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Natalie Teeger Quotes
 | Season 5 / Episode 3: - Mr. Monk and the Big Game Natalie Teeger: You okay? Adrian Monk: Girl's bathroom. Natalie Teeger: What are you afraid of? [pokes Monk] Cooties? Adrian Monk: Don't laugh. The jury's still out on cooties. If we could only get more federal funding... |
| Season 5 / Episode 3: - Mr. Monk and the Big Game Natalie Teeger: So you've never won anything in your whole life? Adrian Monk: Once, at a birthday party, I won a game of musical chairs. Natalie Teeger: Well, that's something. Adrian Monk: But then I was disqualified. A mother said I went counter-clockwise, or something. Natalie Teeger: Well, at least you got invited to the party! Adrian Monk: It was my party, okay, it was my mother. |
| Season 5 / Episode 3: - Mr. Monk and the Big Game Adrian Monk: I'm gonna need a bigger mantle. Natalie! I'm gonna need a bigger mantle! Natalie Teeger: Your mother would be so proud. Adrian Monk: Oh, no she wouldn't. But it's still nice of you to say. |
 | Season 5 / Episode 1: - Mr. Monk and the Actor Adrian Monk: [Monk bangs on the door] Natalie, it's me. [Natalie opens her front door] At least I think it's me. Natalie Teeger: Oh, Mr. Monk, what time is it? [she wipes sleep out of her eyes] Adrian Monk: You were right about actors. He's completely unstable. [he walks into her house] Natalie Teeger: What did he do? Adrian Monk: Oh, he's so selfish. He's immature. Get this: he barged into my house in the middle of the night, woke me up because he *felt* like talking... Natalie Teeger: Umm, I can't imagine what that would be like... Adrian Monk: So we talked for hours. I will say this, he gets me, he *really* gets me, he understands about Trudy. He was dredging up these feelings. Feelings I haven't had in years. And then he made us food - fried eggs with the yolk exactly in the center, I mean exactly. He used a ruler, just the way I like them. [sighs] It was very confusing but delicious. Confusing, but delicious. And then he said he was tired and asked me to leave. Natalie Teeger: So you left? Adrian Monk: He has to get up at 6:00. Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, that's *your* house! Adrian Monk: [Momentarily stunned] Boy, he's a good actor. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 16: - Mr. Monk Gets Jury Duty Adrian Monk: Don't get me wrong. It's a great system. It really is the best justice system in the world. Natalie Teeger: I agree. Adrian Monk: I just don't want to be a part of it. Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, what if everybody felt that way? Adrian Monk: Everybody does. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 14: - Mr. Monk and the Astronaut Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, you're not a wuss. Adrian Monk: Well I'm not a man either. I'm a kind of mutant: half man, half wuss. I'm a muss. |
| Season 4 / Episode 14: - Mr. Monk and the Astronaut Natalie Teeger: You can't just take mail from somebody's porch. Darrell Cain: Yeah, you can if it's fruit. The law doesn't apply to fruit because it's perishable. Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Actually, sir, the law does apply to fruit. [turns to Disher, who is eating a nectarine from the box] Are you eating one? Lt. Randall Disher: Nope. I was just putting that back. [throws the nectarine back into the Fruit of the Month box] |
| Season 4 / Episode 14: - Mr. Monk and the Astronaut Natalie Teeger: [after hearing that both Monk *and* Steve Wagner are coming to Julie's career day] You're both coming? I'm going to be Class Mom of the Year! |
| Season 4 / Episode 14: - Mr. Monk and the Astronaut Adrian Monk: I am such a... what do you call it? Natalie Teeger: Wuss? No, Mr. Monk, you are not a wuss. Adrian Monk: Well, I'm not a man. I know that. I'm a mutant. Half man, half wuss. I'm a muss. |
| Season 4 / Episode 14: - Mr. Monk and the Astronaut Adrian Monk: Could we come, too? I'm a big aviation buff... fan. Natalie Teeger: So true! Adrian Monk: Fan or buff. I love airplanes. Natalie Teeger: Just crazy about the... Adrian Monk: Can't get enough of them. Natalie Teeger: ...the takeoff. Adrian Monk: And the wings and all. Natalie Teeger: And, uh, the... the... Adrian Monk: ...the rudder. Natalie Teeger: ...the landing. You wouldn't mind if we come, do you? |
| Season 4 / Episode 14: - Mr. Monk and the Astronaut Natalie Teeger: [noticing Monk putting a head onto a missile] Mr. Monk, what are you doing? Adrian Monk: I don't know. Captain Savo: [speaking into his walkie-talkie] They're at Ramp #2. He's handling a missile. [Monk is now polishing the head of the missile] Natalie Teeger: No, no, no, no! These are missiles. They could be nuclear weapons! Adrian Monk: Then stop me, for the love of God. |
| Season 4 / Episode 14: - Mr. Monk and the Astronaut Adrian Monk: I can't speak in public. Natalie Teeger: See, that's not true. Remember when I first started working for you and you made that list with all of your fears and phobias, there were one hundred and three things, public speaking wasn't one of them. Adrian Monk: Actually, there were a couple of things I didn't mention; I didn't want you to think I was weird. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 13: - Mr. Monk and the Big Reward Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Here's the coroner's report. Victim's name: Danny Chasen, it's probably an alias. The victim was poisoned. Somebody spiked his all-natural barley tea with ammonia. Adrian Monk: Was he part of the heist? Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Looks like it. They found some hair samples in that rolltop desk at the museum that matched the body. Natalie Teeger: Where's the diamond? Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Still missing in action. Wasn't on him or in the cabin. Adrian Monk: We know he had a partner, somebody who works at the museum. It's probably still with him. Natalie Teeger: So the reward is still good? I mean, nobody's claimed it? Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yeah, as far as I know. The reward is still good. Natalie Teeger: [holds up file] Ka-ching! Adrian Monk: [to Stottlemeyer] Could you make her stop saying that? Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: This is no longer a parlor game. A man is dead. This is a homicide investigation, which means *nobody* is to withold *any* information from *anybody*. Natalie Teeger: [noticing that Monk and Stottlemeyer are looking at her with accusing looks] What? Are you looking at me? Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yes I am, Ms. Teeger. Gladys Menchen: [walks into the room to confront Monk about his Post-It notes] Did you write these? Don't deny it, I know it was you! [reads the notes] "How are things down under?" Hint! Hint! "Monk was right. You should clean under the tables." You don't fool me for a second. It goes without saying, "Don't forget to throw away these little Post-Its, too." Adrian Monk: [to Stottlemeyer] Captain, she doesn't clean under the tables. Gladys Menchen: You are not the boss of me! |
| Season 4 / Episode 13: - Mr. Monk and the Big Reward Landis: [while being questioned about the robbery] I want to help you guys. I really do, but they've questioned me three times. Lt. Randall Disher: It's not just you, Mr. Landis. We're talking to all the guards, cleaning staff, curators, and anybody who was at the museum. Landis: Yeah, but I haven't been home yet! Lt. Randall Disher: And I appreciate that. We just need your official statement, and you're free to go. So for the record, where were you during the robbery? Landis: OK, for the tenth time, I was at my station on the main floor. I *never* left. Lt. Randall Disher: And you didn't hear anything unusual? Landis: No, sir. I was three floors away. Lt. Randall Disher: Okay. [noticing Monk and Natalie] Excuse me for a second. Can I get you something to drink? [Randy walks over to the cooler where Monk and Natalie are standing] Monk, Nat. Adrian Monk: What's going on? Lt. Randall Disher: What? You haven't heard? Robbery at the MacMillan Museum. It was big, big! The Alexander Diamond. Natalie Teeger: Whoa! Lt. Randall Disher: I know whoa! Robbery division asked us to help out, so we're taking statements from everybody on sight. Adrian Monk: So you're not arresting him about the drugs? Lt. Randall Disher: Uh, no, what drugs? Adrian Monk: His fingertips are stained. It looks like red phosphorus. You get that from making crystal meth. He's got to have a lab somewhere. Lt. Randall Disher: Okay, I'll look into it. [to Landis] Excuse me, Mr. Landis. [to Monk and Natalie] If the Captain needs me, I'll be in Interrogation Room B. Adrian Monk: What? Natalie Teeger: You know what? You just solved that case for *free*! Lt. Randall Disher: What was I supposed to do? Say, "Lieutenant, there's a drug dealer in the room. I'll tell you who it is for $20." Natalie Teeger: At least we'd have $20! |
 | Season 4 / Episode 12: - Mr. Monk and the Captain's Marriage Natalie Teeger: Just remember the old saying, whenever God closes one door.... Capt. Stottlemeyer: ...sometimes He breaks your heart. Natalie Teeger: That's not the old saying. Capt. Stottlemeyer: It is today. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk Goes to a Fashion Show Natalie Teeger: [notices how Lt. Disher is striking a pose with one foot on a rock and his elbow resting on his knee] What are you doing? Lt. Randall Disher: What?... I'm standing. [self-satisfied] This is how I stand. [Notices how Natalie is dressed in evening wear] What are you wearing? Natalie Teeger: Clothes, this is how I dress. Lt. Randall Disher: This is how I stand. Natalie Teeger: This is how I dress-s-s. |
| Season 4 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk Goes to a Fashion Show Natalie Teeger: He did it! Adrian Monk: Natalie, he's not even a suspect! Natalie Teeger: Damn! |
| Season 4 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk Goes to a Fashion Show Julian Hodge: [to Natalie, as he is being led away in handcuffs] So, it's true what they say, huh? You can never judge a person by how they dress. Natalie Teeger: [delighted to tell Hodge all about his prison wardrobe] Well, let me tell you about what you're going to be wearing. I hope you like orange. It's a little jumpsuit thing, it has a number right here. You can wear it anywhere, really. Indoors, walking around the yard... |
| Season 4 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk Goes to a Fashion Show Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Okay! This is now a homicide investigation! Lock this place down, nobody touch anything! [turning to Randy] Fabio, go and borrow a notebook, and borrow a pencil, and start talking to neighbors. Natalie Teeger: Captain, what do you think it means? Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: It means that your boss scared somebody. |
| Season 4 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk Goes to a Fashion Show Natalie Teeger: She swears he's innocent. Howard "Gordo" Gordon: I know. That's the toughest part of the job, the mothers crying and pleading. That's one thing I'm not going to miss. Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Where are you going? Howard "Gordo" Gordon: Didn't you hear? I'm retiring. There's a party for me on Saturday if you want to come. Lt. Randall Disher: Sweet. Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You're retiring? How old are you? Howard "Gordo" Gordon: 46. Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Did you win the lottery? Howard "Gordo" Gordon: No, I've been investing. Real estate. What have you been doing with your savings? Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [mulls it over] Uhhh... Eating. You know, I think I need to talk to my accountant. Natalie Teeger: What, you have an accountant? Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Nope. Going to have to go find an accountant, and then I'm going to talk to him. |
| Season 4 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk Goes to a Fashion Show Adrian Monk: He quit? Shirt Salesman: Yeah. Apparently, he had one regular customer who was driving him crazy. Natalie Teeger: Now we're going to be up all night wondering who *that* was. |
| Season 4 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk Goes to a Fashion Show Julian Hodge: If you're going to rob me, you should bring a gun. Natalie Teeger: Pardon me? Julian Hodge: The blouse. It's a knock-off of one of my designs. Natalie Teeger: Oh. It is? I didn't know. Julian Hodge: Of course. That's not the real crime. The real crime is how you look in it. |
| Season 4 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk Goes to a Fashion Show Natalie Teeger: [watching Julie before she goes on to rehearse for Hodge] She looks beautiful, doesn't she? Too beautiful. Sometimes I wish she had a big old fat ugly wart right here. [points to her forehead] Adrian Monk: Maybe here. [points to the center of her forehead, right above the bridge of her nose] |
 | Season 4 / Episode 8: - Mr. Monk and Little Monk Natalie Teeger: [re: Monk] What was he like? As a kid? Sherry Judd: Pretty much the same. Careful, smart... sad. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 7: - Mr. Monk Goes to a Wedding Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, he's not a real cop. He's a stripper. Adrian Monk: I don't think so. Natalie Teeger: Didn't you see his badge? It says "Officer Feelgood." Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Monk, the guy's got dollar bills sticking out of his belt. [We see a view of the "stripper" and the wad of bills] Adrian Monk: I thought he'd lost his wallet. |
| Season 4 / Episode 7: - Mr. Monk Goes to a Wedding Natalie Teeger: Hey, is Parnell still dating that parole officer? Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: No, he married her. Lt. Randall Disher: I have my own tux and everything. Natalie Teeger: Ooh, ooh, what about that B-and-E suspect you brought in last week? He was kind of cute. Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Not cute enough to make bail. |
| Season 4 / Episode 7: - Mr. Monk Goes to a Wedding Natalie Teeger: Who is he? Lt. Bristo: So far he's John Doe. No ID. We figure his wallet's still in the mud bath. Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: And I'm willing to bet that that is the same green mud you found on the floor of the car. Natalie Teeger: Is he the driver? Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: No, not likely. According to the coroner, this guy died at least thirty-six hours ago. Adrian Monk: Captain... he's the wedding photographer! The one that's been missing. Lt. Bristo: How do you know that? Adrian Monk: [points] The discoloration on his fingertips. It's caused by developer fluid. I've seen it in other photographers. Lt. Bristo: I'm glad he's on our team. |
| Season 4 / Episode 7: - Mr. Monk Goes to a Wedding Natalie Teeger: Mom, what is that? Peggy Davenport: Oh, this is the exact shade of red that I wanted for the cocktail napkins. I was planning on showing it to Karen... Natalie Teeger: Mom, that's misappropriation of evidence! That's a felony! Peggy Davenport: Well, the old napkins were a felony! |
| Season 4 / Episode 7: - Mr. Monk Goes to a Wedding Natalie Teeger: What are you doing? Capt. Stottlemeyer: Taking pictures. I overheard your mother say that the wedding photographer didn't show up so I volunteered. I borrowed this from one of the crime tech guys. Natalie Teeger: Why? Capt. Stottlemeyer: Because Randy says he might be able to identify the driver. Adrian Monk: Did he get a good look at him? Capt. Stottlemeyer: Yeah. Male Caucasian, medium build, red baseball cap, sunglasses. I figure I might develop these tonight, and maybe we'll get lucky. Natalie Teeger: You're undercover at my brother's wedding? Capt. Stottlemeyer: Look, I'm doing you a favor. It's either this or we file everybody upstairs one at a time. [changes the subject] Smile! [Monk and Natalie smile as Stottlemeyer snaps a picture of them] |
| Season 4 / Episode 7: - Mr. Monk Goes to a Wedding Natalie Teeger: How's he doing? Capt. Stottlemeyer: A broken arm. A broken leg. Probably a couple of broken ribs. The suitcase took much of the blow, it could have been a lot worse. Natalie Teeger: Can he identify the driver? Capt. Stottlemeyer: He can't even identify me. I'll try again later. [to Monk] What have you got? Adrian Monk: [points to a spot on the ground] Condensation. The air conditioner was running, and the humidity is what, about 70%? So that car was idling right here for about 20 minutes. Capt. Stottlemeyer: What, he was waiting for him? Adrian Monk: From the tire tracks right there, he must have peeled out at full speed. Capt. Stottlemeyer: What so he didn't even try to brake, or make the turn? Son-of-a-bitch! What happened? He was only here for an hour. Did he piss somebody off? |
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