Capt. Ed Hocken

Police Squad!

- Character Guide

Characters: #4 of 14 (Full List)

+ Add to My Characters

Played by:

Alan North

« Back to Character Profile

Capt. Ed Hocken Quotes

	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Testimony of Evil (Dead Men Don't Laugh) Capt. Ed Hocken: [reading file] Married, one child. That didn't work out, so he married a grown woman.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Testimony of Evil (Dead Men Don't Laugh) Capt. Ed Hocken: [getting McBreen out of Frank's way so he can take over his job] You Nicky McBreen? Nicky McBreen: Yeah. Capt. Ed Hocken: You're under arrest. Nicky McBreen: For what? Capt. Ed Hocken: Reproducing the accounts, pictures or descriptions of a major league baseball game without the express written consent of the commissioner. Nicky McBreen: Ok, so I tapes a game. Capt. Ed Hocken: All right, let's go. [leads him away] Nicky McBreen: I had a few friends over, but I, but I, didn't charge them. All right, a couple of bucks a head.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Testimony of Evil (Dead Men Don't Laugh) Vic: You got nothing on us! Capt. Ed Hocken: [puts on handcuffs] I do now!
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Testimony of Evil (Dead Men Don't Laugh) Capt. Ed Hocken: Well Frank, this case is all wrapped up. Veronica Rivers confessed to killing Joey Koldys and we've got her and Vic and the Frenchman on the dope smuggling rap. Det. Frank Drebin: Yeah, from now on they'll all be up there together in the Statesville prison. Capt. Ed Hocken: Yep, along with Martin and Dutch and Lana, Thames and Sally Decker.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Rendezvous at Big Gulch (Terror in the Neighborhood) Det. Frank Drebin: Now let's say a new merchant moves into the neighbourhood, opens up a shop. Capt. Ed Hocken: OK... Det. Frank Drebin, Capt. Ed Hocken: A new merchant moves into the neighbourhood, and opens up a shop. Det. Frank Drebin: Then let's say that merchant attracts a certain couple of thugs who demand payments. Capt. Ed Hocken: All right. Det. Frank Drebin, Capt. Ed Hocken: That merchant attracts a certain couple of thugs who demand payments.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Rendezvous at Big Gulch (Terror in the Neighborhood) Det. Frank Drebin: Now we can't let these vermin infest our city. We'll have a rotten, scum-sucking cesspool. Police officer: [off camera] Frank, please! I'm trying to eat this tuna fish sandwich. Det. Frank Drebin: A rat-infested, worm-ridden festering boil. [another cop leaves] Capt. Ed Hocken: [off camera] Oh Frank, cut it out, will you? I'm talking to my mother.
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - The Butler Did It (A Bird in the Hand) Det. Frank Drebin: Is there a ransom note? Capt. Ed Hocken: Yes. The butler found it. It was tied to this window and thrown into the rock garden. I sent the note to the lob. They're demanding one million dollars. Det. Frank Drebin: Why would the lab demand a million dollars?
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - The Butler Did It (A Bird in the Hand) Det. Frank Drebin: Mr. Burton, we have men combing the entire lakefront area. If your daughter is close, we'll find her. Warner: The lakefront? My God, do you know how big that area is? My daughter's a needle in a haystack! Det. Frank Drebin: That's not true. I've seen a picture of her, she's very attractive. Capt. Ed Hocken: Maybe a little thin...
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - The Butler Did It (A Bird in the Hand) Det. Frank Drebin: [searching for a Tuba store next to a filling station] Ed, you find anything? Capt. Ed Hocken: No, nothing. Frank, we've been through hundreds of these. [reading from yellow pages] Acme Tuba, Tuba World, Tubas Are Us... Al: [Wearing a Tuba City T-shirt] Can you take a phone call, Captain? Capt. Ed Hocken: Not now, Al! Capt. Ed Hocken: [continues reading] International House of Tubas, Tuba or Not Tuba, Tuba Legation. Ah, we've come to a dead end, Frank.
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - The Butler Did It (A Bird in the Hand) Capt. Ed Hocken: [in the middle of a shootout] I'm going over there, Frank, and try to get behind him. Cover me! [Frank throws a couple of blankets over Ed, making him lose all direction]
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - The Butler Did It (A Bird in the Hand) Det. Frank Drebin: I was just going over the arraignment report. It looks like the butler Thames will be doing his serving from now on up in the Statesville prison. Capt. Ed Hocken: Along with Martin, Dutch Gunderson, Lana and Sally Decker. Frank, when will people learn that crime doesn't pay? Det. Frank Drebin: Well, I suppose if they do learn, we'll be out of a job. [slaps Hocken's knee, they go into freeze frame]
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - The Butler Did It (A Bird in the Hand) Prisoner: [a prisoner has gotten loose and is holding the cops at gunpoint] I got the gun now! And I'm gonna kill all of you... one by one. [Frank, oblivious, walks through a door, hitting the prisoner and knocking the gun from his hand; all the cops rush the prisoner and arrest him] Capt. Ed Hocken: Good job, Frank! Det. Frank Drebin: What?
	Season 1 / Episode 2: - Ring of Fear (A Dangerous Assignment) Det. Frank Drebin: Anyone with Schultz after the fight? Capt. Ed Hocken: Just his manager. Det. Frank Drebin: Who's that? Capt. Ed Hocken: Some joe named Cooper. Det. Frank Drebin: Who's this Joe Cooper? Capt. Ed Hocken: No, no, it's Sol Cooper.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - A Substantial Gift (The Broken Promise) Sally Decker: Well, when I first heard the shot, and as I turned, Jim fell. Capt. Ed Hocken: He's the teller, Frank. Det. Frank Drebin: Jim Fell's the teller? Sally Decker: No, Jim Johnson. Det. Frank Drebin: Who's Jim Fell? Capt. Ed Hocken: He's the auditor, Frank. Sally Decker: He had the flu, so Jim [pauses] filled in. Det. Frank Drebin: Phil who? Capt. Ed Hocken: Phil Din. He's the night watchman. Sally Decker: [crying] If only Phil had been here!
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - A Substantial Gift (The Broken Promise) Det. Frank Drebin: Wait a minute, let me get this straight: Twice came in and shot the teller and Jim Fell. Sally Decker: No, he only shot the teller, Jim Johnson. Fell is ill. Det. Frank Drebin: Okay, then after he shot the teller, you shot Twice. Sally Decker: No, I only shot once. Capt. Ed Hocken: Twice is the hold up man. Sally Decker: Then I guess I did shoot Twice. Det. Frank Drebin: Oh, so now you're changing your story. Sally Decker: No, I shot Twice after Jim fell. Det. Frank Drebin: You shot twice and Jim Fell? Sally Decker: No, Jim fell first and then I shot Twice once. Det. Frank Drebin: Well, who fired twice? Sally Decker: Once! Capt. Ed Hocken: He's the owner of the tire company, Frank. Det. Frank Drebin: [pauses] Okay. Once is the owner of the tire company and he fired Twice. Then Twice shot the teller once. Sally Decker: Twice. Det. Frank Drebin: ...and Jim fell and then you fired Twice. Sally Decker: Once! Det. Frank Drebin: Okay. All right, that will be all for now, Ms. Decker. Capt. Ed Hocken: We'll need you to make a formal statement down at the station. Sally Decker: Oh, of course! Det. Frank Drebin: You've been very helpful. We think we know how he did it. Sally Decker: Oh, Howie couldn't have done it. He hasn't been in for weeks. Det. Frank Drebin: Well. [pauses] Thank you again, Ms. Decker. [to Ed] Weeks? Capt. Ed Hocken: Saul Weeks. He's the comptroller, Frank.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - A Substantial Gift (The Broken Promise) Mrs. Twice: Oh, poor Ralph! Do you know what it's like to be married to a wonderful man for fourteen years? Det. Frank Drebin: No, I can't say that I do. I did live with a guy once, though, but that was just for a couple of years. Usual slurs, rumours, innuendos - people didn't understand. [to camera] Ran him outta town like a common pygmy. Capt. Ed Hocken: Did he have any enemies? Mrs. Twice: Well the Democrats didn't like him. Det. Frank Drebin: [continues, to camera] Sure, he was a physical education major but he had a mind! He could think, he wasn't all muscle, all body, all sinewy limbs. He got married, you know, later - had three kids. Never cared for her. Sent a nice gift, never got a note. Capt. Ed Hocken: Now, I know this is a long shot, but did he ever eat chop suey? Mrs. Twice: [crying] No, no he never did. Capt. Ed Hocken: It was just a hunch. Det. Frank Drebin: [continues, to camera] I told him she was wrong. And that youngest boy, just like his father. Football hero. Lived with him for a year. It wasn't the same. [wistfully] You can't go back.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - A Substantial Gift (The Broken Promise) Mrs. Twice: And what about my daughter? What am I going to tell her? Capt. Ed Hocken: Yeah, you're gonna have to tell her something. Tell her he went on a long trip. Det. Frank Drebin: No wait a minute, how about a big monster came and took him to daddy heaven? Det. Frank Drebin: [Mrs Twice starts sobbing louder] Nah... Capt. Ed Hocken: How about this: he threw himself on a grenade and saved the battalion. Yeah, that's it. Det. Frank Drebin: No, no, wait a minute, how about he was killed by a left wing insurgence from Paraguay? Det. Frank Drebin: [Twice is crying uncontrollably now] No, Bolivia. Capt. Ed Hocken: I got it! I got it, he, he was traded to the Cubs for Reggie Jackson.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - A Substantial Gift (The Broken Promise) Capt. Ed Hocken: Was the, eh, dentist cooperative? Det. Frank Drebin: Yeah, he gave us plenty of rope. Now we have to see if we can get Sally to stick her head into the noose.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - A Substantial Gift (The Broken Promise) Capt. Ed Hocken: Alright, Sally, you're under arrest. [turns to two police officers] Sergeant, take her away and book her. Det. Frank Drebin: [Frank comes up and shakes the policemen by the hand] Sergeant Takeheraway, Sergeant Booker.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - A Substantial Gift (The Broken Promise) Capt. Ed Hocken: You know, Frank, there's one thing I still don't understand. Now, how did you know that the money Sally gave to Dr. Zubatsky wasn't traceable? Det. Frank Drebin: [laughs] I didn't. Capt. Ed Hocken: Huh? Det. Frank Drebin: But neither did Sally! [slaps Hocken on the back. They both begin to laugh, but instead of sound coming out of their mouths they freeze frame]
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - A Substantial Gift (The Broken Promise) Capt. Ed Hocken: Frank, I know you got Sally's arrest record from RNI, but how did you ever figure out she was the one behind the loan office heist? Det. Frank Drebin: Just a little hunch back at the office. Capt. Ed Hocken: I thought so. Because I brought that little hunchback with me. Charlie, come out here! Det. Frank Drebin: Charlie! Thanks for the tip.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - A Substantial Gift (The Broken Promise) Mrs. Twice: Oh, poor Ralph! Do you know what it's like to be married to a wonderful man for fourteen years? Det. Frank Drebin: No, I can't say that I do. I did live with a guy once, though, but that was just for a couple of years. Usual slurs, rumors, innuendos - people didn't understand. [to camera] Ran him outta town like a common pygmy. Capt. Ed Hocken: Did he have any enemies? Mrs. Twice: Well the Democrats didn't like him. Det. Frank Drebin: [Continues, to camera] Sure, he was a physical education major but but he had a mind! He could think, he wasn't all muscle, all body, all sinewy limbs. He got married, you know, later - had three kids. Never cared for her. Sent a nice gift, never got a note. Capt. Ed Hocken: Now, I know this is a long shot, but did he ever eat chop suey? Mrs. Twice: [crying] No, no he never did. Capt. Ed Hocken: It was just a hunch. Det. Frank Drebin: [continues, to camera] I told him she was wrong. And that youngest boy, just like his father. Football hero. Lived with him for a year. It wasn't the same. [wistfully] You can't go back.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - A Substantial Gift (The Broken Promise) Sally: Well, when I first heard the shot, and as I turned, Jim fell. Capt. Ed Hocken: He's the teller, Frank. Det. Frank Drebin: Jim Fell's the teller? Sally: No, Jim Johnson. Det. Frank Drebin: Who's Jim Fell? Capt. Ed Hocken: He's the auditor, Frank. Sally: He had the flu, so Jim [pauses] filled in... Det. Frank Drebin: Phil who? Capt. Ed Hocken: Phil Din. He's the night watchman. Sally: [crying] If only Phil had been here!
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - A Substantial Gift (The Broken Promise) Det. Frank Drebin: Wait a minute, let me get this straight: Twice came in and shot the teller and Jim Fell. Sally: No, he only shot the teller, Jim Johnson. Fell is ill. Det. Frank Drebin: Okay, then after he shot the teller, you shot Twice. Sally: No, I only shot once. Capt. Ed Hocken: Twice is the hold up man. Sally: Then I guess I did shoot Twice. Det. Frank Drebin: Oh, so now you're changing your story? Sally: No, I shot Twice after Jim fell. Capt. Ed Hocken: You shot twice and Jim Fell? Sally: No, Jim fell first and then I shot Twice once. Det. Frank Drebin: Well, who fired twice? Sally: Once! Capt. Ed Hocken: He's the owner of the tire company, Frank. Det. Frank Drebin: [pauses] Okay. Once is the owner of the tire company and he fired Twice. Then Twice shot the teller once. Sally: Twice. Det. Frank Drebin: ...and Jim fell and then you fired twice. Sally: Once! Det. Frank Drebin: Okay. All right, that will be all for now, Ms. Decker. Capt. Ed Hocken: We'll need you to make a formal statement down at the station. Sally: Oh, of course! Det. Frank Drebin: You've been very helpful. We think we know how he did it. Sally: Oh, Howie couldn't have done it. He hasn't been in for weeks. Det. Frank Drebin: Well. [pauses] Thank you again, Ms. Decker. [to Ed] Weeks? Capt. Ed Hocken: Saul Weeks. He's the comptroller, Frank.

« previous1next »

Previous: Det. Frank Drebin

Next: Abraham Lincoln

» Back to Police Squad! TV Show