Quantum Leap Quotes

Quantum Leap

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Season 5 / Episode 22: - Mirror Image - August 8, 1953 Sam: [chuckles] Al's uncle? Al, the Bartender: [smiles] I've always found coincidence amusing. Sam: And you expect me to buy that I'm leaping me? Al, the Bartender: Sam, if you became a priest... Sam: I've been a priest... Al, the Bartender: So you have. If the priesthood had been your chosen life, even though the Church might sent you from parish to parish, don't you have to accept responsibility for the life you lead? Sam: Even priests can quit. Al, the Bartender: That's true. But they can also take sabbaticals, especially before embarking on a difficult new assignment. Sam: Are you saying the Leaps are going to get tougher? Al, the Bartender: [putting his hand on Sam's shoulder] Where would you like to go, Sam? Sam: Home. Sam: I'd like to go home. But I can't. Can I? I've got a wrong to put right for Al. You knew, didn't you? Al, the Bartender: [smiles] God bless, Sam.
	Season 5 / Episode 22: - Mirror Image - August 8, 1953 Al, the Bartender: At the risk of over inflating your ego Sam, you've done more. The lives you've touched, touched others. And those lives, others! You've done a lot of good Sam Beckett. And you can do a lot more.
	Season 5 / Episode 22: - Mirror Image - August 8, 1953 Sam: Captain Galaxy? Ziggy Ziganovich: No, it's Catain Z-Ro. Is there a Captain Galaxy too? Sam: Yes. Ziggy Ziganovich: It must be on channel 8. Al don't get channel 8 so good. Only sometimes late at night, when the signal bounces off the iodine layer. Sam: You mean the ionosphere. The signal bounces off the ionosphere. Ziggy Ziganovich: Yeah, that too.
	Season 5 / Episode 22: - Mirror Image - August 8, 1953 Ziggy Ziganovich: Empty cabbages fly everywhere. Sam: You mean empty cartridges. Ziggy Ziganovich: Yeah, that too.
	Season 5 / Episode 22: - Mirror Image - August 8, 1953 Al, the Bartender: Maybe he's here for the same reason you are; to have a beer. Stawpah: I never drink beer Al. You know that. Al, the Bartender: That's right, I forgot. Stawpah: You never forget nothing Al. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if you did forget. Al, the Bartender: Things might go a little ca-ca.
	Season 5 / Episode 22: - Mirror Image - August 8, 1953 Ziggy Ziganovich: Don't let Stawpah get your goat. He forgets he's not in Russia anymore, where everybody works for the the BVD. Sam: You mean the KGB. Ziggy Ziganovich: Yeah... Ziggy Ziganovich: That too.
	Season 5 / Episode 22: - Mirror Image - August 8, 1953 Sam: So Al comes up with al the nick names around here? Stawpah: Why you need to know about our nicknames? Sam: I need it for my BVD report.
	Season 5 / Episode 22: - Mirror Image - August 8, 1953 Sam: Why did you tell I was Safety Inspector? Stawpah: Company men like Collins make me cripple, so I make him sweat. Sam: Look Stawpah. You've got a lot to be bitter about. But how is sweating Collins gonna help Tonci and Pete down there? Stawpah: You're right. I need find way get them out this time. They cold, wet, scared. Pete real scared 'cause he no can see his brother. Sam: What about their lamps? Stawpah: Carbide lamp burn air, so Tonchi put it out. It black like coal down there. but that not worst thing. Worst thing is water. Pump no work in bottom. Water already up to Tonchi belt. We no get them out soon, they no come out. Sam: How do you know all this? Stawpah: I been there. Too many times. SAM I hd thought Stawpah's pain had turned him bitter and blind to anyone's plight but his own. I was wrong. He needed to save Tonchi and Pete as much as I did. Maybe more.
	Season 5 / Episode 22: - Mirror Image - August 8, 1953 Al, the Bartender: You're not here to save them. Sam: How did you know what I was thinking? Al, the Bartender: A good bartender has to be part philosopher, part psychiatrist, part psycic. Sam: Al, I'd like to talk to the philosopher part. Al, the Bartender: I just stick to the basics. Sam: Okay, okay. "To be or not to be," "I think therefore I am," That sort of thing? Al, the Bartender: Uh-huh. Sam: Uh-Huh. Why am I here? Al, the Bartender: Why do you think you're? Sam: No, no, no, no. That's answering a question with a question. That's psychiatrist stuff, all right? We're talking philosophy. Now why am I here? Al, the Bartender: You're beginning to think you're here to save Tonchi and Pete. Sam: But I'm not. Al, the Bartender: Not directly. Sam: What about indirectly? Al, the Bartender: Who knows what Don Quixote can accomplish? Sam: Who are you? Al, the Bartender: Bartender. Sam: Who knows everything? Al, the Bartender: Only God knows everything. Al, the Bartender: You don't really think I'm god, do you? Sam: You're more than just a bartender. Al, the Bartender: Well that's true. I own the place too.
	Season 5 / Episode 5: - Killin' Time - June 18, 1958 Sam: Gooshie, why are you fading in and out like that? Gooshie: [distorted] I must not be tuned into your exact brain wave. Sam: And your voice is... Gooshie: [distorted] Ziggy did kind of a rush job. Sam: What are you doing here? Gooshie: [distorted] Adm. Calavicci told me to let you know if Ziggy came up with any new information. Sam: Did she? Gooshie: [distorted] Well, she says by not surrendering, you've changed history. Sam: For the better, I hope. Gooshie: [distorted] In a way... Sam: [sternly] Gooshie. Gooshie: [distorted] Now, instead of getting shot outside the house, you get shot inside. Exactly ninety-one minutes from now, Sheriff Hoyt is going to storm this house and kill you. I'm afraid there's more. During the shooting, the little girl gets caught in the crossfire. Dr. Beckett, she's going to be killed.
	Season 5 / Episode 5: - Killin' Time - June 18, 1958 Ziggy: Good evening, Admiral. Before we begin the profile scan, I'd like to take this opportunity to express my admiration for your selfless attempt to rescue Dr. Beckett. It is a fitting testimony to the bonding which humans tend to display toward others of their species. Unfortunately, I project a less than 34% chance of success. Al: Well, thanks for the vote of confidence.
	Season 5 / Episode 5: - Killin' Time - June 18, 1958 Gooshie: [distorted] According to this, there's a 91% chance you should be leaping. Apparently, saving the little girl accomplished your mission. Except... Sam: Except I can't leap because we don't have Stiles in the waiting room. Gooshie: [distorted] Time and space can be a bitch.
	Season 5 / Episode 5: - Killin' Time - June 18, 1958 Al: Leon, I know you're confused, but the truth is, you don't belong here. Leon Stiles: What is this, some kind of dream or something? Al: No, it's not a dream! I came to take you back, Leon. Leon Stiles: Back to where? Al: Back to 1958. There was a mix-up in an experiment and accidentally, you traveled forty years into the future. You traded places with a friend of mine who's stuck back in '58! Leon Stiles: You think I'm stupid? Al: Would I make up a story like this? Leon Stiles: People don't just jump into other people's lives! Al: Well, my friend does.
	Season 5 / Episode 2: - Lee Harvey Oswald Part II - October 5, 1957-November 22, 1963 Admiral Al Calavicci: Your Swiss cheese brain probably doesn't remember. Originally, he got Jackie too.
	Season 5 / Episode 2: - Lee Harvey Oswald Part II - October 5, 1957-November 22, 1963 Gushie: Ziggy computes the best option under the circumstances is to do nothing. Admiral Al Calavicci: Well Ziggy doesn't want to make another mistake. Gushie: Perhaps, but if Dr. Beckett leaped into Oswald to uncover the conspiracy, then doing nothing is an effective course of action. Admiral Al Calavicci: How the hell do you figure that? Gushie: Whether Dr. Beckett is himself or Lee Harvey Oswald is immaterial. Either way, you'll be there to observe. To watch the sixth floor window, the grassy knoll, the railroad overpass. You'll see it all! You'll know the truth. Admiral Al Calavicci: Yeah, but I won't be able to stop it! Gushie: I realize that Admiral, but you yourself said that's not what Dr. Beckett was leaped back to do. Admiral Al Calavicci: Well, what if I was wrong? What if that's precisely the reason that Sam was leaped back? Gushie: Then Oswald would have to be the sole assassin. Admiral Al Calavicci: That's right! Gushie: No conspiracy? Admiral Al Calavicci: No. Just one angry, envious man who wanted to propel himself into infamy! Gushie: But one lone man? Admiral Al Calavicci: I know it's more comforting to believe in plots, because if Kennedy could be killed that easily, by one sicko, what hope is there for the rest of us? Gushie: Admiral, what are you gonna do? Admiral Al Calavicci: To try and find the truth.
	Season 5 / Episode 2: - Lee Harvey Oswald Part II - October 5, 1957-November 22, 1963 Lee Harvey Oswald: I admire the president very much! Admiral Al Calavicci: You admire him, but you're gonna kill him. Lee Harvey Oswald: That's what this is about! You're secret service and you're detaining me because you think I'm going to shoot the president. Admiral Al Calavicci: I KNOW you're going to shoot the president. What I want to know is are you acting alone? Lee Harvey Oswald: I don't even own a gun! Admiral Al Calavicci: You own a 6.5mm Mannlicher-Carcano rifle and an S&W .38 special. The rifle is wrapped in a blanket at Ruth Paine's house and the pistol is at your rooming house at 1026 North Beckley. You ordered both of these guns through the mail under the alias of Alex J. Hidell. Lee Harvey Oswald: Marina! She told you these lies! Admiral Al Calavicci: Marina told me nothing. But, when questioned, she'll talk about the shot you took at General Walker. And she'll talk about locking you in the bathroom when Nixon came to Dallas because she was afraid that you were going to try and shoot him too! Lee Harvey Oswald: I want a lawyer! Admiral Al Calavicci: There's no lawyer here, there's just you and me and the truth! Lee Harvey Oswald: I know my rights. I'm a member of the ACLU and I have... Admiral Al Calavicci: [grabs Oswald's shirt and pulls him close] You're going to shoot the president from the sixth floor window of the Texas schoolbook depository! Lee Harvey Oswald: You're crazy! Admiral Al Calavicci: You're damn right I'm crazy. [pulls a gun out of his back pocket] I'm crazy enough to blow your brains out through your ear if I don't get the truth! Lee Harvey Oswald: I don't believe in killing someone just because I disagree with their politics! Admiral Al Calavicci: ARE you acting alone? Lee Harvey Oswald: I-I want a lawyer. [Al pulls the trigger right next to Oswald's ear] I'M DEAF! I'M DEAF! Admiral Al Calavicci: You're gonna be dead in a minute if you don't tell me the truth! Lee Harvey Oswald: Okay, Okay. Just don't hurt me. I'm not gonna shoot the president. [Al grabs his shirt again] But, I know is. Admiral Al Calavicci: Who? Lee Harvey Oswald: Hidell. The guy who ordered the guns in the mail. He's the one who - [changes to Sam's voice] I'm lying Al. Admiral Al Calavicci: Sam! Lee Harvey Oswald: [in Sam's voice] There is no conspiracy. I'm acting alone and you have got to stop me. Admiral Al Calavicci: I can't reach you Sam. He's taken over completely! Lee Harvey Oswald: [in Sam's voice] You have to. You have to, or else it's gonna happen all over again. You have to find - [changes back to Oswald's voice] - Hidell. Find Alik J. Hidell. That's the man who's going to shoot the president.
	Season 5 / Episode 1: - Lee Harvey Oswald Part I - October 5, 1957-November 22, 1963 Oswald: Hidell, Alex James. Private, first class. Serial number: 1522597. Al: Hidell? You're saying your name is Hidell? Oswald: What are you, hard of hearing? [Al consults his handlink] What's that? Al: Uh, it's a tape recorder. New model. Oswald: You won't need it. I've already told you everything I'm obliged to tell you under the rules of the Geneva Convention. Al: Well, you're obliged to tell the truth. 1653230, that's your real serial number, isn't it, Private Oswald? Oswald: [pause] That's no tape recorder. Al: So we both lied.
	Season 4 / Episode 22: - A Leap For Lisa - June 25, 1957 Cmdr. Dobbs: How long were you on the cliff watching someone rape your wife - ? Cmdr. Riker: Not just someone. It was Ensign Calavicci. Cmdr. Dobbs: Before you tried to get to the beach? Cmdr. Riker: A minute... maybe two. Cmdr. Dobbs: A minute or two? [pauses and looks at his watch] JAG Officer: Sir, I object. Cmdr. Dobbs: I'm trying to demonstrate how long two minutes really is. Admiral: I had a ship blown out from under me in the Leyte Gulf in less than two minutes, commander. I can be a lifetime... or a blink of the eye. Now, get on with it. Cmdr. Dobbs: Did you do anything during this two minutes other than watch? Cmdr. Riker: No, I believe I did not. Cmdr. Dobbs: You didn't yell? Cmdr. Riker: Yell? Cmdr. Dobbs: "Hey, stop that!" JAG Officer: I object. Defense council is badgering the witness. Cmdr. Dobbs: The commander requested clarification, I simply gave it to him. Admiral: Objection overruled. Cmdr. Dobbs: Did you yell? Cmdr. Riker: No, sir. Cmdr. Dobbs: You watched a man rape your wife for a minute or two and didn't even yell "Stop"? Cmdr. Riker: No, sir. Cmdr. Dobbs: For God's sake, commander, why not? Cmdr. Riker: Because she deserved it.
	Season 4 / Episode 22: - A Leap For Lisa - June 25, 1957 Al: We've got deep trouble here, Sam. The odds of my getting convicted are 92% now and they're going up. Sam: Riker's testimony was devastating. Al: Well, un-devastate it. Sam: I think I will. I think I'll go find the killer. Al: Well, what are you doing here then? Sam: Standing trail under guard. Al: God, 95%. Now they're 95%. Sam: What does Bingo say about Saturday night? Al: Same thing I said, of course. Met Lisa at the Sea Breeze Hotel and that was before Marci disappeared from the O Club. [looks at handlink] Now there's a 96% chance I'm convicted. 97%! Geez, ninety-eight! Ninety-nine! Sam: For God's sake, stop it. Edward St. John V: One hundred. [Sam turns and sees a stranger standing in Al's place, holding the handlink] Yes, there is a 100% certainty that Ensign Calavicci will be found guilty and executed in the gas chamber.
	Season 4 / Episode 19: - Moments to Live - May 4, 1985 Dr. Sam Beckett: That can't be ethical. Admiral Al Calavicci: No, it's television.
	Season 4 / Episode 18: - It's a Wonderful Leap - May 10, 1958 Admiral Al Calavicci: They must serve a lot of sweets in heaven. Angelita Carmen Guadalupe Cecelia Jiminez: Well, you're never going to find out. Admiral Al Calavicci: Oh? Why not? Angelita Carmen Guadalupe Cecelia Jiminez: There's a dress code.
	Season 4 / Episode 16: - Ghost Ship - August 13, 1956 Dr. Sam Beckett: I can fly! Admiral Al Calavicci: You can dial.
	Season 4 / Episode 1: - The Leap Back - June 15, 1945 Sam: Revenge is mine, saith the hologram!
	Season 4 / Episode 1: - The Leap Back - June 15, 1945 Mike: Well, Tom, you just spent three years in a P.O.W. camp. They didn't feed you much, did they? Admiral Al Calavicci: A bowl of rice a day. Mike: The Germans fed you rice? Admiral Al Calavicci: The V.C. Mike: V.C.? Sam: Al, Al, you're not Admiral Al Calavicci; you're Captain Tom somebody, and you better start acting like him until Ziggy tells us what you're here to change. Admiral Al Calavicci: Oh. How? Sam: How? Admiral Al Calavicci: [Typing on hand-link] There's nobody home. Sam: Don't look at me, look at him. Mike: Everybody's home. They're all still asleep. Is that some new kind of walkie-talkie? Sam: Uh, yeah, yeah, you're testing it for the government. It's top secret. Admiral Al Calavicci: Oh, yes, this is top secret, and I'm testing it for the Pentagon. Sam: That's good enough. Put it away. Admiral Al Calavicci: Put it away. Mike: Just got liberated from a P.O.W. camp, and they've already given you a new duty assignment. Admiral Al Calavicci: Just like the Navy. Sam: Army. Admiral Al Calavicci: Army. Mike: You okay, Tom? Sam: Uh, ask him how she is. Admiral Al Calavicci: H-how she is. Sam: There's always a she. Ask him how she is. Admiral Al Calavicci: How she is?
	Season 4 / Episode 1: - The Leap Back - June 15, 1945 Sam: Ziggy? Ziggy: That was a quickie, Dr. Beckett. Sam: What have you got on Al? Ziggy: He's 175.26 centimeters tall, weighs 70.91... Sam: Ziggy! Ziggy: Yes, doctor? Sam: Give me what I want, baby. Ziggy: Ooh, if you weren't my father.
	Season 4 / Episode 1: - The Leap Back - June 15, 1945 Admiral Al Calavicci: [notices a sexy woman passing by on the street] This isn't fair. Sam, a beautiful body like that and I'm just thinking pure thoughts? Damn it!
	Season 4 / Episode 1: - The Leap Back - June 15, 1945 Sam: I know how to open the chamber door. I designed Ziggy with a back-door code so that I could override any command, even one dealing with catastrophic failure. All we have to do is get the code to Gushie. Admiral Al Calavicci: Well, that should be easy; all we have to do is wait half a century. Sam: Well, in a sense, yes, but for us it'll be instantaneous. Now, we've gotta figure out what the date is where I'm at today. Admiral Al Calavicci: September 18th, 1999. Sam: Your swiss-cheesed brain remembers today's date? Admiral Al Calavicci: My fifth wife is suing me for more alimony, and that's the court date. There's some days you don't forget. Sam: Okay, okay. We deliver a letter to Gushie on September the 18th, nineteen-hundred and ninety-nine. Admiral Al Calavicci: Who's gonna wait 54 years to deliver a letter? Sam: The post office. And my dad's lawyer, Doc Krosnov. We mail Doc Krosnov a letter, right? With, say, a hundred bucks. Admiral Al Calavicci: For the stamp. Sam: No, no, no, it's 1945. $100 will do very nicely. We mail him $100 with instructions to deliver the code on September the 18th, nineteen-hundred and ninety-nine.
	Season 4 / Episode 1: - The Leap Back - June 15, 1945 Sam: Ziggy? Ziggy: Yeeeeessssss? Sam: Do you have enough... Ziggy: Data to give you a reasonably accurate projection as to why Admiral Calavicci has leapt into Crown Point, Indiana, in the year 1945? Sam: Ziggy? Ziggy: Yes, Dr. Beckett? Sam: You've made brilliant theoretical hypotheses with minimal data over the last four years. Ziggy: That's true. Sam: I'd like you to do one now. Ziggy: I don't think so, doctor. Dr. Donna Eleese: Why not? Ziggy: I'm dealing with too many data-limiting factors: the admiral, this Captain Tom Jarret he's leapt into, a year no one had the foresight to preload into my memory banks. Actually, I was doing quite well absorbing the year until Franklin Delano Roosevelt died; it depressed me. Try me in 11.6 hours. Sam: What if the admiral doesn't have 11.6 hours? Ziggy: I believe your brain is still slightly magnafluxed, doctor, or you'd remember I never experience guilt. That's a flaw found only in human computers. Good night, doctor. Have fun, you two. Sam: Ziggy! Dr. Donna Eleese: It won't do any good. Sam: Why'd I give him Barbara Streisand's ego?
	Season 4 / Episode 1: - The Leap Back - June 15, 1945 Admiral Al Calavicci: [thinking] Take a hike, Mr. morals; Calavicci has taken over.
	Season 4 / Episode 1: - The Leap Back - June 15, 1945 Sam: You have great eyes. Dr. Donna Eleese: Are you talking about the way they look or my vision? Sam: Yes.

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