Monk Quotes

Monk

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Season 8 / Episode 7: - Mr. Monk and the Voodoo Curse Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [entering Reverend Jorgensen's Voodoo Boutique] Whoa, Look at this place. It's like Halloween the year round. Lt. Randall Disher: Lucky bath crystals. Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Incense powder. Money powder. Guaranteed to cure all financial woes. Lt. Randall Disher: Well, you should buy it. Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Can't afford it.
	Season 8 / Episode 7: - Mr. Monk and the Voodoo Curse Lt. Randall Disher: Natalie, it's just a doll. Natalie Teeger: You really don't believe in it? Witchcraft, voodoo? Lt. Randall Disher: I'm a pisces. We're not superstitious.
	Season 8 / Episode 7: - Mr. Monk and the Voodoo Curse Adrian Monk: We live in the real world! It is governed by science, physics, laws of nature. There is always, always a non-voodoo explanation for everything.
	Season 8 / Episode 7: - Mr. Monk and the Voodoo Curse Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [to Monk] Let me get a handle on this: you're the level-headed, brave one now?
	Season 8 / Episode 7: - Mr. Monk and the Voodoo Curse Reverend Jorgensen: She wasn't supposed to drink it! She was supposed to rub it on her neck! That wasn't voodoo; that was voo-don't!
	Season 8 / Episode 6: - Mr. Monk and the Critic Natalie Teeger: I don't know how he did it, but he did it. Lt. Randall Disher: [points to Monk] That's what he always says.
	Season 8 / Episode 6: - Mr. Monk and the Critic Natalie Teeger: [raising her hand, seriously] Excuse me. May I say something? Natalie Teeger: I knew it, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!
	Season 7 / Episode 16: - Mr. Monk Fights City Hall Harold Krenshaw: I'm talking about your new therapist, the mystery doctor, the genius you're always raving about. Who is he? Just tell me his name. Adrian Monk: I can't tell you. It's privilege information. Harold Krenshaw: No, it's not. What happens in the session is privilege. His name isn't privilege. People recommend therapist everyday. Am I right, Natalie? Natalie Teeger: I don't know. I just waiting for the conversation to be over. Adrian Monk: Ok, fine. His name is doctor... Door. Harold Krenshaw: Doctor Door? Is that the best you can do? I suppose if we were standing by that alarm you would've said Doctor Bell. Natalie Teeger: [accidentally spits water on Harold] Oh god, Harold! I'm so sorry!
	Season 7 / Episode 11: - Mr. Monk on Wheels Adrian Monk: Hello, Johnny. Open up. It's Encyclopedia Brown. Sally and I want our blue bike back.
	Season 7 / Episode 11: - Mr. Monk on Wheels Dean Berry: Mr. Monk, you know what I'm going to do for you? I'm going to adopt ten acres of Brazilian rain forest in your name. Adrian Monk: Thank you. I don't have to visit it, do I? Or, or water it, or think about it? Dean Berry: No
	Season 7 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk's Other Brother Adrian Monk: I'm seventy-five percent sure he's the guy. Adrian Monk: I'm ninety-eight percent sure!
	Season 7 / Episode 9: - Mr. Monk and the Miracle Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [sipping health drink] Oh, it tastes like chalk. Natalie: What's in it? Adrian Monk: [reading] Chalk extract...
	Season 7 / Episode 8: - Mr. Monk Gets Hypnotized Adrian Monk: You're all never going to see me again. Ever. [holds up five-dollar bill] 'Cause I'm going to France.
	Season 7 / Episode 8: - Mr. Monk Gets Hypnotized Adrian Monk: A girl can't beat up a boy. That's scientifically impossible.
	Season 7 / Episode 8: - Mr. Monk Gets Hypnotized Adrian Monk: She's a liar. [makes farting noises] There is no way she spent three days in that cabin. No way. Lt. Randall Disher: And why not? Adrian Monk: There's no TV, so it's impossible. She would've died.
	Season 7 / Episode 8: - Mr. Monk Gets Hypnotized Adrian Monk: Are you over, or under 100? Doris: I'm fifty-seven. Adrian Monk: Fifty-seven? Wow, fifty seven... So you're getting pretty up there. Doris: Well, I wouldn't say that... Adrian Monk: I would.
	Season 7 / Episode 8: - Mr. Monk Gets Hypnotized Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: What is this? Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Disher Mint? Lt. Randall Disher: Yeah, I made it myself. Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You made the gum? Lt. Randall Disher: Yeah, from a kit... I got it online. In my basement, I'm experimenting with a bunch of new flavors right now. Guess what this one is. Natalie Teeger: [making a face] Tar?
	Season 7 / Episode 7: - Mr. Monk's 100th Case Announcer: In Focus. An unfiltered look at the news, the people behind the news, and the stories behind the headlines.
	Season 7 / Episode 7: - Mr. Monk's 100th Case Adrian Monk: [Roaming through newspaper headlines] TV writer found dead after contract dispute. Natalie Teeger: Creepy.
	Season 7 / Episode 6: - Mr. Monk Falls In Love Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: If the suspect is a dancer, zoo-keeper's daughter who makes jewlery I'll resign.
	Season 7 / Episode 6: - Mr. Monk Falls In Love Adrian Monk: She's beautiful. Lt. Randall Disher: Yeah, like the Mona Lisa. Only hotter. Natalie Teeger: Only hotter? You are gonna get struck by lightning.
	Season 7 / Episode 6: - Mr. Monk Falls In Love Adrian Monk: I didn't know there was a recipe with the word "hat" in it.
	Season 7 / Episode 6: - Mr. Monk Falls In Love Adrian Monk: Red light, shmed light. Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Red light, shmed light? Is that really your argument: Red light, shmed light?
	Season 7 / Episode 4: - Mr. Monk Takes A Punch Adrian Monk: I am the beast!
	Season 7 / Episode 4: - Mr. Monk Takes A Punch Frankie Marino: Are you wearing a wire, Lieutenant? Lt. Randall Disher: No. Frankie Marino: [to Stottlemeyer] What about you? Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Nope. Frankie Marino: Okay, let's talk. Lt. Randall Disher: ...Why did I just get undressed? Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: I don't know, Randy, everyone in this room is wondering the same thing.
	Season 7 / Episode 2: - Mr. Monk and the Genius Adrian Monk: To me, quitting would be like giving up.
	Season 6 / Episode 16: - Mr. Monk Is On The Run (2) Adrian Monk: Hey, thanks... Thanks for killing me. Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Hey, that's what friends are for.
	Season 6 / Episode 16: - Mr. Monk Is On The Run (2) Dale 'The Whale' Biederbeck: Are you having fun? Adrian Monk: No... but it's as close as I'm ever gonna get.
	Season 6 / Episode 16: - Mr. Monk Is On The Run (2) Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You look disappointed. Lt. Randall Disher: No, it's just... this is the best song I ever wrote. Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Well, hold on to it. He's gonna die someday. Lt. Randall Disher: But you're not gonna shoot him, sir. Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You never know.
	Season 6 / Episode 16: - Mr. Monk Is On The Run (2) Adrian Monk: [trying to hide his face] Hola, senorita. Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, I know it's you. Adrian Monk: What's with the wipe? Why do I need a wipe...?

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