Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica - Episode Quotes

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Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica Quotes

	Season 2 / Episode 4: - The French Language Nick Lachey: I have never before talked to someone on the phone while I took a leak. Jessica Simpson: What? Nick Lachey: I'm taking a leak and this guy is like talk to my girlfriend Jessica Simpson: Did he look down? Nick Lachey: I don't know I wasn't looking to see where he was looking. Jessica Simpson: I would always pee in a stall, 'cus people would be like oh I saw Nick's penis, or maybe, *wow* I saw Nick's penis!
	Unknown Episode: Jessica: I have to go... drop some kids in the pool.
	Unknown Episode: Jessica: What does it mean when you take a really big breath and it hurts? [inhales big] It hurts really bad right here. Nick: It means you shouldn't talk for a day and a half.
	Unknown Episode: Jessica: Is there, like, maids for, like, celebrities?
	Unknown Episode: Jessica: Is this chicken what I have or is this fish? I know it's tuna. But it says chicken. By the sea.
	Unknown Episode: Jessica: Platypus? I thought it was pronounced platymapus. Has it always been pronounced platypus?
	Unknown Episode: Jessica: I hate record labels. They think they know everything. I want to hear them try to sing it.
	Unknown Episode: Jessica: I have bubbles in my tummy... it's just air. It's not stink. Promise.
	Unknown Episode: Jessica: Is that weird, taking my Louis Vuitton bag camping?
	Unknown Episode: Jessica: Why were there mouses?
	Unknown Episode: Jessica: Rigor who?
	Unknown Episode: Jessica: My boob gets in the way.
	Unknown Episode: Jessica: No thanks. I don't eat buffalo.
	Unknown Episode: Jessica: I still managed to spend $200. Nick: That's never been a problem with you.
	Unknown Episode: Nick: It's got a little lean to it. Kind of reminds you of something else, doesn't it? Jessica: Okay. Nick: Oh, I can't help myself. Jessica: Don't be nasty. And don't tell everybody you lean.
	Unknown Episode: Jessica: I could feel your teeth. Nick: They're not my teeth, actually. Jessica: Oh, I forgot. They're "ventures". No, that's dentures. Nick: Ventures? Jessica: What are they called? Jessica: Veneers. Jessica: I thought "dentures" and I thought "veneers". And then I came up with "ventures". Nick: Yeah. "Think" is the key word.
	Unknown Episode: Jessica: Not there. Nick: Oh, I'm sorry. Jessica: You'll mess up my cleavage. Nick: Impossible.
	Unknown Episode: Nick: What do you mean we're going to be in Atlantic City on our anniversary. Jessica: My dad didn't know it was our anniversary and he scheduled me to perform. Nick: Are you kidding me? Jessica: I wish. He doesn't know when our anniversary is. Nick: Oh, bulls**t he doesn't know when our anniversary is. He was at the wedding.
	Unknown Episode: Jessica: I have a hard booger in my nose, and it makes it - I think it's going to make it bleed.
	Unknown Episode: Jessica: The first thing I'm going to do is poop.
	Unknown Episode: Nick: It's a little display case for my baseballs. Drew: Open it up, you douche! Nick: Oh, you mean, there's already one in there? Drew: I'm cheap but I'm not that cheap!
	Unknown Episode: Jessica: Do you like your gift? Nick: I love it Baby. I like it a lot. How much did you pay for it? I'm serious. How much was it? Jessica: $55,000 Nick: Fifty - are you crazy? - $55,000?
	Unknown Episode: Nick: How much were they? Jessica: Huh? Nick: How much? How much? Jessica: $1400. Nick: Jessica Simpson! Jessica: What? [giggles] Don't be mad. Oh, Nick, come on. Nick: $1400 for sheets? Jessica: Well, you sleep on 'em every night. Nick: I sleep on the ones we got now every night. I don't have a problem. Jessica: Well, I don't like them. I don't sleep good. Nick: Holy crap. I better have a wet dream when I sleep on those sheets.
	Unknown Episode: Nick: [to Jessica] Even the washing machine thinks that $1400 is [bleep] ridiculous. It refuses to wash them.
	Unknown Episode: Jessica: Well, I'm gonna take a shower. And wash off everybody's foot jam. Nick: [snickers] Foot- foot jam? Jessica: Yeah, I mean, I was in a pool of water all day long that everybody's feet was in. Nick: Isn't it toe jam? Jessica: Whatever.
	Unknown Episode: Guy: All right, Hamburger Hamlet, Harbor House, Oriental Seafood... Jessica: Anal Seafood? What? Tina: Angel Seafood. Jessica: Oh. Guy: No, Oriental Seafood. Jessica: Oriental. [laughs] I thought he said "Anal Seafood".
	Unknown Episode: Jessica: [talking to Nick] Lea had dinner on the table and I had dinner in grocery sacks. I'm sorry.
	Unknown Episode: Jessica: [talking on the phone] Well, 23 is old! It's almost 25 which is almost mid-twenties.
	Unknown Episode: Jessica: So you want to go to Home Depot today? Nick: I'm kissing your neck and you ask about Home Depot. What the hell is wrong with that picture?
	Unknown Episode: Nick: [walking into Home Depot] Alright. Bee killer. Draperies. Jessica: No. I'm not getting my draperies at Home Depot.