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 | Season 4 / Episode 17: - Best Men Sal: Sorry you couldn't come to the wedding, but it was no kids. Lily: That's okay, I'll go to your next one. Cameron Tucker: She just means when she's not a kid anymore. Lily: She knows what I mean. Sal: I don't like you. Lily: [whispering] I'll get over it. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 13: - Fulgencio Jay Pritchett: Fulgencio Umberto Pritchett. The initials for that are F.U. Pritchett, which is exactly how I'm feeling right now. |
| Season 4 / Episode 13: - Fulgencio Phil Dunphy: [about Jay's baby's christening] I wonder how the godfather is supposed to dress? Claire Dunphy: You're not wearing a fedora. Did you pick up the dry cleaning? Phil Dunphy: [imitating Marlon Brando] I made them an offer they couldn't refuse. Claire Dunphy: We're not doing that. |
| Season 4 / Episode 13: - Fulgencio Father Krzyzieski: In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost, what are you going to name this child? Jay Pritchett: Fulgencio Joseph Pritchett. Father Krzyzieski: May God bless you all. Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: [whispering] Thank you, Jay. Jay Pritchett: [whispering] We're not calling him that. |
| Season 4 / Episode 13: - Fulgencio Phil Dunphy: I just realized, my kids don't know how to be nice to people because they've never seen it. So I'm going to go on a niceicidal rampage. |
| Season 4 / Episode 13: - Fulgencio Claire Dunphy: An in-law doesn't like you, no matter how much you try. Doesn't that sound familiar? Jay Pritchett: You don't mean? Claire Dunphy: I do. Jay Pritchett: Son of a bitch! I'm Phil. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 11: - New Year’s Eve Lily Tucker-Pritchett: Who's going to take care of me? Cameron Tucker: Haley is. Lily Tucker-Pritchett: I'm serious. Mitchell Pritchett: Alex. Lily Tucker-Pritchett: Okay, let's go. |
| Season 4 / Episode 11: - New Year’s Eve Cameron Tucker: But your father wanted us together. Mitchell Pritchett: We're always together! How many times do we have to hear Claire tell us about Luke's comeback to the pediatrician? Cameron Tucker: We should start calling her Ranch House, because she doesn't have a second story. |
| Season 4 / Episode 11: - New Year’s Eve Alex Dunphy: You sure you don't want to play Hunger Games with us? Haley Dunphy: My whole life is a Hunger Game. Why do you think I'm so mean to you all the time? |
| Season 4 / Episode 11: - New Year’s Eve Billy Dee Williams: Hello. I'm Billy Dee Williams. Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Hello. I'm Gloria the wife. |
| Season 4 / Episode 11: - New Year’s Eve Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Oh, my God! A classic Rolls Royce Corniche! I used to love this car. In my village, if you didn't drive one of these, you couldn't consider yourself a drug lord. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 9: - When a Tree Falls Claire Dunphy: You don't make a shiv out of a knife. Phil Dunphy: Yeah. You make it out of a wooden spoon, or glass. Claire Dunphy: Or a human femur. Phil Dunphy: Exactly. Be creative. |
| Season 4 / Episode 9: - When a Tree Falls Jay Pritchett: Gloria's been having a bad case of pregnancy brain. The other day I found a bar of soap in the kitchen and a bar of butter in the bathroom. I spent the whole day smelling like a bucket of popcorn. Manny Delgado: Better than the toast I ate. Jay Pritchett: I saw you eat that second slice. |
| Season 4 / Episode 9: - When a Tree Falls Jay Pritchett: And take off those wingtips. You're not Nixon at the beach. Manny Delgado: All right. I'll put on my sporty shoes. Where are they? Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: They're still in the box. Be sure to take out the paper before you put them on. Jay Pritchett: And they're called sneakers! |
| Season 4 / Episode 9: - When a Tree Falls Manny Delgado: Look, I'm Mexico, again. Doesn't anyone care that I'm not from Mexico? Luke Dunphy: You keep saying that, but we've never seen a birth certificate. |
| Season 4 / Episode 9: - When a Tree Falls Cameron Tucker: You're a list maker. I'm a dreamer. Sean Penn would play me in a movie, or Anne Hathaway if they were going for a female-driven vehicle. Mitchell Pritchett: Who would be playing your partner in this movie? Cameron Tucker: Julianne Moore either way. Mitchell Pritchett: I could see that. |
| Season 4 / Episode 9: - When a Tree Falls Cameron Tucker: Mitchell, where were we sitting when Lily first rolled over? Mitchell Pritchett: Under this tree. Cameron Tucker: And where is home base when we play hide and seek? Mitchell Pritchett: This tree. Cameron Tucker: And where did we sought shelter from that terrible lightning storm? Mitchell Pritchett: It was actually very dangerous, but under this tree. |
| Season 4 / Episode 9: - When a Tree Falls Jay Pritchett: I wasn't worried. I boxed in the navy. And besides, it was Phil. I never thought I'd say this, but I'd rather box my daughter's husband than my son's. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 8: - Mistery Date Manny Delgado: Please, Luke. I need your help. You're sneakier than me, you're a better liar, you have no moral compass... Luke Dunphy: Look, those are nice compliments, but sneaking into one bar mitzvah? Where's the challenge in that? Manny Delgado: Oh, no. There are three bar mitzvahs. Luke Dunphy: Now things are getting interesting. |
| Season 4 / Episode 8: - Mistery Date Phil Dunphy: Phil Dunphy, this is the year 2025. You're the first one here. |
| Season 4 / Episode 8: - Mistery Date Luke Dunphy: So you missed one dance. Manny Delgado: It wasn't just a dance, it's the start of the whole dance season. Luke Dunphy: It's like you never hear boys talk. |
| Season 4 / Episode 8: - Mistery Date Cameron Tucker: If it were up to you, we'd be getting them something from their gift registry. Mitchell Pritchett: You mean the list of things they actually want? Cameron Tucker: They don't know what they want. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 7: - Arrested Haley Dunphy: In Legally Blonde, Elle won her case because she was true to herself and dressed cute. Phil Dunphy: Haley, this is real life, not an excellent movie. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 6: - Yard Sale Manny Delgado: We're having a yard sale for social studies class. All procedes go to UNICEF. It's supposed to teach us about global altruism. Luke Dunphy: Get real. The real reason is to make more money than Ms. Cooper's class and we get a pool and pizza party. Manny Delgado: Your cynicism scares me. Luke Dunphy: Ease up, Delgado. I've seen you with a pizza. |
| Season 4 / Episode 6: - Yard Sale Claire Dunphy: You finally found something less cool than those pants that unzip into shorts. Phil Dunphy: You mean my shants, which you've been gunning for since day one? Don't you realize this is a cardio-vascular workout system that could prolong my life? Claire Dunphy: Yeah, but what life, and with whom? |
| Season 4 / Episode 6: - Yard Sale Claire Dunphy: Please. Not even John Mayer has a John Mayer poster. Haley Dunphy: It's signed by him. Claire Dunphy: Honey, it's time you knew: they all come that way. Haley Dunphy: It says "To Haley". Claire Dunphy: In a different color. Your dad wrote that. Haley Dunphy: Ew! He wrote "Your body is a wonderland"! Claire Dunphy: Didn't catch that until later. |
| Season 4 / Episode 6: - Yard Sale Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: No more questions! Manny Delgado: Why? Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: That's a question! |
| Season 4 / Episode 6: - Yard Sale Manny Delgado: I wonder what's in it? Luke Dunphy: Wake up, Delgado. Dark box? From Colombia? No more questions? It's obviously a severed head. Manny Delgado: Why is that always your first guess? Luke Dunphy: One of these days, I'm going to be right. |
| Season 4 / Episode 6: - Yard Sale Phil Dunphy: I've had bigger hogs than this between my legs. Jay Pritchett: He really should run things through in his head first. |
| Season 4 / Episode 6: - Yard Sale Claire Dunphy: I just saw Alex and Michael sitting in a tree. Don't make me spell it out for you. |
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