Reba Quotes

Reba

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Season 6 / Episode 13: - The Kids Are Alright Reba Hart: We're survivors.
	Season 6 / Episode 3: - Trading Spaces Kyra: Hi everyone! Reba: Where have you been? Kyra: Getting milk.
	Season 5 / Episode 22: - Reba's Heart Cheyenne Hart-Montgomery: Reba needs surgery [Surgery,Van I can't believe this] [She'll be all right she's a survivor]
	Season 5 / Episode 18: - The Blonde Leading The Blind Barbra Jean Booker Hart: [to a blind Reba] Since you can't watch TV, I thought that for entertainment, I could read to you. Reba Hart: Read? Why, just to prove you can? Barbra Jean Booker Hart: I chose a classic, "Oliver Twist". Let's see...[flipping through the pages] Boring, boring, boring, blah, blah, blah, orphan, orphan, orphan. Ah, OK, here we go. [in an English accent] Please sir, I want some more. [in a deep, distorted, whale-like voice] More? Reba Hart: Are you still reading or did you just pass gas?
	Season 5 / Episode 13: - Don't Mess With Taxes Barbra Jean: You know how i've been doing all of our tax returns? Reba: Yeah, what's the problem? Barbra Jean: I'VE been doing all of our tax returns! here, take a look! Reba: Well, right off the bat i'd say you should stop doing the "I heart the IRS" stuff. It makes you sound desperate. Barbra Jean: I am desperate! Oh, Reba i'm goin down! I'm headed for the big house! Reba: Oh, barbara jean. Barbra Jean: Promise me Reba, if i get sent to prison you will do something to get sent to prison too! And then we'll break out like on that show! You're gonna have to get the layout of the prison tatooed on your body so you're gonna need to gain some weight! Oh, GOD! Reba: Calm down! Barbra Jean: Oh, I love how tough you are. When we're in prison, i'm so gonna be your girlfriend! Reba: Barbara jean, they only send you to prison if you lie on these forms... not because you put glitter all over it! Barbra Jean: I would never knowingly lie! it would be because i just made these mistakes because i don't know what i'm doing, right? Reba: Yeah, you should plead dumb! trust me after they talk to you for awhile they'll let you off. Heck, they'll probably even pay for your ride home! Barbra Jean: Even if we didn't go to prison i would SO still be your girlfriend!
	Season 5 / Episode 13: - Don't Mess With Taxes Van Montgomery: Cheyanne i do not wanna go to some stpid husband panel! We have a flat screen high definition T.V.! I finally have something to grow old and get fat in front of!
	Season 5 / Episode 9: - Invasion Cheyenne: [about the guest list for Thanksgiving] So who's all comin? Reba: Well, let's see; there's you and Van and not Barbara Jean; Jake and Elizabeth, and not Barbara Jean; and your dad and not Barbara Jean. Cheyenne: I get it, Barbra Jean, Henry, and Kyra all went to Lubock Reba: And for this we give thanks!
	Season 5 / Episode 6: - Best Li'l Haunted House in Texas Cheyenne: [as Van eats cereal directly out of the box] What are you doing? Van Montgomery: I'm trying to get the prize, and if I do it with my hands it'll be unsanitary. Cheyenne: Is the prize three cavities and a gut? Van Montgomery: [laughing] Oh! Ha,ha! You're funny. That's why I married you - your sense of humor. Oh wait, no. It was the baby.
	Season 5 / Episode 5: - No Good Deed Barbra Jean: I see. Is it because we're black? Reba: Barbra Jean you're white, you're the whitest person in Texas.
	Season 4 / Episode 21: - Help Wanted Van Montgomery: [to Cheyenne, holding the bottle] Is this yours? Cheyenne: No! Why would it be mine? Van Montgomery: Well it's not mine, and if it's not yours, then our 3-year old has a MAJOR problem! Cheyenne... what's going on?
	Season 4 / Episode 19: - Driving Miss Kyra Barbra Jean: She's not picking up! Do you know what this means? Reba: She has Caller ID?
	Season 4 / Episode 16: - Who Killed Brock? Kyra: Barbra Jean wanted me to get a tape of the dog to give to the police Cheyenne: Why didn't you just give them a picture? Kyra: "Because it doesn't capture her spirit." Reba: She's only had the dog a week. How many tapes could she have? Kyra: These are just from yesterday. Check this out. Reba: Wow, I feel sorry for the poor sap who had to videotape all that. Kyra: 80 bucks is 80 bucks.
	Season 4 / Episode 16: - Who Killed Brock? Van Montgomery: You know Mr. H, you should try waxing. I tried once and I am hooked!
	Season 4 / Episode 13: - Date Of Mirth Brock Hart: [speaking of Barbra Jean and Brock's therapist who asked Reba out] You can't go out with him. Reba: Why not? Brock Hart: Barbra Jean likes him. Reba: What? Brock Hart: But she wouldn't steal anyone you like. [Reba looks at him] Anyone you like now, anyone you like now.
	Season 4 / Episode 11: - Diamond Jim Brady Cheyenne: He broke his butt! Well he bruised his tailbone... but let's face it, he broke his butt! [everyone laughs]
	Season 4 / Episode 7: - All Fore One Brock Hart: [about Reba's threat to put a picture of him with "fuemanchops" in the newspaper] Go ahead and put that picture in the paper I looked good sister.
	Season 4 / Episode 7: - All Fore One Reba: [about Brock decideing to sell his practice or become a professional golfer] Good, I'm so glad you finally chose something, when do I get my money? Brock Hart: You'll get your money, I'm going to go the driving range and work on my interview skills. Reba: When do I get my money? Brock Hart: No, No, No I couldn't be the next Tiger Woods.
	Season 4 / Episode 1: - The Accidental Role Model Van Montgomery: It was then that the realized neither one of them needed a man...
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - The Cat's Meow Reba: Jake, why aren't you eating? Jake Hart: I don't have a spoon. Reba: Is this your first breakfast?
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - The Cat's Meow Barbra Jean: Hey Kyra, how was school? Kyra: Good- but I really missed you today. [Hugs Barbra Jean] Barbra Jean: Oh. I know you want something... but this is one fiddle that says, "Play Me."
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - The Cat's Meow Kyra: I'm not even sure my dad's really allergic to cats. He just doesn't want one. He told my mom once that he was allergic to minivans. Barbra Jean: Oh, he is Kyra. We test drove one.
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - The Cat's Meow Barbra Jean: We'll keep her in the attic. [pauses] No, the cattic. [laughs] Oh that is a great place to hide a cat, in fact it's almost- [pauses] Say it. Come on, Kyra. Kyra: Purrr-fect
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - The Cat's Meow Reba: See, that's the bad thing about Brock and Barbra Jean living right down the street. [pauses] That and the fact that Brock and Barbra Jean live right down the street.
	Season 3 / Episode 7: - The Ghost and Mrs. Hart Cheyenne: [Coming down the stairs] Alright the kids are all bathed and ready for bed and Elizabeth is waiting for you upstairs to go sing your goofy opera version of "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star". Van Montgomery: Well singin' opera won't make her smarter. Cheyenne: What are you talking about? Van Montgomery: I've been reading these child development books and we've been doing it all wrong with Elizabeth. Cheyenne: I don't think so, Van. Van Montgomery: Oh yes we have! We've wasted so much time! All that time I spent blowin' on her stomach I could have been teachin' her the periodic table of elements! Cheyenne: Van, Elizabeth laughs when you blow on her stomach. Van Montgomery: Well, there's plenty of time for laughter later when she's a chemist! Cheyenne: Okay, alright, look I do not know what you are all worked up about. I told you it is completely normal for kids to develop at different rates. Van Montgomery: Yeah but what if she's behind the other kids to begin with? Cheyenne: Why would she be behind? Van Montgomery: Because of me. Maybe I'm not the sharpest tool in the chanderlier. Cheyenne: You're plenty sharp. Van Montgomery: Yeah right! I couldn't tie my shoe until I was five years old. Cheyenne: Yeah and your mom told me why. Because when you'd put the little rabbit through the rabbit hole all of the sudden your shoes would turn into a spaceship or racecars and you'd run off in your socks playing this incredibly creative game. Van Montgomery: Yeah those rabbits were kinda hilarious! Cheyenne: You are kinda hilarious and inventive and smart and your daughter is gonna be the same way. Van Montgomery: I meant to say "the sharpest tool in the shed". Cheyenne: I like the way you said it the first time. [They kiss] Van Montgomery: I'm gonna go check on the kids. [Operatic] Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star...
	Season 3 / Episode 7: - The Ghost and Mrs. Hart Reba: You can't be afraid of ghosts! You're brave! I've seen you eat raisenet off the sidewalk! Barbra Jean: It was a Junior Mint and I caught it before it hit the ground! Besides what do you know about fear Miss I'm-Not-Afraid-Of-Anything? Reba: Why does everybody say that I'm not afraid of anything? Barbra Jean: Because you're not. You're not afraid of the dark or thunder or wearin' pink with red hair. Which is not wise but you do it. You're fearless Reba! Reba: It's not that I'm fearless, it's just that I think believing in ghosts is silly! Barbra Jean: Well, you wouldn't think it was so silly if the ghost was after you! Reba: What are you talking about? Barbra Jean: If I tell you,you're just gonna make fun of me. Reba: Barbra Jean I'm already makin' fun of you. Barbra Jean: Alright if you must know the ghost is after me because I'm a bad person. Reba: What? Barbra Jean: I stole your husband, I broke up your family and now I have a way better house than you do! Reba: So the reason you're afraid of ghosts is because you think they're gonna punish you for what you did? Barbra Jean: Yeah. Reba: Oh Barbra Jean, if anybody's gonna punish you it's me! And I promise you, when I die I will haunt you! Every noise you hear, everytime you trip, every bad hair day it'll be me! Barbra Jean: Oh Reba, don't try to make me feel better! It just makes it worse because this horrible thing that I've done that I can't undo [starts to cry] I did to my very best friend! Reba: Barbra Jean, we're not best friends. [pause] Barbra Jean things happen for a reason. Like maybe you're in my life because [pauses and tries to think of a reason Barbra Jean is in her life] Barbra Jean: Reba? [Reba puts up her hand to quiet Barbra Jean while she tries to think] Reba: [Thinks of something] I needed someone to ruin everything for me. Barbra Jean: Well, yeah, I can see how that was helpful. Reba: No, no, no, you know what maybe it was! I lived through my biggest fears. My husband left, Kyra moved out and things seemed to be just fallin' apart! You know, nothing gets scarier than that! But because of you I know that I can deal with anything now. Barbra Jean: Wow [Touches Reba's knee] I wish I had the kind of courage brought on by a deep personal tragedy. Reba: Well you married Brock, that's a start! [Removes Barbra Jean's hand]
	Season 3 / Episode 2: - War and Peace Reba: Do you know what a teenager is? Barbra Jean: A demon? Reba: A bully. What I'm sayin is if they know you're scared, you're dead. Barbra Jean: But I am scared. Reba: Of course you're scared, you're dealin with a demon!
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - She's Leaving Home, Bye Bye Van Montgomery: God has a great sense of humor. Look at ostriches!
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - She's Leaving Home, Bye Bye Kyra Hart: Oh, now you're gonna cry? Cheyenne Hart-Montgomery: [bawling] No, I'm not gonna cry! Kyra Hart: Oh, c'mon, like that's the worst thing I've said to you. Van Montgomery: Although, it is right up there with "Mrs. Forrest Gump".
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - She's Leaving Home, Bye Bye Kyra Hart: Since when is getting pregnant at seventeen required in high school? Cheyenne Hart-Montgomery: Hey, you don't know what's required in high school!
	Season 2 / Episode 16: - Valentine's Day Barbra Jean: [To Brian about him and Reba being a couple.] I am so happy you two found each other, it used to be so awkward, 'Reba Hart, party of one!'[Reba walks in] And look at her, she's got that love glow Reba: It's a fever sweat, Barbara Jean. Barbra Jean: Oh yeah, a love fever [puts her hand on Reba's forehead.] Reba: I'll bite you.

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