Amanda Woodward

Melrose Place

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Played by:

Heather Locklear

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Amanda Woodward Quotes

	Season 5 / Episode 28: - Deja Vu All Over Again Amanda Woodward: Just one piece of advice to you to make sure this interview wasn't a complete waste. That type of arrogant attitude will not get you anywhere in the advertising world. Jennifer Mancini: That didn't stop you. Did it?
	Season 5 / Episode 28: - Deja Vu All Over Again Jennifer Mancini: You know Michael, he likes to bend the truth. But you probably do too, being in advertising. Amanda Woodward: We walk a fine line. Jennifer Mancini: Right, truth with a little "t", as opposed to the actual Truth, which is with a big "T". Am I getting too philosophical? I don't want to lose you. Amanda Woodward: [getting annoyed] Well, considering your resume barely qualifies for entry level, I doubt it. So what kind of advertising do you like? Jennifer Mancini: I know what I don't like. That billboard on Whilshire with the busty bimbo showing the "Sunset Diet Plan." No normal woman's ever going to respond to a cheesy ad like that. Amanda Woodward: That was my ad campaign. Jennifer Mancini: [laughs] I'm so embarrassed... Amanda Woodward: Yeah. Jennifer Mancini: ...for you.
	Season 5 / Episode 1: - Living With Disaster Amanda Woodward: Well she could be on the moon for all I care, she's not getting her deposit back.
	Season 4 / Episode 20: - No Lifeguard on Duty (1) Brooke Armstrong Campbell: You know I've always wanted to say this to you, Amanda. Alison Parker Armstrong: Don't say anything that you will regret. Brooke Armstrong Campbell: Kiss my ass! Amanda Woodward: You're fired.
	Season 4 / Episode 20: - No Lifeguard on Duty (1) Amanda Woodward: I don't know what you're up to, but Bobby's off-limits. Sydney Andrews: Feeling a little insecure Amanda? Amanda Woodward: [sarcastic] Ooops! No, just a little clumsy. Sydney Andrews: You totally did that on purpose! Amanda Woodward: [feigning innocence] I did no such thing. Sydney, you can put on an expensive dress, get your red hair done, clip on some earrings. Bottom line? You're still a two-dollar hooker... you just have a new pimp.
	Season 4 / Episode 9: - Amanda Unplugged Amanda Woodward: Hi, Jack. It's me, Amanda. I was just thinking about our special times we had together. Like the time I forgot to fold your socks, and you pounded my face into the bedpost. I needed 18 stitches that time. Or remember when you broke my hand because I wore the wrong color dress to your birthday party? Remember how I cried all night? Well, remember this, Jack, for every bruise and black eye you gave me... you son of a bitch, I hope you die.
	Season 4 / Episode 7: - Let the Games Begin Billy Campbell: Don't do this. There are plenty of other accounts that Brooke can get. Amanda Woodward: If it wasn't Brooke, Jack would still find another way in. Billy Campbell: We're not in Miami anymore, so just tell the guy to take a hike. Amanda Woodward: I'm handling this, all right? Just stay out it and stay away from Jack. Billy Campbell: Well, you're not handling it very well. If you're not going to talk to him to get lost, I will. Amanda Woodward: No, Billy! Wait! Listen... um... I didn't know what I was getting into when I married Jack. I was young, wild, naive and immature. One night about a few months after we got married, he was supposed to be out of town on business, and I went out to dinner with some of my girlfriends, and he was waiting for me when I came back. Instead of giving me a kiss, he gave me a black eye... my first black eye. Billy Campbell: Why? Amanda Woodward: Because I went out without his permission. It's an old Sicilian tradition that the husband is in control of the wife, and Jack's father... who is just like him, encourages him to follow in his Italian heritage. The next morning, Jack told me he was sorry and promised that he wouldn't do it again. But a few months later... he did. It would happen every other week, and the only change was that he just stopped apologizing. I kept trying to get away. One time, I made it all the way to Tallahassee when his goons found me and dragged me back, threw me in the house... and when I looked up, there was my father... all bruised and bloody, down on his knees... and Jack was holding a gun to his head. Jack, his father, and their Mafia thugs told me that if I ever tried to leave Jack again, they would kill him. A few months later, my father helped me escape for good with the boating accident and all. Now... when Jack patted you on your shoulder, that was a message. I've seen it before. Jack does that when he marks someone whom he thinks is a threat to him. I just don't want to see you down on your knees with Jack holding a gun to your head. So, do us both a favor, okay? Stay away from him at all costs.
	Season 4 / Episode 1: - Post Mortem Madness Amanda Woodward: Oh my God Allison, you're gonna want to keep this flower arrangement. You should see it. It's bigger than a Buick.
	Season 4 / Episode 1: - Post Mortem Madness Dr. Michael Mancini: What was all that about? Sydney Andrews: Well, Amanda just turned down free bed and breakfast and Peter's. Amanda Woodward: Nothing's free in this world, Sydney, but you'll never understand that.
	Season 3 / Episode 31: - Framing of the Shrews Amanda Woodward: I was stabbed with a hypodermic, almost cut open, badly treated for my cancer, and sexually harassed. As far as I'm concerned, all those doctors who treated me should have their licenses taken away. And if you don't revoke Dr. Burns' license, I will not only sue Wilshire Memorial, but I will sue each and every board member for reckless endangerment! Now, if that's all, I have a wedding to attend.
	Season 3 / Episode 23: - Breakfast at Tiffany's, Dinner at Eight Amanda Woodward: Allison, I'm glad you're preparing for a meeting, but I'd appreciated it if you do it at your own desk. And take that garish piece of glass with you! Allison Parker: This is my desk, Amanda. I'm sorry, but the board of directors have decided to replace you. Amanda Woodward: With you? I don't think so. Allison Parker: It's all in this memo. Again, I'm sorry. It's nothing personal. It's more about your illness. Amanda Woodward: I don't know what you used to pull this off you dishonest, self-serving, pathetic drunk, but when I find out I'm going to turn it around and cut you open like a rotten piece of fruit! Allison Parker: It's policy, Amanda. You know that rule. I didn't plan this. Messenger... Amanda Woodward: I will not be patronized by you! Allison Parker: Amanda, you need to get well, and when you do, there will always be a job at D&D for you. Amanda Woodward: There sure as hell is, and you're in it!
	Season 3 / Episode 4: - Grand Delusions Allison Parker: Amanda, you overrode my decision on the Glorious Gowns copy. Amanda Woodward: Of course I did. Since I told Billy you're trying to sabotage his career. Allison Parker: Sabotage? How can you accuse me of that? Amanda Woodward: Because his work was excellent, and you know it. I also told him that you obviously don't want him working here, Alison. You know, I could fire you for taking out your personal vendetta against him at the offce. Allison Parker: Fine! If you're so sure I'm out to ruin Billy, fire me. Amanda Woodward: Too easy. Allison Parker: Oh, God. Not this again. Billy's a free man, Amanda. You want him, go get him. Amanda Woodward: This is not about Billy. Is your memory that selective, you are you just suffering from some grand delusion? Allison Parker: Why are you doing this to me? Why are you treating me this bad? Amanda Woodward: Okay, here's the recap: You set me up like everyone else in this office who's after my job. You went behind my back and told Jake that I was having an affair with Chas when you saw him kissing me. Then you almost killed my job and career by blabbing that lie in open court. I lost the trust with my mother and I almost lost my job. Allison Parker: Amanda, for the last time, I didn't lie. Chas lied to me. I'm sorry that I took his word over yours. I know I should've... Amanda Woodward: [rudely cutting her off] I don't want to here it! You are out to get me like everyone I know, and now it's payback time. I promised myself to make your life a living hell here at the office and I always keep my promises! Oh, and don't bother quitting. 'Cause if you do, I'll write out such a negative report on you with your personnel file and send it to every employment and temp agency in this state so that you wouldn't be able to get a job bagging groceries in a local supermarket!
	Season 2 / Episode 30: - Devil With the G-String On Amanda Woodward: My first instinct was to fire you as well. But on reflection, I realized that was way too easy. No, Alison, I'm going to do to you the way you did me. And when I'm done, all that you'll be left with is that proverbial wish... that you'd never been born!
	Season 2 / Episode 28: - The Bitch Is Back Hillary Michaels: I'm sorry you had to apologize to me in front of your superiors. Amanda Woodward: Bruce is my only superior. The other two were there just to up the humiliation factor. Hillary Michaels: Well, you didn't seem to be humiliated at all. You handled yourself quite well. Amanda Woodward: [scoffs] That means so much coming from you. Hillary Michaels: So, you knew where I was all these years at Models Inc.? Amanda Woodward: Yeah, Daddy told me about three years ago about how you formed your own modeling agency. All I wanted was to make sure that me and D&D had nothing to do with you. Hillary Michaels: Well, happily sometimes business has a way of bringing people together. I was sorry to hear about your father's legal troubles. But unfortunately he never belived in an honest day's work, always the guy after a quick and easy buck. Amanda Woodward: We may have to do business together, but you are never to talk about him, ever! You lost that right when you walked out on us nearly 20 years ago. Understand? Hillary Michaels: Sure, Amanda. If that's what you want. I left 20 years ago to make my own fortune. I can't make up for it. But I wish we could leave that in the past. Amanda Woodward: Some things you do are permanent, Mother. They don't go away no matter how hard you try.
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - Fire Power Billy Campbell: [about Alison] Can't you just ease up on her, she's doing the best she can. Amanda Woodward: I know, that's what worries me.
	Season 2 / Episode 3: - Revenge Amanda Woodward: Alison I'm gonna do you the way you did me, and when I'm done all you'll be left with is that proverbial wish: that you've never been born.
	Season 2 / Episode 3: - Revenge Amanda Woodward: [frustrated] Alison, I covered for you today, but don't expect me to make a career of it!
	Season 2 / Episode 3: - Revenge Amanda Woodward: Nothing's like a dry chardonnay on a hot summer night.
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - Much Ado About Everything Amanda Woodward: [about Jane's case against Michael] It's open and shut. She literally caught the bastard with his pants down.
	Season 1 / Episode 32: - Suspicious Minds Allison Parker: I'm sorry. You were right about everything. Amanda Woodward: Really? Can I tape this moment for posterity?
	Season 1 / Episode 32: - Suspicious Minds Amanda Woodward: My big surprise! I'm buying the building, I mean dad and I are buying the building! But I'm gonna live here and manage the place! Allison Parker: I can't believe it! Billy Campbell: Yeah, this is... this is... Amanda Woodward: Wonderful, isn't it? Great investment, great friends; I think I'm really gonna love it here!
	Season 1 / Episode 30: - Carpe Diem Amanda Woodward: [to Alison] Personally, I never understood the virtues of packing lightly. Maybe I just don't have your flair for making one outfit work three different ways.
	Season 1 / Episode 30: - Carpe Diem Amanda Woodward: [to Allison] You're right. I did over pack. Feel free to borrow anything you can squeeze into.
	Season 1 / Episode 30: - Carpe Diem Amanda Woodward: You are so competitive with me. I date Billy with your complete permission after assurance that the two of you are not a couple. And as soon as we start to get close, you go after him. Allison Parker: That is not exactly how it happened. Amanda Woodward: Oh, no? So you're telling me you didn't dump Keith to go after Billy? Allison Parker: It's more complicated than that. Amanda Woodward: That's right. You used Keith to make Billy jealous. You quite your job, you moved away. And then when it was clear that Billy wouldn't chase you to Seattle, you came back to L.A. to chase him. Allison Parker: No, that is not true. Amanda Woodward: I put a lot of energy and passion and emotion into that relationship. And you did everything you could to destroy it. So you'll excuse me if I'm not the world's most sympathetic boss. But I just don't trust you, Allison. I don't trust you at all.
	Season 1 / Episode 30: - Carpe Diem Allison Parker: Well, don't you think we should do this? Amanda Woodward: Why? Are you really that anxious to be me? Allison Parker: Not at all. But I think it might be interesting for you to see yourself? Amanda Woodward: Thanks. But I have a mirror in my purse.
	Season 1 / Episode 29: - Pas de Trois Amanda Woodward: [to Allison] How sad. Everyone out there are getting what they want. Everyone except Allison.
	Season 1 / Episode 29: - Pas de Trois Allison Parker: Call it what you will, but what Billy and I have is more than you'll ever have with him. Amanda Woodward: You know something, Allison, you too may have had a chance at one point, but whatever chance that was, it disappeared a long time ago.
	Season 1 / Episode 28: - Pushing Boundaries Amanda Woodward: Allison, really, when I ask for an update, I expect a detailed and thorough analysis. This is completely slipshod work. This will do me more harm than good. Allison Parker: What if we show it to Lucy and see what she thinks? Amanda Woodward: Frankly, Allison, I don't give a damn what she thinks. You work for me, remember?
	Season 1 / Episode 28: - Pushing Boundaries Amanda Woodward: I guess my encouragement finally paid off. All he needed was the proper push. Not that I'm one to take credit.
	Season 1 / Episode 28: - Pushing Boundaries Amanda Woodward: Honestly, Allison, I don't mean to be harsh, but your work is still not up to the level it was before you went chasing your boyfriend all over the country.

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