5x01 Romeo and Juliet and Juliet

Shawn Spencer: Excuse me, I'm here for a class.
Clerk: This class?
Shawn Spencer: Yeah, I believe it starts in...
Clerk: Five minutes.
Shawn Spencer: Right, five minutes from now. I'm usually 10 minutes early, so I'm already feeling behind.
Clerk: This class is for five- to eight-year-olds.
Shawn Spencer: Yes. Yes, it is. And, uh, that's what I call...
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Discrimination.

Clerk: Discrimination?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Yes, and ageism.
Clerk: Who are you?

Burton 'Gus' Guster: I'm his lawyer.
Shawn Spencer: That's right.
Clerk: You brought a lawyer?
Shawn Spencer: I keep a lawyer on retainer at all times. There is so much injustice in the world that you practically can't leave home without one. And apparently, today it paid off.
Clerk: Right, okay. Well, I will see you in court, then. Now...
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Perfect. Now I need a statement from you. And as we plan to try this in both civil and criminal court, I'll need the police here as well. Can I use your phone, or do you only let the white people use that?
Clerk: Who said anything about white people?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: You just did.
Clerk: The words "white people" did not come out of my mouth.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: There they are again. Luckily, I had my hand recorder on for that one. By the way, I am now disclosing that this conversation is being recorded.
Clerk: Recorded? Okay, this is crazy.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Crazy? You wanna know crazy? I sued 300 businesses last year alone. I sued a hot dog cart and got everything but the wheels and the buns, which I won in the civil case two months later. Now, if you don't mind, before I start snapping evidence photos, I'm a little parched, so can you tell me which one of these fountains I'm allowed to use?

Shawn Spencer: Mr. Chiang, I'm the resident psychic here. My name is Shawn Spencer. This is my partner, Jonathan Jacob "Jingly" Smith.
Arthur Chiang: You're saying his name is John Jacob "Jingleheimer" Schmidt?
Shawn Spencer: That's correct, sir. We use to share the name. I changed mine because of all the people shouting when I went out.
Karen Vick: I don't remember calling you, Mr. Spencer.
Shawn Spencer: Didn't have to, Chief. This case called me.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: It called collect.
Shawn Spencer: That's right. Which was odd, because I'm also on Twitter. And the cases usually tweet me. Let's be honest, Chief, kidnapping is my thing. This case is tailor-made for a psychic.
Karen Vick: I guess it does make a little bit of sense.

Shawn Spencer: And it turns out, business is just a little slower than expected.
Ken: You guys hired me four days ago.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Much slower.
Shawn Spencer: But the thing is my dad got a job at the police station, right? So we assumed that we'd get more cases.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: He assumed. I called this from a mile away.
Shawn Spencer: Exactly. Wait a... Holy crap, you're doing good cop.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: I know.