Michael Kyle

My Wife and Kids

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Damon Wayans
An outrageous cueball-domed comedian of film and TV satire fortified by a dazzling, sly smile, New York-born ...

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Michael Kyle Quotes

	Season 4 / Episode 25: - The Director Michael Kyle: [after being busted for erasing Kady's first steps on tape, Michael pretends to cry in order to get Jay to soften up on him] This is what happened; I was watching the game and LeBron James had 35 points at the half and I recorded it... I didn't mean to! I've been guilty ever since! I can't eat, I can't sleep... I've been blacking out! Michael Kyle Jr.: Hey! What happened to all that "Never cry in front of your woman" stuff? Michael Kyle: [Still pretend sobbing] Do you want me to Black You Out? Michael Kyle Jr.: No. Michael Kyle: Then Support me!
	Season 4 / Episode 14: - Moving on Out Michael Kyle: Junior, we provide a roof over your head, food on your plate, and clothes on your back, and yet you wanna sit around complaining. If that's not good enough for you, hey so long, see ya sucker, bon voyage, arrivederci, later loser, goodbye, good riddance, peace out, let the doorknob hit ya where the good Lord split ya, don't come back around here no more, hasta la vista baby, kick rocks, and get the hell out!
	Season 3 / Episode 25: - Not So Hostile Takeover Michael Kyle: Claire,I don't want to go to the prom by yourself. Don't you know what it stands for? Claire Kyle #2: No. Michael Kyle: Penes Rubbing Against My Daughter.
	Season 3 / Episode 12: - Chair Man of the Board Michael Kyle, Jr.: Mom, I broke my hand! Janet 'Jay' Marie Kyle: Well go upstairs, put lotion on it, and rub it. Michael Kyle, Jr.: Oh boy, I actually get permission! Michael Kyle: She meant your hand boy! Michael Kyle, Jr.: Oh...
	Season 2 / Episode 26: - The Bowling Show Michael Kyle: Only an idiot would wanna be here tonight. Michael Kyle, Jr.: I'm so glad we came here, and on alien night too! It's amazing!
	Season 2 / Episode 14: - Get Out Janet 'Jay' Marie Kyle: Why does your cousin have to get married at night? Michael Kyle: Because he's an insomniac and she's ugly.
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - Thru Thick and Thin Michael Kyle: [talking to Dr. Bouche] I don't know what happened to my wife. She left with a body of J. Lo and came back with a body like Jello.
	Unknown Episode: Michael Kyle: Well, that's just an invitation for little boys to stare at your nippies.
	Unknown Episode: Michael Kyle: Well, guess what Junior? You're from the mean streets of Stamford, Connecticut.
	Unknown Episode: Michael Kyle: [referring to rap groups] They don't even sing anymore, they just say - "You know the words. Sing along."
	Unknown Episode: Michael Kyle, Jr.: Last thing I heard her say was 'Junior, turn off those power rangers and go to bed.' Michael Kyle: When did she say that? Michael Kyle, Jr.: About five years ago.
	Unknown Episode: Michael Kyle: Junior, sex is a lot different than you probably imagine it. Michael Kyle, Jr.: Oh yeah, how? Michael Kyle: Well, for one, there's another person in the room.
	Unknown Episode: Michael Kyle: What is the smell in here? Michael Kyle, Jr.: Kady pooed it. Michael Kyle: It smells more like she decomposed.
	Unknown Episode: Michael Kyle: You getting high? Michael Kyle, Jr.: No. Michael Kyle: Why not?
	Unknown Episode: Michael Kyle: But all the music you listen to is full of cussing. Why don't you listen to Marvin Gaye? He never swore... well, until his father shot him.
	Unknown Episode: Michael Kyle: Junior, we provide a roof over your head, food on your plate, and clothes on your back, and yet you wanna sit around complaining. If that's not good enough for you hey so long sucker, see ya, bon voyage, arrivederci, later loser, goodbye, good riddance, peace out, let the doorknob hit ya where the good Lord split ya, don't come back around here no more, hasta la vista, kick rocks, and get the hell out. Michael Kyle Jr.: Well since you put it that way, I will. It's time for me to leave the nest, spread my wings, and fly. Michael Kyle: Yeah, well, it's going to have to flap real hard to get that big dodo egg head off the ground.
	Unknown Episode: Janet 'Jay' Marie Kyle: You did what? Michael Kyle: Actually, I didn't do anything. He said he wanted to leave, so I said goodbye. Janet 'Jay' Marie Kyle: No, no, no, I know you better than that, Michael. You didn't just say fine, did you? Michael Kyle: Well, actually I said "so long, see ya sucker, bon voyage, arrivederci, later loser, goodbye, good riddance, peace out, let the doorknob hit ya where the good Lord split ya, don't come back around here no more, hasta la vista baby, kick rocks, and get the hell out," like that. Janet 'Jay' Marie Kyle: Do you mean to tell me that you told MY SON "so long, see ya sucker, bon voyage, arrivederci, later loser, goodbye, good riddance, peace out, let the doorknob hit ya where the good Lord split ya, don't come back around here no more, hasta la vista, and get the hell out" - to MY BABY. Michael Kyle: No, actually I said "so long, see ya sucker, bon voyage, arrivederci, later loser, goodbye, good riddance, peace out, let the doorknob hit ya where the good Lord split ya, don't come back around here no more, hasta la vista baby, KICK ROCKS, (pauses) and get the hell out. You forgot the "kick rocks." That's really important. Janet 'Jay' Marie Kyle: Michael, How did he react when you said "so long, see ya sucker, bon voyage, arrivederci, later loser, goodbye, good riddance, peace out, let the doorknob hit ya where the good Lord split ya, don't come back around here no more, KICK ROCKS, and get the hell out?" Michael Kyle: Actually, you left out the "hasta la vista"... Janet 'Jay' Marie Kyle: Oh, Michael. Don't say it, again. [makes a diving motion] I'm on edge, I swear.
	Unknown Episode: Claire Kyle #2: [Claire starts to confess that she ate Michael's pie while he and Jay were arguing] It was me alright! I ate your stupid pie! Michael Kyle: Oh really. Michael Kyle, Jr.: No, It was I who ate your stupid pie. Kady: I cannot lie. I ate your pie. Michael Kyle: Well, I can't deny, that I might cry. You wanna know why. 'Cause I still don't know who ate my pie!
	Unknown Episode: Michael Kyle: This isn't funny Jay, what am i supposed to tell them at work? Janet 'Jay' Marie Kyle: Tell 'em the truth, tell them your son knocked you out! Michael Kyle: I'd rather say you did it Janet 'Jay' Marie Kyle: Oh, that's even better, see i had to lay down the law, he didn't respect his woman, when i say i want my diamonds, i want my diamonds now!
	Unknown Episode: Michael Kyle: Then there was one, the dumb one.
	Unknown Episode: Michael Kyle, Jr.: So you want me to marry a guy, who beats me? Michael Kyle: Only if you love him, son.
	Unknown Episode: Michael Kyle: [Jay is earning a Master's Degree in Psychology, but when practicing on family, Micheal wants her to quit] Well, maybe you should get a master's degree in sex, that way I'll be behind you all the way!

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