jaaa
rastaphan
|
Played by:
|
« Back to Character Profile
Dave Nelson Quotes
 | Season 5 / Episode 22: - New Hampshire (2) Joe Garrelli: You can't let Mr. James take away Matthew. He's not his little puppet for his amusement. He has a very important role here. Dave Nelson: As what? Joe Garrelli: The little puppet that amuses me. |
| Season 5 / Episode 22: - New Hampshire (2) Lisa Miller: Matthew has never lived more than ten miles from his mother. Dave Nelson: We all have to leave our mothers sometimes. Lisa Miller: When Matthew's mother dies, I envision him dressing in her clothes and murdering transients. |
| Season 5 / Episode 22: - New Hampshire (2) Beth: You son of a bitch! How could you? Dave Nelson: Is this Have Your Secretary Committed Day? Beth: Ah, sarcasm. The last resort of sons of bitches. |
 | Season 5 / Episode 20: - Freaky Friday Dave Nelson: Max. That's my lunch. Max Lewis: Really? I don't see your name on it. Max Lewis: Well, I don't see your name on the actual sandwich. |
| Season 5 / Episode 20: - Freaky Friday Dave Nelson: Sure, we've all wanted to kill Matthew, but what good would that do? Jimmy: It would make him dead. |
| Season 5 / Episode 20: - Freaky Friday Dave Nelson: Joe, we don't need a science reporter. Joe Garrelli: Dude, I'm offering my services for free. Dave Nelson: Yeah, but just so that you can beam your messages to space. Joe Garrelli: Lucky guess. |
| Season 5 / Episode 20: - Freaky Friday Dave Nelson: Max, the break room is not your personal hunting ground. Max Lewis: I know. I prefer to think of it as a game preserve, where everyone is free to take their best shot. |
 | Season 5 / Episode 18: - Ploy Beth: Max is not leaving, it's just a ploy to get me to go out with him. Dave Nelson: Wow. Your vanity equals his insanity. |
| Season 5 / Episode 18: - Ploy Dave Nelson: Max, how do I know you won't do anything this moronic in the future? Max: You can't. |
 | Season 5 / Episode 14: - Hair Dave Nelson: Joe, you do not know hypnotism. Joe Garrelli: Sure I do. Watch this. Chicken. [Matthew clucks like a chicken] Joe Garrelli: Human. Matthew Brock: What up? Jimmy James: That's very impressive. Joe Garrelli: Thank you. Dave Nelson: No, Joe just told him to do that. Joe Garrelli: Dave, with Matthew, telling him to do something is hypnotism. |
| Season 5 / Episode 14: - Hair Lisa Miller: What about Matthew? Dave Nelson: I think he's happier that way. Lisa Miller: You think so? Dave Nelson: Well, I'm happier to have him that way, in any rate. |
| Season 5 / Episode 14: - Hair Dave Nelson: Joe, Mr. James is a human being, not your personal plaything. Joe Garrelli: We'll just keep that our little secret. |
| Season 5 / Episode 14: - Hair Dave Nelson: Beth, what are you doing? Beth: Lisa's puppy is licking peanut butter off my hand. Dave Nelson: Oh, Lisa? Lisa Miller: [Comes out of Dave's office with puppy] Yeah? Beth: Ew! Max Lewis: [Coming out from under table] For future reference, I prefer chunky. |
| Season 5 / Episode 14: - Hair Lisa Miller: Dave, I'm not too strict with Daisy, am I? Dave Nelson: No, I think you obviously care for that dog. Lisa Miller: I don't feed her donuts like Beth does. Dave Nelson: Well, Beth likes cleaning up puppy vomit better than you do. |
 | Season 5 / Episode 13: - Towers Jimmy: What would you say if I told you your future was standing out there in the foyer? Dave Nelson: It's the thought that keeps me awake at nights. Jimmy: Well, you're gonna have to be awake in the daytime too, because get ready to shake hands with tomorrow! |
| Season 5 / Episode 13: - Towers Dave Nelson: Matthew, what are you doing? Matthew Brock: [British accent] I was trying to get a packet of crisps and this flippin' machine stole me quid! Dave Nelson: First of all, in this country we use dollars, not quids; we call them potato chips, not crisps; and we do not kick vending machines. Matthew Brock: You know what I say to that? [Flashes MAYHEM tattoo on stomach] Revolution! Dave Nelson: It actually says mayhem. Matthew Brock: [regular voice] Well, I was going to get revolution, but it was too many letters. |
 | Season 5 / Episode 5: - Flowers for Matthew Matthew Brock: I even understand National Public Radio. Dave Nelson: You understand everything they say? Matthew Brock: No, I understand that it's boring crap masquerading as bourgeois intellectual discourse and, therefore, not worth my time. |
| Season 5 / Episode 5: - Flowers for Matthew Dave Nelson: Joe, what did I tell you about experimenting on Matthew? Joe Garrelli: Come on, it's not like I'm testing cosmetics on him. Dave Nelson: Not any more. |
 | Season 5 / Episode 2: - Meet The Max Louis Dave Nelson: What evil game are we playing, little man? |
| Season 5 / Episode 2: - Meet The Max Louis Dave Nelson: Joe, Jesus was not born 2000 years ago today. Joe Garrelli: Yeah? Well, I have a birth certificate that proves otherwise. |
 | Season 5 / Episode 1: - Bill Moves On Dave Nelson: Joe, my office is on fire. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 19: - Monster Rancher Dave Nelson: Wait a minute, this isn't one of your weird nephews, is it? Jimmy: No, no, no... yes. This is one of my normal nephews. I tell you, he's so normal he makes Richie Cunningham look like a crack-smoking porn freak. |
| Season 4 / Episode 19: - Monster Rancher Dave Nelson: Why did you do that? Bill McNeal: It's just a little harmless hazing, and as far as hazings go, pouring hot coffee and hot sauce on someone's head is relatively mild. Lisa Miller: You put hot sauce in there? Bill McNeal: No. |
| Season 4 / Episode 19: - Monster Rancher Bill McNeal: I remember this one time in college we got this pledge drunk, tied him up, locked him in the trunk of a car, abandoned the car in a junkyard... Dave Nelson: And then? Bill McNeal: What? Dave Nelson: How did he get out of the car? Bill McNeal: [Beat] You know what, I gotta make a phone call. |
| Season 4 / Episode 19: - Monster Rancher Dave Nelson: Beth, what is your problem with Walt? Beth: Isn't it obvious? I've been working here for five years making next to nothing, and this new guy waltzes in... Dave Nelson: Beth, he makes nothing. Beth: You see? Already he almost makes almost as much as I do. |
| Season 4 / Episode 19: - Monster Rancher Bill McNeal: Uncle Jimmy? I didn't know we were bringing in one of Jimmy's boy toys... Dave Nelson: Bill! Mr. James doesn't have boy toys. This is actually one of Jimmy's nephews. Bill McNeal: Oh. Because I thought... Dave Nelson: I don't care what you thought. |
| Season 4 / Episode 19: - Monster Rancher Jimmy: I'm giving Walt an entry-level position at one of my chemical plants. Dave Nelson: But, sir. Radio is in his blood. Jimmy: Radio, bauxite smelting, it's all the same, really. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 17: - Balloon Beth: Mr James, you are not going to fly around the world in a hot air balloon? Jimmy James: Oh, yes I am. Dave Nelson: With whom ? Jimmy James: All by myself. Dave Nelson: When ? Jimmy James: Today. Dave Nelson: Why ? Jimmy James: Because it's there. Dave Nelson: What's there ? Jimmy James: What's where ? Bill McNeal: Who's on first ? Jimmy James: I don't know. Bill McNeal: Third base! |
| Season 4 / Episode 17: - Balloon Dave Nelson: You pick a fine time to do some work. Matthew Brock: I'm not really working. I'm so nervous I'm just hitting keys randomly. Dave Nelson: Well, be careful you don't accidentally write something. |
| Season 4 / Episode 17: - Balloon Dave Nelson: You're chewing tobacco? Bill McNeal: I'm giving up smoking, not nicotine. Dave Nelson: Chewing tobacco is just as dangerous as smoking. Bill McNeal: To my gums, not my lungs. Just trying to mix it up a little. |
| Next: Lisa Miller |
» Back to NewsRadio Wiki
Facebook
Twitter