Det. Frank Drebin

Police Squad!

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Leslie Nielsen
'Leslie Nielsen' (qv) was raised in Tulita (formerly Fort Norman), Northwest Territories. His father ...

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Det. Frank Drebin Quotes

	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Testimony of Evil (Dead Men Don't Laugh) Veronica: Say, that was nice work. You took a big chance doing that. Det. Frank Drebin: Well, you take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street, or sticking your face in a fan.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Testimony of Evil (Dead Men Don't Laugh) Det. Frank Drebin: So the girl had come back from her honeymoon. She was alone, and her parents welcomed her with open arms. They said to her, "Delilah - hat gut gemacht!"
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Testimony of Evil (Dead Men Don't Laugh) Coroner: It's a typical four-fifthteen. Det. Frank Drebin: Four-fifthteen? Coroner: Yes, the body was found 415 feet from the car.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Testimony of Evil (Dead Men Don't Laugh) Det. Frank Drebin: [narrating] When I arrived at the morgue, my boss had already begun to investigate the physical evidence. As was our custom in such cases, we began to talk.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Testimony of Evil (Dead Men Don't Laugh) Det. Frank Drebin: [telling dumb sister jokes as Tony Dewonderful] She was also dumb, she came in one time with a hot tarr on her hand and she said: "look what I almost stepped in".
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Testimony of Evil (Dead Men Don't Laugh) Det. Frank Drebin: Cigarette? Lester the ventriloquist dummy: Yes, I know.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Testimony of Evil (Dead Men Don't Laugh) Det. Frank Drebin: [as Tony Dewonderful] Where do you live, lady? Lady in audience: Right here. Det. Frank Drebin: At the table? Where'd you put your car, in the coat room? [drum roll, audience laughs]
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Testimony of Evil (Dead Men Don't Laugh) Capt. Ed Hocken: Well Frank, this case is all wrapped up. Veronica Rivers confessed to killing Joey Koldys and we've got her and Vic and the Frenchman on the dope smuggling rap. Det. Frank Drebin: Yeah, from now on they'll all be up there together in the Statesville prison. Capt. Ed Hocken: Yep, along with Martin and Dutch and Lana, Thames and Sally Decker.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Testimony of Evil (Dead Men Don't Laugh) Det. Frank Drebin: And you know Ed, what all this goes to show is that the only real dope is the one who sells it or buys it. [freezeframe as Norberg hits a nail into a column, causing the entire set to collapse during the end credits]
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Rendezvous at Big Gulch (Terror in the Neighborhood) Dutch Gunderson: Who are you and how did you get in here? Det. Frank Drebin: I'm a locksmith. And I'm a locksmith.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Rendezvous at Big Gulch (Terror in the Neighborhood) Det. Frank Drebin: Why don't you lie there till Tuesday... that's when they pick up the garbage.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Rendezvous at Big Gulch (Terror in the Neighborhood) Det. Frank Drebin: [narrating] It took me two weeks to find Stella's apartment. She had neglected to give me her address.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Rendezvous at Big Gulch (Terror in the Neighborhood) Rocky: Betcha'd hate to see something happen to your little key store. Det. Frank Drebin: What about my little keaster? Rocky: Key STORE.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Rendezvous at Big Gulch (Terror in the Neighborhood) Det. Frank Drebin: Now let's say a new merchant moves into the neighbourhood, opens up a shop. Capt. Ed Hocken: OK... Det. Frank Drebin, Capt. Ed Hocken: A new merchant moves into the neighbourhood, and opens up a shop. Det. Frank Drebin: Then let's say that merchant attracts a certain couple of thugs who demand payments. Capt. Ed Hocken: All right. Det. Frank Drebin, Capt. Ed Hocken: That merchant attracts a certain couple of thugs who demand payments.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Rendezvous at Big Gulch (Terror in the Neighborhood) Det. Frank Drebin: Cigarette? Jill the Ballet Teacher: Yes it is.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Rendezvous at Big Gulch (Terror in the Neighborhood) Det. Frank Drebin: Now we can't let these vermin infest our city. We'll have a rotten, scum-sucking cesspool. Police officer: [off camera] Frank, please! I'm trying to eat this tuna fish sandwich. Det. Frank Drebin: A rat-infested, worm-ridden festering boil. [another cop leaves] Capt. Ed Hocken: [off camera] Oh Frank, cut it out, will you? I'm talking to my mother.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Rendezvous at Big Gulch (Terror in the Neighborhood) Det. Frank Drebin: The way I look at it, you owe me 100 dollars for that window. Rocky: Us? I don't know what you're talking about. Det. Frank Drebin: So how do you explain this? [hands over the rock that came through the window] Leo: Well, billions of years ago the Earth was a molten mass...
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Rendezvous at Big Gulch (Terror in the Neighborhood) Det. Frank Drebin: How many of these apartment keys would you like? Stella: 50. You can mail 49 of them to the Chicago Bears. [hands over an envelope]
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Rendezvous at Big Gulch (Terror in the Neighborhood) Dutch Gunderson: [on phone with Stella] Schnooky lumps. You never called me that before. What happened last night to bring this on? Det. Frank Drebin: [instructing Stella what to say] When you held me in your manly armes and crushed me to your lips, I discovered what it meant to be a real woman. When I think of your handsome face, your cruel lips, your strong chin, the way you touch, the way you smother me with kisses... Dutch Gunderson: Honey, I gotta go.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Rendezvous at Big Gulch (Terror in the Neighborhood) Dutch: Who are you and how did you get in here? Det. Frank Drebin: I'm a locksmith, and I'm a locksmith.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - Revenge and Remorse (The Guilty Alibi) Mimi: Is this some kind of bust? Det. Frank Drebin: Yes, it's very impressive, but we'd just like to ask a few questions.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - Revenge and Remorse (The Guilty Alibi) Nordberg: [at the scene of a car bombing] I can't believe anyone would do something so cruel. Det. Frank Drebin: Senseless brutality, senseless waste. Ed Hocken: Cut down in the prime of life. Nordberg: That car was a classic, a '68! You suppose the widow would take $1,500 for it?
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - Revenge and Remorse (The Guilty Alibi) Prisoner: I got the gun now! And I'm gonna kill all of you... one by one. Ed Hocken: Good job, Frank! Det. Frank Drebin: What?
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - Revenge and Remorse (The Guilty Alibi) Ed: All right, Eddie, let's say you did go to the movies. Eddie Casales: Okay. Ed, Eddie Casales, Det. Frank Drebin: [looking at the camera] You did go to the movies! Det. Frank Drebin: Then let's say you were nowhere near the Club Flamingo! Eddie Casales: All right. Ed, Eddie Casales, Det. Frank Drebin: [looking at the camera again] You were nowhere near the Club Flamingo!
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - Revenge and Remorse (The Guilty Alibi) Det. Frank Drebin: Just in time, Eddie. Eddie Casales: Piece of cake, Lieutenant. Det. Frank Drebin: No thanks, I just ate.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - Revenge and Remorse (The Guilty Alibi) Det. Frank Drebin: [pulls out a pack of cigarettes] Cigarette? Mimi: Yes, I know. Det. Frank Drebin: [puts the pack away] Well...
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - Revenge and Remorse (The Guilty Alibi) Ed Hocken: Here I've made out a list for you. Det. Frank Drebin: [sits down to read list] Monroe, Lynch, Barker, Fanning, Smith, Brookhouse, Casales. [ring chimes] Det. Frank Drebin: Wait a minute, that name rings a bell. Ed Hocken: Eddie Casales? [another kind of ring, more of a clang this time] Ed Hocken: Casales... [fire alarm rings] Ed Hocken: Casales... [boxing match bell] Ed Hocken: Casales... [Big Ben dong]
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - Revenge and Remorse (The Guilty Alibi) Det. Frank Drebin: Do you know where Eddie is right now? Lana: [close to tears] You might try the Club Flamingo. He hangs out there with some chorus, girl. A floozy named Mimi Du Jour. Ed Hocken: [taking notes] Du Jour? Is she French? Lana: That's just her stage name. Her real name is Mimi Coffee. Ed Hocken: Coffee? Lana: No, thank you.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - Revenge and Remorse (The Guilty Alibi) Ed Hocken: Did you by any chance have any occasion to know where Eddie was last night? Mimi: Last night, why yes, he was with me. We went... to the movies. Det. Frank Drebin: [disbelieving] Oh yeah. Mimi: Yeah., On the Waterfront. Ed Hocken: Come on, there are no movie theaters on the waterfront.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - Revenge and Remorse (The Guilty Alibi) Det. Frank Drebin: What were you doing on the waterfront last night, Eddie? Eddie Casales: I wasn't on the waterfront. I was at the movies. Ed Hocken: That's not what she says.

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