Rude Awakening Quotes

Rude Awakening

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

Rude Awakening Quotes

	Unknown Episode: Maureen: I gotta wait 'til 5 to be happy? I got a guy here buyin' me drinks, I'm happy.
	Unknown Episode: Billie: I feel so bad right now. All I wanna do is turn off the lights. Dave: Me too. Billie: Lie down... Dave: As do I.
	Unknown Episode: Billie Frank: Jim just broke up with me. And get this, because I'm a nice girl! What the fuck up is that? I mean, next time I like a man, it's sleep with him first and ask questions later like "oh, excuse me what was your name?"
	Unknown Episode: Billie Frank: I think that we should do something that makes us feel better. Dave Parelli: What is there besides sex? Billie Frank: Häagen-Dazs!
	Unknown Episode: Billie: Why should you get what you want when I can't get what I want? Dave: Because life is unfair and I'm really horny.
	Unknown Episode: Dave: [to Billie] Hey, the next time you invite me to a family gathering, could you make sure it's not your family!
	Unknown Episode: Billie: Come on Dave, please, I need your help, I'm begging you, and I don't usually beg! Well, not with my clothes on, anyway.
	Unknown Episode: Trudy Frank: [to Billie] I gave you life! The least you could do is cheerfully answer the door.
	Unknown Episode: Trudy Frank: Because of me, you lived here, rent-free, for years. Billie Frank: Mother, I was a child! Trudy Frank: An ungrateful one.
	Unknown Episode: Trudy Frank: A drink without liquor? Oh, what's the point? Billie Frank: How about, driving your car legally, or maybe remembering your name... Or, not pursuing a liver at the age of fifty. Trudy Frank: Fifty? I beat the odds.
	Unknown Episode: Billie Frank: [asking for an advance] Hey, Siddy Sid Sid... you're like the mother I never had. Sidney Gibson: Forget it. Billie Frank: Now you're like the mother I have.
	Unknown Episode: Billie Frank: Alright, alright, I admit it. I'm a fiscally irresponsible, emotionally unstable, former drunk. But that shouldn't no way prejudice your decision to maybe, you know, hopefully give me an advance? Sidney Gibson: An advance? You don't earn the money I pay you.
	Unknown Episode: Billie Frank: May I confide in you as a friend? Sidney Gibson: No. Billie Frank: Fine. Then as an acquaintance. Billie Frank: You know, lately, my life has been really crappy. Yeah... haven't had sex in over months, my landlord is raising my rents! Sidney Gibson: So sleep with him.
	Unknown Episode: Syd: [about the new web page Billie's supposed to take care of] Are we on the internet yet? Billie: Didn't you hear the internet's closed today?
	Unknown Episode: Billie: Apparently God has chosen to punish me by making me work for someone who actually wants me to work.
	Unknown Episode: Sidney Gibson: Look, I like you. Billie: [pleasantly surprised] Oh. Sidney Gibson: No, I don't. The point is: everything I've got is tied up in this company and I can't afford to carry any deadweight. Billie: I'm not deadweight, I'm a lightweight! I mean, look, I know this company. I know where everything is... kind of, and... can't you please just give me a chance? Sidney Gibson: Alright, alright, I'll let you stay for the day. Billie: Yes! Sidney Gibson: Well, get me a cup of coffee! Billie: [over-motivated] Coffee, okay! I'm gonna get you a cup of coffee! [lowering her voice] If only I knew were it was I would do that.
	Unknown Episode: Sidney Gibson: There's something wrong with my coffee. Billie: [looking into Syd's cup] Oh, there's no coffee in here. Sidney Gibson: That's what's wrong.
	Unknown Episode: Billie: Mom, with you in A.A., are you sure it's a good idea to drink? Trudy: Don't be ridiculous darling, it's always a good idea to drink.
	Unknown Episode: Billie Frank: The first picture of me in my family album, I'm two days old and my mother's breast-feeding the doctor.
	Unknown Episode: Dave: Billie, this'll be hard but I need you to think of someone other than yourself for a moment...
	Unknown Episode: Billie: Milt! Have you seen Dave? Milt: Oh yeah, he's in jail. Billie: What did he do? Milt: Screamed and begged, mostly. It was embarrassing. Billie: No, what did he do to get arrested?
	Unknown Episode: Billie: Mother, I'm in A.A. for real. I go every day. It's not a hobby, it's not a place to pick up guys - most of the time. I'm struggling with sobriety. You haven't even met sobriety.
	Unknown Episode: Dave: Remember that anesthesiologist I was dating and I cheated on her with her sister? I just told her about it and she forgave me. We sat down, had a nice cup of tea, and... [puzzled] and I don't really remember what happened after that.
	Unknown Episode: Billie Frank: How do I know you don't badmouth me to your friends when I'm not there? Trudy Frank: Because, darling, when you're not here I forget all about you.
	Unknown Episode: Trudy Frank: [to Billie] How dare you tell all your friends I'm a drunken potato-headed whore?
	Unknown Episode: Billie Frank: Hi, I'm Billie, but all my friends call me "Oh Crap, Here Comes Billie."
	Unknown Episode: Zack: What's that stuff that you put in your coffee? Looks like salt, has a sugary taste. Dave: Sugar? Zack: Yeah! [Billie laughs. Zack looks at her] Whoah, forget it. [to Billie] You could just put your finger in my cup. Billie: I could, except for the fact that it's very hot. Much like yourself. Zack: I'm Zack. Billie: Hi, I'm Billie. Dave: Apparently I am invisible.
	Unknown Episode: Billie Frank: If I had known this praying crap actually worked, I would have started it long time ago. Next time I think I'll pray for a Porsche. You want anything? Dave Parelli: I don't think you're supposed to pray for the things that you want. Billie Frank: What am I supposed to pray for, the things I don't want? Next time I'll pray for... herpes. Dave Parelli: No, you pray for the strength to accept God's will. Billie Frank: You pray your way and I pray mine, okay?
	Unknown Episode: Billie Frank: You know, I can't believe I prayed for Jackie and it actually worked. Dave Parelli: You prayed? Billie Frank: Sure. I mean, just because I don't believe in God doesn't mean I don't believe in God, you know what I mean? Dave Parelli: No, I don't. Billie Frank: Pretend you do.
	Unknown Episode: Crystal Garcia: It's hard to be a Deadhead when the head Dead is dead.

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