Perfect Strangers Quotes

Perfect Strangers

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

Perfect Strangers Quotes

	Season 5 / Episode 5: - Dog Day Mid-Afternoon Balki Bartokomous: Get out of the city!
	Season 5 / Episode 5: - Dog Day Mid-Afternoon Balki Bartokomous: Aren't you forgetting something? Marvin Berman: No. I don't think so. Balki Bartokomous: Yes. You were about to set your timer.
	Season 5 / Episode 5: - Dog Day Mid-Afternoon Larry Appleton: Why did you tell him to set the timer? Balki Bartokomous: Because, if he doesn't set the timer... Bad move huh?
	Season 4 / Episode 20: - Seven Card Studs Balki Bartokomous: Wwooowwhh!
	Season 4 / Episode 20: - Seven Card Studs Larry Appleton: Good hand? Balki Bartokomous: How did you know?
	Season 4 / Episode 20: - Seven Card Studs Larry Appleton: [Larry is teaching Balki how to play poker] Any questions? Balki Bartokomous: Wow! You make it all seem so complicated! All Mr. Gorpley did was deal me five cards, we'd both look at them, and he'd take my money.
	Season 4 / Episode 12: - Crimebusters Balki Bartokomous: [answering the phone] Larry and Balki's Waterworks. Which drip do you want to talk to?
	Season 4 / Episode 3: - Aliens Balki Bartokomous: When I say, "Who wants pig snouts?", you will say, "I do! I do!" Larry Appleton: When you say "Who wants pig snouts?", I will say... I will say... NO, I WILL NEVER EAT PIG SNOUTS! Balki Bartokomous: You have a strong will, Earth Boy!
	Season 4 / Episode 3: - Aliens Larry Appleton: Why learn something the easy way, when you can learn it the hard way?
	Season 4 / Episode 3: - Aliens Balki Bartokomous: Darn. You got me. Larry Appleton: You mean it's true? Balki Bartokomous: Yepper! I may be an alien bent on world conquest, but I am no liar.
	Season 3 / Episode 18: - Bye Bye Biki Larry Appleton: Is this the Yaya Biki who's a hundred and six years old? Balki Bartokomous: No, this is the Yaya Biki who has a lounge act in Vegas.
	Season 3 / Episode 18: - Bye Bye Biki Balki Bartokomous: I have been running around like a chicken with his head glued on all day!
	Season 3 / Episode 18: - Bye Bye Biki Larry Appleton: Balki... when you brought a hundred pounds of garlic into the apartment I said to myself, "Okay... so Yaya Biki loves scampi." When you told me she likes to keep fresh eels in the bathtub I said to myself, "Hey... no problem... I take showers." But... Balki Bartokomous: It's the cow, isn't it? Larry Appleton: Well, yes. The cow... bothers me. I want Yaya Biki to feel at home, I really do! But have you ever thought that she'd like to see how we live? Experience the American way of living? Things like, oh... uh, I don't know, uh gee, what exactly can I think of? Uh... oh! Beef on the table instead of beef at the table? [cow moos, seemingly in response]a
	Season 3 / Episode 18: - Bye Bye Biki Balki Bartokomous: Well... I'm gonna go upstairs now and tell my friends that I'm sad. I think that'll make them happy.
	Season 3 / Episode 16: - Just Desserts Larry Appleton: Balki... this cream filling is INCREDIBLE! I mean, these not only taste good, they... they make me FEEL good! Like listening to music! Like looking at great art! I feel... I feel... Taller! Balki, your Bibby Bobkas are so good, I think you should sell them. Balki Bartokomous: [through laughter] Get out of this city! I wouldn't feel right taking your money. [Larry shakes his head] Larry Appleton: No, Balki, I don't mean sell them to US. I mean sell them to other PEOPLE. It can be a nice little business venture. You'd make a couple extra bucks and get a lesson in Free Enterprise. Balki Bartokomous: ENTERPRISE?! You mean I could meet Captain Kirk and Scotty? Balki Bartokomous: [Imitating James Doohan] I'll have full power in an hour, Captain. But I'll need more dylythium crystals. Larry Appleton: No, no, no... No, Balki. That's the STARSHIP Enterprise. FREE Enterprise is the American way of doing business. I'll... I'll tell you what. You whip up a batch of Bibby Bobkas, and tomorrow, I'll take 'em to restaurants and see if anybody's interested. Balki Bartokomous: Now, Cousin, Cousin, you don't just "whip up" Bibby Bobkas. I mean, this took me all morning; And I'm the best Bibby Bobka baker on Mypos. Believe me. Baking Bibby Bobkas is a back-breaking business. Larry Appleton: I understand, Balki, baking Bibby Bobkas is a back-breaking business. But... you're doing it alone. There are four of US. We'll... we'll all do it together. It'll be like a party. Jennifer Lyons Appleton: [smiling with impression] That's a WONDERFUL idea, Larry! Mary Anne Spencer Bartokomous: [likewise] Yeah. What do you say, Balki? Balki Bartokomous: Well, I... I guess we could bake up a batch of Bibby Bobkas and see if anybody buys. Larry Appleton: [grinning as he nods] Beautiful.
	Season 3 / Episode 15: - The Pen Pal Larry Appleton: Are you crazy? Balki Bartokomous: [calmly] You seem upset. Larry Appleton: Yes! Yes, I'm upset! There's a killer in the bathroom! Balki Bartokomous: Oh, Cousin, he's not a killer! He was a thief, and a loan shark and... there was the occasional assault with a deadly weapon but he was not a killer. Larry Appleton: [sarcastically] Oh well, what the heck? Give him my room! Balki Bartokomous: Well, I didn't think it would be fair without asking first.
	Season 3 / Episode 15: - The Pen Pal Balki Bartokomous: Cousin's Larry's so excited the cat ate his tongue!
	Season 3 / Episode 15: - The Pen Pal Balki Bartokomous: [to Vince, who has just been paroled] Well, I know it's been a long trip down from up the river...
	Season 3 / Episode 15: - The Pen Pal Lydia: Why, Harriette, I may be neurotic, I may be panic-prone, and yes I will admit I have a fear of polyester, but I am not a thief!
	Season 3 / Episode 14: - My Lips Are Sealed Balki Bartokomous: That would be such a big load off my spine!
	Season 3 / Episode 14: - My Lips Are Sealed Balki Bartokomous: Why don't we just quit beating around George Bush and get on with this?
	Season 3 / Episode 14: - My Lips Are Sealed Balki Bartokomous: I can't forget that I have a code! Larry Appleton: Balki, this is the eighties! Nobody lives by a code any more! Just look at the guys who are running for President!
	Season 3 / Episode 14: - My Lips Are Sealed Lou Miller: [to Larry] Are you interested in this car? Balki Bartokomous: Are you kidding? Is he interested in this car? Does a Mypiot spit in the woods?
	Season 3 / Episode 14: - My Lips Are Sealed Larry Appleton: Balki, your job gives you access to a lot of confidential information and it's your responsibility to keep that information to yourself. People like Gorpley will try to take advantage of you but you can't let them. It's not easy, but that's the code you have to live by. Balki Bartokomous: It's a code? Larry Appleton: It's a kind of code of honor. You understand what a code of honor is? Balki Bartokomous: Well, of course I do, don't be ridiculous! We sheepherders have a very strict code of honor: never practice wolf calls while the sheep are sleeping, never eat lamb chops in front of the flock, and never, ever let them see you sweat.
	Season 3 / Episode 14: - My Lips Are Sealed Balki Bartokomous: ...Sometimes if I just look at something it sticks on my brain. I think... I think I have what they call a pornographic memory.
	Season 3 / Episode 12: - The Break In Balki Bartokomous: [attempting humor] Well, Cousin, I guess when they were handing out the lips you only got one! [Balki laughs, then realizes Larry is not laughing] Why aren't you laughing? Larry Appleton: It's hard to laugh with one lip.
	Season 3 / Episode 12: - The Break In Balki Bartokomous: You better get out your umbrella because the spit's gonna hit the fan!
	Season 3 / Episode 11: - Coach Potato Larry Appleton: [Trying to pry Balki away from the TV, where he is watching 3 different Schwarzenegger movies] Balki... go to bed! It is almost time to get up! Balki Bartokomous: But Cousin, how will I know what happened to Arnold Schwarzenegger? Larry Appleton: He blows everybody up, marries Maria Schriver and lives happily ever after.
	Season 3 / Episode 11: - Coach Potato Balki Bartokomous: Oh Cousin, you can read me like a brown paper bag!
	Season 3 / Episode 11: - Coach Potato Harriette Winslow: You got a problem there, sugar. That boy's becoming a couch potato. Larry Appleton: A couch potato? Harriette Winslow: You know, one of those people that spend so much time watching TV they end up with a butt the size of Detroit?

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