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Characters: #2 of 9 (Full List)
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Played by:
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 | Season 3 / Episode 11: - Twilight Franco Rivera: I think I'm being submarined by a retard. Kenny Lou: [looking at Probie and Garrity] Any you guys buy a submarine? Mike Silletti: No but, that would be so cool. |
| Season 3 / Episode 6: - Zombies Mike Silletti: Why'd you keep the pills if you don't take them anymore? Tommy Gavin: Duh, I'm a junkie. |
| Season 3 / Episode 5: - Chlamydia Kenny Lou: Some teacher raped three of her students. Tommy Gavin: Ah... they say anything about chlamydia? Mike Silletti: You mean the band? Sean Garrity: It's not a band you asshole, it's a country. Kenny Lou: It's a venereal disease, monkeys. |
| Season 2 / Episode 11: - Bitch Chief Jerry Reilly: [seeing Sean and Mike play Scrabble] Look at this: A meeting of the minds and the minds are a no-show. Tommy Gavin: [looking at the Scrabble board] Hmm. "Tag." "Arm." "It." "Go." That's great guys. Laura Miles: Why even bother keepin' score? Mike Silletti: [placing tiles on the board] F-E-L-L. Read it and weap Sean Garrity: Oh, sh*t. How many points? [Sean and Mike just stare at each other, Mike takes a little time to figure it out] Mike Silletti: [after a few minutes] Eight. |
| Season 2 / Episode 5: - Sensitivity Sean Garrity: So you're over the fat chick? Mike Silletti: Totally. Sean Garrity: Yeah? So what's with the new girl, what's her name? Mike Silletti: Allison. Sean Garrity: Can I tell you something bro, concerning Allison? She's gigantic. Mike Silletti: She's tall. Sean Garrity: No. Shaq is tall. Ok? Yo Yo Ming is tall. Franco Rivera: Yao Ming. Sean Garrity: Yo. Franco Rivera: Yao. Sean Garrity: No, I was just-I was just saying hi. Your chick is gigantic. Franco Rivera: Oh, he's back with the fat chick? Sean Garrity: No, he's dating a vet, now. Franco Rivera: What war? Sean Garrity: No. Vet, like cats and dogs. Franco Rivera: And she's fat? Mike Silletti: Tall. Franco Rivera: Oh, how tall are we talkin? Mike Silletti: Like, not that tall, like 6'2" 6'3" and a half? Franco Rivera: So what, are you only doing Guiness book chicks now, is that it Probie? Fattest and tallest, I mean, what's next, a chick with three tits? Sean Garrity: Oh, that'd be great wouldn't it? You know I dated a chick with three nipples, one time? Well, I thought it was a nipple, it turned out to be a boil... Long Pause... Anyway, an extra tit would be great. |
| Season 2 / Episode 5: - Sensitivity Don Kleinman: Ok, we have a hand up. You think you're prejudice. Tommy Gavin: Yup. Don Kleinman: Against who? Tommy Gavin: Well let's see, uh, Chevy Neons that cost 12 Grand to buy but have $8,000 paint jobs and 9 spics inside them smokin' weed, that's one thing. Don Kleinman: Ok, now listen, the term "spic"... Franco Rivera: It's Ok, I'm a spic. Tommy Gavin: Crazy chink broads who don't know how to drive in the first place and now they have cell phones stuck to their ears while they're doing 65 MPH down 6th avenue, huh? Right? And the crazy chinks on bikes with 10 pounds of chinese food strapped to the handlebars... Don Kleinman: Ok, see, now the word "chink" is what I like to call a problem word. Sean Garrity: ...raises his hand... Yeah, uh, if I were a chink I'd rather be called a chink then a gook. Don Kleinman: Ok, now hold on. Listen to me please. Chinese people would not like to be called gook or chink or pan face or zipper-head or... Franco Rivera: See? That's another thing-Puerto Ricans, we even get shafted when it comes to racism. Chinks get like what, 4 ethnic slurs? We get one-spic, that's it. The Irish, they got: Mick, Paddy, Donkey. The Italians, they got: Guinea, WOP, Deigo... Sean Garrity: ...raises his hand... Yeah, uh, Sphagetti Bender... Franco Rivera: Ehhh, Sphagetti Bender went out of style during Sinatra's first marriage. Mike Silletti: ...raises his hand... Greaseball? Franco Rivera: Yeah, greaseball. There ya have it. That's four. Tommy Gavin: That's right, you know, same thing with the Jews, right? Heeb, Kike, Jew-Boy, Benny... Franco Rivera: Shiloch Tommy Gavin: That's five. Franco Rivera: Yeah, black people, forget about it. Spear-Chucker, Jungle Bunny, Raisin Head, Porch Monkey, Spook Tommy Gavin: Shyne Sean Garrity: Tar-Baby Franco Rivera: It's endless, totally unfair. Tommy Gavin: Yeah Don Kleinman: ...all turn and look to the front at Don who is looking in complete disbelief... Franco Rivera: What? |
| Season 2 / Episode 4: - Twat Sean Garrity: Whoa, what's with the piece? Mike Silletti: Huh? Sean Garrity: The Gun Mike Silletti: Oh, um, nothin, I just... Sean Garrity: Not thinkin about usin' that thing are ya? Mike Silletti: No. Sean Garrity: Listen, I heard about you and Theresa. You're not gonna off yourself are ya? Mike Silletti: No, of course not. Sean Garrity: Alright, well what're you gonna do? You're not gonna shoot her... Mike Silletti: I was maybe gonna scare her a little. Sean Garrity: It's a good idea, chicks love that, ya know? Wave a gun in their face-it's their blowjob. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 4: - DNA Kenny Lou: Sounds like this guy's got a Savior complex. Mike Silletti: What's that? Kenny Lou: Well, you saved his life. He feels indebted to you. It happens to all of us. One time, I save this old broad, she just had to thank me. So get this. She puts me in her will. Mike Silletti: Wow. What happened? Kenny Lou: Nothing. Waiting for her to die. |
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