Bill McNeal

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Characters: #7 of 9 (Full List)

Played by:

Phil Hartman
Philip Edward Hartmann was born on September 24, 1948, in Brantford, Ontario, Canada. His surname was ...

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Bill McNeal Quotes

	Season 4 / Episode 19: - Monster Rancher Dave Nelson: Why did you do that? Bill McNeal: It's just a little harmless hazing, and as far as hazings go, pouring hot coffee and hot sauce on someone's head is relatively mild. Lisa Miller: You put hot sauce in there? Bill McNeal: No.
	Season 4 / Episode 19: - Monster Rancher Bill McNeal: I remember this one time we got this pledge drunk, tied him up, put him in the trunk of a car, left the car in a junkyard... Dave Nelson: And then? Bill McNeal: And then what? Dave Nelson: How did he get out of the car? Bill McNeal: [Beat] I gotta make a phone call.
	Season 4 / Episode 18: - Copy Machine Bill McNeal: Did I hear someone asking for stories about Ted? Jack: Yes. Bill McNeal: Then right this way, my friend, for some Ted-bits of fun, some Ted-memberances.
	Season 4 / Episode 18: - Copy Machine Bill McNeal: Don't mind Dave. His callous mask hides his grief. You know what they say, little man, big emotion. Jack: I've never heard that. Bill McNeal: Well, I'm part Cherokee.
	Season 4 / Episode 18: - Copy Machine Bill McNeal: [about Ted] Hell of a guy... one of the bravest sons of bitches I ever knew. Best man in the world to be stuck in a foxhole with. He took a bullet for me in the Battle for San... Luis Obispo.
	Season 4 / Episode 17: - Balloon Beth: You're going up in a balloon? Jimmy James: Yep. Beth: When? Jimmy James: Now. Dave Nelson: Why? Jimmy James: Because it's there. Dave Nelson: What's there? Jimmy James: I don't know. Bill McNeal: Third base!
	Season 4 / Episode 17: - Balloon Bill McNeal: A logistical question, if I may. Jimmy James: Shoot. Bill McNeal: Hasn't this been done before? I mean, every year some millionaire goes up in a balloon. Jimmy James: Why do you think I'm doing this? The peer pressure among millionaires is tremendous. Bill Gates practically called me a nancy boy.
	Season 4 / Episode 17: - Balloon Dave Nelson: You're chewing tobacco? Bill McNeal: I'm giving up smoking, not nicotine. Dave Nelson: Chewing tobacco is just as dangerous as smoking. Bill McNeal: To my gums, not my lungs. Just trying to mix it up a little.
	Season 4 / Episode 16: - Beep, Beep Jimmy James: You think Dave and Lisa work better as a couple, don't you? Bill McNeal: Of course. Those two belong together like H and 2-O.
	Season 4 / Episode 16: - Beep, Beep Bill McNeal: Ah, that tiny new car smell.
	Season 4 / Episode 16: - Beep, Beep Bill McNeal: Lisa, why don't we go to lunch together? Just you, me, a bottle of wine and thou.
	Season 4 / Episode 15: - Big Brother Bill McNeal: [to Lisa] So, how have you been doing, or should I say, who have you been doing?
	Season 4 / Episode 15: - Big Brother Bill McNeal: You don't recognize you own phone number? Dave Nelson: He changes it every week. Bill McNeal: Why do you do that? Jimmy James: Security. Joe Garrelli: Big Brother? Jimmy James: My whole damn family, actually.
	Season 4 / Episode 15: - Big Brother Bill McNeal: What movie? Dave Nelson: What does it matter? Bill McNeal: Don't twist the knife, Dave. Just answer the question. Dave Nelson: Amistad. Bill McNeal: Ooh! Total make-out flick!
	Season 4 / Episode 14: - Security Door Bill McNeal: Oh, it's a security door. I thought it was a terrarium to keep Matthew from getting out.
	Season 4 / Episode 6: - Pure Evil Bill McNeal: Lisa, if you don't say anything, it makes it kind of hard for me to contradict you.
	Season 4 / Episode 6: - Pure Evil Bill McNeal: [imitating President Bill Clinton] Well, I was sitting in the Oval Office, completely nude, of course...
	Season 4 / Episode 2: - Planbee Bill McNeal: Plan B is not a plan at all, it's a witch hunt. Andrea: Don't be silly. Bill McNeal: If anyone here is a witch, it's Beth. Look at how she dresses. Case closed. And yes, I must be Bill.
	Season 3 / Episode 24: - Space Matthew Brock: [Matthew has just accidentally killed the WNYX staff, leaving he and Bill as the last humans in existence] Now what? Bill McNeal: Well, I guess it's up to us to start a new race of human beings. Matthew Brock: Oh, right. But no gay stuff, OK?
	Season 3 / Episode 22: - The Real Deal Lisa Miller: We just can't ask him. I think we have to go through his agent. Bill McNeal: Did Edward R. Murrow have to go through the agent of... whatever famous person he interviewed?
	Season 3 / Episode 22: - The Real Deal Jerry Seinfeld: You two must be pretty desperate. Bill McNeal: Please, we'll do anything you say. You name it. Jerry Seinfeld: For starters, you can get your hand off my salad.
	Season 3 / Episode 22: - The Real Deal Jerry Seinfeld: How do I know you won't just chop it up and make me look foolish? Bill McNeal: Come on, Jerry, you know me. Jerry Seinfeld: Again, Bill, no I don't.
	Season 3 / Episode 21: - Sleeping Dave: For once, can't you be sincere and normal? Bill McNeal: Not in real life, no. Dave: What do you mean, "in real life"? Bill McNeal: When I'm on the air, I open up completely, really bare my soul. Dave: You do news, weather and traffic. Bill McNeal: Yes, but I mean it.
	Season 3 / Episode 21: - Sleeping Bill McNeal: When I think of my heroes, what names come up? Thelonious Monk, of course; John Coltrane; Jack Kerouac; Carl Vonnegut; and last but not least, that man known only as Jimbo. So to that man, I dedicate this next song. Let's take a slow ride with Foghat.
	Season 3 / Episode 20: - Our Fiftieth Episode Fred: Cigarette? Bill McNeal: Yes, thank you. Fred: I wasn't offering you one. Bill McNeal: Then why did you say cigarette? Fred: I was talking to my friend, the cigarette. Cigarette, prepare to be smoked.
	Season 3 / Episode 20: - Our Fiftieth Episode Bill McNeal: What's your real name? Fred: Ullyses S. Grant, 18th President of the United States. Bill McNeal: You're not president. Fred: Well, obviously. It's just my name, not my job.
	Season 3 / Episode 20: - Our Fiftieth Episode Dave Nelson: Bill, these people are insane. Bill McNeal: Oh, really? Then how come they elected me Prime Minister of the 15th ward this morning?
	Season 3 / Episode 20: - Our Fiftieth Episode Fred: I'm not really crazy. Bill McNeal: You're not? Fred: No. I prefer the term crazy.
	Season 3 / Episode 20: - Our Fiftieth Episode Fred: It's your fault I lost my television privileges. Bill McNeal: I didn't force you to impersonate a doctor. Fred: But you sound just like the little voice inside my head.
	Season 3 / Episode 20: - Our Fiftieth Episode Dave Nelson: Bill, you can't vacation in a mental hospital. It just isn't done. Fred: Don't be so naive. You see, I have a very stressful job, so every six months I come here to relax. Bill McNeal: See? I'm not the only one. Dave Nelson: What do you do? Fred: I'm an air traffic controller. It gets very stressful, so once a year I flip out and punch my fist through a radar screen, and I get sent here. Bill McNeal: You mean you pretend to flip out. Fred: No, I really do flip out.

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