Sanford and Son Quotes

Sanford and Son

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

Sanford and Son Quotes

	Season 6 / Episode 12: - Here Today, Gone Today Aunt Esther Anderson: I need help! Fred G. Sanford: Help? I'm just a junkman, not a plastic surgeon. Aunt Esther Anderson: Please, Fred, I need your truck. Fred G. Sanford: I agree. Son, you take the truck and run over Esther's face.
	Season 6 / Episode 12: - Here Today, Gone Today Fred G. Sanford: I learned the day after Lamont was born that it's much harder to be a father than it is to become one.
	Season 6 / Episode 12: - Here Today, Gone Today Uncle Woodrow 'Woody' Anderson: [as Esther and Daniel come into the store, Woody turns to Fred] Does he look tough to you? Fred G. Sanford: Hard to tell. Standing next to Esther, King Kong would look like John-Boy.
	Season 6 / Episode 11: - Aunt Esther Has a Baby Fred G. Sanford: There's somethin' on TV I really want to see tonight, Son. It's a very sad episode of "The Six Million Dollar Man." Lamont Sanford: Aw, Pop. Fred G. Sanford: But it is, Son. Y'see, the Six Million Dollar Man becomes outdated, so they donate his vital organs to a used car lot in El Segundo.
	Season 6 / Episode 11: - Aunt Esther Has a Baby Lamont Sanford: I'm gonna call the police! Fred G. Sanford: Yeah, tell 'em we were robbed by a gang of weirdos! Lamont Sanford: Why do you say they were weirdos? Fred G. Sanford: Who else would steal Esther's picture?
	Season 6 / Episode 10: - Carol Lamont Sanford: Look, Pop, try and be a little nice to Aunt Esther. You know she's got that whiplash and that's very painful. Fred G. Sanford: How did she do that, anyway? Lamont Sanford: Well, she was sitting in the back of Uncle Woody's truck, and she got hit from the rear. Fred G. Sanford: Well, how could you tell? Both ends look the same to me.
	Season 6 / Episode 10: - Carol Aunt Esther Anderson: You don't know nothin' about babies! Fred G. Sanford: Who, Fred G. Sanford? The G stands for goo-goo, gah-gah and gynecologist.
	Season 6 / Episode 8: - Committee Man Fred G. Sanford: He wouldn't take the money if he knew I'd borrowed it. Bubba Bexley: Well, what are you gonna tell him? Fred G. Sanford: I'll just tell him it's a gift, that I'd been savin' it all my life and it's his wedding present. Bubba Bexley: That's good. And if he buys that, I got some oceanfront property in Kansas you can sell him.
	Season 6 / Episode 8: - Committee Man Lamont Sanford: You took $6,000 in coins to the bank? That's unbelievable! Fred G. Sanford: You tellin' me? If there had been a bus to Europe I would've had the exact change.
	Season 6 / Episode 7: - The Winning Ticket Bubba Bexley: Hi, Fred! Fred G. Sanford: That's Committee Man Fred. Bubba Bexley: What did you commit? Fred G. Sanford: I'm committing you, Bubba, to the home where the senile roam.
	Season 6 / Episode 7: - The Winning Ticket Mrs. Channing: Well, I never! Fred G. Sanford: Well, maybe if you try wearin' a mask.
	Season 6 / Episode 7: - The Winning Ticket Fred G. Sanford: You see, saving junk is my specialty. Mr. Wilkins: Yes, I can tell by your outfit.
	Season 6 / Episode 6: - I Dream of Choo Choo Rabinowitz Aunt Esther Anderson: We figured if we win the $500, we could put on a Bicentenniel play for the church. Fred G. Sanford: Yeah, and you can be the rear end of what Paul Revere was ridin'.
	Season 6 / Episode 5: - The Stakeout Lamont Sanford: Pop, you were never on the Harlem Globetrotters! Fred G. Sanford: Yes, I was. You just don't remember, because when I was dribbling with the Globetrotters, you were slam dunking in your diapers.
	Season 6 / Episode 5: - The Stakeout Fred G. Sanford: I always get along swell with schoolteachers. I can't wait to meet her so I can clap her erasers.
	Season 6 / Episode 5: - The Stakeout Bubba Bexley: [Fred pacing in front of the television] Fred, can you stand still? I can't see the movie, and it's my very favorite one, too: "The Giant Baboon Who Ate Rangoon at Noon in June with a Spoon."
	Season 6 / Episode 5: - The Stakeout Bubba Bexley: [Stopping Fred from relaxing in his chair] That's the worst thing you can do is get comfortable. What you need to do is to be around things that make you jumpy, things that annoy you, things that make your skin crawl. Fred G. Sanford: Well, what are you waiting for? Call Esther!
	Season 6 / Episode 4: - California Crude Fred G. Sanford: [Excitedly discussing Miss Wallace] And that fantastic body! Bubba Bexley: Calm down, Fred, calm down! There's plenty of fish in the sea. Fred G. Sanford: Yeah, but Bubba, I'm 68 years old and my hook is beginning to rust.
	Season 6 / Episode 4: - California Crude Lamont Sanford: What's for breakfast? Fred G. Sanford: What would you like? Lamont Sanford: Well, I'd like to have some eggs, and some toast and some coffee. Fred G. Sanford: Me too. We're havin' Pop Tarts and Tang.
	Season 6 / Episode 4: - California Crude Bubba Bexley: Say, Lamont told me about the $1,000 reward. What you gonna do with your half? Fred G. Sanford: Bubba, I'm gonna be very patriotic. Bubba Bexley: You gonna buy savings bonds? Fred G. Sanford: I'm gonna spend it like a drunken sailor.
	Season 6 / Episode 2: - The Hawaiian Connection (2) Japanese Tourist: Thank you and sayonara. Fred G. Sanford: And Sarah Vaughn.
	Season 6 / Episode 1: - The Hawaiian Connection (1) Bubba Bexley: Hey, that Western Union guy sounded pretty upset. Fred G. Sanford: What did he say? Bubba Bexley: He said it stopped raining in the house, but the drip was still there.
	Season 6 / Episode 1: - The Hawaiian Connection (1) Fred G. Sanford: [after discovering the diamonds] With all these karats, I may never need glasses again!
	Season 5 / Episode 24: - Camping Trip Fred G. Sanford: [Hearing wild animal sounds, Fred begins his boxing routine] Come on out! I'll float like a butterfly, sting like a bee / Nobody out in the forest meaner than me / Come on elephants, tigers and gorillas / I'll whip a hundred Godzillas!
	Season 5 / Episode 24: - Camping Trip Lamont Sanford: Now give me a match so I can start a fire. Fred G. Sanford: You don't need no matches to start no fire. All you need to do is rub two pieces of wood together. Now go over there and rub your head upside the tree.
	Season 5 / Episode 23: - Sergeant Gork Helga: Listen, buddy. It's been a long, hard war. And I've fought from the sands of Iwo Jima to the shores of Tripoli. And the last thing in the world I need is an olive-drab dingaling who every time he opens his mouth his tongue bayonets his brain!
	Season 5 / Episode 23: - Sergeant Gork Colonel Hiakowa: [to his prisoner Fred] All I want to know is when you are going to blow up the bridge over the river Kwai. Fred G. Sanford: River Kwai? I never heard of it. Colonel Hiakowa: You mean to tell me you never heard that famous song, "Kwai Me a River"?
	Season 5 / Episode 23: - Sergeant Gork Fred G. Sanford: [to Nazi Commander] Listen, you Nazi knockwurst, if you want to live with the master race, move to Watts!
	Season 5 / Episode 23: - Sergeant Gork Fred G. Sanford: Hello, son. Roger and I were just having a little talk. Lamont Sanford: Yeah, I heard all about it, "Major." Cyanide capsules, truth drugs. I'm surprised Roger wasn't hurt. Fred G. Sanford: Hurt? Lamont Sanford: Hit by flying bull.
	Season 5 / Episode 22: - A Pain in the Neck Fred G. Sanford: [When Lamont suggests acupuncture] And now look at this, my only son's tryin' to get me shish-kabobed!

« previous12 3 4 5 6 7 8 9… 13 14 next »

» Back to Sanford and Son TV Show