Joy Turner

My Name Is Earl

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Played by:

Jaime Pressly
After growing up in North Carolina, Jaime spent almost 11 years training in gymnastics and eventually ...

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Joy Turner Quotes

	Season 4 / Episode 27: - Dodge's Dad Joy Turner: Sweet Jesus! Earl Hickey: I know! I'm Dodge's father! Joy Turner: That explains why Dodge's moustache is starting to come in already. Darnell Turner: We've got another problem. Earl Hickey: What? Darnell Turner: These three DNAs match. That means it's you and the boys, which makes this one mine and it doesn't match any of those. Joy Turner: What does that mean? Darnell Turner: It means I'm not Earl Junior's father. Joy Turner: Now, everybody just calm down.
	Season 4 / Episode 6: - We've Got Spirit Earl Hickey: [Narrating] Cheerleading camp was gonna be harder than I thought, and so was changing Dodge's mind. Joy Turner: [Talking to her son, Dodge] Blonde hair and blue eyes is rare, so it's considered a treasure of the human race. That's what World War II is about. Why do you think the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor? Jealous! Joy Turner: Oh, come on! You just like her because she's the same color as pancakes!
	Season 4 / Episode 6: - We've Got Spirit Joy Turner: You boys finish up your homework! Don't too good at it, mama needs that summer school for free daycare.
	Season 4 / Episode 2: - Monkeys Take a Bath Joy Turner: I swear to God, I used to be able to do this drunk when I was little.
	Season 4 / Episode 2: - Monkeys Take a Bath Earl Hickey: I've decided to forgive you for cheating on me. Joy Turner: Good, 'cause I'd do it again.
	Season 3 / Episode 15: - I Won't Die With a Little Help From My Friends: Part 2 Joy Turner: [while holding Earl's hand onto her boobs] Squeeze, baby, you're a vegetable, not a fruit!
	Season 3 / Episode 14: - I Won't Die With a Little Help From My Friends: Part 1 Sissy: So where were we, lover? Catalina: Oh, snap! Joy Turner: [to Catalina] Oh, hell no. You are not gonna try to steal that. Randy Hickey: [breaks in] Get yo' boobs off my brother! Sissy: Please don't take him from me. God left him to me on the front of my truck. He usually just leaves me bugs and birds. Anyway, you can't take him from me. We already exchanged vows.
	Season 3 / Episode 14: - I Won't Die With a Little Help From My Friends: Part 1 Indian Doctor: He's suffered serious head trauma and massive internal injuries. Randy Hickey: Well, at least they're internal. Indian Doctor: He also has severely bruised nipples. [Joy looks aside] We might not be able to save one of them. In addition, he has some palet shaped burns on the sides of his head. And let's see what else. His left buttock is filled with buckshot, his teeth are covered in bugs, and last but not least, we're not sure, but we think he might have had an involuntary orgasm. Joy Turner: Oh, my God, that crazy bitch tried to constipate the marriage.
	Season 3 / Episode 14: - I Won't Die With a Little Help From My Friends: Part 1 Catalina: Guess what I picked up in the parking lot at Club Chubby. Joy Turner: Gonorrhea?
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - Midnight Bun Joy Turner: Excuse me? Hey, last name's Turner, I need to see a doctor, pronto. Nurse: [on hospital intercom] Doctor Pronto to reception please, doctor Pronto!
	Season 3 / Episode 6: - Frank's Girl Joy Turner: How'm I gonna get that picture back from Catalina? I mean, I can't blackmail her. Everything she should be embarrassed about, people already know: she's a stripper, she's a maid, she's a foreigner. I'm just gonna have to kill her. Darnell Turner: You can't kill that woman. Joy Turner: Oh, yes I can! A poison cookie, just like I tried with Earl a couple years ago. I mean, I still know the recipe. It's just sugar, eggs, and poison. Darnell Turner: Why don't you just try being nice to her? People like it when you're nice to them. Remember five years ago at the pet store when you made that guy smile?
	Season 3 / Episode 5: - Creative Writing Joy Turner: [finishing reading her story to her kids]... And they went back to their trailer and lived happily ever after. OK you two, clean up and go to bed, and remember, if you don't listen to what I say, God will kill you. [kids hurry out] Darnell Turner: While I disagree with your view of a conventional anthropomorphic God, I respect you using that myth to discipline them rascally boys. Joy Turner: I'm a creative van, Darnell. I mean think about all that stuff I yell at the movie screen and all those great Mad Libs I've done. The purple Christina Aguilera flew into... Joy Turner, Darnell Turner: ...the horny Carol Burnett!
	Season 3 / Episode 5: - Creative Writing Randy Hickey: I know what'll cheer you up, Joy! Writing a story. You should do it. Joy Turner: Here's a story: Once upon a time, Randy shut up. The end. It had a slow start but I liked the middle.
	Season 3 / Episode 4: - The Frank Factor Joy Turner: Why are you touching me? Where's that female guard who looks like the coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers? Randy Hickey: She's sick today so they said I get to frisk all the women, 'cause if someone sues, I got the least stuff to lose. [slowly moves on to her chest, then suddenly squeezes her large breasts] Joy Turner: Randy!
	Season 3 / Episode 3: - The Gangs of Camden County Joy Turner: You don't get sent to prison for slapping a cop. And even if you did, you know what the odds are that you even get sent to the same prison as Earl? Randy Hickey: Seven? Joy Turner: Seven what? Randy Hickey: Seven get sent to prisons. Joy Turner: That doesn't even make sense. Randy Hickey: Twelve?
	Season 3 / Episode 3: - The Gangs of Camden County Earl Hickey: Randy, I want you to look at Joy and find one nice thing to say about her. Go on. Randy Hickey: Well, I suppose she does have a nice rack. Joy Turner: [pleased] Was that so hard?
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - My Name Is Inmate 28301-016, Part 1 Joy Turner: [at the Crab Shack] For the love of God, pick something! Randy Hickey: I'm sorry, I usually just order what Earl gets. Darnell Turner: Well Randy, I talked to the prison and they said Earl was having duck a l'orange and caviar pie. I think the guy was being facetious, but we don't have it anyway so it doesn't matter.
	Season 2 / Episode 16: - Blow Joy Turner: [standing naked in front of Randy] Randy, do you know where babies come from? Randy Hickey: Yeah, the bottom of that fuzzy lightning bolt.
	Season 2 / Episode 15: - Foreign Exchange Student Joy Turner: I thought French people didn't like fighting. Pierre: [bitterly] Oh, ze World War Two joke, zat's fresh.
	Season 2 / Episode 15: - Foreign Exchange Student Joy Turner: How can you not like this country? It's got everything you want, except for a big ass fence on the border. We're working on that, too.
	Season 2 / Episode 13: - Buried Treasure Joy Turner: You know the kind of woman who could've been the next Faith Hill, but somewhere along the way discovered peach daiquiri, put a diaphragm in on her own, and wound up smack dab in the middle of trailer hell raising two kids? Yep, she still manages to look hot and you can bounce a quarter off her butt cause you gotta take of yourself. I mean, come on. Anyway, that's me. My name is Joy.
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - Born a Gamblin' Man Disease Control leader: You have what is known as pathological impulse-control disorder. Joy Turner: Hot damn! Does this mean I can get crippled-people parking?
	Season 2 / Episode 8: - Robbed a Stoner Blind Joy Turner: Hey, Lance Armstrong! Don't you know riding bicycles gives you nut cancer?
	Season 2 / Episode 3: - Sticks & Stones Joy Turner: [Getting ready to meet her lawyer] I'll bend over, you tell me if you can see my thong. Darnell Turner: What thong? Joy Turner: Perfect. Here, put these socks down your pants in case he's gay.
	Season 2 / Episode 3: - Sticks & Stones Joy Turner: [reading Busted: Now What?, a Guide for Dummies-type book] I need a Dummies' guide for the Dummies' guide. Half this stuff looks like it's written in Latin. I can't even understand the damn cartoons!
	Season 1 / Episode 23: - BB Joy Turner: You cheatin' son of a bitch! You're supposed to say "Uno" when you only got one card left! Earl Hickey: I said "One"! Joy Turner: You're supposed to say "Uno"! It's a Mexican game! Earl Hickey: Joy, this is why the kids won't play Candyland with you anymore.
	Season 1 / Episode 23: - BB Joy Turner: Oh, snap! Earl's drivers licence! I'm holding onto this for a rainy day. Darnell Turner: Too bad it didn't thunder when you said that. That woulda been cool, like you're an evil genius or something. Joy Turner: That would have been cool. [holds the licence up and shouts] I'm holding on to this for a rainy day! Darnell Turner: I think you need clouds to thunder. Joy Turner: [gasps] Look at that bird up there! How the hell do they stay up there like that?
	Season 1 / Episode 18: - Dad's Car Joy Turner: I told you I could drive just fine. Randy Hickey: Oh I drove, you were steering with a paper plate in the passenger seat. But you did get a couple of turns right.

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