noisy entrance] I thought you were Kelly. A.C. Slater: If I were Kelly, I'd wear skimpy clothes and look at myself in the mirror. Zack Morris: You do that now.
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - Dr. Kelly Michael Rogers: Those turkeys are frozen! I ordered you to buy pre-cooked turkeys. Samuel "Screech" Powers: I know. But I saved you $47.95 by purchasing frozen turkeys. They're cheaper. You know what you can do with that extra money? Michael Rogers: Yes, I could hire a hit man to kill you!
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Homecoming Alex: [seeing Kelly not in the normal uniform for karate class] Oh, well if it isn't the teenage mutant ninja tramp.
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Zack, Lies and Videotape Zack: [explaining to Leslie why Screech is not going to a frat party with them] I like Screech. Slater: I like Screech, too. I also like the Three Stooges but I wouldn't want to go to a fraternity party with them. Zack: Well, maybe Larry. Slater: Yeah, maybe Larry.
	Unknown Episode: Kelly: Zack, what do you want from me? Zack: I... I-I want you to marry me. Kelly: What?
	Unknown Episode: Alex: I couldn't do it. You're not mad, are you? Slater: Of course I'm mad! I got this dumb, idiotic tattoo for YOU. Alex: I'm really sorry. I'll make it up to you. What do you want me to do? Slater: I'll tell you what I want you to do. You and I are gonna go to the Sylvester Stallone Film Festival next weekend. We're gonna see every movie he ever made. Alex: Even "Rocky"? Slater: Yup, 1 through 5. Alex: I'll go get the tattoo.
	Unknown Episode: Alex: Emotional? Women are not emotional!
	Unknown Episode: Leslie: Come on Alex lets go do something only women can do. Alex: Yeah, lets go... give birth.
	Unknown Episode: Alex: Life is so unfair. I have to lose two pounds within a few days! Kelly: C'mon, two pounds is not going to hurt you. Screech: Oh yeah? That's what Delta Burke said before she inhaled her first cheesecake.
	Unknown Episode: Professor Hemmings: This is pathetic! I want every other row to stand up. [every other row stands] Professor Hemmings: This is how many of my students are going to fail my class - - fifty percent. Alex: Excuse me, Professor Hemmings, but... would that be the half that are sitting OR the half that are standing? Professor Hemmings: [smiles] We'll soon find out, won't we.
	Unknown Episode: Zack: Well, hello ladies! Did you miss me? Leslie: As much as I miss my acne.
	Unknown Episode: Dean Susan McMann: [on phone] Hello, Reverend Dunlap. I would like to make a reservation in the school chapel for the Kawposki-Morris Wedding. [listening] Well then, bump the professor's funeral. He'll keep 'till Monday!
	Unknown Episode: Rev. Dunlap: You know what? Maybe I should come back another time. Zack: Oh that would be great! How about Monday? Rev. Dunlap: I was thinking more around the lines of ten years - - when you've all had a chance to grow up! Screech: I knew we should have gone with Barney.
	Unknown Episode: Zack: [waiting for Kelly, but Slater walks in] Geez... I thought you were Kelly. Slater: If I were Kelly, I'd put on something skimpy and stare at myself in the mirror. Zack: That's what you do NOW.
	Unknown Episode: Leslie: Hi, Screech. What are you doing? Screech: Hi, Leslie. I'm just watching the T.V. Leslie: But the T.V. is turned off. Screech: Oh I know, I'm just watching the T.V.
	Unknown Episode: Zack: Kelly, you can't be serious. I mean, if you go on this semester-at-sea program, you'll be at sea... for a semester! Dean Susan McMann: [sarcastic shock] And you're only a freshmen?
	Unknown Episode: Zack: Well, I've thought about it long and hard, and I've decided that I'm gonna ask Kelly if we could date exclusively. Slater: Exclusively? Wait a minute... you mean as in - - only? Zack: Yeah. Slater: Are you crazy? Zack: I know, I know. It was a shock to me at first too, but I'm sure about this. Slater: Oh, no! This is terrible. When Alex hears about this, SHE'LL wanna date exclu -... exclu -... man I can't even say the word!
	Unknown Episode: Slater: Alex, I have to tell you something. I went to the car show with... [suddenly lies]... Chris... Leslie: [finishes name]... tee. Slater: No thanks, I'm drinking orange juice.
	Unknown Episode: Screech: You've got one more test, Zack. Zack: What? They've tested everywhere they possibly can. Screech: Nope- there's just one more place.
	Unknown Episode: Screech: Who wants their barrium? Screech: Aw, but it's cherry flavored.
	Unknown Episode: Clara: You do that again, and I'm going to stick your head in the microwave.
	Unknown Episode: Screech: Mike has Big Bird on his butt! Mike Rogers: It's not Big Bird. It's Tweety Bird. Screech: Trust me, Mike, that's a big bird!
	Unknown Episode: Slater: Has anybody ever been to a funeral before? Screech: I have. Slater: What are you supposed to do? Screech: Well, all the loved ones gathered around the grave. Then we put his rubber chew toys and his bowl in with him and buried him under his favorite tree. Alex: Awww... how old was your dog? Screech: What dog? I'm talking about Grampa Powers.