Charlie Eppes

Numb3rs

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Played by:

David Krumholtz

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Charlie Eppes Quotes

	Season 6 / Episode 6: - Dreamland Charlie Eppes: Looks like diagnostic equpiment. Serious computing power. Colby Granger: So what do you think, more UFO hunters? Charlie Eppes: No, no, no. This is - this is, like, special equipment. It's very sophisticated and expensive. Colby Granger: Designed to do what? Charlie Eppes: I don't know. Something complex. [pause] Hey, this is - this is some sort of viscous material here. Colby Granger: Charlie, yeah, actually, I think that's part of a guy.
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Disturbed Charlie Eppes: Some people drink, some gamble - I analyze data.
	Season 5 / Episode 10: - Frienemies Charlie Eppes: Why do I let Marshall get to me? Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: He's a rival. Look, everybody has one, and frankly who they are says a lot about who you are. Charlie Eppes: Yeah, what does Marshall hating me say about me? Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: He doesn't hate you. What is the word Amita uses? Charlie Eppes: Frienemy. Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: There you go. Colleagues as well as rivals. I think you just remind each other of a time in your careers when you were both less secure in your reputations. Charlie Eppes: What about you? Who sets you off? Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: Alan McNabb. Guy in my car club. He absolutely covets my Ford Roadster, yet he always says the leather is not restored to 1931 period standard, the color is all wrong, he is just one jealous bastard!
	Season 5 / Episode 10: - Frienemies Charlie Eppes: It sounds like they created a classic game theory scenario doesn't it? Marshall Penfield: [Smiles] Yes it does, 'Johnny von Neumann', the old three man gunfight. Colby Granger: A mathematical gunfight huh? Marshall Penfield: Imagine a duel between three people. Now I'm the worst shot. I hit the target once every three tries. Marshall Penfield: One of my opponents is better. Hits it twice every three shots. Marshall Penfield: The third guy is a dead shot. He never misses. Now each gets one shot. As the worst, I go first. Then Charlie, then Colby. Who do I aim for, for my one shot? Colby Granger: I guess me cause I'm the biggest danger right? Marshall Penfield: [Makes a gun shooting motion toward Charlie] I shoot Eppsey first, but not for the obvious reasons. Chances are two to one I'm going to miss. Charlie Eppes: And now it's my turn. Logic says I shoot Colby. Colby Granger: Right, cause if I'm still standing I'm gonna shoot you and I don't miss. Charlie Eppes: Exactly. Marshall Penfield: As the worst, I use the two better shooters against each other
	Season 4 / Episode 14: - Checkmate Driving Instructor: Okay, here's the scenario. You just witnessed an armed robbery, multiple shots fired. Ready, go. Charlie Eppes: [checking seatbelt, adjusting mirror] Um, let me just make sure, um... okay, okay... Driving Instructor: What are you doing, Eppes? This isn't driver's ed. You're in pursuit! Charlie Eppes: [floors the accelerator] Okay. Driving Instructor: Your siren, Agent Eppes. You forgot your siren. Charlie Eppes: So, that's right, uh... where is that? [turns on siren] Driving Instructor: [Charlie drives erratically, crashing into orange cones and other items] You just killed a mailbox. Keep your eyes on the road. Radio. You need to call in your pursuit. Charlie Eppes: [into radio] Good morning. This is Charles Eppes. I'm in pursuit of a burgundy-ish, sort of, merlot colored. [to driving instructor] What kind of car would you say that is? Driving Instructor: It's a Ford. Charlie Eppes: Really doesn't look like a Ford. [into radio] Anyway, a Ford. Driving Instructor: Look out! Megan Reeves: [Opening door of car] Hey, Speed Racer! [to instructor] Can I borrow him for a minute. Driving Instructor: Take the afternoon.
	Season 4 / Episode 9: - Graphic Charlie Eppes: [discussing Comic Books] Galactus? That's the guy who ate planets! Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: Yeah, but he was stellar Darwinism. He was necessary to the survival of the universe. Charlie Eppes: What? Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: He was the third four, along with eternity and death. Charlie Eppes: Larry, he wanted to eat the earth. Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: But he didn't!
	Season 4 / Episode 9: - Graphic Charlie Eppes: [reading the proof for Vanity Fair] His brother Don, a special agent in the Los Angelies office of the FBI believes Charles Epps has recently conquered the greatest challenge of friendship. 'Charlie and I has our issues growing up... ' Don Eppes: Yeh, to say the least. Charlie Eppes: '... but if there is anything stronger than the bond between brothers its the bond between brothers who have become friends. Charlie's my friend'.
	Season 4 / Episode 5: - Robin Hood Charlie Eppes: [Charlie walks in to his office to find his dad and Larry pulling pumpkins out of a liquid nitrogen bath] Oh no, please don't tell me you're encouraging this. Alan Eppes: Now, don't blame Larry. This was my idea. Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: Yeah, your father though it would help him connect to the younger students. Charlie Eppes: Well then, what's your excuse? Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: I just like watching things explode.
	Season 4 / Episode 5: - Robin Hood Amita Ramanujan: [Amita almost bumps into Larry headed out with a frozen pumpkin] Whoa. What's all that about? Charlie Eppes: The two great adult influences in my life are heading off to blow up pumpkins.
	Season 3 / Episode 23: - Money For Nothing Charlie Eppes: I'm not as helpless as people think I am.
	Season 3 / Episode 13: - Finders Keepers Charlie Eppes: Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Colby Granger: Uhhh... no.
	Season 3 / Episode 12: - Nine Wives Alan Eppes: We? Charlie Eppes: Amita and I. We're driving down together. Alan Eppes: Oh. A romantic weekend away together. Charlie Eppes: Well, we will be driving through wine country.
	Season 3 / Episode 7: - Blackout Charlie Eppes: She dumped you? Don Eppes: Shutup!
	Season 3 / Episode 6: - Longshot Charlie Eppes: Why are you doing that right now? Larry Fleinhardt: Did you know that primitive societies believed in using percussion as a means of communicating with the dead? Charlie Eppes: Are you drumming for someone in particular? Larry Fleinhardt: Yes, I'm drumming for the corpse of my inspiration. Charlie Eppes: And banging bongos worked for Richard Feynman, so... Larry Fleinhardt: Feynman delighted in making music. I never percuss for pleasure.
	Season 3 / Episode 6: - Longshot Charlie Eppes: I'll be home later for dinner. Alan Eppes: OK... I'm goin' out for dinner.
	Season 3 / Episode 5: - Traffic Charlie Eppes: Lady luck, chance, randomness... Human beings, truly, have a hard time understanding it. Raindrops fall randomly. Now which of these two images best represents raindrops falling on a sidewalk? Is it image A? [grouped pattern] Image B? [even pattern - the class chooses this one] Okay. You're wrong. Our brains misperceive evenness as random, and wrongly assume that groupings are deliberate. Because of this people make all sorts of irrational decisions. Like, they won't work in a high rise building, or they're afraid to live in an earthquake prone area. And yet mathematical assessment tells us that you are far more likely to suffocate in bed than you are to you are to die in a terrorist attack. You are ten times more likely to die from alcohol than from being in an earthquake. And it is three times more likely that you will be killed while driving to buy a lottery ticket than it is that you will win the lottery.
	Season 3 / Episode 5: - Traffic Charlie Eppes: You know who else doesn't like to talk about their love life? Don Eppes: Your boy Larry. Charlie Eppes: What do you know? Don Eppes: That Megan thinks he's beautiful. Charlie Eppes: [Mouths silently] beautiful?
	Season 3 / Episode 5: - Traffic Charlie Eppes: Thank you for getting on this so fast. Amita Ramanujan: Hey, I don't want to be shot or struck by a brick while driving any more than the next person. Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: Yeah. I guess there's nothing to be done about meteors. Well not just yet. Charlie Eppes: No Larry. Not even the FBI can stop meteors. Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: Well not yet, but someday when we have plasma cannons, steam rockets...
	Season 2 / Episode 8: - In Plain Sight Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: This degree of traumatic experience would disturb even the most stable of Homo sapiens. This is not even taking into account the double x chromosome situation. Charlie Eppes: Situation? Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: Yeah, you know women have two x chromosomes, men have an x and a so-called y. But I think if you examine it closely as I have, you'll find that the y is just an x with a piece missing. Charlie Eppes: Signifying what? Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: Well, since I'm missing that very piece, I may not be qualified to answer that, but I think it has something to do with you know they're just more sensitive. Charlie Eppes: Or that they can bear children? Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: Eh yeah, well that too.
	Season 2 / Episode 8: - In Plain Sight Charlie Eppes: Infinity. Same guy. Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: Aristotle said that infinity was the lack of limitations. Which I suppose could be a definition of evil.
	Season 2 / Episode 8: - In Plain Sight Charlie Eppes: I need the fastest way to the computer lab. Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: I know a shortcut through Metallurgy.
	Season 2 / Episode 7: - Convergence Charlie Eppes: Marshall, do whatever you like. Just you remember Amita's a sharp mathematician, so no matter how hard you try you'll never get her to believe that this [spaces his fingers an inch] is six inches. Marshall Penfield: I bet with you that subject's never come up. Colby Granger: [to David] Ooh, math fight.
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - Better Or Worse Charlie Eppes: Larry, man, I... I play this game a lot. Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: Hey, I'm no stranger to the student union. Come on, my physics versus your geometry.
	Unknown Episode: Charlie Eppes: Everything is numbers.
	Unknown Episode: Charlie Eppes: Larry, something went wrong, and I don't know what, and now it's like I can't even think. Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: Well, let me guess: you tried to solve a problem involving human behavior, and it blew up in your face. Charlie Eppes: Yeah, pretty much. Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: Okay, well, Charles, you are a mathematician, you're always looking for the elegant solution. Human behavior is rarely, if ever, elegant. The universe is full of these odd bumps and twists. You know, perhaps you need to make your equation less elegant, more complicated; less precise, more descriptive. It's not going to be as pretty, but it might work a little bit better. Charlie, when you're working on human problems, there's going to be pain and disappointment. You gotta ask yourself, is it worth it?
	Unknown Episode: Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: You know that it's considered unsolvable? Charlie Eppes: Well, certainly people who have failed to solve it might think that.
	Unknown Episode: Don Eppes: Look, please don't do this. Charlie Eppes: Don't do what, Don? Go ahead. Go ahead and try to tell me what it is that I'm doing. You don't even know what it is I'm doing. Don Eppes: Actually, I do. The thing is, I don't think you do. Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: Okay, I'm going to go contemplate the koi pond. Don Eppes: Charlie, look, you helped us find these guys once before. You can do it again. Come on. Charlie Eppes: Why, so you can get shot again? Don Eppes: No, buddy, look. Understand, I appreciate you care about me, but it's not going to happen. Charlie Eppes: Statistically, you're dead now. You understand what that means? A man aimed a gun at your head and fired. The fact that you survived is an anomaly, and it's unlikely to be the outcome of a second such encounter.
	Unknown Episode: Charlie Eppes: Please, understand, sometimes I can't choose what I work on. I can't follow through on a line of thinking just because I want to, or, or because it's needed. I have to work on what's in my head. And right now, this is what's in my head.
	Unknown Episode: Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: You know, here's a discussion: Why is it that we remember the past and not the future? Charlie Eppes: That's a tough one, Larry.
	Unknown Episode: Alan Eppes: Aren't you going to introduce me to your girlfriend? Charlie Eppes: You've met her before, she's not my girlfriend, I'm her thesis advisor. Alan Eppes: Does that mean she can't be your girlfriend? Charlie Eppes: It's, uh, it's against the rules. Alan Eppes: Well, screw the rules. What's more important, learning or love? Well, I'm sure there's no rule against the father of her thesis advisor asking her out. Charlie Eppes: Go for it, go right ahead, be my guest. Amita Ramanujan: Thank you. Actually, I'm spoken for, Mr. Eppes. Alan Eppes: Oh, really? Amita Ramanujan: Back in Madras, my parents arranged for marriage to a family friend, a nice Hindu banker from Goa. Charlie Eppes: Really? Getting married? Amita Ramanujan: God, no, he's a total ass. Alan Eppes: Oh. Charlie Eppes: Dad, you're, like, hovering over us, and we have so much work to do. Alan Eppes: I thought you already helped your brother out on this case. Charlie Eppes: Something this complex needed to be checked and rechecked. Alan Eppes: There's one thing you and your brother have in common: On some things, you're both very thorough; other stuff, you completely miss.

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