Earl Hickey

My Name Is Earl

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Jason Lee
Born and raised in Southern California, Jason Lee took up skateboarding at age 13. By 18, he was on ...

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Earl Hickey Quotes

	Season 4 / Episode 27: - Dodge's Dad Joy Turner: Sweet Jesus! Earl Hickey: I know! I'm Dodge's father! Joy Turner: That explains why Dodge's moustache is starting to come in already. Darnell Turner: We've got another problem. Earl Hickey: What? Darnell Turner: These three DNAs match. That means it's you and the boys, which makes this one mine and it doesn't match any of those. Joy Turner: What does that mean? Darnell Turner: It means I'm not Earl Junior's father. Joy Turner: Now, everybody just calm down.
	Season 4 / Episode 6: - We've Got Spirit Earl Hickey: [Narrating] Cheerleading camp was gonna be harder than I thought, and so was changing Dodge's mind. Joy Turner: [Talking to her son, Dodge] Blonde hair and blue eyes is rare, so it's considered a treasure of the human race. That's what World War II is about. Why do you think the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor? Jealous! Joy Turner: Oh, come on! You just like her because she's the same color as pancakes!
	Season 4 / Episode 4: - Stole an RV Earl Hickey: This should be a lesson about trying to kill people when you're over sixty.
	Season 4 / Episode 2: - Monkeys Take a Bath Earl Hickey: I've decided to forgive you for cheating on me. Joy Turner: Good, 'cause I'd do it again.
	Season 3 / Episode 18: - Killerball Earl Hickey: Every neighborhood, there's people that annoy everybody else by working odd hours. In the trailer park, those hours are 9 to 5.
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - Midnight Bun Earl Hickey: [looking for escaped prisoner] Okay look, we have 46 hours, Frank couldn't have gotten that far. Where's the ice cream store? Randy Hickey: It's the one next to the train station and that costume store, near the bong shop where they make the fake IDs. We just have to look for a guy who could be dressed as anything and whose anywhere train might go.
	Season 3 / Episode 6: - Frank's Girl Frank: Earl, buddy, it's good to see you. Listen, listen, you got to go find my girl, Billie. Just tell her that I'm not blowing her off, and that I love her, and that she's the best thing that's ever happened to me, Earl. She's my angel. Earl Hickey: [Frank shows Earl his photo of Billie] Wow, you're, uh, naked angel ... Frank: Yeah. Earl Hickey: ...with wings tattooed on her most private angel area. Frank: Yeah, those wings cost me a fortune. Plus, it was awkward. Her brother was the tattoo artist. Earl Hickey: Ah, that explains the "love your brother." I thought she was just trying to make the world a better place.
	Season 3 / Episode 6: - Frank's Girl Earl Hickey: [Earl takes Frank's place on his conjugal visit] Uh, hey. Billie: Oh god, not again! I told Frank no more threesomes. No offense. I'm just afraid he'll finish too quick and I'll be stuck awkwardly doing a stranger.
	Season 3 / Episode 6: - Frank's Girl Earl Hickey: I'm Earl Hickey, a friend of Frank's. He got thrown in the hotbox, but he wanted me to tell you that he still loves you. And that you're his number one angel. Which is saying a lot, cause there's quite a few guys named Angel in here. Billie: He got thrown in the hotbox, today of all days. That son-of-a-bitch! He doesn't love me. Earl Hickey: Come on, he loves you. He talks about you all the time. He's been faithful for at least seven years. Don't think he hasn't been tempted in here. One of those Angels is a pretty smooth talker.
	Season 3 / Episode 6: - Frank's Girl Earl Hickey: [voice-over] A few days later, me and Frank found out we were convict matches for two ladies who wrote to us and were coming to visit. Randy even hooked us up with a conjugal apartment. Randy Hickey: And I'm gonna give you guys twice as much time. But if anyone asks, just remember to say you each had sex with your own girl, then switched. Otherwise, I could get in trouble.
	Season 3 / Episode 6: - Frank's Girl Earl Hickey: [on his conjugal visit with a transsexual] I didn't really commit the crime, but I still feel like I deserve to be here because of karma. I know it sounds confusing. Annie: Heck, people have been calling me confused all my life. I'm not. That's why I'm going through with this whole surgery. Earl Hickey: "Hole surgery?" You'd think they'd have a fancier name for it. Annie: They do. It's called vaginoplasty.
	Season 3 / Episode 6: - Frank's Girl Randy Hickey: She's here! Billie's here! Earl Hickey: Really? Frank: Thanks, Earl. Hey, I gotta get her some flowers. Do you think anybody would mind if I took some carnations off of Jose's memorial in the yard? Frank: If anyone cared about Jose, he'd still be alive.
	Season 3 / Episode 6: - Frank's Girl Earl Hickey: [about Frank] The guy can make wine out of shampoo. I'm not sure even Jesus can do that.
	Season 3 / Episode 3: - The Gangs of Camden County Earl Hickey: I still can't see why we can't have our own nail clippers. Guard: Me neither. Although this one guy used them to saw off another guy's arm. Took three and a half weeks.
	Season 3 / Episode 3: - The Gangs of Camden County Earl Hickey: So you have your gangs fight each other just so you can be together? Hector: That, and they really like fighting.
	Season 3 / Episode 3: - The Gangs of Camden County Earl Hickey: Randy, I want you to look at Joy and find one nice thing to say about her. Go on. Randy Hickey: Well, I suppose she does have a nice rack. Joy Turner: [pleased] Was that so hard?
	Season 3 / Episode 1: - My Name Is Inmate 28301-016, Part 1 Glenn: I'm gonna kill you, Earl. I'm gonna rip off your face and wear it to the Ugly Ball. Earl Hickey: That's scary and hurtful, Glenn.
	Season 2 / Episode 18: - Guess Who's Coming Out of Joy Earl Hickey: What are you going to do, spank me? I'm not seventeen anymore.
	Season 2 / Episode 15: - Foreign Exchange Student Catalina: Earl. Earl Hickey: I'm giving breakfast to the French guy. Hey, can I borrow you master key to break into his room? Catalina: Anytime.
	Season 2 / Episode 15: - Foreign Exchange Student Pierre: So, I am guessing that there is no 24 hour concierge? Earl Hickey: If concierge is a fancy word for hooker, they'll be around as soon as the methadone clinic closes.
	Season 2 / Episode 13: - Buried Treasure Earl Hickey: In Camden County, the library was also the museum, so you could actually learn stuff there instead of just reading books.
	Season 2 / Episode 10: - South Of The Border, Part Uno Dr Rudin: So, Earl, Randy, it says here that I haven't seen you boys since you were ten. Earl Hickey: Well, you know, you get busy. I haven't been seeing another doctor, if that's what you're worried about.
	Season 2 / Episode 10: - South Of The Border, Part Uno Earl Hickey: Um, excuse me, ma'm. You just said my seat may be used as a flotation device. Is that maybe as in "can be" or maybe like, "maybe yours will or maybe yours won't", 'cause I didn't ask for a floating seat, I would have but that wasn't one of the choices.
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - Born a Gamblin' Man Disease Control leader: Earl, maybe you need to ask yourself if you have a gambling problem. Earl Hickey: Hmm, no, I don't have a gambling problem, I'm winning, and winning is not a problem. That's like saying Michael Jordan has a basketball problem, or Def Leppard has an awesomeness problem. So why don't y'all pour some sugar on that?
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - Born a Gamblin' Man Earl Hickey: You want me to teach you how to be less gay so you can sleep with more men? Earl Hickey: Okay.
	Season 2 / Episode 8: - Robbed a Stoner Blind Randy Hickey: I need real TV! I need real food! Earl Hickey: You have to excuse my brother Randy. When he hasn't had TV or food, he gets this angry, dizzy Hulk thing going. That's the angry part. [Randy faints] And that's the dizzy part.
	Season 2 / Episode 8: - Robbed a Stoner Blind Earl Hickey: I went through the checklist Woody gave me and got some things. Fluorescent bulbs that use less electricity. Reusable hemp bags for shopping. And look: shampoo that's not tested on animals. I feel bad for those lab animals running around with dirty hair but - if it's better for the environment, that's the sacrifice they have to make.
	Season 2 / Episode 8: - Robbed a Stoner Blind Earl Hickey: You guys make your own wine? I tried to make tequila once, but I didn't know what was in it besides worms. Pretty gross. It still got me drunk though.
	Season 2 / Episode 8: - Robbed a Stoner Blind Earl Hickey: You guys can make your own shirts? Woody: We make a lot of our own clothes on this loom. Earl Hickey: Fruit of the loom. It all makes sense now.
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - Van Hickey Earl Hickey: And there she was. She wasn't young, but she was conscious... And besides, she made us Rice Krispy squares.

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