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Gary Unmarried tv show

Gary Unmarried

- Episode Quotes

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Gary Unmarried Quotes

01x05 - Gary Breaks Up His Ex-Wife and Girlfriend Season 1 / Episode 5: - Gary Breaks Up His Ex-Wife and Girlfriend

Allison Brooks: The Russian poet Shovasokinit?
Gary Brooks: Yes, and his wife Offenisabitch.
01x04 - Gary Gets His Stuff Back Season 1 / Episode 4: - Gary Gets His Stuff Back

Gary Brooks: Hey Louise. How was your day?
Louise Brooks: Terrible. Remember when I wrote that letter to the E.P.A. about toxic insulation in our school?
Gary Brooks: [shakes his head "No"] Yeah, honey, you right a lot of letters.
Louise Brooks: Well, it's gonna cost the school $50,000 to fix it, so they're cancelling the Art program!
Gary Brooks: How was your day, Tommy?
Tom Brooks: Great! I just found out I don't have to take Art, so...
01x04 - Gary Gets His Stuff Back Season 1 / Episode 4: - Gary Gets His Stuff Back

Gary Brooks: Argh! Oh my gosh, the divorce agreement: the piece of paper that stipulates that you always get the upper-hand, and I get the finger!
01x04 - Gary Gets His Stuff Back Season 1 / Episode 4: - Gary Gets His Stuff Back

Gary Brooks: You know, I wish you would stop bringing up that stupid divorce agreement, because I signed it under duress.
Allison Brooks: Oh, how were you under duress?
Gary Brooks: They said if I didn't sign it, I'd have to stay married to you!
01x02 - Gary Gets Boundaries Season 1 / Episode 2: - Gary Gets Boundaries

Vanessa Flood: [wakes up in bed together] Good morning! Hi!
Gary Brooks: Hi! Hey, didn't I paint your condo a couple weeks ago?
Vanessa Flood: No, a bunch of workers painted my condo while you hit on me.
Gary Brooks: You know what, those workers are living the American dream: show up on time, you work hard, and just maybe... your boss will get laid.
01x02 - Gary Gets Boundaries Season 1 / Episode 2: - Gary Gets Boundaries

Gary Brooks: [in pain after a night of sex, knock on door] Oh, please let that be a door-to-door chiropractor.
01x02 - Gary Gets Boundaries Season 1 / Episode 2: - Gary Gets Boundaries

Gary Brooks: [about his ex-wife at the door] I know what she wants, she already has my left one.
01x02 - Gary Gets Boundaries Season 1 / Episode 2: - Gary Gets Boundaries

Allison Brooks: [at her house] Were you in my hot tub?
Gary Brooks: No, I was in *my* hot tub, that *I* built, with *my* hands, on *my* patio!
Allison Brooks: Uh, that *my* lawyer was able to get from, *your* friend, who went to law school, on the *internet*!
01x02 - Gary Gets Boundaries Season 1 / Episode 2: - Gary Gets Boundaries

Dr. Walter Krandall: [Louise and Krandall show up at Gary's door in bike helmets] Allison asked if I could pick Tom and Louise up from school.
Gary Brooks: Great! Where's Tom?
Dr. Walter Krandall: Unfortunately, I only had enough room on my bike for one.
Tom Brooks: [stumbles in the door out of breath] Ak. He made me run behind him! That's *not* the definition of being *picked up* at all!
01x01 - Pilot Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot

Gary Brooks: [about her butt-tattoo] Please! Let me see it, please!
Vanessa Flood: You've already seen it!
Gary Brooks: Yeah, but - but I've never seen it in the light. I'll show it a great deal of respect. I promise.
01x01 - Pilot Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot

Vanessa Flood: I don't know. I spend one night with you, and you want to take me away for the weekend? I must have been pretty amazing.
Gary Brooks: Until I check the video tape from last night I won't know for sure.
01x01 - Pilot Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot

Allison Brooks: [had the kids over his weekend] I kept them because we were doing a two-hour juice cleanse and I knew you wouldn't honor it.
Gary Brooks: Probably not. No, when my kids are starving, I - I tend to *feed* them... Sorry if that makes me the *fun* parent.
01x01 - Pilot Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot

Gary Brooks: Hey kids, throw away your books, get rid of your toothbrushes - your with Daddy now.
01x01 - Pilot Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot

Allison Brooks: [Gary asks why she must quote psycho-babble to the kids] Because, children of divorce are more likely to struggle in their own relationships. There's an entire chapter on it in "Rules for a Perfect Divorce". The book Dr. Krandall gave both of us to read. *God* you haven't even opened yours, have you!
Gary Brooks: I don't have to read it, I have the *audio* version seated on my couch!
01x01 - Pilot Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot

Allison Brooks: Have - have you noticed that Tommy is scared to death of girls?
Gary Brooks: He should be afraid of girls! They pretend to like you, and then they take all your stuff!
01x01 - Pilot Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot

Allison Brooks: [she and Dr. Krandall are encouraging Tommy to explore "Second Life" to meet girls] It's an online society, Gary. Okay? It's a safe place for him to meet other teens.
Gary Brooks: Yeah, and maybe a Congressman!
01x01 - Pilot Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot

Gary Brooks: [to Tommy on the computer] Hey, look at that, "Second Life" Wow, that's pretty cool. You know we, uh, we didn't have anything like that when I was a kid. We had, uh, - outside.


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