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Characters: #2 of 14 (Full List)
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Played by:
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 | Season 1 / Episode 6: - Testimony of Evil (Dead Men Don't Laugh) Dick Clark: Johnny, some kids on the show yesterday mentioned a new kind of music, ska. You know anything about it? Johnny the Snitch: How should I know? Johnny the Snitch: Nothing but a modern offshoot of reggae, updated white rock influences, definately upbeat. It'll never become really popular because even though they've made the back beat more conventional, it's still too exotic for mass acceptance. Dick Clark: Johnny, I also need some more of that secret formula enternal youth cream you have. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 5: - Rendezvous at Big Gulch (Terror in the Neighborhood) Fireman: Johnny, there's a fire in the Brubaker building. Johnny the Snitch: So? I don't know anything about it. Johnny the Snitch: That's a furniture warehouse. Once the fire hits the polyvinyl, you'll have dense smoke and lethal chlorine gas. Extinguish the main part of the fire with pump trucks and with foam. And bring in a cherry picker to evacuate the survivors. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 4: - Revenge and Remorse (The Guilty Alibi) Joyce Brothers: Johnny, I've been getting a lot of mail about the Cinderella complex. Johnny the Snitch: So? Johnny the Snitch: Women's fear of success has left many of them confused about their wants and needs. Consequently, the stress-related burnout has driven many women from feminist aggression to female passivity, dependent upon their partners for vicarious fulfillment. Joyce Brothers: Well, what do I tell them? Johnny the Snitch: Tell them to get in touch with their unconscious feelings and to share the growth process with their partner. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 3: - The Butler Did It (A Bird in the Hand) Tommy Lasorda: It's my pitching, Johnny. You think I need another starter? Johnny the Snitch: How should I know? Johnny the Snitch: The rigors of a full season on a four-man rotation are just too demanding. You need a left-handed swing man to fill your long relief spot. Give him an occasional start and it'll round out your staff nicely. Tommy Lasorda: You're talking about a guy like Gossage, aren't you, Johnny? Johnny the Snitch: Oh, come on Tommy, use your head! Gossage is right-handed and besides, he can't throw more than two innings! Here's the names of five southpaws with career ERA's under 2.93. And you wouldn't have been in this mess if you hadn't given up Tommy John. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 2: - Ring of Fear (A Dangerous Assignment) Surgeon: It's a bypass operation, Johnny. Johnny the Snitch: So? Surgeon: The guy has a history of sinus bradycardia. Johnny the Snitch: I wouldn't know anything about it. Johnny the Snitch: You got him on atrophine? Surgeon: Of course. Johnny the Snitch: Do a midline thoracotomy, strip the saphenous vein, be careful not to puncture the myocardium. |
| Season 1 / Episode 2: - Ring of Fear (A Dangerous Assignment) Det. Frank Drebin: Johnny, I need some information and fast. There's a woman in trouble. Johnny the Snitch: You mean Mary, the boxer's wife who was just kidnapped? Det. Frank Drebin: Right. You know anything about it? Johnny the Snitch: Maybe I do, maybe I don't. [Drebin hands Johnny some money] Johnny the Snitch: She's in big trouble. She's being held by Martin's goon, Luca. Det. Frank Drebin: What's a goonluca? |
 | Season 1 / Episode 1: - A Substantial Gift (The Broken Promise) Minister: What do you know about life after death? Johnny the Snitch: I wouldn't know anything about it. Johnny the Snitch: You talking existential being, or anthropmorphic deity? |
| Next: Det. Frank Drebin |
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