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 | Season 3 / Episode 11: - Mr. Monk vs. the Cobra Adrian Monk: You are a wise and learned man, Master Zi. Master Zi: As are you. Adrian Monk: It must be a tremendous burden, so much wisdom. Master Zi: It is a gift... and a curse. |
| Season 3 / Episode 11: - Mr. Monk vs. the Cobra Natalie Teeger: Lieutenant, you realize that if Sonny Chow is alive, he's killed at least two people. Lt. Randall Disher: Yeah? Natalie Teeger: You'd have to arrest him. Lt. Randall Disher: I'd get to meet him. Natalie Teeger: He might even try to kill you. Lt. Randall Disher: You think so? Wow, that would be so cool! Sonny Chow... |
| Season 3 / Episode 11: - Mr. Monk vs. the Cobra Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Well, you're the expert. Is it him or not? Lt. Randall Disher: It's hard to say. I mean, Sonny had a lot more hair... and skin. |
| Season 3 / Episode 11: - Mr. Monk vs. the Cobra Doctor: Hello... Natalie Teeger: [covers her eyes] Oh, my God... Doctor: We're so sorry to disturb you. |
| Season 3 / Episode 11: - Mr. Monk vs. the Cobra Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You remember that convention I went to in Atlanta about four years ago? Well, something happened there that I didn't tell you about. I got to the airport, I hailed a cab. Monk, I recognized the driver. It was Harold Burnshaw. Adrian Monk: Burnshaw? Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Burnshaw, he used to be a Fed. He was a real player. He used to head the F.B.I.'s field office in Atlanta, right up until the 1996 Olympic Games. Adrian Monk: The Plaza bombing? Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Exactly. They accused the wrong guy, Burnshaw booted it big-time on national television, instant career-killer. Now he's driving a cab. Monk, you should have seen his face. I'll never forget it. Adrian Monk: What does this have to do with...? Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Twenty years ago, Sonny Chow froze some of his own blood in the event that he needed surgery. So they've got bulletproof DNA for a comparison, and that's a prelim on the hair we found at the crime scene. Adrian Monk: [reads] It's a match. Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: It's Sonny Chow's hair. No question about it. He's been dead for six years, and he's my primary suspect. Adrian Monk: Yeah... Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Now if I go public with this, and I'm wrong, *I'm* gonna end up at the airport, picking up cops who still have jobs. |
| Season 3 / Episode 11: - Mr. Monk vs. the Cobra Master Zi: Oh, my... a very troubled soul. You are on a quest, Mr. Monk. Adrian Monk: That's right. Master Zi: You live in a dark place. The darkness is your fear. Master Zi: Take this. The light is your weapon, Mr. Monk. Be the light. |
| Season 3 / Episode 11: - Mr. Monk vs. the Cobra Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Well, that was the opposite of fun. |
| Season 3 / Episode 11: - Mr. Monk vs. the Cobra Natalie Teeger: I'm sorry, Lieutenant. Lt. Randall Disher: Yeah. Well, at least I got to have my picture with Sonny Chow. Natalie Teeger: You took a picture? |
| Season 3 / Episode 11: - Mr. Monk vs. the Cobra Master Zi: [blindfolded] A great sorrow has entered this room. Adrian Monk: That would be me. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk and the Red Herring Dr. Charles Kroger: Didn't she sell her house? Adrian Monk: Yes. Dr. Charles Kroger: And she moved back to New Jersey. Adrian Monk: Yes. Dr. Charles Kroger: And she remarried her ex-husband. Adrian Monk: I'm not sure I like where you're going here. |
| Season 3 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk and the Red Herring Adrian Monk: You're a doctor. Can't you make her come back? Dr. Charles Kroger: What would you like me to do? Fly back to New Jersey and drug her, bring her back here? Adrian Monk: No. But thank you. Adrian Monk: She's pretty smart. She'd probably escape. |
| Season 3 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk and the Red Herring Human Corpuscle: Hello, I'm a white corpuscle. I'm an important part of your body's defense system. I travel through your bloodstream and I fight bacteria and diseases. Would you like to know more about me? Natalie Teeger: No. I'd like to know less about you. |
| Season 3 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk and the Red Herring Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Well? Does anyone have any ideas? Lt. Randall Disher: Maybe it swallowed something. Like a diamond. Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Does anyone besides Randy have any ideas? |
| Season 3 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk and the Red Herring Natalie Teeger: What happened to him? Adrian Monk: His wife died. Pet Store Owner: That's right. We had a female in there with him, but she died about a year ago. How did you know that? Natalie Teeger: Why not put another female in there with him? Adrian Monk: Won't work. He'll never feel the same about anyone else. Pet Store Owner: That's right. How did you know that? We put another female in there with him, but I'm afraid ol' Sergeant Pepper is going to grow old and die alone in this little cage. Natalie Teeger: [to Monk] What was her name? Adrian Monk: Trudy. |
| Season 3 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk and the Red Herring Natalie Teeger: You're a man? Adrian Monk: [pause] Yes... Natalie Teeger: Then you can tell lies. That's what they do. |
| Season 3 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk and the Red Herring Natalie Teeger: [dragging Monk through a Museum exhibit on "The Miracle of Birth"] Pretend you're in a fun house. Adrian Monk: Funhouse? What's fun about fallopian tubes? |
| Season 3 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk and the Red Herring Adrian Monk: [in the "Miracle of Birth" exhibit] Ah, no! I can't go up there, I don't even know this woman. |
| Season 3 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk and the Red Herring Housekeeper: What would my hours be? Adrian Monk: 9 am. Housekeeper: Until? Adrian Monk: Until one. Housekeeper: Until 1 pm? Adrian Monk: Until one of us dies. |
| Season 3 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk and the Red Herring Natalie Teeger: We have to go out through the pelvis. Adrian Monk: I think this is going to be a caesarian. |
| Season 3 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk and the Red Herring Adrian Monk: Is there money in the house? Natalie Teeger: No. Adrian Monk: What about the coffee can, isn't that where you hide your money? Natalie Teeger: ...How did you know that? Adrian Monk: There's coffee grounds on the counter, indicating it's been opened recently. But you don't have a coffee maker. Julie Teeger: [whispering] Wow, he's like Velma from Scooby-Doo! |
| Season 3 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk and the Red Herring Adrian Monk: You recently started dating again. Natalie Teeger: How did you know that? Adrian Monk: [holds up a pill container] Birth control pills. I found these in your purse. Adrian Monk: [realizing] I'm sorry... Natalie Teeger: [horrified] I can't believe you just did that! Do you have, like, zero social skills? Julie Teeger: Mom, it's okay. I'm not a baby. Adrian Monk: Oh! My mistake. These aren't birth control pills. They're... Tic-Tacs. Adrian Monk: You know, to make your breath smell better. But don't eat them, they're... adult Tic-Tacs. You know, special. |
| Season 3 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk and the Red Herring Adrian Monk: This man didn't freeze to death. He was murdered. Natalie Teeger: What? Adrian Monk: Look, there's a puncture mark on the side of his head. Natalie Teeger: It was over 20,000 years ago! Adrian Monk: Well, there's no statute of limitations on murder. Adrian Monk: I think I know what happened... Natalie Teeger: Detective Monk, why don't we solve *my* case first, all right? Then we can come back here and figure out who killed Ogg, okay? |
| Season 3 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk and the Red Herring Adrian Monk: Whatever happened with your wife's niece, the one who's the nurse? She never called me. Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yeah, I know. Um, here's the thing Monk. [pause] I love her. Adrian Monk: I understand. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 9: - Mr. Monk Takes His Medicine Trudy: Hello Adrian. You're not still smelling my pillow, are you? You can't really smell me on that old thing? Adrian Monk: Sure, I can. It's your strawberry shampoo, and the lilac lotion you always wore. Trudy: You never even liked that lotion. Adrian Monk: I love it now... I love it now. |
| Season 3 / Episode 9: - Mr. Monk Takes His Medicine Adrian Monk: You can't rush the Monk. |
| Season 3 / Episode 9: - Mr. Monk Takes His Medicine Adrian Monk: You're bringing the Monk down, man. |
| Season 3 / Episode 9: - Mr. Monk Takes His Medicine Adrian Monk: [as "the Monk"] How you doing, Toy Store? Disher: What did you call me? Adrian Monk: Toy Store. Your name's Disher. Dish, plate, Plato, Play-Doh. And where do you buy Play-Doh? Disher: [resigns] Toy Store. |
| Season 3 / Episode 9: - Mr. Monk Takes His Medicine Adrian Monk: [screams at Sharona who is racing to a crime scene] A "Stop" sign is not a suggestion! Sharona Fleming: Yes, it is! |
| Season 3 / Episode 9: - Mr. Monk Takes His Medicine Adrian Monk: I am so out'a here. |
| Season 3 / Episode 9: - Mr. Monk Takes His Medicine Sharona Fleming: Where are you going? Adrian Monk (as "The Monk"): New Orleans, Mardi Gras. Sharona Fleming: Mardi Gras's not for another nine months! Adrian Monk (as "The Monk"): Hey, you know what they say. Wherever the Monk is, it's Mardi Gras. |
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