Rescue Me Quotes

Rescue Me

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Season 4 / Episode 6: - Balance Tommy Gavin: Probies are treated like probies for a reason! They're treated like shit so they have to earn our trust and respect, so we know we can trust them in the face of a goddamn fire!
	Season 4 / Episode 6: - Balance Tommy Gavin: Can you believe this kid? Jesus Christ! All the seniority I have over him and he's talkin to me like that? I wish Jerry was here to see the kind of shit you guys are trying to pull off with this basketball crap. He'd shut the whole basketball thing down! Probies get treated like probies for a reason ok? They get treated like shit so they can earn our trust and respect! Right? Then we know we can trust them in a goddamn fire! Assholes! That's why he should be mopping the floor instead of you... shithead! Yeah! Kiss my boney, white, Irish ass!
	Season 4 / Episode 4: - Pussified Tommy Gavin: He was a coward. Kenny Lou: Watch it Tom, OK? Tommy Gavin: He was afraid. Afraid of workin' behind that desk down at headquarters for the next five or... Sean Garrity: Oh c'mon Tom, that's your excuse for the guy? That he was afraid of... Tommy Gavin: Shut up asshole! What do you got, eight years on the job? Sean Garrity: No I'm just saying that... Tommy Gavin: Shut up! Christ almighty, know how much he hated being the chief? Huh? Watchin' us run into jobs while he stayed outside, but he did it, you know why? So he could teach assholes like you [camera on Garrity] , and you [camera on Franco] , what the job was really about. When he was workin' up in the Bronx, when the Bronx was burning, ever hear about those days? Huh? They'd get ten, twelve, fourteen jobs a night! Shithead. He ran into a job one time up at 200 79th Street, pulled three kids in wheelchairs out in something like, fifteen minutes. You know why? 'Cause the rest of his group was busy bringin' old people out. There was a Cold Storage Warehouse fire one time up there, and ah, the chief on the job that night shut the job down 'cause it was "too hot for humans." You know what Jerry did? He ran around the side of the building, went in a side door, pulled out two drunken assholes, ends up being the two same assholes who started the goddamn fire! And he was workin' then without a mask. Runnin' in and out of the building with a cigar danglin' out of his mouth. You wanna talk about being brave, and who's a coward, who's not a coward? Suck my cock. [pause] [in a much more solemn tone] Wanna talk about bein' brave? Workin' up in the Bronx used up all the goddamn brave he had.
	Season 4 / Episode 2: - Tuesday Franco Rivera: ...Chicks I meet at my actual bank, that's my Bank Spank Bank.
	Season 3 / Episode 13: - Beached Tommy Gavin: It's hard to believe it's been five years, man. Franco Rivera: Yeah I saw a thing about this in the Times, the picture didn't do it justice. Kenny Lou: You realize the only reason this is here, is because firefighters and regular people, wanted to honor the guys we lost. There were no politicians involved. Tommy Gavin: No. Tommy Gavin: The Chief of the Department, did I tell ya, when they did the unveiling... his speech, he said "all we got was Empty Promises from Empty Suits" Kenny Lou: You know I feel for those families over there. Waiting for a memorial for their loved ones, we already got ours. Tommy Gavin: You know, the guys from this house, they lost a lot of brothers that day... they wrote on the back of this thing, they put personal prayers, put personal notes, and remembrances, of all the brothers they lost that day... and then they sealed it up so that nobody will ever be able to read what they wrote." Kenny Lou: That's the way it should be, it stays between brothers. Franco Rivera: Each other is all we got, right.
	Season 3 / Episode 11: - Twilight Tommy Gavin: Is she a Nun or not a Nun Kenny Shea: She's a semi Nun Tommy Gavin: What is she in the Nun National Guard? One week-end a month she become the bride of Christ?
	Season 3 / Episode 11: - Twilight Franco Rivera: I think I'm being submarined by a retard. Kenny Lou: [looking at Probie and Garrity] Any you guys buy a submarine? Mike Silletti: No but, that would be so cool.
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - Retards Franco Rivera: Chief, mind if I bring a retard here tommorrow Chief Jerry Reilly: We have two already here another one won't matter.
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - Retards Tommy Gavin: This is way, way more bad boy than you'll ever be able to handle. So do yourself a favor. Go blow a drummer.
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - Retards Kenny Shea: Rainman Retarded or Paris Hilton Retarded?
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - Retards Tommy Gavin: What's your high-end Irish Whiskey? Bartender: It's uh... Middletons... 5 bucks a shot. Tommy Gavin: Alright, give me eight fingers of that. Bartender: Eight... fingers? Tommy Gavin: [Tommy indicates with his hands eight fingers in a glass] Bartender: That's about a hundred bucks worth of whiskey there... Tom. Tommy Gavin: Bring it on. [Bartender pours him a tall glass] Bartender: [Tommy takes the drink and starts to gulp it down quickly] For a glass that's going to cost about a C-note, you certainly drink it pretty fast there, pal. Tommy Gavin: Yeah... [looking at the almost empty glass in his hands] you would too if you only had about two dollars and seventy five cents in your pocket.
	Season 3 / Episode 9: - Pieces Mike's Roommate: Let's just say Mike's a big fan of Sex and the City. Sean Garrity: Oh, me too. It's a great show! You know what i never understood? Why we never got to see Sarah Jessica Parker's tits. Cynthia Nixon, sure. Kim Catrall, why not? Never Sarah Jessica Parker's.
	Season 3 / Episode 9: - Pieces Kenny Lou: I'd hit that. Tommy Gavin: You would? Kenny Lou: In a heartbeat. Wait, who are we talking about again? Tommy Gavin: Heather Mills McCartney, ex-wife of former Beatle Paul. Franco Rivera: I'd do her. Tommy Gavin: Really? Franco Rivera: Oh yeah man. Tommy Gavin: Even though she's only got the one leg? Franco Rivera: Tommy, it's a bonus man. Tommy Gavin: How is it a bonus? Franco Rivera: Well it gives you an extra sexual position to enjoy for one, that being her laying on her side, the side with the leg, you straddle said leg and do her sideways without having to worry about the extra pesky leg getting in the way. Tommy Gavin: What about the stump? Franco Rivera: I didn't think about that. Pass.
	Season 3 / Episode 6: - Zombies Kenny Shea: [Looking at Garrity, who's passed out on a bench in the firehouse, to Franco and Mike] Sean of the dead. [Wipes some spinach dip off Garrity's face and eats it] Damn, that's good dip.
	Season 3 / Episode 6: - Zombies Mike Silletti: Why'd you keep the pills if you don't take them anymore? Tommy Gavin: Duh, I'm a junkie.
	Season 3 / Episode 5: - Chlamydia Kenny Lou: Some teacher raped three of her students. Tommy Gavin: Ah... they say anything about chlamydia? Mike Silletti: You mean the band? Sean Garrity: It's not a band you asshole, it's a country. Kenny Lou: It's a venereal disease, monkeys.
	Season 3 / Episode 5: - Chlamydia Jimmy Keefe: It's ironic, ain't it? Tommy Gavin: Ironic? Jimmy Keefe: You know what I'm talking about. Admit it Tommy. You jump in the sack with my old lady and here you are, your own brother putting it to your wife. It's ironic, the definition of the word. Tommy Gavin: I don't think so. Jimmy Keefe: Oh, you don't think so. What is it then, smartass? Enlighten me. Tommy Gavin: It's a little thing called karma. Jimmy Keefe: [pause, considering] Actually, you know what? It is karma. I stand corrected. Tommy Gavin: And the thing about karma is, it just keeps going around and around and around. [Angela comes into view] Jimmy Keefe: What? Is that... oh, c'mon, Johnny's ex? You sick little bastard! And I thought you couldn't go any lower. You're at the Earth's core with this, practically. Tommy Gavin: Yep. Next stop, China.
	Season 3 / Episode 4: - Sparks Tommy Gavin: [after Janet, Maggie, and Sheila all call him one after the other] Boy, it's crazy chick callin' day. [while he's on the phone with Sheila, Mrs Turbody calls him] Boy, it really is crazy chick callin' day.
	Season 3 / Episode 2: - Discovery Sheila: Look! It's a travel mug so you can drink your coffee on your way to work. It's nice right? Tommy Gavin: Oh yeah, it's gorgeous! You know, they should put a little screen on the side so you can watch gay porn in between sips. Sheila: It's nice! Tommy Gavin: It's gay. Sheila: It's got a no-spill feature. A lot of these mugs, they say they have it and it's total bullshit because THIS has an absolute no-spill feature. I read about it in GQ. Tommy Gavin: Yeah? Who wrote the article? Brian Boitano?
	Season 3 / Episode 2: - Discovery Sheila Keefe: [singing] Happy Birth... Tommy's Dad: [interrupting] Shut your hole! I swear you start that happy birthday bullshit, I'll drop my pants right here and piss on this cake and walk right out of here. Tommy Gavin: OK everybody, on 3.
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - Devil Uncle Teddy: Goddammit Jerry, where the hell are my handcuffs? Jesus, what are you, takin' a nap? I could'a killed another five people in here already! Come on, let's go.
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - Devil Tommy Gavin: How ya doin'? Uncle Teddy: I lost another five pounds, 83 total. Tommy Gavin: Wow. Uncle Teddy: Yeah. This murder 1's the best goddamn diet I ever been on.
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - Devil Uncle Teddy: Murder one's the best diet I've ever been on!
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - Devil Tommy's Dad: I dunno how to clean sheets. I'm a gddamn war hero, ahole! Tommy Gavin: Oh, yeah? Well, get your fat gddamn war hero ass into the shower, right now.
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - Devil Tommy Gavin: Oh, no, what'd you - - piss the bed again? Tommy's Dad: I knew I shouldn't have drunk those last five glasses of wine. Tommy Gavin: Gddamn. It's like having a Gddamn baby around the house again.
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - Devil Uncle Teddy: [from jail cell] Lost another 5 pounds. 83 so far. Tommy Gavin: Wow. Uncle Teddy: Yeah, this Murder One diet is the way to go.
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - Devil Uncle Teddy: How's your dick? Tommy Gavin: Out of practice.
	Season 2 / Episode 13: - Justice Father Mickey Gavin: Oh, so, you feeling a little angry? Huh? You feeling a little hurt? You feeling betrayed? Well, congratulations, you're feeling, and you're feeling because you're sober!
	Season 2 / Episode 13: - Justice Tommy's Dad: I'm an old man. So they put me in jail. That could be two weeks for all we know. Uncle Teddy: That could be one week. Tommy's Dad: Thanks, a**hole. Uncle Teddy: Look, you're not doing this, if this goes down, I'm the shooter. Tommy's Dad: I had first dibs. Tommy Gavin: Did you just say dibs?
	Season 2 / Episode 13: - Justice Johnny Gavin: I hope to Christ he doesn't fall off the wagon. Uncle Teddy: I wouldn't blame the guy if he drove the wagon right through the liquor store window and drank the entire inventory.

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