Mystery Science Theater 3000 Quotes

Mystery Science Theater 3000

- Episode Quotes

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Mystery Science Theater 3000 Quotes

	Unknown Episode: Pearl Forrester: Look, Nelson. Move on. I am.
	Unknown Episode: Mike Nelson: Who's for rice? Crow: Would you sit down? The movie's about to start. Tom Servo: Dummy. Announcer: WGNJ TV in Milwaukee presents our Saturday afternoon movie, The Crawling Eye. Tom Servo: The Crawling Eye- the Marty Feldman story. Mike Nelson: Oh Forrest Tucker. He's the guy who makes sure the trees' shirttails are in. Crow: This movie looks kind of familiar, doesn't it?
	Unknown Episode: Crow: Gentlemen, let's begin our film with a ten minute shot of a spinning radish.
	Unknown Episode: Crow: Look, I'm sorry if you're offended by my random murders.
	Unknown Episode: Tom Servo: The young Alan Greenspan.
	Unknown Episode: Diabolik: [to his girlfriend] You look weathered. Hop in the car. Crow: "You look weathered." What a nice thing to say.
	Unknown Episode: Tom Servo: We've got some more 'Eraserhead' chicken.
	Unknown Episode: Mike Nelson: Hi, folks. Mike Nelson here. Crow and Servo are about to help me with the annual Satellite of Love safety check. You guys ready? Crow T. Robot: Roger. Tom Servo: Ramjet. Mike Nelson: Fire extinguisher? Tom Servo: Empty. Crow T. Robot: Shot it off in your face. Next. Mike Nelson: Okay. Flare gun? Tom Servo: Did it. Crow T. Robot: Shot it off in your face. Next. Mike Nelson: First aid kit? Tom Servo: Used it to treat your flare burns. Mike Nelson: Right. Parachute? Crow T. Robot: Gym class. Mike Nelson: Life vest? Tom Servo: Faulty. Mike Nelson: Ham radio? Crow T. Robot: Mistook it for an actual ham. Mike Nelson: There, the Satellite of Love is completely unsafe. Hey, does anything work? Tom Servo: Yeah, the toaster over. We used it to bake the ham radio. Mmmm. Mike Nelson: Oh, OK, well then. We're dead. We'll be right back Crow T. Robot: Come on, Mike, we're gonna go stick our heads in the towel dispenser. Tom Servo: Weeee.
	Unknown Episode: Tom Servo: C'mon! No one's that southern.
	Unknown Episode: Mike Nelson: Better dead, than continue living. Crow: As a general rule, I'm not sure I agree.
	Unknown Episode: Tom Servo: [Upon seeing the name "Temple Foster"] Ah, Temple Foster, where they worship Australian beer.
	Unknown Episode: Tom Servo: [as guy is running away] Another character flees the film.
	Unknown Episode: Crow: So Mike, if you're in a plane crash and you're a girl, you instantly become helpless and sex hungered, and you murmer a lot? Mike Nelson: Well there's only one way to find out.
	Unknown Episode: Gary Webster: [helping Georgia ashore] There you are, Georgia. Tom Servo: Just north of Florida.
	Unknown Episode: Crow T. Robot: They should just start putting handles on women for easy carrying.
	Unknown Episode: Crow: Well, IT shouldn't drink so much coffee.
	Unknown Episode: Tom Servo: [a character finds an old drunk in a barn] Could this be my Yoda-like mentor?
	Unknown Episode: Tom Servo: Ah, straight into the arms of Shriff Menacing W. Pervert!
	Unknown Episode: Mike Nelson: I'm Sheriff Character Actor.
	Unknown Episode: Tom Servo: I hate it when you get bats in your pyjamas.
	Unknown Episode: Hamlet: to grunt and sweat under a weary life, but that the dread of something after death, The undiscovered country from whose bourn no traveller returns, puzzles the will and makes us rather bear those ills we have than fly to others... Tom Servo: SUM UP! Hamlet: that we know not of? thus conscience does make cowards of us all; and thus the native hue of resolution is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought, and enterprises of great pith and moment with this regard their currents turn awry, and lose the name of... action. Mike Nelson: So - "I'm a chicken for not stabbing myself," that's all you needed to say!
	Unknown Episode: Tom Servo: [During the end credits of Hamlet] Hamlet will return in "Thunderball".
	Unknown Episode: Mike Nelson: Aha. The Queen's Suicide Fanfare.
	Unknown Episode: Crow: Well, Mike, this has convinced ME not to kill your Dad and marry your Mom. Tom Servo: Well, at least when the Germans are doing this they can't be up to any mischief.
	Unknown Episode: Hamlet: To be or not to be... Mike Nelson: The verbal equivalent of
	Unknown Episode: Mike Nelson: Who died and made you king?
	Unknown Episode: Hamlet: Little more than kin. And less than kind. Crow: That's from "Hamlet"!
	Unknown Episode: Pearl Forrester: Is it ME? Am I a MAGNET for these idiots?
	Unknown Episode: Hamlet: That is the question. Crow: I'll take "To Be" for fifty, Alex. Hamlet: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune... Tom Servo: Starring Shelly Long and Bette Midler. Hamlet: Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing, end them. Mike Nelson: Ow, my shin's right on the edge of a stair. Hamlet: To die... To sleep... Crow: That's what we're doing right now, bub. Hamlet: No more. And by a sleep to say we end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to. Mike Nelson: Okay, we need a predicate now. Hamlet: 'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished. Crow: Especially with Ophelia, man! Hamlet: To die... To sleep... Tom Servo: To SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! Crow: Whoa! That's an old chestnut. Hamlet: [whispering] To sleep... Tom Servo: [ditto] to sleeeep... Hamlet: Perchance to DREAM! Crow: The impossible DREAM!
	Unknown Episode: Tom Servo: What's worse than clowns? Danish clowns.

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