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Natalie Teeger Quotes
 | Season 7 / Episode 14: - Mr. Monk and the Bully Adrian Monk: [Monk lifts up an oven tray with his bare hand after having a flashback to middle school] My hand hurts. Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, where is your oven mitt? |
| Season 7 / Episode 14: - Mr. Monk and the Bully Roderick Brody: I hear you went a little crazy since high school. Now I just need to know, is it funny crazy or sad crazy? Adrian Monk: Sad crazy. Natalie Teeger: [at the same time as Monk] Funny crazy. Roderick Brody: [confused] Which is it? Adrian Monk: Excuse me. There's something I want to say. Adrian Monk: "Roderick Brody. You stole something from me. You stole my childhood. The boy you tormented has grown into a broken man. I am now damaged goods. I will never recover from the wounds that you inflicted upon me. I will never forget you. And I will never forgive you." Roderick Brody: So it's sad crazy? Natalie Teeger: I think Mr. Monk is referring to what you did to him in the seventh grade. You tortured him. |
| Season 7 / Episode 14: - Mr. Monk and the Bully Natalie Teeger: Let's just hear what he has to say. If you're not comfortable, we'll leave. I promise. Adrian Monk: Really? Natalie Teeger: Yeah. Adrian Monk: I'm not comfortable. [Later, as they near the front door] Not comfortable. Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, we haven't even said hello. |
| Season 7 / Episode 14: - Mr. Monk and the Bully Natalie Teeger: [as Marilyn goes upstairs to fetch her husband] She seems nice. How bad can her husband be? Adrian Monk: It doesn't always work that way. Eva Braun took in stray puppies, for God's sake. |
| Season 7 / Episode 14: - Mr. Monk and the Bully Adrian Monk: Don't you hear that? The toilet tank refilling. Toilet tank of life. Natalie Teeger: Come on, Mr. Monk, I'll drive you home. Adrian Monk: It's what Plato called, "the great cosmic swirly." There's no escaping it. Natalie Teeger: Plato said that? Adrian Monk: I'm paraphrasing. I think I'm going to need that shower cap back. Natalie Teeger: OK. |
| Season 7 / Episode 14: - Mr. Monk and the Bully Adrian Monk: Well, you were right. [hands Roderick a file] His name is Douglas Fendle. Natalie Teeger: Do you know him? Roderick Brody: Fendle. No. Adrian Monk: Are you sure? Young, strapping, good looking guy. You don't know him? Roderick Brody: Mmm-mmm. Natalie Teeger: She met him at a bar on Vinton Street, had a couple of drinks, and he left first. Adrian Monk: Yeah, the virile guy left first, and we followed him to the Avalon Hotel on Jackson Place. Natalie Teeger: Roderick, I'm really sorry. Adrian Monk: Yeah, we're really really sorry. Roderick Brody: I don't see anything. You know, it's so dark. Adrian Monk: Yeah, well, that film expired about 35, 40 years ago. But that's her. If you want to cry, go ahead. We understand. Roderick Brody: I can't see anything. This doesn't prove a thing. Adrian Monk: Yeah, but you know it's her, right? Because you saw her on the street, that's why you hired us? Roderick Brody: To tell you the truth, I'm not sure about that anymore. The woman I saw. Maybe it wasn't Marylin. You know? My eyes aren't so great, I could have been wrong. Adrian Monk: No, no, no. You weren't wrong. It was her. Roderick Brody: I'm not convinced. You know, last night was our anniversary, and Marylin surprised me. She bought us tickets and we're going on a cruise. I think we're in a good place. Adrian Monk: No. No, no, no, you're in a bad place. You're in the Heartbreak Hotel. Look at the next picture. Roderick Brody: [looking at the reflection photo] Is that a spoon? Adrian Monk: Yeah, look closer, see the reflection. Yeah. See, that's them That's your wife. That's your beloved wife. This is killing you. It's eating you up. Roderick Brody: I don't see it. Natalie Teeger: You know what, you're probably right. The bar was dark, she was across the room. We probably have the wrong girl. Mr. Monk, we made a mistake. Adrian Monk: Natalie, what... Zip it. Zip it. [Starts crying] This is the worst day of your life. Roderick Brody: Are you crying? Adrian, I'm still going to pay you! If that's what you're worrying about. |
| Season 7 / Episode 14: - Mr. Monk and the Bully Natalie Teeger: [as Monk pulls out his old camera] Mr. Monk, what is that? Is that your camera? Where'd you get that? Adrian Monk: It's a birthday gift. Natalie Teeger: From who? Thomas Edison? Adrian Monk: It's from my Nana. Natalie Teeger: Is there actual film in it? Adrian Monk: Of course there's film in it. [looks around his surroundings] Okay, I have three pictures left. There's not enough light. So... [He takes out a flash cube] Natalie Teeger: Is that a flash cube? Adrian Monk: [popping the cube on] Bingo. Hold this. [He then stands a spoon on its handle. He polishes it while Natalie keeps the spoon steady] Natalie Teeger: What are you doing? Adrian Monk: It's an old private eye trick. We use it as a mirror. [Natalie holds the spoon upright as Monk positions himself] Natalie Teeger: [whispering] Hurry up! Take the picture! [as the flash fires, Monk and Natalie wince their eyes to try to avoid being temporarily blinded] Barfly: You like that spoon, huh? [Natalie suddenly gets an idea] Natalie Teeger: Sir, would you mind taking our picture, please? Barfly: Madam, I would be honored. Natalie Teeger: [hands him the camera] Here you are. It's all ready to go! Barfly: Hey, I've got the same model myself. A gift from my Nana. Natalie Teeger: And if you could just stand right there. [does some positioning] Can you see us? Barfly: I got ya. Natalie Teeger: And on the count of three. One, two, and THREE! [the camera flash goes off. She and Monk duck to either side during the flash and come back up] |
| Season 7 / Episode 14: - Mr. Monk and the Bully Lt. Randall Disher: [briefing Monk and Natalie on a murder victim at a crime scene] His name is Douglas J. Fendle, or rather was Douglas J. Fendle, I guess it still is, but let's move on. [refers to his notebook] Uh, he was 37, unmarried, from Chicago. Mr. Fendle was an attorney, he worked at a small time law firm, Shellman, Reznick & Link, mostly family law, wills, adoptions... [he looks up at Monk] Are you okay? Adrian Monk: Dynamite. Lt. Randall Disher: Yeah, so are you, uh, going to look around? Adrian Monk: Yeah, yeah, sure. [He looks around the scene as Disher continues reading from his notes] Lt. Randall Disher: Listen, I talked to his boss. She said he was on vacation and didn't even know he was here. Adrian Monk: Hmmm, interesting. Lt. Randall Disher: According to the clerk, he checked in three days ago. He kept to himself. Housekeeping found the body this morning. Dr. T puts the time of death at 8:00 or 9:00 PM last night. [pauses as Monk takes a flower out of one of the room vases] He was stabbed three times. Adrian Monk: Ouch. [Natalie looks at him disapprovingly] Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk! Lt. Randall Disher: There was money still in his pocket, so it wasn't a robbery. Adrian Monk: No, it wasn't a robbery. Lt. Randall Disher: And, uh, there was no forced entry. He let the guy in. I think he knew him. Adrian Monk: [semi-chuckling] Yeah I think he knew him too... [Natalie pulls him aside] Natalie Teeger: Excuse me! Can I talk to you for a minute? [She walks him over to another point in the room] Do you think Roderick Brody did this? [Monk gives her a look that means "maybe"] Well he said he didn't believe us. Adrian Monk: Apparently he reconsidered. Natalie Teeger: Well that's horrible. A man is dead. Adrian Monk: I know, and that's murder in the first degree, and you know what that means: prison swirlies. |
| Season 7 / Episode 14: - Mr. Monk and the Bully Adrian Monk: [to Natalie] You were right about karma. It is *fantastic*. Natalie Teeger: No, Mr. Monk- [Captain Stottlemeyer enters the room] Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Monk, Natalie. Thank you so much for coming. I was just doing a bit of dumpster diving down there. Can't find the murder weapon. There is a steak knife missing from that service tray. I guess he took it with him. So, what do you think? [Monk looks like he wants to withhold something] You okay? [Monk blushes] Are you happy? Adrian Monk: I love my work. Is that a crime? [Randy whispers to Stottlemeyer] Lt. Randall Disher: I think they knew the guy. Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: What? You know this guy? [gestures towards the bedroom and Fendle's dead body] Adrian Monk: No, not technically... Natalie Teeger: Never met him face to face. Adrian Monk: ...We've sort of been following him. Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You were following him? I wonder why. Adrian Monk: Well he was seeing a woman, a married woman, and we were following her. Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You were following the woman? I wonder why. Natalie Teeger: Her husband hired us. Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Until you hear different, I wonder why. Wh-what are you doing? You, you doing divorce work now? Natalie Teeger: He was just doing a favor. He was an old friend of Mr. Monk's. Adrian Monk: Wouldn't exactly say friend. More of an acquaintance, actually. He beat me up every day for three years. Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: And that would explain the stupid grin you have on your face. You think you're getting even. Adrian Monk: I know I'm getting even. Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: So, your pal - you told your pal about Fendle. And you told him that Fendle was going to be here? [Monk's lips seem to read "yes"] Well, I think your friend just made the top of my "To Do" List. What's his name? Natalie Teeger: Actually we can't tell you that. It's privilaged information. We could contact a third party or a lawyer... [Monk cuts her off] Adrian Monk: Roderick Brody. 23 Orchard Circle. [Disher starts to write down the name and address] No that looks like an "A". B-R-O-D-Y, Roderick Brody. Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Well let's go talk to him. [They file out, and Monk whispers to Natalie] Adrian Monk: Prison swirlies. |
| Season 7 / Episode 14: - Mr. Monk and the Bully Adrian Monk: [after Natalie shows up with a new digital camera] Is it a good one? Natalie Teeger: Yeah. Adrian Monk: Oh, look at that. [He examines the woman on the box's image] She looks happy with it. Natalie Teeger: Yes she does and she's very hard to please. Adrian Monk: Where's the telescope thingy? Natalie Teeger: Uh, it has an automatic zoom, so it's built-in. Adrian Monk: Built in? Excellent! [Monk starts to use a scalpel to *really* slowly cut an incision into the box] Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, it's not heart surgery. Adrian Monk: If we leave right away, we can be at her house by 8:00. We can follow her all day. Natalie Teeger: Yeah, look, uh, Mr. Monk, I made a decision. If you want to keep following Mrs. Brody, I suppose that's your right, although it really isn't, but I can't help you. Adrian Monk: Why not? Natalie Teeger: I-I'm just not comfortable! Her husband fired us. Adrian Monk: It's what they call 'pro bono'. Natalie Teeger: No, "pro bono" is for lawyers! This is stalking! Adrian Monk: No, this is comeuppance. Pro bono comeuppance. Natalie Teeger: No, no! That is just crazy talk! [She reaches forward and switches off the lamp on Monk's table. Monk switches it back on] Adrian Monk: It's not crazy talk. Natalie Teeger: "Pro bono comeuppance"? That's the craziest talk there is! You heard what he said, he wants you to *quit*! Adrian Monk: I wanted him to quit! I *begged* him to quit forty years ago in stall #3. [He pops the box open] Oh yeah. [as he says that, Natalie takes a call on her cell phone] Natalie Teeger: Hello? [pause] Yes, he's right here. [the caller gives her an address] The Avalon? Sure, we know it. We were just there. [She is told that there's been a murder there] Okay, what's his name? [She learns that the victim is Douglas Fendle] Oh my god! [Monk looks up] Adrian Monk: Why, what happened? |
 | Season 7 / Episode 12: - Mr. Monk and the Lady Next Door Natalie Teeger: [last lines] Natalie Teeger: A pirate? Adrian Monk: Yes. It's more fun to be a pirate. Natalie Teeger: Hmm. That's good advice. [leading Monk to the car] Come on boss, I'll make you some lunch. Adrian Monk: What are we having? Natalie Teeger: Ooh, chicken pot pie, little Jolly Roger-flag on top and a bolero. Adrian Monk: Ok, you don't have to be like that. Natalie Teeger: Shiver me timbers, you look hungry! Adrian Monk: Ok, how's that funny? Natalie Teeger: It's funny! |
 | Season 7 / Episode 11: - Mr. Monk on Wheels Adrian Monk: [notices the square tomato] Is that a square tomato? Sarah Longson: Yes it is. It's a pet project of Dean's. The square shape means that farmer can pack 35% more tomatoes per carton. It's cheaper, more efficient. Adrian Monk: So, so, that means every slice is exactly the same size? Natalie Teeger: How does it taste? Adrian Monk: Who cares? It's a square tomato. You're doing the Lord's work. |
| Season 7 / Episode 11: - Mr. Monk on Wheels Dean Berry: [examines his genetically altered seeds] Germination complete. That is our best time yet, and that, boys and girls, is how you feed four billion people. Dean Berry: We're in business. Call our investors, tell them to bring their checkbooks. Sarah Longson: I'll set it up for Friday. Dean, this is Adrian Monk and I believe you remember Natalie Teeger? Dean Berry: Ah, yes! The woman who stole my bike. Natalie Teeger: I didn't steal it! Dean Berry: That's right. I believe "aided and abetted" is the correct term. [He crosses the room to his wall safe to lock up his genetically altered seeds] I'm sorry, I have to lock these up. Would you mind turning around? [Monk and Natalie do so] It's just that if somebody else sees this combination I'll have to memorize a new one and I don't want to waste the gray cells. |
 | Season 7 / Episode 9: - Mr. Monk and the Miracle Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: I've tried everything. Even this crap. Adrian Monk: What is it? Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: I don't know. It's some kind of organic hippie concoction from Hell. My aunt sent me a whole carton full of it. Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Oh, it tastes like chalk. Natalie Teeger: What's in it? Adrian Monk: [reading] Chalk extract... |
| Season 7 / Episode 9: - Mr. Monk and the Miracle Julie Teeger: Christmas doesn't mean anything to you? Adrian Monk: Not anymore. Julie Teeger: Why don't you believe in anything, Mr. Monk? What are you so afraid of? Natalie Teeger: I'll tell you what I think. I think Mr. Monk has been afraid of so many things, for so many years, he's afraid of not being afraid. Adrian Monk: What does that mean? Natalie Teeger: Think about it. Adrian Monk: I'm afraid to. |
| Season 7 / Episode 9: - Mr. Monk and the Miracle Julie Teeger: So, why do they call you the Professor? Natalie Teeger: Julie, it's probably because he loves to read and probably because he's curious about the world and other cultures... The Professor: I eat books. Natalie Teeger: Oh. |
| Season 7 / Episode 9: - Mr. Monk and the Miracle Natalie Teeger: What is that? Lt. Randall Disher: What? Natalie Teeger: On your face. On your lip. Adrian Monk: It looks a little bit about a mustache. Lt. Randall Disher: Well, I'm in charge. It comes with the job. [Monk and Natalie continue to stare at him, fixed on his new mustache] Okay, you're making me a little uncomfortable. Natalie Teeger: You're making me a little uncomfortable. |
| Season 7 / Episode 9: - Mr. Monk and the Miracle Natalie Teeger: Hi, I'm Natalie Teeger, and this is Adrian Monk. [notices the humor in saying Monk's name to a monk, and blushes] "Mr. Monk and the monk." Sorry. Are you allowed to laugh? Brother Andrew: We've been known to chuckle. |
 | Season 7 / Episode 8: - Mr. Monk Gets Hypnotized Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: What is this? Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Disher Mint? Lt. Randall Disher: Yeah, I made it myself. Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You made the gum? Lt. Randall Disher: Yeah, from a kit... I got it online. In my basement, I'm experimenting with a bunch of new flavors right now. Guess what this one is. Natalie Teeger: [making a face] Tar? Lt. Randall Disher: No. No, it's Diet Blueberry. [Stottlemeyer starts coughing and spits out his gum] Too much citric acid? Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Oh, hell. Where'd it go? [looks around for the gum] |
| Season 7 / Episode 8: - Mr. Monk Gets Hypnotized Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, it's pretty high up. You should stay in the car. Adrian Monk: Do I have to? Natalie Teeger: Uh, no. You're the boss. Adrian Monk: [gets out of the car] It's such a nice day. It would be fun to run around. Natalie Teeger: You want to run around? Adrian Monk: [sees Stottlemeyer] Ah, there's the Captain! Come on! Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [calling out instructions to the search party, looking for Sally Larkin] Terrain's a little rough out there! Try to stay in formation. Eyes forward and down. Lt. Randall Disher: We're looking for anything unusual! Freshly dug dirt! Signs of a struggle! Articles of clothing! Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Any questions? Adrian Monk: Yeah. What if we win? Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [confused] What do we win? Adrian Monk: If we find the body? Lt. Randall Disher: You don't win anything. [Stottlemeyer and Disher, who are a little surprised at what Monk has said, look at each other, unable to find out what he has been up to] |
 | Season 7 / Episode 7: - Mr. Monk's 100th Case Adrian Monk: [Roaming through newspaper headlines] TV writer found dead after contract dispute. Natalie Teeger: Creepy. |
| Season 7 / Episode 7: - Mr. Monk's 100th Case Lt. Randall Disher: [being interviewed] Uh yeah, he has some idiosyncracies... James Novak: Like what? Lt. Randall Disher: Fear of heights, uh, fear of germs, spiders, milk... Natalie Teeger: Crowds, elevators, fire... Lt. Randall Disher: Rabbits, tunnels, bridges... Natalie Teeger: Boats... Lt. Randall Disher: Decaffinated coffee... Natalie Teeger: Lightning... Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: The wind, he's afraid of the wind... Lt. Randall Disher: Egg whites... Natalie Teeger: Bad. Lt. Randall Disher: Naked people. That one is way up there. I think it goes naked people, and then death. |
| Season 7 / Episode 7: - Mr. Monk's 100th Case Natalie Teeger: Hey, Captain, have you seen Mr. Monk? Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: I figured he's with you. He usually is. |
| Season 7 / Episode 7: - Mr. Monk's 100th Case Natalie Teeger: Keeping him focused, that's one of my jobs. James Novak: What else do you do for him? Natalie Teeger: What else do I do? How long is your show? |
 | Season 7 / Episode 6: - Mr. Monk Falls In Love Adrian Monk: She's beautiful. Lt. Randall Disher: Yeah, like Mother Theresa. Only hotter. Natalie Teeger: Only hotter? You are gonna get struck by lightning. |
| Season 7 / Episode 6: - Mr. Monk Falls In Love Adrian Monk: [in Zemenian] We are looking for the sad stick. [no reply] Seen the sad stick? [still no reply] Sad stick? Natalie Teeger: [in Zemenian] Sad stick! |
 | Season 7 / Episode 5: - Mr. Monk Is Underwater Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, I've been on these boats. These boats are so big, they don't even feel like boats. They're like islands. You've been on islands before, right? You like islands. It's like Hawaii. Think of it like that: We're going to Hawaii. Adrian Monk: I believe you are the Devil. |
| Season 7 / Episode 5: - Mr. Monk Is Underwater Lt. Steven Albright: I've never talked to a detective before. Natalie Teeger: Well you can speak to Mr. Monk the same way you'd talk to a normal person. |
| Season 7 / Episode 5: - Mr. Monk Is Underwater Adrian Monk: [noticing everyone saluting] Nobody's shaking hands. Everybody's saluting. Maybe I should enlist. Natalie Teeger: No, Mr. Monk, please don't enlist. Don't even joke about it. Adrian Monk: Why not? Natalie Teeger: Because I love America. |
| Season 7 / Episode 5: - Mr. Monk Is Underwater Adrian Monk: [as he and Natalie bang on the door of the ballast tank trying to find help] Oh, God! Ocean in my shoes! I've got ocean in my shoes. The Pacific Ocean! Dr. Bell! Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, it's not going to do us any good if we both panic! Adrian Monk: You're right, let's take it in turns. I'll go first... Oh, God! Natalie! Natalie Teeger: What? Adrian Monk: Ocean in my pants! [Camera pans down to reveal that the water is up to just above his ankle] |
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