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- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Season 5 / Episode 22: - New Hampshire (2) Jimmy James: I brought this for Matthew. Matthew Brock: What is it? Jimmy James: It's a sprig of genuine Balsam fir all the way for New Hampshire. Matthew Brock: It smells like really good disinfectant.
	Season 5 / Episode 22: - New Hampshire (2) Joe Garrelli: You can't let Mr. James take away Matthew. He's not his little puppet for his amusement. He has a very important role here. Dave Nelson: As what? Joe Garrelli: The little puppet that amuses me.
	Season 5 / Episode 22: - New Hampshire (2) Lisa Miller: Matthew has never lived more than ten miles from his mother. Dave Nelson: We all have to leave our mothers sometimes. Lisa Miller: When Matthew's mother dies, I envision him dressing in her clothes and murdering transients.
	Season 5 / Episode 22: - New Hampshire (2) Beth: What's the Virginia Reel? Max Lewis: The original forbidden dance.
	Season 5 / Episode 22: - New Hampshire (2) Beth: You son of a bitch! How could you? Dave Nelson: Is this Have Your Secretary Committed Day? Beth: Ah, sarcasm. The last resort of sons of bitches.
	Season 5 / Episode 22: - New Hampshire (2) Beth: Ah, sarcasm. The last refuge of sons of bitches!
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Retirement (1) Jimmy: And this is my cabin. Lisa: Looks more like a rustic convention center than a cabin, sir. Jimmy: Well, I bought 50 cabins, dismantled them and then reassembled them into one big-ass cabin.
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Retirement (1) Lisa: He probably wants us to throw him a big party, have Matthew jump out of a cake. Dave: We already did that for his 50th birthday. Lisa: That was Matthew? Dave: He had a wig on, and you were drunk. Lisa: Thank God.
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Retirement (1) Dave: I must admit, this evening is turning out better than I thought. Lisa: You're half loaded. Dave: And you're not? Lisa: Halfway doesn't do it for me anymore.
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Retirement (1) Max: I have a half-finished novel on my desk at home. One day, I may finish it. Jimmy: You wrote half a novel? Max: I read half a novel.
	Season 5 / Episode 20: - Freaky Friday Jimmy: Well, looky here. How's everything, Mr. chairman, Mr. CEO? Matthew: Not so good. Jimmy: The job is a lot tougher than you though, huh? Matthew: Yeah, yeah. It is. Jimmy: Well, let me show you something. I made $200.00 online in your name. Matthew: Oh, that's funny, because I was just online trading in your name. Jimmy: Well, see you can't do that. You don't have access. You don't know my secret password. Matthew: You mean Marianne? Jimmy: How did you know that? Matthew: Well, it's Dave's mom's name, so I figured... Jimmy: Wait, wait, wait a minute, hold on. Matthew, son? Matthew: [crying] Yes, sir? Jimmy: How much did you lose? Matthew: All of it. Jimmy: How much? Matthew: $7 Billion dollars. You're welcome to borrow the $200.00 if you like.
	Season 5 / Episode 20: - Freaky Friday Dave Nelson: Max. That's my lunch. Max Lewis: Really? I don't see your name on it. Max Lewis: Well, I don't see your name on the actual sandwich.
	Season 5 / Episode 20: - Freaky Friday Matthew: This is just like that movie, Freaky Friday. Only you're the mom... Jimmy: ...and you're Jodie Foster. Matthew: Finally.
	Season 5 / Episode 20: - Freaky Friday Joe Garrelli: [Matthew is holding a spear gun] Dude, what are you doing? Matthew: What? What? Joe Garrelli: That's a loaded spear gun! Matthew: I know. I'm not a complete idiot. Matthew: Oh my God! Maybe I am a complete idiot.
	Season 5 / Episode 20: - Freaky Friday Matthew: Mr. James' job is not as easy as I thought. I'm having a little computer trouble. Joe Garrelli: What kind of trouble? Matthew: Can't turn it on.
	Season 5 / Episode 20: - Freaky Friday Max Lewis: Do we have a deal? Beth: Yes, we have a deal. Max Lewis: I prefer to seal deals like this with a kiss. Beth: I choose prison.
	Season 5 / Episode 20: - Freaky Friday Dave Nelson: Sure, we've all wanted to kill Matthew, but what good would that do? Jimmy: It would make him dead.
	Season 5 / Episode 20: - Freaky Friday Dave Nelson: Joe, we don't need a science reporter. Joe Garrelli: Dude, I'm offering my services for free. Dave Nelson: Yeah, but just so that you can beam your messages to space. Joe Garrelli: Lucky guess.
	Season 5 / Episode 20: - Freaky Friday Jimmy: I'm doing some online trading in Matthew's name. I hacked into his account. It's just a little one, his grandmother started it. Guess what his password is? Lisa Miller: Matthew? Jimmy: No. Lisa Miller: Brock? Jimmy: No. Lisa Miller: Cat? Jimmy: Welcome to the club, fellow hacker.
	Season 5 / Episode 20: - Freaky Friday Dave Nelson: Max, the break room is not your personal hunting ground. Max Lewis: I know. I prefer to think of it as a game preserve, where everyone is free to take their best shot.
	Season 5 / Episode 20: - Freaky Friday Matthew: Bring me a virgin banana daiquiri, easy on the virgin.
	Season 5 / Episode 18: - Ploy Jimmy: I had a dishwashing detergent with a great name: "Dandy Clean". Everybody trusted it, then that whole break-dancing fad hit, and my people told me to change the name so I can stay hip. The whole thing went bust in less than a year. Lisa: What did you change the name to, sir? Jimmy: Break-dancing Detergent.
	Season 5 / Episode 18: - Ploy Lisa: Here, Matthew. Matthew: Oh, valentines. Lisa: No, Valentine's Day was two months ago. This is a thank-you note for my wedding gift. Matthew: Do thank-you notes have candy inside them? Lisa: Yours does. Matthew: Excellent!
	Season 5 / Episode 18: - Ploy Lisa: Max Louis is off today, filling in for him is our own Matthew Brock with the Brock Report. Opinions expressed by Matthew Brock do not necessarily express the opinions of WNYX. Facts stated by Matthew Brock are not necessarily facts.
	Season 5 / Episode 18: - Ploy Max: Why won't you be a man for once in your life and take responsibility for my actions?
	Season 5 / Episode 18: - Ploy Max: I have spring fever, and there's only one cure for that. Lisa: Euthanasia?
	Season 5 / Episode 18: - Ploy Jimmy: What's her problem? Max: Beth thinks I'm only quitting to get her to go out with me. Jimmy: Are you? Max: No, although I'm not averse to a quickie.
	Season 5 / Episode 18: - Ploy Beth: Max is not leaving, it's just a ploy to get me to go out with him. Dave Nelson: Wow. Your vanity equals his insanity.
	Season 5 / Episode 18: - Ploy Dave Nelson: Max, how do I know you won't do anything this moronic in the future? Max: You can't.
	Season 5 / Episode 18: - Ploy Lisa: Mr. James, tell Joe he can't copyright my name. Jimmy: You can't copyright any employee's name. Lisa: See? Jimmy: Because I own the copyrights to all your names. Matthew, Joe Garrelli: What? Jimmy: When are you people going to start reading your contracts?

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